Best Headline I've Seen In A While

Praise Jesus!!

No!  Not that one (even though it is great, wonderful, holiday-worthy news that he will be around for at least a little while longer), THAT one.

Good move by the Yankees here.  It was obvious they wanted Lee, especially if they were willing to center the deal around The Almighty.  But when you get wind of your trade partner still poking around for offers from other teams, that's a sure sign that they are looking for you to sweeten the pot a little and that, even more than offering Montero for a starter they don't need right now, is the perfect reason to cut talks and keep your cards in your hand for the time being.

Maybe the Mariners can get a better deal for Lee, and maybe they can't.  I'm personally still a little nervous that the talks could re-start.  But for now, I'm just happy that I still have the option of putting up The Jesus picture while he still belongs to New York.

Another Reason To Not Want Cliff Lee

As if I hadn't already made it abundantly clear that I have no desire to trade for Cliff Lee today, tomorrow, or any other day, here's one more thing to consider.  If he does join the Yankees, he ain't exactly bringing his A-Game to the table, if you know what I'm saying.  Observe:

That might be the single strangest-looking family since "The Hills Have Eyes."  Cliff just looks like the creepy older dude at the college party with that shirt and haircut, his kids are frighteningly white and weird looking (I'm pretty sure his son wants to kill me based on the look in his eyes), and his wife looks like she's still a few weeks away from her high school graduation.  Maybe that shit flies in amateur-hour places like Cleveland (assuming it still exists after last night) and Seattle, but this is fucking New York City, honey.  You're going to be up against the likes of Minka,

Joanna,

Karen,

and Laura Posada, who has a pretty hot "Desperate Housewives" thing kinda going.

So this cutesy little bullshit ain't gonna fly.  This is the big leagues, Cliff.  So get your kids out of their WalMart sales aisle clothes and get your wife a spot on "Project Makeover" NOW or don't even bother coming.  We can't have the likes of these mutants mucking up the good seats at The Stadium, especially when the revolving door of hot Yankee WAGs and people like Rudy, Jack, and The Jigga Man are going to be in the house.

This Is A Joke, Right?

So I wake up this morning and I've got my uncle texting me saying the Yankees are going to make a deal for Cliff Lee today.  I tell him that there's no way; it's a dumb move.  Then I fire up the computer at work and every website is talking about it, Joel Sherman is writing stories about it, everything is centered around Jesus Montero, and the deal could possibly go down as soon as today.

Is this even the real world right now??  What the fuck is going on?  Are the Yankees really that concerned about having to face him one more time in the regular season that they're going to pull the trigger and give up their best prospect just to avoid him?  He's ONE FUCKING GUY!!!  And he's a fucking free agent AFTER THIS SEASON!!! The Yankees have 2 lights out starters, another one who made the All-Star team, and 2 who have been pitching much better of late.  They don't need any more starters this year.  They need fucking bullpen help.  Unless the plan is to include Joba in the package and Make Lee Mo's new setup man, this is a terrible idea.

Is the entire city of New York just off their collective rockers because the Knicks didn't get LeBron James last night?  Yeah, that must be it.  That's the only logical explanation for this situation.

If this trade happens today, I am going to be fucking bullshit.

Dave Eiland Is A Miracle Worker

(Photo courtesy of The AP)

2 A.J. starts since he returned to the team and 2 very good performances.  A.J. is back on the center of the rubber, he's not flying open, and he's back to locating his fastball and curve where he should be, and it's all thanks to Dave Eiland.

Or maybe it's thanks to Felix Hernandez.  According to this post in LoHud, A.J. got the brilliant idea to use his changeup more after watching Felix devastate the Yankees with it the last time he faced them.  So much for A.J. getting back to doing what he wants to do, but whatever.  Just like Phil Hughes, I thought it was strange that he spent so much time working on it in Spring Training and getting rave reviews from everybody on the pitch, and then never using it once the regular season started.

Personally I could care less what A.J. throws as long as the pitches aren't coming right over the heart of the plate, but if he can continue to work his changeup in effectively like he did last night, it will make his fastball and curve that much more dangerous.  I'll let everybody else worry about his low strikeout totals.  Pitching to contact and locating the pitches to get the kind of contact you want is just as effective in getting outs and with the defense behind him, A.J. can and should be confident that his team behind him will eat that contact up like they did last night.

Well Will You Look At That!

Alex Rodriguez, he of the bad hip and bad groin, the guy who didn't have any power any more, was starting to show his age, and was now a broken down, washed up, can't-get-it-done-anymore old bag of bones, at least according to most of the general media and everyone on the Baseball Tonight crew, is currently 3rd in the AL in RBIs.

How do ya like them apples, you bunch of Boston nut-hugging bitches?!  Sure he's still only hitting .276 on the year, but he's been making those hits count.  Now his swing is starting to come to him; he looks much more fluid in his motion and timing with his hip rotation and getting his hands through the zone, which says to me that the hip is feeling much better and the drive he's been getting on some of these recents homers agrees with me.  Fucking guy has been getting big RBIs and making dynamite plays in the field all season on one good leg.  Now he's back to being on four good legs and he's getting ready to gallop all over everyone's ass in the 2nd half of the year.

Hi-ho, A-Horse!  AWAY!!!!!

Nawt Tha Yookah!

(Photo courtesy of US Presswire)

 "Oh my fahckin' gawd!  Anothah fahckin' injury and this time it's to ow-ah next most impawtant playah!  How the fahck did he hurt his ankle sweeping dirt awff the fahckin' battah's bawx?!

First we lose Ellsbury, then Jawsh Beckett, then ow-ah beloved Pedroia, then Mahtinez, then 'Tek, then Buchholz, and now fahckin' Yookah too?!?!  We ahh fahckin' cursed.  I swear to fahckin' Gawd, bro!  Fahckin' cursed.

Jahst pray that Yookah has the healing powahs of Wes Welkah!"

Has Mark Teixeira Turned The Corner?

After a horrible April, a pedestrian May, and what was mostly a ho-hum June, it looks like Teix is finally starting to swing the bat like the Teix we all know and love instead of the flailing, first-pitch-swinging, constant pop-up-hitting schmuck we've been watching for the first half of the season.

In his last 16 games, starting on June 19 against the Mets, Teix has gone 19 for his last 61, a .311 average, with 6 2Bs, 4 HRs, 16 RBIs, and 12 runs scored.  In that time span he has raised his tripleslash from .224/.342/.399 to .241/.351/.431.  While those numbers still don't scream "ALL STAR!!!" at you, they are light years ahead of where Teix was for all of April and May.  Now that he's no longer getting outslugged by Brett Gardner, the question can once again be raised; is Teix back?

Without pushing all of my chips into the center I'll say that yes, it does appear that Teix is back to where he should be and has been for the better part of his career.  He's been showing more patience at the plate lately, a sign that he is seeing the ball better than he was earlier this year and not just going up there guessing.  The dreaded first-pitch-swinging pop ups have almost entirely disappeared and he's driving the ball much more than earlier in the season, a sign that his balance is back at the plate and he's got his hips and arms more in tune rather than being off-balanced, off-timed, and pulling off of everything.

On the negative side, Teix is still striking out more than he's walking, so the patience, vision, and plate discipline is still not entirely where you'd like it to be if you're a Yankee fan.  My guess is that pitchers are still attacking Teix as if he were completely lost like he was earlier in the year, getting ahead in counts, and then getting him to chase.  If he can keep up this current hot streak, however, that approach will change and you'll see pitchers being careful around the plate like they usually are with Teix.

With The Horse rounding into form and Robbie Cano still putting up big numbers (recent mini-slump aside), the potential is there for the Yankees to have a devestating 3-4-5 combo in the middle of their lineup.  They're already ahead of last year's pace without having any of these 3 guys on the same page at any point this season, so imagine how dangerous they can be in the second half if Teix can get back to being what he was last year?  All his struggles aside, he's still on pace to drive in over 100 runs this year, so a final number of 110-120 isn't out of the question if he goes on a tear here soon.

I won't go so far as to say he's completely turned the corner and is officially "back" just yet, but a couple more weeks of this kind of production and you can take it to the bank that he's officially back on the mark... Teixeira.

I'm Back

So I shut it down for the holiday weekend and the Yanks go out and win 3 in a row.  Go figure.

All in all it was a good weekend for the Bombers.  Good to see the bullpen holding a few leads here and there and good to see Mark Teixeira finally starting to put it together (more on that later).

Maybe I should just shut the hell up and not write anything anymore until after the Yankees win the World Series...

Holiday Vacation

It's a big weekend, kiddies.  Got Dave Matthews today and a big 4th of July party on Sunday so you probably won't see much going on until I sober up sometime on Monday night.

Best of luck to the Bombers over the weekend.  Hopefully they can start hitting the ball a little bit and have somebody in the bullpen not named Mariano Rivera grow a little hair on their sack and get 3 outs without turning the basepaths into a carousel.  But either way, I won't be around to comment on it.

Enjoy your 4th of July weekends, folks.  Eat a few too many hot dogs and drink a few too many beers.  It's what the forefathers (and Babe Ruth) would have wanted.

Blowed Up

 Joba, D-Rob, CHoP, just go the fuck home.  What a goddamn disgrace.  Seriously, if Chan Ho Park is on the Yankee roster tomorrow morning, I might kill somebody.

Get me fucking Mark Melancon, Royce Ring, and Jon Albaladejo in the Bronx and in the 'pen, STAT!!

The New And Improved A.J.?

Well Dave Eiland is back and it sounds like he wasted no time in changing A.J.'s diapers, re-heating his bottle for him, and putting his binky back in his mouth.  They've talked, they've worked in the bullpen, and Eiland pointed out the 47 things A.J. was doing wrong.  He was opening up too early, he was dropping his shoulder, he was working off different spots on the mound, he was holding onto the ball too long. 

Now he's back to the right spot on the mound and these mechanical glitches should be fixed, so what will we see from A.J. today?  According to him, Tuesday's bullpen session went great and now he's back to doing what "A.J. wanted to do," so we'll see.  Sometimes A.J. doing what he wants to do is a scary thought.

The Ace Is Back!

(Photo courtesy of The AP)

After the disaster that was the last 2 days, there couldn't have been a better situation for the Yanks today than to have CC on the hill with a chance to end the skid and salvage a win out of the series.  And the big guy did not disappoint.  8 innings of absolute lockdown ball, making the Mariners look like the feeble, weak-swinging team they actually are.  And he actually even got a little run support today.  How about that? 

That's 10 wins now for the big fella and we can all start taking some of the All-Star talk that was being heaped on Phil Hughes and throw it Carsten's way, because the guy has been dynamite over his last 6 starts and 7 of his last 8.  He's got an ERA in the low 3.00's, a WHIP of 1.13 and a BAA of .225.  For all the talk about his rough spots in May (of which I was admittedly a part of), CC has been damn damn good for the overwhelming majority of the season.

And oh yeah, Robbie Cano is still stinging the fuck out of the ball, The Horse continues to kick up his heels, and Mo is officially not human.  Cut another game off the magic number, baby!

Holy Crap!

Forget Cliff Lee, what's it going to take to get Felix Hernandez in a Yankee uniform?  Montero, Nova, and Betances?  What do you want, Seattle?

Dude is downright disgusting!  Jeter probably had nightmares last night after the game.

Loser Guy Take Ball Off Face Last Night

Now we're not in the business of bagging on fellow Yankee fans here at AB4AR, but this is just too good not to.

Come on, bro!  You're sitting field level right down the line.  You gotta be expecting shit like that, especially when Hughes isn't on his game.  Get off the fucking phone and make a play.  This video right here, which is making major rounds on the blogosphere and TV today (they just discussed it on PTI), is helping to prove every negative stereotype about nerds out there.  If you're going to shell out the dough to sit there, pay attention to the game, take those specs off and pop in some contacts, make a fucking catch, and then pick up your phone to call whoever and talk about how awesome you are for making said catch.

P.S.- Gotta love Kay's lack of sympathy for the guy there.

The Jesus Makes Triple-A All-Star Team

Congrats to Eduardo Nunez and J-Alba for their Triple-A All-Star selections.  As the Triple-A leaders in hits and saves respectively, they are more than deserving of the spots.  Albs should probably be up in the Majors again right now with the way most of the Yankee 'pen is pitching, and it's probably only a matter of time before he gets another shot at the big time with his new 4-seam/curveball combo.

But the real news is the inclusion of The Almighty Jesus on the team.  It hasn't exactly been a good year for Jesus, who has slumped at the plate for most of the season.  But in the last week he has shown signs of breaking out and so naturally the voters made the wise choice to pick him as a reserve, lest they risk being struck down dead where they stand for failure to recognize the greatness of The Almighty.

It just goes to show how good this kid really is and how good he's going to be.  He's played like poo for almost the entire year and he's still so highly regarded (and feared by the mere mortals that he takes pity upon) that he gets picked to the All-Star game.  Once again, nobody fucks with The Jesus!!

Get Bent, Cliff Lee

Seriously, Cliff.  Fuck you.  Fuck you right in your stupid face.  With your goofy look and your dumb little jog off the field after innings and your high-80s fastball that never seems to move and yet nobody can still seem to hit.  Enjoy your little complete game, buddy.  You still won't get it done in the playoffs on whatever team you end up with.

The real problem with last night wasn't the loss or the fact that Hughes sucked or the fact that the Yankees continue to do nothing against less than great pitching (seriously, Lee threw 104 of his 115 pitches as fastballs).  Oh no, my friends.  The real problem was that with Lee shutting the Yanks down again you can cue up the marathon of people who are going to suggest that the Yanks need to trade for Lee now to strengthen the rotation.

The last thing the Yankees need to do right now is trade for Cliff Lee.  He has already shown that he commands some serious prospect power in a trade, and call me crazy but I don't see the value in giving up 2 or 3 from the Montero, Romine, Sanchez, Nunez, Laird, McAllister, Nova, Noesi, Brackman, Betances group or even any from the handful of other solid prospects the Yankees have to get a guy that you can sign in free agency for nothing after the season.

The Yankees have plenty of pitching right now, their guy just a had bad night last night.  They don't need fucking Cliff Lee this year.  They need to strengthen up the bullpen and get some consistency out of there and get everybody on the offense clicking at the same time instead of continuing to ride the Robinson Cano Express.  Cliff Lee doesn't help either of those issues, so you might as well keep your stockpile of prospects intact and then put your bid in on Lee after the season.

But thanks again, Cliff.  Thanks for feeding coal onto the rumor mill fire.  Idiot Yankee fans everywhere are rejoicing today as they start putting trade packages for you together in their heads and then furiously dial into Mike Francesa's show to discuss them.

Asshole.

Mark Simon And Katie Sharp Are Ruining My Day

With Brett Gardner now being day-to-day with a wrist contusion, the Yankees are forced to deal with another injury and another subsequent act of lineup juggling to replace him if he has to miss a few games.

That's bad enough as it is.  Don't get me wrong, Chad Huffman and Colin Curtis are cute and all, they're adorable really, and I appreciate what they did on Sunday to key the comeback.  But they aren't everyday Major League players.  Gardner is.  And he's a damn good one at that.  Simon and Sharp at ESPN NY compiled a bunch of stats to show just how good and just how valuable Gardner has been to the Yanks this year, and what they will be missing if Gardner misses some time.  You can find the complete post right here, but here are some of the highlights:

- Gardner has a higher SLG % than Teix and a higher OBP than Jeter.

- Gardner has the 2nd highest OBP in June behind only Josh Hamilton.

- Gardner has a 1.005 OPS in June, which leads the team.

- his leadoff OBP is .500 for the season.

- he scores 43% of the time that he's on base.

- he currently ranks 5th in ESPN's Fantasy Player Rater, ahead of the likes of Jayson Werth, Matt Holliday, Ichiro, and Ryan Braun.

When you read that laundry list, you start to get a little nervous about how much time Gardner could miss with this injury, how his absence will impact the Yankee offense that still hasn't hit its stride, and how much he might be affected long-term with his wrist even after he comes back.

So thanks, Mark and Katie.  I appreciate the downer on an already crappy day.  I will now sit here and proceed to chew what's left of my fingernails down to nothing and hope Phil is on his A-game tonight after the long layoff.



P.S.- On the positive side, all that info on Gardner is just further support for my belief that he should be an All-Star.

Should A.J. Be Skipped?

(Photo courtesy of Reuters)

As much money as A.J. Burnett is making, it seems completely out of the question to even suggest he be skipped before his next turn in the rotation.  But when you consider just how bad he has been in June, it actually doesn't seem like that bad of an idea.  Javy Vazquez started the year off throwing like a pile of wet dog shit and the entire Yankee world was up in arms, ready to stretch and quarter the dude in the middle of Times Square.  Javy's numbers in his first 5 starts:

1-3, 23 IP, 32 H, 15 BB, 25 ER, 20 K, 9.78 ERA, 2.04 WHIP, 7.83 K/9, 1.33 K/BB

No one would try to argue that those numbers aren't terrible.  They're embarrassingly terrible.  They're "worst kid on a Little League team" terrible.  And given Javy's track record at Yankee Stadium and the history that was still lingering in everybody's mind, Javy's included, it made perfect sense to skip over him and give him some time to work out his issues and build up his confidence.

Now A.J., surprising as it may seem, has been even worse than Javy's early numbers in his 5 June starts.  Read it and wheep:

0-5, 23 IP, 35 H, 17 BB, 29 ER, 19 K, 11.34 ERA, 2.26 WHIP, 7.43K/9, 1.117K/BB

Burnett's performance over his last 5 starts is worse than Javy's first 5 starts in every way imaginable.  He has given his team no chance to win, has been a huge burden on the still thin and still consistently inconsistent bullpen, and has gotten to the point where anybody with functioning eyes can clearly see Burnett quitting on the mound.  So why should he be kept in the rotation?  Why should the Yanks keep trotting him out there every fifth day at the expense of their chance for a victory and A.J.'s confidence and mental well-being?

The short answer to those questions is that he shouldn't, plain and simple.  There is no reason for A.J. Burnett to be in the rotation right now.  He's been fucking terrible and clearly is not doing anything on his own to change the situation.  With Dave Eiland returning to the team this week, it would be the perfect opportunity for A.J. to get some time away from the mound, watch some tape with Eiland on what he's been doing wrong, and have a few bullpen sessions to clear his head and get his mechanics back to where they need to be before heading out on the hill again.

There is only one problem that stands in the way of that solution.  The Yankees don't have anybody to pitch in Burnett's spot.  Sergio Mitre is still on the DL, as is Alfredo Aceves.  And Chad Gaudin has been working exclusively out of the bullpen and won't have the arm strength and stamina to go out and give the Yanks 4, 5, or 6 innings.  The team also doesn't seem to have any interest in bringing up the Ivan Nova's of the world for a spot start because if they were thinking that, they would have begun to adjust Nova's workload in Triple-A accordingly.

And even if the Yankees did have another option for a spot start for A.J., they more than likely wouldn't take it because they have Phil Hughes' innings limit to focus on.  They have already put the plan in place to limit Hughes now and around the All-Star break and so they cannot afford to change that plan to use him for an outing or 2 if A.J. were skipped, replacement or no replacement.  Hughes' long-term health is more important than A.J.'s right-now shittiness and that's the problem.

If Mitre were available, then I think we'd be singing a different tune.  In fact, I would be screaming that different tune and would have been for about a week now.  A.J. flat out sucks right now, and the bigger issue than that is that he knows he sucks and accepts that he sucks.  He isn't going to fix himself, so all we can do right now is wait for Eiland to get back in the clubhouse and hope he can work his magic on A.J. to get him back to where he needs to be.  And while that's going on, we also need to hope that A.J. doesn't go out and lay another egg while he's working on getting right.

The Two Unlikeliest Heros Of All

If you would have asked me before last night's game which 2 players would have the biggest impact on a Yankee comeback win, I would have said Chad Huffman and Colin Curtis.  Of course, I'm a fucking genius, which explains my reasoning, but I'm willing to bet that not a lot of other people would have picked those 2 names.  But sure enough, it was those 2 who were the key cogs in the Yankee win last night.

After Cano got the comeback started with an RBI 2B in the 9th, Huffman, a mid-game replacement for Brett Gardner, hit a 2-RBI single to right to bring the Yanks within 1.  After that, Curtis completed an epic battle with Jon Broxton by hitting a grounder to first that was just slow enough to allow C-Grand to score from 3rd.  Bobinson rocked a 2-run bomb in the top of the 10th and the first 5 innings of shitty baseball were erased as the Yanks pulled out another series victory.

Andy wasn't particularly sharp last night, especially after his horrible fielding and throwing exhibition in the 3rd inning.  But his offense and bullpen picked him up and got him off the hook.  The Horse and Cano were a combined 4-10 with 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, and 5 R scored, and Mo went 2 innings to pick up the win.  Normally I don't like to see Mo used for multiple innings unless it's the postseason, but with Chan Ho Park and Boone Logan still out there in the 'pen in the 10th, I would have taken Mo throwing lefty and underhand over those 2.

For nostalgia's sake, I wonder how Torre felt sitting on the other side of a classic Yankee comeback last night.  He experienced so many of them from Girardi's seat that it must have felt a little strange being on the receiving side of a heartbreaker.  Oh well, I guess that's what you get when your closer only throws one pitch again and again.

The comeback win is good enough, but now you factor in the Rays continuing to blow up while teammates are screaming at each other in the dugout and the Red Sox players dropping like flies, it was a goddamn good weekend.

"F" For Effort. "F-" For Execution

Hey A.J. Nice job out there tonight, bud.  6 earned runs on 6 hits and 6 walks in 3+ innings.  Real quality outing there, chief.  Nothing like putting up a 27.00 ERA and 4.00 WHIP after you're staked to a 3-run lead in the 1st inning to really inspire confidence in your teammates and light the path to victory.

Seriously, dude.  What the fuck are you doing out there?  You're making Javy Vazquez's season-opening starts look like Sandy Koufax's greatest hits by comparison.  Somebody please get Dave Eiland, Dr. Phil, Dr. Drew, Dr. Zhivago, and Miss Cleo to the Stadium when this West Coast swing is over, STAT!

Fucker.

Happy Birthday To The Captain

Let's not forget that today is Derek Jeter's 36th birthday.  On behalf of all 1 of us here at AB4AR, I'd like to personally wish The Captain a happy birthday.

At the end of today, I'm sure the mainstream sports media will say this was an overrated 36th birthday that had terrible range to its left, but I'm willing to bet that those in attendance at the celebration, wherever it is after the game tonight, will all agree that it was one of the best, if not the best, 36th birthday ever.

It's A Simple Strategy

(Photo courtesy of The AP)

CC for 8 innings of 1-run ball, The Horse going 2-4 with a 2B and a go-ahead HR, and Mo for a 1-2-3 9th with 3Ks.  Neat, clean, tidy, victory.  Next!

And don't look now, folks, but CC has 9 wins and a sub-3.50 ERA now.  And while you're not looking, try not to take notice of the fact that despite all this talk about his possible injuries and lack of power and production, The Horse leads the team with 51 RBIs.  Yes sir, this team still hasn't hit its stride and yet they continue to knock dicks in the dirt left and right.

Sorry for the rude welcome back, Joe.  Maybe better luck today.

Friday Afternoon Pre-Torre Return Linkapalooza

With Mr. Torre set to make his first appearance against his former team later tonight, it only seems fitting that we at AB4AR honor him with some linkage.

- ESPN NY's Yankee blog has a collection of Torre stats from his Yankee tenure, just in case you needed a reminder of just how good those Yankee teams were.

- Greg Fertel at Pending Pinstripes has a great idea about what to do with Chan Ho Park.  I sat at my computer nodding in agreement the whole time I was reading this and then stood up and applauded at the end.

- My boy Lenny Neslin has his AL and NL All-Star picks.  Major props to Lenny for not buying into the anti-Pettitte All-Star rhetoric that's been coming from the blogosphere.  And even bigger props for picking Brett Gardner as the 6th AL outfielder.  I'd like to think I had something to do with influencing his decision, but I'm sure he was smart enough to realize Gardner's awesomeness on his own, even if nobody else does.

- Joe Paw at RAB discusses how well the Yanks have hit lefties this year.  Be afraid, Jon Lester.  Be very afraid.  Now if only Joe could come up with an explanation for why the Yanks can't seem to hit shitty pitching (cough, cough: Moyer, Lopez).

- Matt at Fack Youk looks back at the 1955 World Series between the Yanks and Dodgers.  When you get done with that, go to the homepage and read through the entire series they're doing on every Yankee-Dodger World Series.  Real good reading, especially if you're far too young to have experienced those matchups like I am.

Finish up the Friday strong, people.  And then get home and plop your ass down on the couch to watch Joe's return.  It should be fun.

Pitching And Defense, Huh?

(courtesy of ESPN.com)

Get a look at that, would ya?  Just another masterful exhibition of lockdown pitching and Gold Glove-caliber defense from the Sawx last night.  Even aftah Papelbawn blew anothah save, they wuh still able to scratch out a win thanks to Pehdroiah.  Whaht a fahckin' game-uh that Pehdroiah is!  He is the fahckin' hahht and soul of this fahckin' team.  He is tha Tawm Brady of Red Sawx Nation.

In all seriousness, I can't believe people (and by people, I mean everybody at ESPN) are getting excited about the Sox crawling back into contention in the AL East.  It's a fucking joke.  After all their moves that were supposedly committed to making them better defensively and on the mound, they have had to win games this year with their offense.  This team would be nowhere right now without Youkilis and Adrian Beltre, and maybe a little of Big Sloppi mixed in.  And call me crazy, but I don't see Ortiz or Beltre keeping this up all year long.  And yeah, Pedroia had a big game last night, but that doesn't change the fact that he came into the game hitting .280 with 36 RBIs, which is nothing to write home about.

The bottom line is, Boston's pitching and defense absolutely sucks.  Scutaro and Beltre are both on pace for 20-30 errors apiece, neither Martinez nor Varitek can stop a bad pitch or throw anybody out on the basepaths, and their outfield defense has been pedestrian at best.  Their rotation is Lester and Buchholz and nothing else, and there's nobody in their bullpen worth a shit except Daniel Bard, who the Yankees happen to own.

So go ahead, Fraud Sox Nation.  Bring out your pink hats and green jerseys.  Get all jazzed up about leading baseball in runs scored right now.  Don't pay any attention to the fact that some of these guys are going to start trending downward as the season continues to play out.  Pitching and defense is what wins in the playoffs and you ain't got it.  So enjoy your little run now and then come back and talk to me in late August-early September when you're 9 games out and looking up at Tampa in the Wild Card race.

Whaht Tha Fahck?!?

(Photo courtesy of whoever was awesome enough to take it)

I imagine the sounds coming out of Boston this morning sound something like this:

"Oh my fahckin' gawd!  Whaht tha fahck is fahckin Papelbawn doin' out they-ah???  Giving up fahckin' home runs to fahckin' Ian Stewaht and Jason Giawmbi?!?  This is nawt whaht we fans of Red Sawx Nation ahh expecting from ow-ah close-uh.  He has been giving up way too many home-uhs this yee-ah.  It's time fo-ah Daniel Bahhd to take ovah as the new close-uh right fahcking NOW!!!"

And it's just music to my ears.  I don't know what made me sleep better last night.  Watching the Yankee highlights and seeing Mo work himself out of trouble to get the team a win or following that up by watching the highlights of Papelbon give up 2 of the longest home runs in the history of baseball to cost his team a win against the best pitcher in baseball.  Seriously, does Papelbon even still rank in the top 5 of best closers in baseball anymore?  He's given up 6 home runs this year and his K/9 numbers continue to go down as his BB/9 and WHIP continues to go up.

Just for the sake of comparison, here's Papelbon's numbers compared to Mo this year:

Pap: 2-4  3.64 ERA  1.21 WHIP  7.58 K/9IP  .220/.303/.450 tripleslash against
Mo: 1-1  1.03 ERA  0.65 WHIP  7.86 K/9IP  .125/.198/.216 tripleslash against

So they-ah you have it.  Papelbawn is still nowhey-ah nee-ah Mo's level of dawminance and is now falling back toe-wahds the pack as jahst anothah oawrdinary close-uh.