Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Early-Season MSM Panic Meter Is Rising Rapidly

"There are Yankees killers and then there are Yankees killers and then there is Ortiz, who is a serial murderer of Yankees pitching." (Vaccaro, The Post)

"The Yankees are a second-place team now after falling 11-6 to Boston. Heck, they are just 4 1/2 games ahead of last-place Baltimore in the congested AL East." (Sherman, The Post)

"At this moment, just a game separates the teams ... Still, it feels like Boston is ascending, distancing themselves from their distasteful start to the season." (Sherman again)

"There are a thousand ways to look at the Red Sox domination of the Yankees, but start with the fact that when the Yankees need A.J. Burnett the most, he comes up small." (Kernan, The Post)

"Say the Yankees face the Red Sox in the ALCS. Who are they going to pitch in Game 2 of that series?" (Kernan again)

"It's becoming the first half of 2009 all over again, and right now the Yanks can only hope this season ends the same way that one did. But after an 11-6 Yankee loss Wednesday night, the Red Sox clearly have the Bombers' number, beating them for the seventh time in eight games." (Feinsand, The Daily News)

"It could have been a wonderful night, the best of the season at Yankee Stadium, a comeback to talk about all season. Are you kidding? After being 7-0 down against the Red Sox? It was right there in the bottom of the sixth, all over the bases and all over the place. Gardner didn't score. Jeter didn't hit. Red Sox win again." (Lupica, The Daily News)

As you can clearly see from all the literary mass hysteria, these are trying times in Yankeeland.  We're at DEFCON 2 here, people.  Another sweep at the hands of the Fraud Sawx is imminent, nobody can pitch, nobody can hit, Joba is staring down the barrel of TJS, and the Yankees are already screwed in the hypothetical 2011 ALCS showdown they will have with the Fraud Sawx.  And there is only one man who can save us.

(Courtesy of The AP)

That man is you, Carsten Charles Sabathia.  Your team needs you.  The NY sports writers need you.  We the fans NEED you, Carsten.  We need you to rise up, put the team on your back, and help salvage this all-important regular season series in June.  The Sawx are ascending, like majestic flying unicorns, towards the sun and their inevitable World Series trophy.  They are dominating your team, they have your number, and the last 2 days have shown that there is NOBODY on this team except for you and you alone who can turn out a good start.  For God's sake, you're 1 game back of the division lead, man! ONE WHOLE GAME!!!  IN JUNE!!!  DO YOU NOT SEE THE IMPORTANCE OF TONIGHT'S OUTCOME?!?!?!?!

The fate of the team, nay, the fate of the entire UNIVERSE may very well hang in the balance tonight.  Because I think we all know that if the Yankees lose tonight, and go down a whole 2 games to Fraud Sawx Nation, 1 in the loss column, then the season is basically over.  And even if it isn't, clearly the last 2 games have proven that this dominance will carry over for the rest of the regular season and into the hypothetical ALCS.

So save us, CC.  Save us from this terror and this misery.  Give us something to believe in.  Don't let the doom and gloom that has crept over all of us after these last 2 "do or die" June games engulf us all.

No, Really. Can Somebody PLEASE Hit This Asshole?!?

"I don't care what Joe Girardi says.  Take it like a man.  I'm done with that shit."

Seriously, fellas.  If you aren't going to make pitches, limit damage, or get hits with the bases loaded, can somebody at least put this clown in his place?

Bad Day At The Office

In case you missed any of it, here's how the Yankees' day went yesterday.

- Joba was put on the DL with a strained elbow flexor muscle.

- To replace him on the roster, the Yankees claimed former MiL batting practice pitcher Jeff Marquez off waivers from the White Sox.  Then they optioned Hector Noesi down to SWB and replaced him with Amaury Sanit.  All that added up to a bullpen last night that consisted of Mo, D-Rob, Boone Logan, Luis Ayala, Marquez, Sanit, and Lance Pendleton.

- Not long after that, Russell Martin's back acted up on him and he was scratched from the lineup in the afternoon.

- A.J. was the worst version of Bad A.J. we've seen all year, giving up 7 earned runs on 7 hits and 4 walks in just 5.2 innings, and generating just 4 swings and misses on his 105 pitches thrown.

- A.J. compounded his ineffectiveness by not hitting or buzzing any of the Red Sox batters, neither early in the game as retribution or late in the game after they had shelled him to send a message.  But he did intentionally walk J.D. Drew.

- Francisco Cervelli airmailed 2 throws on attempted steals into the outfield.

- Curtis Granderson went 0-5 with 2 Ks.

- Brett Gardner failed to score on a wild pitch in the 6th that went all the way back to the wall behind the plate, despite Jeter waving him home almost as soon as the ball got away.

- Jeter followed that up with an inning-ending and rally-killing GIDP.

- Eduardo Nunez managed to successfully foul a ball off his own face.

- The Yankees lost their 7th out of 8 against the Fraud Sawx so far this season, 11-6, and lost the lead in the AL East.

Just a complete shit pile anyway you look at it.  Somebody hit the music...