Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Throw The Damn Towel!!!

I've tried to play the calm, "don't get too cocky" card for the last couple weeks, but enough is enough.  The Yankees are hands down the best team in baseball and if the Red Sox and Angels had any self respect, they would just quit now and not even accept their playoff births.  They'e Apollo Creed to the Yankees' Drago and it's pretty much a foregone conclusion after the last 2 series that the Yankees are going to kill them in the ring when they meet either of them in the playoffs.

Case in point, last night.  The Yankees throw the benchwarmers from their JV team out there and still deliver a woodshed beating to Kansas City.   Ramiro Pena is cranking home runs, Shelley Duncan is getting clutch go-ahead base hits, Robinson Cano, arguably the most unclutch player on the Yankees, is jack game-sealing grand slams, and Chad Gaudin, who the Yanks picked up for a rosin bag and a bag of wet dog shit, tosses 6+ more innings of good ball.

Then tonight A.J. tosses his third straight good start and our old buddy, Kyle Farnsworth, gift wraps the game in the bottom of the ninth.  Even when it's clear as Brita filter water that they aren't even trying to, the Yankees still fucking win.

Meanwhile the Red Sox get their shit pushed in by Toronto with their regulars in the lineup behind the batting practice stuff of Michael Bowden (is it any wonder why Toronto turned down all of Boston's offers for Roy Halladay that included this kid?  He fucking sucks!)  Then tonight Clay Buchholz wakes up and remembers that he actually IS Clay Buchholz and tries to one-up Bowden by turning Fenway Park into a launching pad.  No doubt the kid is scared to death after watching the mauling his team took at the hands of the Evil Empire this past weekend, knowing that he was spared this time but won't be so lucky in the playoffs.  I wouldn't be shocked if Buchholz turns up with a strained shoulder or some other phantom injury tomorrow morning that conveniently keeps him out for the playoffs.

Clearly the body shots the Yanks have been laying on Boston over the last 3 head-to-head matchups has left them gasping for air and now it's just a matter of time before the Yanks move in for the kill and lay the Sox out for the count.

And as for Anaheim, they pretty much dug their own grave last night by spending a portion of their postgame locker room celebration drowning Nick Adenhart's jersey in beer.  Ummmmm guys, HE WAS KILLED BY A DRUNK DRIVER!!!!!  The Angels would have been better served walking up to his mother in the stands and taking turns slapping her across the face.  Good luck winning anything with Nick's ghost haunting your dugout and causing grounders to skip underneath your gloves, fuckfaces.  I don't know much about the afterlife, but I can guaran-damn-tee that Nick Adenhart will be wearing a Yankees jersey and cheering for a team that knows how to celebrate properly if these 2 match up in the ALCS.

CC is rolling his fat ass right into Cy Young Station, A-Rod is on his way to a 100-RBI season playing on one good hip, Teix could win the AL HR and RBI crowns and then top that off with a Gold Glove and an MVP to boot.  Jeter rocks, Jorge is a beast, the bullpen is stacked, and the list goes on and on.  In all honesty it's almost getting boring going over this shit.

I know the rules state that 4 teams compete in the playoffs, but if the competition is going to be this one-sided, why waste time?  Let's just skip to the World Series right now so the Yanks can spank whichever Quadruple-A team is unfortunate enough to advance to face them and play it now while the weather is still have decent, that way the fans won't risk getting colds or the flu watching the inevitable take place.

I know technically Boston and Anaheim has to show up and play, but fair warning has been given.  If you don't want to end up like this...

...then just forfeit now.