Joba Getting An Early Start On His Offseason Workout Program

And apparently it involves having a Zoolander-style pose off with Mickey Mouse.

That's great, Joba.  Really great.  Here I am coming off a fantastic blogging season where I led the league in most varieties of the F-word used and won Best Photoshop Award and you still see me out here every day, giving it my all, trying to get better, making Daniel Turpen jokes at 8PM when I should be sitting in a VIP room somewhere with chicks hanging off me like goddamn jewelry.

And there you are, kicking it at Disney Land and yukking it up with fucking Mickey Mouse.  Unless he was giving you some tips on how to keep your front shoulder in to improve your fastball location or talking about changing your grip to get some bite back on that slider, I don't think there's any reason for you to be there right now.  Get off Twitter, take your kid home and put him to bed, and then get your ass down to Tampa to work with Larry Rothschild.

And iron your shirt.  Jesus Christ, man, have some class.

Yankees Make A Big Splash In The Draft

Well, the Rule 5 Draft that was this morning, but still.  I mean, look at the 2 names they got.  Daniel Turpen and Robert Fish.  Robert Fucking Fish!!!  This is big news!

Listen to some of these details.  Fish had an 8.93 ERA and a .365 BAA last season in Double-A.  And one profile on Turpen described him as not being "typically overpowering."  One righty who isn't overpowering and a lefty who can't seem to get anybody out?  When do I get to start popping the champagne.

Fuck Carl Crawford.  I think these 2 moves today might have put the Yankees over the top for 2011 and beyond.

Barstool NY Actually Making Some Valid Yankee-Related Points For Once

I've gone on record before criticizing Barstool NY for their half-assed Yankee coverage and arguments, but today they're actually on fire when it comes to discussing the Carl Crawford situation.  First, resident Barstool NY Yankee blogger Scott puts the Red Sox offseason moves in perspective: 

"Yea, the Red Sox are having themselves a nice offseason. Tip your hat to those fucking goobers because Gonzo and Crawford are legit. And no denying the Sox have a nice little lineup and a pretty nice little rotation right now. But I’m a fucking Yankee fan bro. And the day I start worrying about what the Red Sox are doing is going to be a cold, dark day in hell indeed.

Especially because the Yankees are about to sign this guy Cliff Lee. Maybe some of you have heard of him? He’s supposed to be pretty good. And all I know is that its going to be a great time watching CC and Cliff Lee mow down lefty after lefty in this fancy new Red Sox lineup. Just mow them all down like the Yankees have done to the Red Sox throughout the course of human history.

And these moves were 2 years in the making for Boston. Since Tex and CC, the Yankees just flat out had more big time talent on their team. You saw it when the Yankees won the World Series in 2009. And you saw it when Boston had too many injuries last year....

So I say its about time those fucking losers made some power moves. You didn’t need a brain surgeon to tell you John Lackey isn’t a difference maker."

... And then 90 minutes later, KFC drops some straight knowledge about how lame and hypocritical Red Sox fans are:

"And then my favorite is come April when they [Bostonians] want to flip a switch and become the blue collar Red Sox fans again. Come down from their holier than thou Ivory Tower as Pats fans and start to play the role of the “Idiots” and pretend they are a small market, underdog franchise. And like clockwork they start complaining about payroll and the Yankees buying players. When the Yankees signed CC, Tex and Burnett, I legit thought the Red Sox fans were never going to stop complaining. Best part is, that year the Yankees overall payroll went down when they did that. They reinvested a bunch of money, cut payroll by $8 million, and won a World Series, while all of New England just sat around crying. And then you look at the Sox payroll, which jumped $50 million between 2009 and 2010, and as of this morning they just spent another $300 million on two players."

Bravo, boys.  Bravo indeed.  I don't think I could have said it better myself.  On a day like today I'm actually quite thankful that I'm not back home on the East Coast where I would have to listen to all the phony Red Sox fans walking around with their chests puffed out, talking like 2011 World Series was already in the bag or the sadsack subgroup of dumb Yankee fans who would be ready to jump off their roofs and kill themselves because the Sox added 2 big bats.  And to be honest, I never even considered the fact that Boston is loading up their lineup with lefties for CC, Cliff, and Boone Logan to school next season.

The bottom line is, there's really nothing for the Red Sox or their fans to be proud of yet.  They got all excited after the V-Mart trade in 2009 that was supposed to be the final piece they needed to get back to the World Series and instead they got their dicks knocked in the dirt by the Angels in the first round while the Yankees took home title 27.  They got even more excited before 2010 when they brought in John Lackey, he of the 4.40 ERA, 1.42 WHIP, .277 BAA, 6.53 K/9, 99 ERA+, and 1.9 WAR in 2010, to "solidify" the rotation and watched their commitment to pitching and defense blow up in their face behind a rash of injuries.

Yeah, Boston's lineup looks better on paper for 2011.  Congratu-fuckin'-lations.  A lot of people thought the same thing going into '09 and 2010 and they ended up behind the Yankees both of those years.  Let's let the rest of the offseason play out and wait until teams start playing again before we all just bow down and suck Theo Epstein's dick for the brilliant moves he made.

(I don't know how I've never seen this before, but I laughed my ass off when I saw it on Barstool NY today)

Red Sox Add Carl Crawford. This Is Me Not Caring

(Photo of Crawford getting thrown out at 3rd by Greg Golson courtesy of The AP)

According to multiple reports, the Red Sox signed Carl Crawford last night to a monster 7-year/$142 million deal, upgrading both their offense and defense in the process and vaulting themselves right back into contention as an AL East favorite, at least in the eyes of everybody at ESPN.  But my reaction when I read the stories this morning?  To borrow a line from the great Derrick Coleman, "Whoop-de-damn do."

Does Crawford really make the Red Sox THAT much better?  Yes he's an upgrade over Mike Cameron in the field and at the plate, and yes he completes Boston's replacement of Victor Martinez and Adrian Beltre's offensive production, but that's still just a replacement.  And for the money he's getting, money that makes him the highest paid outfielder ever in terms of total pure dollars, shouldn't the Red Sox be getting more than just a replacement?  Consider that Crawford has never hit more than 19 HR in a season, has never driven in more than 90, has never slugged above .495, has a career OPS of .781, and has only been above 4.4 WAR 3 times in his career.  Check his stats if you don't believe me.  Oh, and if you're wondering, almost all of Crawford's career highs were set last year in, that's right folks, A CONTRACT YEAR!!!!  Hmmmm...

Don't get me wrong, Crawford is a very good baseball player.  But he's not a $20+ million per year baseball player.  For that kind of money you should be getting Ken Griffey Jr. in his prime, Willie Mays in his prime, Barry Bonds in his prime (steroids or not), somebody who can play Gold Glove-caliber defense AND carry a team offensively by himself if need be.  Now in this Boston lineup, Crawford won't have to do that, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still the kind of production you should expect for that kind of investment.  And Crawford, quite frankly, is not that type of player.

And while we're on the subject of the Red Sox lineup, I take a look at it and still see a lineup that's not as deep or dangerous as that of the Yankees.  I'll take Swish, Grandy, and Gardner (the much cheaper, homeless man's Carl Crawford) over Crawford, Ellsbury, and a rapidly-declining J.D. Drew any day of the week.  The right side infield combo of Teix and Cano should outproduce the combination of Gonzalez and Pedroia no matter how much better Gonzo's numbers get thanks to playing in Fenway, ditto for the left side combo of Jeter and A-Rod compared to Scutaro and Youkilis.  The catching trio of Jesus, Frankie, and Jorge (assuming he gets a little time behind the plate) will be better than the garbage combo of Saltalamacchia and Varitek even on their worst day.  And let's not forget that David Ortiz was getting ready to be thrown on the scrap heap after April this season.  In 2011 he's going to be another year older and that that bat will be another year slower.  Any way you try to cut it, the Yankee lineup is still at least a little bit better top to bottom than Boston's with the potential to be a lot better if Grandy plays like he did in the 2010 postseason and Jesus has a quick learning curve.  So if Crawford didn't help put the lineup over the top, how can you justify making him the highest paid OF ever?

Basically, what happened here was the Red Sox got spooked by the reports of the Yankees having "serious" talks with Crawford and scrambled to make him an offer much bigger than what they probably should have, knowing it had to be more than the ridiculous contract the Nationals gave to Jayson Werth.  I'm sure they've been doing their damnedest to do the same thing to the Yanks with Cliff Lee, but in reality they were never major players for Lee, knew they weren't, and instead overspent on their other big target that they did have a shot at. 

The Yankees were going to make Lee a monster offer regardless of what the Red Sox or anybody else did.  The Sox probably weren't going to do the same for Crawford, especially after the Gonzalez trade/re-sign, but started feeling the heat of all the Yankee-Crawford rumors and did what they thought they had to do to keep up.  Now they've spent their money and they still have a lineup not as good as that of New York and they're about to watch the Yankees improve their rotation to the point where it can also be considered better than Boston's.  So at the end of the day, this Crawford signing doesn't mean anything to me and it shouldn't mean anything to you.

(P.S.- $142 mil for Crawford and $150-160 mil coming for Gonzalez?  I think we can end all this "the Yankees spend too much, we're still just a scrappy underdog" bullshit coming from Boston once and for all)

Darek Braunecker Sucks

What the hell is with this guy?  He's probably been the leak for all these bogus Washington National/7-year deal/new teams involved stories surrounding Lee over the last couple days and now he decides to just up and leave the meetings without giving anybody, most importantly the Yankees, a chance to make a formal offer to his client.  The fucking balls, huh? 

I definitely don't remember reading the chapter that discusses bailing out on all your potential suitors in "The Art of The Deal."  Something tells me the rest of these negotiations are going to go something like this:

Heyman Says Cliff Lee Offer Coming Today

"Yankees are going to make a "very strong" six-year offer to Cliff Lee today that is expected to be for $23 to $25 million per year." - via SI.com

Well there you go, Nolan Ryan.  If this is true then you and your gang of yokels might as well check out of your hotel rooms, grab your ten gallon hats, and mosey your fat Texas asses back to Arlington because there ain't no way in Hell you're competing with that.

All we can do now is sit back and wait for it to become public...

A Quick Look At Some Of The Quotes From The Jeter PC Today

The Yankees finalized the deal and made it official today.  Derek Jeter is back and is now going to retire a Yankee.  They capped everything off with a press conference and there were a few interesting bits said here and there by those who participated.  Let's hit it with a real quick and dirty FJM'ing.

“He never left. We didn’t want him going anywhere.” - Cash

And let's be honest.  Where the fuck else was he going to go?  Detroit?  The Mets?  COME ON!!!

“He is a true Yankee.” - Joe

Not like that prima donna, A-Rod.  Jeter would never overestimate his own worth and try to use that misguided opinion to get more money.  Oh wait...

“I had never planned on going anywhere.” - Jeter

I mean, let's be honest.  Where the fuck else was I going to go?  Detroit?  The Mets?  COME ON!!!

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't angry how some of this went... " - Jeter

Because facing your own mortality is never a fun experience.  But in fairness, Derek, I think the Yankee brass and the fans would be lying if they said they weren't angry watching you constantly beat balls into the left side of the infield all last season.

“I’m getting older, but so is everyone else in this room.” - Jeter

No argument on that point from a scientific perspective.  But not every else in that room is getting grossly overpaid to play a physically-demanding position that they are no longer capable of doing at an All-Star level on an everyday basis.  Just sayin'...

All kidding aside.  It's good to have Jeter back and it's good to have this whole issue resolved and behind us after the press conference today.  Now we can move on to Cliff Lee and Jeter can move on to getting some bat speed and lateral range on defense back.

(Thanks to Chad Jennings at LoHud for posting the quotes from the PC)

Sifting Through The Bullshit

Part of the fun of the winter meetings is all the rumors that start flying around about who's talking to who, who's offering what, and how much money and how many years everybody is willing to go.  Most if it is smoke designed to play mind games and get other teams to up their offers and pay more money than they should.  This year is no different and right now there are plenty of rumors related to the Yankees and their dealings floating around.  Let's take a minute to clear some of them up.

Cliff Lee wants a 7-year deal and getting anything less is a deal breaker

Almost certainly floated to the media by Lee's agent, this is an obvious attempt by him to try to get his client more years and more money that he probably won't get and definitely doesn't need.  He already knows about where the Yankees and Rangers are going to come in with their offers from talking to them and he's just doing his job trying to see what, if anything, else he can get for his guy.  Bottom line, these guys wouldn't turn down 6 years and $140 million from the Yankees if that was the best offer they got.

The Nationals are getting ready to make a HUGE offer to Lee

A big old slice of bullshit pie a la mode, probably coming directly from the National front office after they made the first, and so far biggest, free agent splash with their Jayson Werth signing.  They have set the market for all the other big players available and are simply trying to stir up some uncertainty and force the front runners in the Lee sweepstakes (see: Yankees and Rangers) to up their offers.  The Nationals obviously don't have the money to make a huge pitch to Lee (pun intended) and they know it.  They're just using their position as the first to strike to try to make everybody else squirm a little bit.  Not a bad strategy for a smaller market, shitty team but there's no way the Yankees let themselves get outbid by the Nationals.

The Yankees are interested in Carl Crawford

Partially true, because who wouldn't be interested in a 5-tool player in his prime?  But this is just the Yankees playing the game with a guy they aren't really targeting but know the Red Sox are.  They've beaten the Sox when it came to A-Rod and Teix before, so it's worth the Yankees' time to make the Sox sweat a little here and spend more money than they have to to get Crawford.  The Yankees already have an outfield that does a great job approximating Crawford's value at less than it would cost them to sign him this offseason.  There's no real chance that Crawford ends up in pinstripes.

Andy Pettitte is not coming back.  Oh wait, yes he is.  Oh wait, ...

People can listen to these stories supposedly coming from "sources" all day long if they want to.  I'm not going to give on second's thought to Pettitte until I know the Yankees are actually in discussions with him and Pettitte himself comments on what his plans are for 2011.  It's still a little early for him to be leaning one way or the other yet, so it's really a waste of time to put any weight into what these sources are hearing or saying about him.  When Andy makes up his mind, we'll know about it.

A Tale Of 3 Offseason Approaches

While we all sit and wait for the winter meetings to play out and everybody to make their respective moves, one thing is for certain:  We are going to be looking at a drastically different AL East next season and the 3 main competitors are all going about that change in very different manners.

The Yankees, like last offseason, are focusing on their one glaring need (starting pitcher Cliff Lee), then re-signing their own legacy free agents to ensure they stay in pinstripes and looking to fill the roster out with a bit piece here or there (second bullpen lefty, bench depth, possible cheap reliever).   Sure they gave Jeter too many years and too much money, but we all knew that was going to happen.  And with the rest of the lineup set with guys either in their prime or still performing above league average, there's not much cause for the Yankees to get involved with big names other than trying to drive up the price on Boston.

The Red Sox have abandoned last season's plan of pitching and defense (because we all saw how well that worked out in 2010) and instead are focusing on completely revamping the lineup.  Out are Adrian Beltre and Victor Martinez (and some high-level prospects) and in are Adrian Gonzalez and possibly Carl Crawford before it's all over.  Their bullpen is still a mess and the top of their rotation has now seemingly flip-flopped to the bottom as Lester and Buchholz are clearly better than Beckett, Lackey, and Dice-Gay, but there will be a little more pop in the lineup in 2011 to be added to to their group of returning All-Stars.

The Rays, with the shallowest pockets and most players leaving, have focused on trying to get the most for all their departing free agents, and look like they'll be rewarded with a substantial cache of high draft picks for all the arbitration offers they made to their Type-A and Type-B guys.  It's no secret that they built their successful team over the last few years through consistently high draft picks, and they've shown the ability to scout talent, so it's not a bad approach to try to replace what they've lost this offseason.  Consider the fact that they still have a decent amount of talent, solid starting pitching, and new guys like Desmond Jennings and Jeremy Hellickson ready to contribute full time in 2011 and it goes without saying that the Rays will still be in the mix.

On top the big 3 taking their approaches, the other 2 teams in the AL East aren't just sitting back either.  The Orioles added HR machine Mark Reynolds earlier today, and the Jays are making deals to possibly make a run at trading for Zack Greinke.  We're a little less than 4 months away from the start of the 2011 season and it's already shaping up to be another highly-competitive year in the best division in baseball.

Careful, Sandy

You might very well be a better GM than Omar, and you almost certainly can't be any worse, but I don't think it would be wise to run your mouth about the Jayson Werth deal when you look at some of the contracts on your club.

"It makes some of our contracts look pretty good.  That's a long time and a lot of money. I thought they were trying to reduce the deficit in Washington."

Kudos to the dig at the government, friend-o, but which contracts of yours' does Werth's $18mil/year make look good?  Would that be Jason Bay's 4-year/$66 million deal for which the Mets received 6 HR, 47 RBI, and a .749 OPS last season?  Or maybe Oliver Perez's 3-year/$36 million deal that resulted in a 6.80 ERA, 2.07 WHIP, and .293 BBA in just 46.1 innings of work last year?  Not those?  How about the $12+ mil you're going to be paying a declining K-Rod in 2011 to continue to decline and possibly punch out another family member?  Or the $18 mil you'll give Carlos Beltran in the final year of his deal to probably play no more than 80 games because of injury and put up sub-par numbers when he is on the field?

Bottom line, Sandy, is that as overpriced and too long as Werth's deal with the Nationals is, you're still talking about a player who has averaged over a .900 OPS and 135 OPS+ over the last 2 seasons and been worth 12.6 WAR over the last 3.  Dude is in the prime of his career and is far more productive than any of the guys that you'll still be paying 8 figures to in 2011.  I know you've got big plans for fixing the Mets, but you might want to let some of these horrible deals end and make a few good ones of your own before you start criticizing others.

Leave the shit talking to somebody who actually deserves to be talking shit.

This Story Makes Me Smile

Just when I think Theo and his merry band of assclowns can't possibly get any more inept, they go and pull a stunt like this...

.. AND TOTALLY REDEEM THEMSELVES!!!!!!

Just kidding, they're still a bunch of incomparable morons after allowing the Adrian Gonzalez trade to fall through this afternoon after reportedly not being willing to give Gonzalez a contract comparable to Teix's 8-year, $180 mil deal the Yankees gave him in 2008.

I'll put my Yankee homer hat off to the side for a second to discuss how stupid this is of the Red Sox.  They just agreed to trade 3 of their top 6 prospects for one of the premiere first basemen in baseball, a player they happen to have been after for over a year now in response to losing out on Mark Teixeira in the 2008 offseason.  This premiere first baseman happens to be perfectly suited for hitting in Fenway Park, has put up comparable numbers to Teixeira over his 5+-year career in a major pitcher's ballpark, is 2 years younger than Teix, and is coming off his last 2 years that have been the best of his career and ended with him posting higher OPS numbers than Teix (.958 vs. .948 in '09, .904 vs. .846 in '10).

Now because they were unwilling to give Gonzalez comparable money to Teix (money that he is almost assuredly worth), they have lost out on improving their team for the next season and beyond and have to scramble to either win him back or get back in the running for Adrian Beltre, the guy they cast aside because of their plan to trade for Gonzalez.  Neither one of these deals will come cheap as they've already failed to make one happen and now become more desperate as a result.  They have no bargaining power, no backup plan, and have completely shown their hand to the Padres and any other teams that they wants to deal with in trades as far as prospects are concerned.  If the Padres were smart, they would up their demands and play this thing for even more if the Red Sox try to re-start trade talks, as they now know they are still going to lose their best player but can risk asking for at least another prospect or maybe another of the Sox's top 6 as a new option since the Sox clearly don't have a better existing option to fill 1st or 3rd base.

As a Yankee fan, this is all music to my ears.  It had been a rough day or 2 for the Sox already before this trade came about and fell through after the failed Mariano Rivera signing that was a blatant slap in the face to their best 2 relievers.  Now this puts them even further behind the 8-ball as they've lost Martinez and Beltre and replaced them with nothing and everybody else out there knows what they offered for the player they wanted as a starting point for negotiations if the Sox call them up looking to make a deal for another player.  Oh, and there's the fact that now everybody on their team knows that the team wasn't willing to make a deal for a player that would have made the team better simply because they were too cheap to open their wallets.  That doesn't exactly build confidence for guys who are on the last years of their deals or who are interested in making it back to the playoffs that they missed in 2010 and winning a ring.

A Long Overdue Linkapalooza

I'm way behind in giving credit where credit is due.  I'm disappointed in myself really.  That's just unacceptable.  But I'm going to sit down, look at some tape, make the adjustments I need to make, and take this post one link at a time.

- Kevin of 6P8OBJ breaks down the implications of the Adrian Gonzalez trade for the rest of the league.  I've been too busy laughing at Boston's boneheaded attempt at signing Mo to really give this trade the time of day, so I'm glad somebody out there is picking up the slack.

- Bruce Markusen of Bronx Banter writes a nice piece about the career of Gil McDougald, who died in the past week.  Tough year for Yankee greats, no doubt.  But their collective memories have been done justice by writing like this.

- Caught up in the comedy of el duque's 10-Point Plan to respond to the Adrian Gonzalez signing is actually a lot of valid points, namely letting Jesus catch full-time and keeping all of the Killer B's.  Maybe I should take these guys a bit more seriously when it comes to baseball analysis.

- Luke Adams of MLB Trade Rumors packages together the latest news on Cliff Lee.  This is me linking to another larger collection of links.  That's efficient blogging there, people.

- Marshall at No Maas followed the non-tender list earlier this week and put together a quick little post showing the potential value in signing Bobby Jenks.  Jenks' numbers compare favorably to Kerry Wood's when he was in pinstripes at the end of last season, so for $3-4 mil, I wouldn't be opposed to bringing him in as the setup guy.

- Mike Vacarro of The Post tells us what we all already know, that Jeter saved face by agreeing to the new deal.  Sure we know it, but it's still good to read it again.

- SG at RLYW took a look at Mo's stats and projections to see if he's on the verge of falling off the cliff after signing his new deal this week.  Long story short, he's not.  Awesome.

- Mike A. at RAB makes a compelling case for the Yankees going after Scott Hairston this offseason.  With all that he does well, Hairston will most likely get a starting job somewhere, but trying to build a bench that is actually productive wouldn't be a bad strategy.

- Also, no link because they're updated daily, but do yourself a favor and head over to River Ave. to check out the new RAB Radio Show.  Lot's of good stuff on there and they don't take hours and hours to get to it like regular radio shows.

- Steve S. of TYU reminded us why the Yanks are still the winners in the Sox-Adrian Gonzalez deal.  Going back to 2008, the Yanks have now given up a few draft picks for Teix while the Red Sox essentially gave up 6 prospects (4 of them top prospects) and Victor Martinez to get Gonzalez as a response to losing out on Teix.  And now they have Salty and 'Tek as their catchers for 2011.  Another brilliant move by Cash becomes even more brilliant.

So there's some of the other good stuff from this week around the Yankee blogosphere.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to drink beer and watch football all afternoon.  Enjoy.

The Captain Returns

Things certainly moved quickly after Casey Close reached back out to the Yankees to get the talks going again earlier this week, and now it appears that Jeter is officially a Yankee again and they won't need to pick a new captain for 2011.

There aren't any definite words on the deal, as it is still pending the passing of a physical, but word is the offer is a 3-year/$51 million one for $17 mil per season, with an option for a 4th year that could be worth another $ 10 mil.

All in all, that's not a bad deal at all and has to be considered a win for the Yankees, who end up with the final dollar value being much closer to what they wanted to pay and also didn't get locked into a 4th, 5th, or 6th year.  Jeter and Close look a little dumber for their comments in the media and their out-of-this-world desires, but at the end of the day they both recognized that this deal was more than fair and far better than anything they would have been offered by any of the other 29 teams in baseball.

Mo's back.  Derek is back.  Now the Yanks can focus all their winter meeting on Cliff Lee.

Nice Try, Theo

From the Worldwide Leader in Fraud Sox Nut Hugging:

"The Red Sox offered reliever Mariano Rivera a two-year, $30 million deal and were prepared to non-tender closer Jonathan Papelbon, according to a baseball source with direct knowledge of the negotiations.

Rivera turned down the Red Sox to return to the Yankees, who offered the same money as Boston. Rivera's pending agreement with the Yankees was first reported by the New York Daily News."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Are you serious, Red Sox front office?  Really, are you serious???  Let me get this straight.  You've had Daniel Bard wasting away as the setup man in your bullpen for the last 2 seasons while Papelbon continued to trend downward, yet you refused to trade him for something valuable while at the same time promoting Bard to the closer role.  You've refused to include Bard in any trade offers for anything that could have helped your team over the last couple seasons because you're so high on him as your future closer.  And now this story is coming out that your genius plan to help bolster the 2011 bullpen was to try to pry The Sandman away from the Yankees so you could non-tender Papelbon?  Do I have that right?

What kind of fake-ass reality are these clowns living in where they even thought they had a chance to sign Mo away from the Yankees?  This isn't some money-grubbing, Scott Boras-tainted free agent whore like Johnny Damon here.  This is Mariano Fucking Rivera.  The most famous pitcher in Yankee history and one of the most professional, most loyal people in sports.  You could have thrown a blank check, majority ownership in the team, and changed the name of the stadium to Rivera Park at him and he still wouldn't have signed.

Now all you've succeeded in doing is leave yourself exactly where you were last year with Crapelbon as the closer and Bard stuck in 8th-inning purgatory, only now you're going to pay Papelbon MORE money to continue to suck and you'll have pissed him off by going behind his back to get Mo and dump him AAAAAAAAAAAND pissed Bard off by going after Mo instead of promoting him to the role he deserves and has supposedly been groomed for.  Really inspires confidence in your players when you show you've got confidence in them.  But then again, what else would you expect from the guy who brought back Jason Varitek AGAIN instead of re-signing Victor Martinez?

Exit Light, Enter Night

(2/ $30 mil for this guy?  Fuck and yes.)

On behalf of the Yankees, I'd like to apologize to the rest of the American League for the 9th-inning failures they'll have to continue to endure for the next 2 years.  I know it seems like this nightmare has been going on for 15 years already and it may never end, but know that someday it will end and you can go back to having hope for a late-game comeback, eventually.  Maybe.  Possibly.

Fuck, I don't know, Mo might very well be some kind of inhuman closer demon from Dimension X who will pitch until the end of the world.  In that case, I guess you're all fucked.  Sorry.

Lamesauce 101

Allow me a quick minute to rant on something.

What the fuck is with all these reputable Yankee blogs hopping on this Derek Jeter in other teams' uniforms bullshit that the Beckett Blog did.  Now I never talk ill of LoHud and TYU and places like that, because I get a lot of my info and inspiration from those sites and I readily acknowledge that they are light years ahead of me in terms of quality.  But come the fuck on, guys!!  Really?  You're really going to get involved with this childish, cutesy pipe dream crap and direct Yankee fans to it like we're supposed to chuckle at it and pretend we're playing some kind of adult dress-up game?

I say FUCK THAT SHIT.  I don't want to see Derek Jeter in another uniform.  I don't want to even THINK about Derek Jeter in another uniform.  Is the guy possibly a year or 2 away from being completely washed up?  Possibly.  Is he completely delusional if he really thinks he should get $23-24 million per year in his next contract?  Probably.  But the fact of the matter is and always has been, Derek Jeter is a Yankee legend.  He's right up there with Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, and Mantle.  And to even give the time of day to something even pretending to put him in another uniform spits in the face of the legacy he has created.  And if any fans of all these other teams actually gets enjoyment or hope out of this because they think they have a shot, then they can just go get fucked in the face because there's no chance in hell that Derek Jeter will be wearing anything other than his blue and white pinstriped jersey with the interlocking "NY" on the chest and the number 2 on the back.

I may not be happy with how Jeter and his agent have gone about these negotiations, but I never for one second thought or wrote about wanting the guy to leave.  He is a Yankee, always has been a Yankee, and always should be a Yankee.  And if I have to look at something like this again like it's a funny ha-ha little joke:

I swear to God I am going to find the first wheelchair-bound 10-year-old that I am 100% confident doesn't know any kind of martial arts and I am going to kick his ass out of anger.  And that goes double if he also happens to be a Red Sox fan.

SOOOO Glad To Have This Guy Back

Who needs Cliff Lee or Zack Greinke or another bullpen arm when you can bring back Sergio Mitre, right?  I mean, any time you can bring back your 7th-8th, "super end of the world emergency" starter/ mop up bullpen scrub and his sparkling 4.81 K/9, that's a move you have to make 25 hours a day, 8 days a week.

The Yankees really thought it was worth bringing back The Serge instead of giving his innings to Romulo Sanchez, Ivan Nova, and then perhaps later in the season Brackman or Betances (fingers crossed)?  Oh well, at least I know Mitre won't be pitching any meaningful innings next year and I can feel better that the more useful arms in the 'pen won't have to be wasted in blowouts.

Back At The Negotiating Table

Well look who came crawling back!  After reportedly talking with Jeter yesterday morning, Casey Close reached out to the Yankees yesterday, according to NY Daily News, and then went to Tampa to meet face-to-face with Head Elf Cashman and Big Hal.

This was a smart, if not surprising, move by Close to get these talks going back in the right direction.  Ever since his "baffling" comment hit the papers and airwaves, the public opinion has been strongly for the Yankees and against Close and Jeter.  Those flames were fanned further when the reports of the 6-year/$ 150 mil desires and even the $23-24 mil/year desires were brought to light.  I guess it's not a good idea to call out the team making the best offer to your client without you ever making an official counter offer while rumors swirl about you and your client having incredibly outsized demands after all, huh?

All kidding aside, this is a good sign for both sides.  Clearly Jeter has been paying attention to all the negative talk he and Close have been getting as a result of their rumored demands and wanted to get things back on track rather than drag this out.  Surely in his talk with Close yesterday morning he told him how important it was that this deal get done sooner rather than later and sent Close to Tampa as a show of good faith.  If things continue to progress in this positive direction, we could be looking at a new deal being announced soon after the Winter Meetings.

Best Yankee-Related Holiday Story Ever? Best Yankee-Related Holiday Story Ever

It appears New York Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman isn't afraid of heights.

The Stamford Downtown Special Services District has announced Cashman will join this year's Heights and Lights event as a celebrity guest elf, accompanying Santa Claus on a 22-floor rappel the Landmark Building.

"Brian Cashman will be there with smiles and his Yankee jacket, rappelling," said Sandy Goldstein, director of the DSSD.

Cashman, who lives in Darien, mentioned at a DSSD fundraiser this summer that he would be interested in participating, Goldstein said.

"He mentioned something about wanting to rappel," she said. "What could be better than having a star rappel?"

The Yankees general manager will warm up for the weekend's rappel at a rehearsal Friday morning....  Santa and Cashman will kick off the holiday season in Stamford Sunday, when they step off the Landmark building's ledge at 4:30 p.m. Music performed by local students and a fireworks display will accompany the rappel.

The DSSD is keeping the details of Cashman's elf costume under wraps for now.

"This is going to be a surprise for all," Goldstein said. "Will he be an elf in Yankee clothing or a Yankee in elf clothing? You've got to come Sunday night to find out."(courtesy of The Stamford Advocate)

HO.  LEE.  CRAP!!!  If this story doesn't get you in the holiday spirit, then you're a bigger bah-humbug, Grinchy asshat than Casey Close.  Brian Cashman.  Dressed up as some sort of Yankee-elf hybrid.  Rappelling down the side of a building as Santa Clause.

These people could charge $5,000 a ticket to this event and I would still go see it.  I love Cash, but let's be honest, he is rather elf-like in his appearance already.  Sure he could stand to smile more and have rosier cheeks, but the stature is there.  The fact that the Stamford DSSD has waited this long to have what should be their favorite native son participate in this event is mind-boggling.

Please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If there is anybody out there that actually reads this blog on a daily basis and has the means to get to the Landmark building in Stamford, Connecticut this Sunday at 4:30, for the love of everything that is good and righteous, please attend and take pictures of this.  I need to see Brian Cashman rappelling down the side of a building dressed as an elf.  I HAVE to see Brian Cashman rappelling down the side of a building dressed as an elf.    If I can actually get a picture of this happening, I don't think I would even care if the Yankees didn't end up signing Jeter and Cliff Lee.  I don't have incurable cancer or any terminal disease, but think of this of my dying Christmas wish.  Get me a picture.

P.S.- If you didn't think I was going to have Duckson Photoshop this then you are outside you're mind.

BABOOM!!

Belated Happy B-Day To The One Even More Almighty Than The Almighty

In my excitement to discuss The Jesus' birthday on Sunday, it slipped my mind that the single greatest person in the history of people doing any one singular job incredibly well also celebrating his birthday soon.  Luckily, fellow blogger and friend of AB4AR, Rasheeda Cooper of Bomber Boulevard, was smart enough to alert me to that and so before The Sandman comes on over to shut my lights out I will pay him the proper respect and wish him a happy birthday as well.

The man is 41, ladies and gentlemen, and still at the top of his game in professional sports, which is unheard of.  He's also reportedly close to re-upping with the Yankees by the end of the winter meetings, most likely for a one or two-year deal worth $17-18 mil a year.  In typical Mo fashion, he's just quietly going about his business and getting shit done.

(Photo used courtesy of River Ave. Blues)

Yes, the Jesus' birthday is a momentous occasion that deserves its proper recognition.  But as the above picture states, without Mo there would be no Jesus.  So even though it's a day late, it's still probably in my best interests to acknowledge and pay my proper respects to the Great One.

The Single Greatest Quote I Have Heard All Year

Stop the voting!  Close the polls!  It's all over!  The winner of the 2010 "Best Line of The Year" goes to the "source" close to the Yankee-Jeter talks who stated that the talks were going to stop until Jeter and Casey Close "Drink the reality potion."

Read that again.  "Drink the reality potion." I consider myself a pretty solid wordsmith, but even I couldn't come up with something as perfectly accurate, appropriate, and hilarious as that simple 4-word statement to describe this situation.  It's brilliant.

Now I don't know what the reality potion is.  My guess would be it has to involve alcohol because everybody knows the truth comes out when you're drunk and truth and reality go hand-in-hand.  So drink up, Derek, and don't be afraid to pass that bottle over to your boy, Double-C.  We've got to get these negotiations a-movin' again and have to get them going in a direction that is much more in touch with reality.

(Swanny Duckson strikes again with the Photoshoppiness)

AB4AR's 2010 Yankee Team Awards

Am I a month too late with these?  Yes, yes I am.  But have I been ahead of the curve on the Jeter negotiations?  Yes, yes I have.  Gotta take the good with the bad, people.  And here are the winners:

MVP- Robinson Cano: The numbers, the awards, the consistency, the effortless fluidity of his game, the recognition from the media (finally), and the overall awesomeness.  It wouldn't surprise me one bit if Cano stepped out of the box to play a little jazz trumpet during an at-bat next season.  He's that fucking good and that fucking cool.

/wishes I were actually Robinson Cano

Cy Young- Andy Pettitte: Maybe I'm taking CC for granted here, but my vote for team Cy Young would go to Andy.  His numbers are equal to or better than CC's across the board except for strikeouts, and he would have finished somewhere around 18-19 wins if he played the whole season. Earlier in the year when CC was scuffling, Andy was the team's de facto ace and stopper, and since the AB4AR voting criteria includes the postseason and Andy was the only starter to pitch worth a damn in the postseason, he gets the nod.

Coach of The Year- Kevin Long: Since there is only one manager, we'll open up that award to whole coaching staff.  And if you do that, there really isn't any competition for Long.  Eiland's crew was hit-or-miss, Harkey's boys spit the bit in the postseason, and Joe kept his nose in his matchup book too many times to do actual managing, so it's Long's for the taking.  His preseason work with Cano and Swish set them up for big years and his in-season work with Teix, C-Grand, A-Rod, Jeter, and Berkman produced positive results across the board.

Rookie of The Year- Ivan Nova: He showed flashes of brilliance in his outings both as a reliever and a starter and could be the team's 5th starter to open 2011 if Andy decides to hang 'em up.  His stuff is above average, his approach is mature beyond his years, he just needs some more time and more experience to hone his craft and work on mixing his pitches up the 2nd and 3rd time through the order.  A lot of people aren't as high on Nova as I am (as evidenced by my turning him into a member of AB4AR Photoshop Club) but he was the best of the bunch of rookies who all played minor roles this year and I think he could see some drastic improvement next year working with Larry Rothschild.

Comeback Player of The Year- Boone Logan: Not in the traditional sense of the award, since Logan came back from a Triple-A demotion earlier in the year, but after his return to the bullpen on July 17th, Logan was light years better than he was earlier in the year, locking down the LOOGY role and making everybody all but forget about Damaso Marte.  A 25-game runless streak wasn't too shabby either.

Most Improved Player- Nick Swisher: After working extensively with Kevin Long in the offseason, Swisher came into camp in 2010 a new man with a new approach at the plate.  All he did with that new approach in 2010 was improve on what had been his best career year in 2009 by setting new career highs in at-bats, hits, triples, batting average, and OPS, while also putting up 91 R, 33 2B, 29 HR, and 89 RBI.  Swish excelled in multiple spots in the lineup and continued to play solid defense in right.  This season was the final step in the evolution of Swish into a complete, All-Star-caliber player.

Best Roster Move- Kerry Wood Trade: The AB4AR version of Executive of The Year, this award goes to Cash for his pilfering of Kerry Wood from the Indians for Andrew Shive and Matt Cusick.  All Wood did after becoming a Yankee was post a 0.69 ERA and 1.23 WHIP in 26 innings while striking out 31 and ending the merry-go-round that had become the 8th-inning setup role.  8 innings of 2-run ball in the playoffs was pretty good too, especially considering what the rest of the 'pen did.

Least Valuable Player- A.J. Burnett: He had a lot of competition with Javy's awful year and Nick Johnson's no-show, but with the money invested in him and the fact that he started the season as the #2 starter, this award has to go to A.J.  We've already beaten the all-time, Yankee history-horrible stats to death so we'll spare A.J. here on that.  But I will take time out to kindly inform A.J. that if he thinks that team actually has faith in him because of Cash's visit before Thanksgiving then he's an idiot.  If the team had faith in him, Cash wouldn't have wasted his holiday time with his family to come to A.J.'s home to tell him so.  He probably did it to make sure A.J. hadn't killed himself.

So there you have it.  Congratulations to all the winners (except A.J.).  And hopefully all of you who didn't win this year use that snub as motivation for 2011.

Happy Birthday To The Chosen One

I know that for most people Jesus' birthday is on December 25, which is still a few weeks away.  But any good Yankee fan knows that the REAL Jesus is celebrating his 21st birthday today.

So with that in mind, AB4AR would like to wish Jesus a happy birthday and once again announce that we can't wait to see him in pinstripes next season.  Hopefully he enjoys his first night of legal drinking.  He already has a leg up on the rest of us since he can turn water into wine.  That's gotta cut down on the bar tab at the end of the night.

The Grinch Who's Stealing Christmas

Casey Close, you are now public enemy number 1 in Yankeeland.  And I say that because I still believe, like any other logical Yankee fan would, that you're the one behind all these insane demands and unnecessary comments about the negotiations and not Derek Jeter.  Jeter has been a model of class since Day 1 in a Yankee uniform, so I still refuse to believe that he is honestly sitting there in his home, Minka by his side, completely flabbergasted and insulted by the Yankees initial offer and I refuse even more to believe that he would actually demand and think he is worth a 6-year, $150 million contract.

Now if Close honestly thought that the 3-year/$45 mil offer by the Yankees was baffling and a lowball deal, that's fine.  He's an agent and it's his job to get as much for his client as his possibly can.  And as much as I'd like Jeter to sign on the line for 3 and 45, I always knew in the back of my mind that the final offer was going to be more than that, probably somewhere around 4 years/ $75-80 mil.  But to publicly dismiss the Yankee offer as a slap in the face and then counter with 6 years/ $150 million is so out of the realm of basic logic and mental health that is makes me concerned for his well being.  The Yankees haven't wavered from their plan in these negotiations, and that plan falls right in line with how they have operated since Cash took full control in '08.  Close has done nothing but make the Yankees look like the good guys and he and his client, the most beloved Yankee since Thurman Munson, look like the bad guys and the greedy guys.

5 years/ 100 mil, OK, I can live with that.  It's a respectable counter offer and gets both sides closer to what would be the middle ground of 4/80.  But to take the Yankee offer and triple it for twice the years?  That's not only insulting to the Yankee management and their intelligence, but also insulting to every other player on the Yankees who was more productive than Jeter last year and will be more productive than him next year.  If Jeter is worth $25 million a year then Nick Swisher is probably worth $35-40 million and Robbie Cano is worth $50 million at least.  To quote Gob from "Arrested Development," "COME ON!!"

I'm sure Jeter has stayed out of the media in these negotiations to keep up his image as a team-first guy.  Any statement he makes regarding either of the offers makes him look like he's in it for himself and that's not what he's about, so he's in a tough spot as far as commenting on the proceedings goes.  But with the way this has gotten real ugly real fast, Jeter needs to come out and make a statement now.  The longer he waits and the longer he lets Close run him into the ground with the way he's handling the situation, the more and more it makes Jeter look like he's on board with Close and makes it look like Jeter actually wants $25 million a year for 6 years.  That kind of ignorant, arrogant greed is the type of thing associated with the A-Rods of the world and Jeter has never been one to get lumped in with guys like that. 

I don't want to have to turn against Jeter and the rest of the Yankee fanbase doesn't want to either, but that's where Casey Close is taking this negotiation and Jeter needs to get off the sidelines and do/say something to get these talks back on track and get a deal done that both sides are happy with before any more mud gets slung.

And then he might want to fire Close.  Just a thought.

It's That Time Again

... To put all the petty crap behind us for a day and just be thankful for what we have, no matter how much or how little it may be.  Every one of us has something we can be thankful for today, for example:

- Derek Jeter and his agent should be thankful that there's a team out there that actually wants to pay him to play shortstop next year.

- Jorge should be thankful that we never have to watch him flub a curveball in the dirt again.

- Joe should be thankful that by the time next season starts he will have a perfectly straight, pearly white smile instead of a 7th grade metal mouth.

- Joba should be thankful that there's no close game situation for him to come into today and give up 4 runs.

- Pretty much everybody that picked up a bat for the Yanks this past season should be thankful for Kevin Long.

And in about a month, Cliff Lee will have 140 million reasons to be thankful.  So you see, people, we can and should be able to find something on this day to be thankful for and we can get back to the Yankee stuff tomorrow.  So find that something, enjoy the time with your family today (even the people you secretly can't stand), raise a glass and toast to whatever it is that you're thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks.  Now start gorging yourselves.