AB4AR Off-Topic Fun Time: Breaking Down The Charlie Sheen Rant Yankee-Style

("Go Yankees!  The gnarly gnarlingtons that they are.")

Say what you want about Charlie Sheen, but the dude's radio rant the other day was one the most entertaining things I have ever experienced in my life.  And as I listened to it, suddenly it dawned on me that a lot of what he was saying could be applied to the Yankees and their ongoing adventures.  So let's have a little fun now and take some of the best lines from Charlie's sobriety-induced rant and match them up with the Yankee to which they are most applicable and/or with the Yankee I'd most like to see drop them.

"Look what I’m dealing with, man. I’m dealing with fools and trolls." - Cash

With all the stuff Cash had to deal with this offseason - getting spurned by Lee, the Jeter negotiations, all the Minor League deals, Andy retiring, the beating he took in the MSM for the moves he made and for being more vocal, and finally being overruled by the ownership on the Soriano signing - wouldn't it have been awesome to see him get up there when it was his turn to talk at the Soriano introductory presser and drop this line when Feinsand asked him why he was against the deal?  I would never question Cash again on anything if he had the stones to call out Hank and Levine like this.

"... and then they look at me and say, ‘I can’t process it.’ Well, no, and you never will! Stop trying! Just sit back and enjoy the show.” - A-Rod

As much flak as he already takes for saying the wrong thing in the media, making bad decisions on when to announce things, and having Cameron Diaz feed him popcorn at the Super Bowl, I would have paid money to watch A-Rod drop this line on the media at the press conference after he hit his 600th homer last year.  Just go all out, play up the bad guy role, and tell everybody to bask in his awesomeness.  And then rise up on his hind legs and kick somebody in the face.

Friday Morning Thought To Ponder: Is Bartolo Colon Secretly A Voodoo Witch Doctor?

(Colon's alter ego?)

Seriously, this is something worth looking into.  Consider the facts:

- The guy has not pitched in the Majors since 2009.

- He has not pitched more than 100+ innings since 2006.

- He has not been consistently healthy since 2006.

- He managed to turn a handful of Dominican winter ball innings into a contract offer, albeit a non-guaranteed one, from the New York Yankees.

- He has shown Joe Girardi enough to all but eliminate the younger guys from the back-of-the-rotation competion.

- He has been given the first shot to show what he's got left in the Yankees' ST season opener tomorrow afternoon.

- His toughest 'young guy' competition for the 5th starter spot, Andrew Brackman, is going to miss this weekend's action with a groin injury.

The cards couldn't be falling into place any better for Colon to sneak into the 5th starter role right now.  There is still no concrete proof that he's behind this, but if Ivan Nova takes a digger down the dugout steps this weekend and messes up his knee, something is definitely up.