HOF Voting Results Are In And They're As Effed Up As Ever

There's no big story in Yankeeland today and the only big story in baseball is the announcement of the 2014 HOF electees, so might as well write about it.  You've probably already heard the news by now, but if not Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, and Frank Thomas were all elected today by the BBWAA.  Craig Biggio just missed out on making it, by 2 votes reportedly, and nobody else was really that close.

No Yankees made the cut this year, which wasn't a huge shock.  Mike Mussina came in with 20.3% of the vote, Roger Clemens got 35.4%, and Don Mattingly just 8.2%.  After the jump, some other factoids on the voting that will pleasantly or unpleasantly surprise you depending on where you stand on the PED issue and how you feel about the voting process in general:

Happy Thanksgiving From AB4AR

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, as I'm sure it is for many more of you out there, so expect today to be slow around the blog.  Unless something incredibly unexpected and newsworthy happens I'll be spending my day eating myself sick, drinking a shit ton of great beer, and watching football, and I sincerely hope everyone else out there does the same.  Wherever you are, hopefully you're surrounded by family and friends and have as great a Thanksgiving today as I intend to.  And if you're one of the chosen people, have yourself a happy Hanukkah today.  It's a celebration for everybody.

Never Forget

12 years ago today our nation was rocked by the worst attack against it in history.  Work, social life, baseball rooting allegiances, and everything else took a back seat as we watched our friends, family members, and fellow Americans suffer as a result of the senseless hatred of others.  I don't need to go into the details of my personal connection to the 9/11 tragedy anymore.  Those who've been AB4AR readers for years know the story, and those who are new can find it here.  But I'd be remiss if I didn't write something today to commemorate the tragic events of that day and honor those who were lost.

They say time heals all wounds and there's been a lot of time to heal from the events of that day 12 years ago.  But some wounds never heal, some losses can never be forgotten, and many lives will never be the same.  The pain from that day still lingers, and it's remembering the heroes and the sacrifice of so many on that day that helps the healing continue and reminds us all what it means to be an American and live in this country.  There's plenty that people find wrong with this country these days and sometimes it's easy to forget about all that it gets right.  Use today to remember that.  Tell someone you love them, hug somebody you haven't hugged in a while, find a fire fighter or police officer and shake his or her hand, be thankful for all the freedoms you have as a citizen of the United States.  And never forget all those we lost.

Happy 4th Of July From AB4AR

Hope everybody is having a great 4th already.  If you haven't yet, go outside, have a beer, and eat something grilled.  It's the American way.  Blog will be back tomorrow.

I'm Done With This Steroid Stuff

So ESPN created another big wave in the still ongoing steroid saga yesterday with OTL's report that Major League Baseball is going to seek suspensions for Ryan Braun, Alex Rodriguez, and up to 20 other players linked to the Biogenesis clinic.  It's already being treated as proof of guilt by many and is understandably getting a large amount of coverage this morning from all sorts of sports, baseball, and Yankee media outlets.  Well count this guy out of that mess.  Because I'm fucking done with steroids.

Offseason Space-Filler Post: Top 5 Closer Entrance Songs

The final stage of this offseason is progressing at a painfully slow rate, and real, valuable news and talking points are at a minimum, so why not go back to the off-topic fun well with another song list?  It beats breaking down Thomas Neal's Double-A contact splits, right?  As everybody is now aware from my previous "Top 5 Songs" post for at-bat music, part of my mind lives in a perpetual state of 15-year-old-ness, and I've put just as much thought into my personal top 5 closer entrance songs as I did for the at-bat songs.

In my hypothetical fantasy world, the world in which I'm not only a professional baseball player but a pitcher and a good pitcher, I'd be an awesome closer.  I'd rock mid-90s heat with some movement and a killer slider, I'd be more than willing to throw inside and buzz hitters' towers, and I definitely wouldn't be anything close to the polished professional that Mo is.  Think like a more subdued Brian Wilson, with a less bushy beard and not trying so hard to be "weird," combined with the brutal media honesty of Chris Perez, and that'd be me.  With that in mind, here are my personal top 5 songs I'd consider for my entrance music.

Offseason Space-Filler Post: Top 5 At-Bat Songs

At-bat music has always been a fun part of baseball, at least for me.  Some guys have really kickass at-bat songs, like Josh Reddick of the A's coming up to the WWE Daniel Bryan version of "Ride of The Valkyries," and some guys get punked by teammates and end up strolling up for a big at-bat to "Party In The USA."  If you're like me and pay attention to this kind of thing (which may or may not make you an overgrown child), at some point you've stopped and considered what you'd like your at-bat music to be if you were a Major League Baseball player.  My youth baseball career consisted of about 5 hits in 4 years of play, so obviously I'd be the type of player whose at-bat music would undoubtedly be the best part of my at-bat.  But in my head I still like to think of myself being the coolest guy in the stadium with my music blaring for that 10-15 seconds while I take my practice swings and adjust my elbow guard.  After the jump, check out my personal top 5 songs I'd use for at-bat music.

Checking In On The Mets' Offseason

The Yankees are taking a penny-pinching approach to their offseason, the Fraud Sawx are busy bringing back the soul of their organization and seeing what other coaches are available in trades.  What's going on with the Mets?  Sounds like they're about ready to start opening lemonade stands and turning tricks in the Citi Field parking lots to pay their players, according to Matthew Pouliot of Hardball Talk and WSJ writer Michael Salfino:

Normally this is the part in the post where I say something derogatory about the Mets and the Wilpons and then make a pitch for the Yankees to make a call about David Wright, but I know that's not worth my time from a comedic or baseball standpoint since this is almost too easy a target and Hank and Hal aren't in the business of making the team better this offseason if it hurts their chances of filling their own pockets in 2014.  So instead I'll just say, "fucking Mets."

But seriously, Cash.  You should put a call in to check on Wright's availability.

Never Forget

Today marks the 11-year anniversary of the September 11th attacks on our country, and as someone whose family has such a close personal connection to the events I'd be remiss if I didn't take a moment to acknowledge today's significance.  I won't go back through and re-hash the details of my personal history, you can find them right here if you're interested.  Instead I'd just like to thank all the people who contributed to the rescue efforts on that day, those who were lucky enough to survive and those who lost their lives.  They're true American heroes and their sacrifice and bravery should never be forgotten.

It's easy to take things for granted in today's world.  I know I'm guilty of it from time to time.  But the freedoms and the rights that we have in this country are a gift, a gift that no person in any other country in the world can say they have, and knowing there are people out there whose job it is to protect those freedoms and those rights are what help make them so special.

There won't be a big concert or celebrity pledge drive on TV tonight, but that doesn't mean this day should be any less important.  At some point today, take a moment to think back on the events that unfolded 11 years ago, and pause to give thanks to those heroes we lost.  Their bravery and their memories should go on forever.

** UPDATE- Friend of the blog Gary Corbett brought this to my attention.  He's participating in the Tunnels to Towers 5K on September 30th to raise money to be donated to police, firefighter, and military personnel whose lives were affected by 9/11.  If you're already involved, good on you.  If you're not and you want to donate, you can do so here.**

RIP 2012 Fraud Sawx

It's pretty much been a done deal since late last night, but I wasn't going to take any chances gloating until everything was officially official:

"The Dodgers and Red Sox have officially completed a massive nine-player blockbuster trade that sends Josh Beckett, Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, and Nick Punto to Los Angeles for James Loney and four prospects.

The four prospects are right-hander Allen Webster, infielder Ivan De Jesus, outfielder/first baseman Jerry Sands, and right-hander Rubby De La Rosa."

I expected it to be a disaster with that group and Bobby V in charge of them this season, but even I didn't expect it to take less than 5 months for it to unravel like this.  It's just delicious.  Now that fugazi fanbase can put their pink hats away and turn their attention to the Patriots like they always do.

Melky Cabrera: Master Internet Criminal

I didn't say anything about the Melky Cabrera steroids story this week for 3 reasons: 1) I wasn't all that surprised by it, 2) I didn't really care, and 3) He doesn't play for the Yankees anymore, so I wasn't going to start talking about him until he was officially a free agent.

But with the latest part of this story breaking today, now it's time for me to get involved.  This latest news is much more up my alley...

"The scheme began unfolding in July as Cabrera and his representatives scrambled to explain a spike in the former Yankee’s testosterone levels. Cabrera associate Juan Nunez, described by the player’s agents, Seth and Sam Levinson, as a “paid consultant” of their firm but not an “employee,” is alleged to have paid $10,000 to acquire the phony website. The idea, apparently, was to lay a trail of digital breadcrumbs suggesting Cabrera had ordered a supplement that ended up causing the positive test, and to rely on a clause in the collectively bargained drug program that allows a player who has tested positive to attempt to prove he ingested a banned substance through no fault of his own."

Really, Melky?  That was your plan?  Just hop on the old interwebs, get a sweet new Go Daddy domain name like Danica Patrick, and boom, problem solved!  It's brilliant.  It's no wonder you got caught in the first place.  You're an idiot.

P.S.- If they didn't name this phony company "Vandelay Industries," they did it wrong.

The Fraud Sawx Have Done It

They've done it.  I'm actually impressed that it happened as early as it did.  I expected the downward spiral to take a lot longer than it has since I first started this blog in August of 2009, but it has officially happened on the afternoon of August 14, 2012.  The Bahhston Fraud Sawx have become so pathetic as a professional sports organization that it's almost not even fair or funny to try to make fun of them anymore.  The story that came out today is so perfect, so deliciously enjoyable if you're a Fraud Sawx hater like I am, that there's no need to comment on it.  You just sit back, read, and then laugh.

Bobby V Is Making This Tough For Me

On the one hand, the fact that Bobby V is wandering around the stadium in full uniform on what I presume is a game day, and taking the time to once again make himself the center of attention sets me up perfectly to call him out for doing just that instead of sitting in his office putting together the lineup card or talking to his coaching staff about how they can change things up to help the Fraud Sawx stay at or above .500 for more than a day or 2.  And to turn down an opportunity to rag on Bobby V would be almost criminal.

On the other hand, he did just straight up videobomb the SHIT out of Dan Shaughnessy, easily the most unlikeable sports writer and Bahhston sports personality in the history of sports and the perfect personification of everything that is wrong with the Bahhston sports fanbase.  That quick look of bewilderment on Shaughnessy's face at the 3-second mark when he first hears Bobby V's voice is gold.  It's gold, Jerry, gold!  Anytime Dan Shaughnessy is getting punked out like that, I smile both inside and out.

So I'm torn.  What do I do here?  What path do I take??  I'm stumped.  You've won this round, Valentine.  Well played.

Big Sloppi Is A Great Clubhouse Leader

It's been a pretty hectic season for the Fraud Sawx, what with Bobby V joining the fold and being a general jackass, injuries and underperformance keeping the roster in constant turmoil, and the team spending most of their time in the AL East cellar.  Luckily they've got veteran leader David Ortiz to help rally the team together against all of that.

"If you go crazy and give contracts to whoever comes along despite not knowing how they're going to do, then you don't give me my due consideration, even though I do my thing every year, fuck that."

"It was humiliating. There's no reason a guy like me should go through that.  All I was looking for was two years, at the same salary ($12.5 million).  They ended up giving me $3 million more than that (actually $2.025 million), and look at my numbers this year. Tell me if they wouldn't have been better off."

"And yet they don't hesitate to sign other guys. It was embarrassing."

Damn right, David!  It IS crazy to go out and give big contracts to guys without knowing how they're going to do.  Like a guy who had rapidly declining production for 3 straight seasons and then suddenly bounced back in 2010 right around the time he got mentioned in connections with PEDs.  Why would a team go out and sign guys in the primes of their career when they could have taken a bigger risk on an older player?  Fuck that indeed!

And I feel you on the humiliation.  It must have been humiliating as fuck to get a raise and ONLY make $15 million last season.  Just an absolute slap in the face to be one of the top earners in the game despite the fact that you only have to hit and don't even have to play defense.  I don't even understand how you left your house some days.  I would have hid my face in shame if I was disrespected like that.

And it's totally embarrassing that you have to bring up your own petty bullshit AGAIN during a team when your team is trying to climb back into the playoff and division races.  When are all your asshole loser teammates and dickhead upper management going to realize that YOU are more important than THE TEAM and WINNING???  The mid-point of the season is the PERFECT time for them to give you your due consideration.  A-fucking-men, bro!

AB4AR Presents: The Worst Of Chris Berman On "Monday Night Baseball"

(This guy knows his sports, people)

There was a time when I was entertained by Chris Berman and his schtick.  It was way back in the mid-to-late 90s, when I was still young and stupid, and awaiting the onset of puberty to at least attempt to mature me a little bit.  I took great joy in hearing him say "RUMBLIN'-BUMBLIN'-STUMBLIN'!!!" when calling football highlights or make explosion noises when a Mike Alstott highlight came on.  In a related story, I was a loser kid.

Since early high school, though, I've been keenly aware of a fact that many other intelligent sports fans know to be true; the fact that Chris Berman absolutely sucks.  He's an abomination of a "sports personality;' a bloated, self-important, uninformed caricature of what an ESPN anchor/studio host/announcer is supposed to be, and the perfect visual and auditory representation of what ESPN has horribly mutated into over the past 10 years or so.  So it was an entertainment dick punch to end all entertainment dick punches when the ESPN broadcast for last night's Yanks-Rays game began and I heard Berman's obnoxious voice come through my TV speakers.  I was already planning on tipping a few brewskis back while I watched the game, but as I told my friend, my 12-pack didn't stand a fucking chance when I realized Berman was doing the play-by-play.

While there's nothing informative or entertaining in what Chris Berman says or how he says it as it relates to the sporting event he's blabbing about, his general buffoonery is good for a couple of laughs at his expense.  Knowing this, I gritted my teeth and forced myself to concentrate and listen to what he said last night in the hopes that I could catch some good lines, and I think I came out with a few winners.  Please know that I didn't enjoy doing this.  It was practically torture.  But my dedication to you dear readers knows no bounds.  Without further ado, I present to you, The Worst of Chris Berman from last night's game.

A Quick Word On Roger Clemens

Everybody knows by now that the verdict came back in the Roger Clemens perjury trial yesterday, and unsurprisingly it came back not guilty on all counts.  Seeing the way the Barry Bonds trial played out, I knew this was coming, and I don't feel bad saying that you're a complete idiot if you expected anything otherwise.  I didn't give this incredible waste of media air time and US taxpayer money one second of thought while it was going on, and I didn't give it one more second when the verdict was announced yesterday.

I don't need a guilty verdict to know that Roger Clemens used steroids.  I know he did, and I've known for a while now.  And it really doesn't change my opinion of him because I was never a big Roger Clemens fan anyway.  I always thought he was an asshole; I always thought he was a money-grubbing mercenary who was too caught up in the smell of his own farts and the sound of the local and national media fellating him to care about any of his teammates or fans.  My greatest memory of Clemens is him pitching like shit and probably faking an injury to get removed from Game 3 of the 2007 ALDS, so that should tell you everything you need to know about where I stand on him.

That being said, when I saw the video of his post-verdict press conference yesterday, I did have one thought and one thought only that went through my head.

Everybody SHHHHHHHHH!!!! The Mets Are Trying To Play Baseball

"Quiet please, the Mets are trying to play baseball.

The Amazin’s are silently floating plans for a “designated quiet-seating section” in Citi Field.

The team e-mailed a survey to fans yesterday, asking about their ballpark experience — including queries about the scoreboard, between-inning entertainment, music, and even interactions with Mr. Met....

This proposed silent treatment would apply to a section in the second-deck, left-field seats that now go for between $20 and $78 a ticket, depending on the opponent." (Courtesy of The Post)

Designated quiet-seating section?  Have the Mets' brass BEEN to Citi Field?  The whole place is a designated quiet-seating section.  That's what happens when your fanbase gets so disgusted with your team that they stop showing up.

BOOM, ROASTED!!!!!



In all seriousness, is there a more "typical Mets" move than this?  I mean, other than whining to MLB to get a call overturned so they can sell more fake tickets to their fake fans for another fake no-hitter, even though their own manager and the guy who threw the fake no-hitter openly admit that the call won't and shouldn't get overturned.

Bobby V Making Himself Right At Home In Bahhston

(You should probably be sitting here if you're going to mouth off, dude)

All this "consistently covering the Yankees" stuff has got me slipping on one of my true passions in life, that of course being bagging on the Fraud Sawx and their crumbling mess of an organization.  And DAMN, am I missing some good stuff.  We're barely over a week into the season and shit's already starting to play out like a season of "The Real World."  Let's go to the quote book!

Mets Camp Is Going Pretty Well, Huh?

Here's the man who is paid significant amounts of money by the New York Mets to manage the professional careers of 25 other men saying... something?

“I talk about patience,” the manager said. “Right now, I’m out of it . So I’ve got to regain it. I’ve got to go back tonight and have my wife beat me up so I can find my patience again.

I had a buddy that used to have a bear — a pet bear. He used to, when he got mad, the bear would go kick him around the cage. And he finally said, ‘OK, I’m back down to earth now.’ ” (via Hardball Talk)

Just when the Mets make you think they've hit rock bottom as a professional sports organization, they plow right on through and keep sinking to new depths.  I mean, what the hell is going on with this team??? 

Their owners are incompetent boobs at best, possible dirty criminals at worst, who are being sued for half a gajillion dollars; their best player is out with an oblique injury and looking at a lot of missed games; their only good lefty relief pitcher is out for six weeks after meniscus surgery; their payroll is dropping only slightly slower than the number of fans they're losing; half of their roster is injured and the other half just completely sucks; and now their manager is so pissed off by the injured half that he's practically speaking in tongues.

But at least Johan's back, right?

P.S.- So glad I'm a Yankee fan