Robinson Cano- Kanye West
Because like Kanye, Robbie's swag is on a hundred thousand trillion. Get one of those ridiculous red leather combos that Kanye rocks, throw on a pair of those stupid sunglasses, done. If you don't think somebody as awesome as Cano couldn't pull that off, you're dreaming.
Russell Martin- Duke Nukem
I posted something during the ALDS about Martin being an absolute badass. Dude took a foul ball off the shoulder, a bat off the head, and a pitch in the ribs in a span of a few innings, then I think took a collision at the plate on a relay throw, and just shook it all off like it was nothing. That's some hardcore badassness. Martin could definitely pull off getting away with some of Duke Nukem's lines at the clubs.
A-Rod- An Exercise Bike
Because judging by what he's dating right now, I think she'd enjoy that. And I'm sure he would too. Hell, I think I would.
CC Sabathia- Captain Crunch
It looked like he re-united with the Captain as the season went on, after saying he had given him up as part of his offseason plan to lose a few pounds. It'll be interesting to see if the Yankees make him hold to that commitment next season after they re-sign him.
Mark Teixeira & Jorge Posada- 3-Legged Monster
Hey, at then there'd be one good switch hitter between them. Teix could talk to all the people on the right side and Jorge could handle the left. That should work out to their advantage.
Jesus Monter- Jesus Christ
Duh.
Kevin Long- Dr. House
Because he's always making the swing diagnoses that no one else can. And it's going to take some miracle work again this offseason to save Teix's left-handed swing.
Those are just a few ideas. But if anybody on the team goes out and really wants to scare the shit out of people, they can always go as this guy:
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