Your starting center fielder is out until at least May with a knee injury, possibly due to another misdiagnosis by your training staff.
Your starting shortstop, who missed pretty much all of last season, is giong to miss 2-8 weeks with a hyperactive thyroid, and has no solid Major League-level backup.
Your starting rotation has no solid 2-, 3-, 4-, or 5-starter to speak of, and the great Oliver Perez has started his annual meltdown extra early this season.
Your bullpen is such a question mark that everybody and their mother is tweaking their nipples over some 20-year-old kid who has never thrown a Major League inning.
And your management and executive staff, from the owner down to the GM down to the manager, might just be the worst in baseball.
Goddamn, you bastards have it easy! Us Yankee fans are sitting here fretting about who's going to fill the last spot in a rotation full of top-tier talent in the 1-4 spots, which unlucky guys aren't going to get a spot in the crowded and insanely deep bullpen and have to go down to Triple-A, and who is going to play left field and bat 9th on a regular basis to round out one of, if not the most, deep and dangerous lineups in the game.
You just have no idea how much stress that puts on us as fans. You guys are living the life.