Sunday, November 15, 2009

What. The. Fuck.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?????!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure the lady who got her face ripped off by the chimp a few months back being on Oprah this week was hideous, but the Notre Dame football season and the continued underachieving that this team does under Charlie Weis is far more scary and disgusting to look at, if you ask me.  There's only so many times I can sit on my couch every Saturday and watch a team with an All-America-quality QB, 2 All-America-quality WRs, an army of good RBs, and other big-time HS recruits scattered throughout the lineup on both sides of the ball play down to their competition before I just say "Fuck it, get somebody else in here."

And the worst part is, nothing ever seems to change!  Every fucking week the same mistakes are being made; the same guys on the offensive line are going offsides and missing assignments, the same group of shitrags in the secondary are blowing coverage and missing tackles (can somebody please inject Sergio Brown with a needle full of swine flu?  Thank God that guy is a fucking senior; he couldn't cover a sleeping child with a blanket). And the same team that is infinitely more talented on paper than their opponents 9 times out of 10 is going down to the wire for a last-second victory, or falling short in a comeback attempt that should never be taking place because they don't execute and don't play hard for 60 minutes.  And after each of those games we get to see the same image of this fat fuck slowly waddling off the field with a bewildered look on his face and sit down at the press conference and spew the same cliches about needing to focus on winning the next game.

All that right there adds up to poor coaching.  You can bring in all the top-10 recruiting classes you want, but when you can't get anything out of them other than 7-5 and 6-6 seasons then it means you don't have what it takes to coach at this level.  These guys are anywhere from 18-23 years old, they aren't pros yet and can't be expected to self-motivate and stay focused 24/7.  They've got classes to take, parties to go to, chicks to fuck, and draft prospects to worry about.  College players need way more hands-on, in your face, constant pressure and drilling than pro players do.  Weis still hasn't figured this out after 5 years; he still thinks he's coaching the fucking Patriots and that suddenly it's all going to come together and the collective natural talent will come together and overcome everything else or that bringing in a name like Jon Tenuta will solve all the team's defensive problems.

It ain't that easy, Fat Boy.  The bottom line is, you suck as a coach, your assistants suck as coaches, and that combined suckiness is why your team is 6-5 and on a one-way train to Nowheresville again.  So go clean out your office, pack up your Ho-Ho's and Ring Dings, take your framed copy of your bullshit book that I now regret wasting 2 hours of my life reading, and get the fuck out before I wrap a fucking chain around your neck and do the university and the football program a favor.

Try shoveling soup ladles full of nacho cheese down your fat gullet now, ass.