Sunday, August 19, 2012

Melky Cabrera: Master Internet Criminal

I didn't say anything about the Melky Cabrera steroids story this week for 3 reasons: 1) I wasn't all that surprised by it, 2) I didn't really care, and 3) He doesn't play for the Yankees anymore, so I wasn't going to start talking about him until he was officially a free agent.

But with the latest part of this story breaking today, now it's time for me to get involved.  This latest news is much more up my alley...

"The scheme began unfolding in July as Cabrera and his representatives scrambled to explain a spike in the former Yankee’s testosterone levels. Cabrera associate Juan Nunez, described by the player’s agents, Seth and Sam Levinson, as a “paid consultant” of their firm but not an “employee,” is alleged to have paid $10,000 to acquire the phony website. The idea, apparently, was to lay a trail of digital breadcrumbs suggesting Cabrera had ordered a supplement that ended up causing the positive test, and to rely on a clause in the collectively bargained drug program that allows a player who has tested positive to attempt to prove he ingested a banned substance through no fault of his own."

Really, Melky?  That was your plan?  Just hop on the old interwebs, get a sweet new Go Daddy domain name like Danica Patrick, and boom, problem solved!  It's brilliant.  It's no wonder you got caught in the first place.  You're an idiot.

P.S.- If they didn't name this phony company "Vandelay Industries," they did it wrong.

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