At AB4AR, the "... Should Probably Stop Talking" series is usually reserved for the two silly gentlemen
who man the ESPNNY Yankee blog.
But the door is always open to other sports writers willing to join the club and get FJ'd right in their Ms, so who better to welcome to the SPST fraternity than Dan Shaughnessy, noted Fraud Sawx rumor monger and unabashed Boston sports homer. Shaughnessy is the classic example of a lazy sportswriter who uses generalities and over-dramatized opinions based on nothing to create false controversy amongst the population of the idiotic and ignorant sports fan, and this latest attempt to drag something important out of a meaningless Yanks-Sawx ST game
is nothing short of brilliant in its inanity. Without further ado, I give you, Dan Shaughnessy.
"It felt like Game 1 of the American League Championship Series. Except for the fact that there were only 7,859 fans and the starting pitchers were Alfredo Aceves and 20-year-old Manny Banuelos."
So in reality, it felt nothing like Game 1 of the American League Championship Series. Unless you're an idiot who thinks Spring Training games, even Yanks-Sawx ones, actually matter.
"But this was not your typical spring training game. It was Red Sox-Yankees, the mastodons of the majors, duking it out for Grapefruit League supremacy last night."
"Mastodons of the majors," "duking it out," "supremacy." I can feel my heartbeat starting to race just reading that graphic battle imagery! Oh no, wait. I can't. Because there were no mastodons, and nobody was duking it out for anything. The Yankees only had 3 regulars in the lineup. And nobody gives a crap about Grapefruit League supremacy.
And seriously, "mastodons of the majors"? At what point does comparing baseball players to extinct prehistoric elephants seem like a good idea for a sports column?
"In the spirit of this hakuna matata spring of 2011, the Sox prevailed, 2-1. Naturally."
Yes, of course. Using the life lessons handed down by these two animated Disney characters
, the Red Sox managed to squeak out a one-run Spring Training win against a team comprised of roughly 20% of players who will actually be on the Yankees' Opening Day roster, thus setting the tone for what will surely be a 160-2 season for Boston. What isn't natural about that?