CC Completely Ruined My Original Post Idea (In The Best Way Possible)

($122 million will buy a lot of parachute pants.)

So here's the deal.  I was at home after work, putting a post together for today to comment on the whole "CC opting out" storyline and how I hoped it didn't play out in a long, drawn out fashion.  And then I went to meet a buddy of mine for a few beers and some food at a bar that's pretty close to my apartment (we went to Hooters, don't judge).  While I was there, it seemed like video clips of Sabathia were popping up way too much on ESPN so I finally had to go over and check it out.  What I saw was breaking news that Sabathia had agreed to a contract extension and would not be opting out.  While that basically killed the whole plot of my post, I still think it's relevant to discuss what I would have said and all the positives that now come out of that worst case scenario not playing out.  Here's what I was going to say today about the negotiations:

CC Sabathia is and always was going to opt out of his contract.  That's fine.  Anybody who expected him to not opt out is delusional.  Why would he and his agent work to get that clause included in his deal back when he signed if they weren't planning on using it?  It was a smart move on their part to be able to build in some extra wiggle room if it turned out he didn't enjoy pitching in New York or to earn himself some more money if he pitched well, which he has.  And there's really nothing wrong with that.  Last time I checked this was still America and CC still has the right to go out and try to get himself as much money as he can.  I know if I had the opportunity to make more money at the place I worked, I'd use that opportunity to my advantage without even thinking about; anybody would.  And for that reason, Yankee fans should not be thinking or talking negatively about CC as he goes through this process.

What could inspire some negative press and negative sentiment from the Yankee fanbase, however, would be if Sabathia decides to let this process of signing a new deal drag on into the next couple weeks or even months.  The Yankees have made it very clear to both Sabathia and their fanbase that re-signing CC is Priority Number 1 and 2 for them this offseason as part of their plan to upgrade the rotation for 2012.  And they have followed through with that prioritization by meeting in Tampa last week to start working on a new contract offer for CC and then presenting it to him over the weekend.

Sabathia Agrees To New Deal, Stays A Yankee

Well there's some good news to get while you're out at the bar with your friend, huh?  Via LoHud:

"The new deal adds a $25 million salary for 2016 and gives the Yankees a $25 million option for 2017 with a $5 million buyout, a person familiar with the agreement told The Associated Press. The person spoke on condition of anonymity because the Yankees had not yet announced the deal.

The option becomes guaranteed if Sabathia does not end the 2016 season on the disabled list because of a left shoulder injury, does not spend more than 45 days of 2016 on the DL with a left shoulder injury or does not make six or more relief appearances in 2016 because of shoulder issues. He retains a hotel suite on trips, a no-trade provision and the right to buy tickets."

I'd say that works out well for everybody involved, huh?  CC essentially gets a 5-year guaranteed contract worth $122 million, making him once again the highest-paid pitcher in baseball annually, with the chance for it to be a 6-year/$142 million deal if he stays healthy and productive.  The Yankees get the comfort of knowing they have their ace penciled in for at least the next 5 years while not being burdened with another risky long-term guaranteed contract.  Credit to both sides for making this happen quickly and not turn into a big unnecessary storyline.

Now somebody hit the fucking music!

Halloween Weekend Mostly Treats For The Yankees

The Yankees came out of this weekend with their directors of amateur and pro scouting still in those positions, 2 All Star-caliber players at 2nd base and right field brought back for the 2012 season on team-friendly option contracts, and their GM all but locked up for another 3 years on a new deal that just needs the I's dotted, T's crossed, and a signature.  That's like the baseball equivalent of going trick-or-treating in the really rich subdivision next to your neighborhood and hitting 3 houses in a row with full-size Snickers bars and buckets full of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups just sitting on the front porch for the taking.

There's still the possibility of the CC opt out/new contract storyline being the bag of shitty pretzels or box of raisins in the candy bag at the end of the night, but at least getting these other things settled and out of the way ahead of that helps to lessen any drama that may surround the CC situation.  And who knows?  Maybe we'll get lucky and the whole thing will get wrapped up today.  That would make for a very happy Halloween for every Yankee fan.

Yankee Halloween Costume Ideas

Tonight marks the real big Halloween party night for the year.  I assume most of you, like myself, will be dressing up and going to some sort of gathering where you'll drink too much, dance badly, and possibly make a bad decision or two.  I also assume that any Halloween parties that any of the Yankees may attend tonight will be a million times better than any party I could go to out here.  So if any of those guys haven't gotten a costume yet, here's a few helpful ideas (and yeah, of course the Yankee players read this site).

Robinson Cano- Kanye West

Because like Kanye, Robbie's swag is on a hundred thousand trillion.  Get one of those ridiculous red leather combos that Kanye rocks, throw on a pair of those stupid sunglasses, done.  If you don't think somebody as awesome as Cano couldn't pull that off, you're dreaming.

Russell Martin- Duke Nukem

I posted something during the ALDS about Martin being an absolute badass.  Dude took a foul ball off the shoulder, a bat off the head, and a pitch in the ribs in a span of a few innings, then I think took a collision at the plate on a relay throw, and just shook it all off like it was nothing.  That's some hardcore badassness.  Martin could definitely pull off getting away with some of Duke Nukem's lines at the clubs.

A-Rod- An Exercise Bike

Because judging by what he's dating right now, I think she'd enjoy that.  And I'm sure he would too.  Hell, I think I would.

CC Sabathia- Captain Crunch

It looked like he re-united with the Captain as the season went on, after saying he had given him up as part of his offseason plan to lose a few pounds.  It'll be interesting to see if the Yankees make him hold to that commitment next season after they re-sign him.

Mark Teixeira & Jorge Posada- 3-Legged Monster

Hey, at then there'd be one good switch hitter between them.  Teix could talk to all the people on the right side and Jorge could handle the left.  That should work out to their advantage.

Jesus Monter- Jesus Christ

Duh.

Kevin Long- Dr. House

Because he's always making the swing diagnoses that no one else can.  And it's going to take some miracle work again this offseason to save Teix's left-handed swing.

Those are just a few ideas.  But if anybody on the team goes out and really wants to scare the shit out of people, they can always go as this guy:

Friday One-Hit Linkapalooza Wonder

Busy day for me at the office today, so instead of an actual post or a full helping of links, I'm just going to direct everybody to this story on Deadspin about Howie Spira, the guy who tried to dig up dirt on Dave Winfield back in the day and got The Boss banned.

It's a long story, so give yourself enough time to read the whole thing.  But it's definitely an entertaining read and something that Yankee fans who remember that story going down should be interested in.

Darryl Strawberry And Paul O'Neill Be Battlin' Over World Series Teams

Straw: 

"There's no question. You cannot beat the '86 Mets.  The Yankees teams I played on were great teams with great personalities, but they were good guys. The '86 Mets would've been drilling those guys; I just know how our pitching staff was: hit this guy, hit that guy. And those were the kind of guys we were. We were mad, we wanted them to get outside themselves. That's the kind of group we had that year, so the '86 Mets were a very difficult team to play against."

O'Neill:

"They were very good.  I couldn't sit back and go player-by-player. I think the '98 team had much more depth. We had a couple of World Series under our belts, too. We were seasoned to that point. The '86 Mets were just a great team. They won just one World Series, right?"

Oh shit, son!  It is ON!!!  D-Streezy and my man Paulie-O!  And because we're talkin' about World Series rings, each of these cats gets a minute and a half.  DJ, spin that shit!



Quotes via ESPNNY.  And who would be considered Papa Doc in this scenario?  Straw because he was part of the "bad guy" group?  Or O'Neill because he references his group winning more titles and the Free World crew was like the champions of 8 Mile?  I sound like Simmons actually trying to stretch this comparison out.  And yes, I am white as hell.

Could Other Pitchers' 2011 Seasons Affect Hector Noesi's 2012?

(Hector Noesi: Professional Pitcher.  Courtesy of The Daily News)

While the MSM, the blogosphere, and Yankee fans in general all gear up for the the hype surrounding the CC Sabathia opt out storyline and the "Yu Darvish vs. C.J. Wilson" debate this offseason, there is another potential in-house 2012 rotation candidate who could factor into the discussion as well.  That candidate would be Hector Noesi, the 2011 winner of the annual Yankees' "Top Young Pitching Prospect That We Called Up to Use in The Bullpen Because We Needed a Warm Body" Award.  Larry K did an excellent job yesterday of painting an all-encompassing portrait of Noesi's skill set and 2011 performance, and essentially laid the groundwork for the "Noesi 2012 Rotation" discussion.  But beyond his own makeup and 2011 results, there are other outside factors that could play a role in determining the plan for Noesi in 2012.  Those factors are Ivan Nova and Phil Hughes, specifically the different paths that each of them took in 2011 and how those paths intersect with the path Noesi is currently on and the path he could be on next year.

AB4AR Self-Promotion

Time to plug the Facebook page again.  Go there, check it out, snoop around, and then "Like" the crap out of it.  It's got links to almost every post that goes up here every day, a collection of Swanny Duckson's finest Photoshop masterpieces, and is my primary outlet for getting even more jokes in at the expense of the Fraud Sawx.

The more fans it gets, the more I feel like doing more research, coming up with more post ideas, and putting more stuff out there for y'all to enjoy, so spread the word for me.  Family, friends, people you don't even know who you see on the street wearing a Yankee hat, it all works.

And just a reminder, I'll be on TYA again tomorrow.  Make sure you're checking that site out daily, if not multiple times a day.  It's the best in the biz.

(Seriously, check the page out and "Like" it.)

Offseason Housekeeping: Updating The Sh*t List

It's been a while since I've done a real update to the AB4AR Shit List, and now's as good a time as any.  So let's dive in and iron this shit out.

1) A.J. Burnett- Another year of an ERA in 5s, FIP in the high 4s, and WAR below 2?  With a whole bunch of new reasons excuses for why he pitched like garbage?  Yeah, I'd say he's still at the top of the list.

2) Joe's Bunting Strategy- Hmmmm, let hot hitters swing away or waste an out and their bat by having them sac Brett Gardner to 2nd?  This one's staying on the list for sure.

3) Randy Levine- Guh.  When I read that he was a part of the group that's in Tampa this week putting together the new CC offer and helping to finalize Cash's new deal, I wanted to re-enact the Joker's "make this pencil disappear" trick from "The Dark Knight" on myself.  On.

4) Joe's Bullpen Binder- The binder didn't seem to be as big of an issue as it was last year.  This year my big gripe was Joe's timing with bringing guys in/taking guys out and his maddening decision to not use D-Rob and Mo more in the ALDS.  So we're going to expand this to "Joe's Bullpen Management" and bump it up to #2 on the list.

5) Boone Logan- He redeemed himself in the postseason.  For now.  He's still right on the edge of being thrown back on if he continues to not get lefties out in 2012, but for now he's safe.

6) Damaso Marte- No longer a Yankee after they declined his option, so no longer a reason for me to hate him.  His spot on the new list will be filled by Pedro Feliciano, the new official LOOGY sunk cost on the roster.

7) Kei Igawa- Also no longer a Yankee.  I actually threw a party at my apartment to celebrate this (it was just me).  I hope he has fun doing whatever he's going to do now with his millions and I hope I never have to see him or hear about him ever again.  He's off.

8) Nick Johnson- Nick, I think I can finally let you go.  It's not your fault you're the real life Mr. Glass.  You're officially off the list.  Don't hurt yourself leaving it.

New Addition: Tim McCarver.- "Strike" is a 6-letter word, you goon.  Count it up.  And then stop talking forever.

New List- as of 10/26/11

1) A.J. Burnett
2) Joe's Bullpen Management
3) Joe's Bunting Strategy
4) Randy Levine
5) Pedro Feliciano
6) Tim McCarver

When A Phony John Lackey TJS Story Breaks, I Must FJM

("Oh I could use a beer.  And an excuse for why I was so horrible this year." Coutesy of Getty Images)

Oh, Ben Cherington.  You tricky, tricky little bitch.  I see what you tried to do here, and I appreciate the effort.  After all, if the pitcher my team signed to the same contract A.J. Burnett signed with the Yankees turned out to be a fat, lazy, dickhead piece of shit who put up numbers that made Burnett's look Cy Young-worthy by comparison, and I realized that I was now stuck with him and his awful contract for the next few years, I'd be trying to do something about that too.  But you have to wake up a little earlier in the morning to pull one over on old Brad-O.

"Cherington said the Tommy John surgery would be performed, probably by noted orthopedist Dr. Lewis Yocum... "

Ahh yes.  Dr. Lewis Yocum.  I hear he does good work.  So good, in fact, that the team can only say that he's "probably" doing the surgery.  You know, because the Fraud Sawx want to shop around, get a few more quotes from some other noted orthopedists on Tommy John Surgery before making their final decision.

"... but he did not know when."

Of course.  Because it's not like you want to rush to get a guy's elbow ligament replaced when he's a professional starting pitcher.  Especially when the recovery time is typically 12-15 months and the sooner he got the surgery done, the more likely it would be that he'd be ready for the start of the 2013 season.

"Lackey had elbow soreness during the season and had an MRI in May or June, Cherington said."

Oh really?  And yet that was never mentioned at any point during the season while he was pitching like complete dogshit.  Which is weird, considering that almost any kind of elbow soreness in a pitcher is treated like a DEFCON 1 emergency by Major League baseball teams these days.  They must have done a follow up after the season, right?

"He had another one after the season and was examined recently by Yocum in Los Angeles."

Of course he did, and of course he was.  And thank God Dr. Yocum examined him that 4th time.  Because elbow issues that require Tommy John Surgery are SOOOOOOOOO hard to find.  It usually takes James Andrews what?  Like 6, 7 times to find the problem?

"John Lackey pitched through circumstances this year that I don't think any of us in this room can fully understand," Cherington said... "

"I mean, have YOU ever tried to pitch to Jose Bautista with runners on 1st and 3rd, yesterday's fried chicken tearing through your digestive system like Drano through a clogged sink, and a pretty serious buzz?"

"... and he got beat up for it a little bit along the way. This guy was dealing with some stuff both on the field and off the field that were really difficult."

"Yeah, sometimes the beers were tough to open.  And Beckett is really good at NHL 12, so it's tough to go into your next start after losing to him in an overtime shootout the day before.  And fans in Boston are so mean to you in the streets when you're rocking a 6.00+ ERA.  It's almost like they've been so spoiled by their recent success across all forms of professional sports that they think they're entitled to winning automatically."

"I thought he showed tremendous toughness pitching through that."

Because nothing says tough like throwing your arms up in exasperation every time your defense doesn't make a next-to-impossible play to bail your sorry ass out for not locating your 2-1 pitch in the right spot with the bases loaded while you've already given up 5 runs through 2.1 innings, and then making up a fake elbow issue after the season to conveniently provide an excuse for your entire shitty 6-month body of work.

"Late in the season, Lackey filed for divorce."

Oh, OK.  Well I guess that can be kind of a distraction.  I have friends that have gone through divorces and it can be tough.  Maybe I should cut the guy a little slack.

"His wife has breast cancer."

Wait, what?  Maybe I'm a little late to this party, but let me get this straight.  HE dumped his wife while SHE had breast cancer?  That was his "off the field" stuff that he was dealing with?  Kicking his wife, who he took an oath to stand by through sickness and in health, to the curb during what will surely be the most difficult and painful time in her life??  And I'm supposed to feel sorry for HIM????

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!

"Fans and the media were critical of his pitching. But Cherington hopes Lackey can be a much improved pitcher in 2013."

Well he certainly can't be much worse.  Although I think it's probably more important for him to become a better person first.  It's one thing to completely suck at your job and basically steal your exorbitant paycheck from your employer.  It's another to completely abandon your wife while she's battling breast cancer and then have your new GM step in and try to use that as an excuse for your piss poor performance in 2011 at his introductory press conference while at the same time concocting what is most likely a phony tale of elbow issues that also contributed to the aforementioned piss poor performance.  Shame on you, Ben Cherington, and shame on you, John Lackey.  I didn't think I could possibly hate you more than I already do, but you have proven me wrong yet again.

Not only are you a shitty pitcher, dude, you're also a shitty person.  Shittier than me.  And I really hope this fake fucking surgery you have for your non-existent elbow problem goes horribly wrong and Dr. Yocum has to amputate the arm.  See how easy it is to open your rally beers and play Halo with Lester in the locker room with one fucking arm, dick.

And Cherington?  Not a good way to start your new regime as GM.  Covering for a guy who ditched his cancer-stricken wife.  Have fun sleeping at night with that on your conscience.

Thank Goodness Joe Girardi Didn't Do What Tony LaRussa Did Last Night

Because I would have FUCKING LOST IT.

Seriously, I wouldn't even be able to write about it today because I would either still be in jail for completely trashing my apartment in a drunken rage to the point that my neighbors called the police because they were afraid there was a domestic violence incident taking place in my living room, or I would be fucking dead.  Dead from my brain exploding as I tried to make sense of what I just saw.  By now, everybody who reads AB4AR on a daily basis should know that I'm not a fan of Joe's bullpen management, and this would have sent me over the edge.

I hate to even talk about a World Series that the Yankees aren't playing in, but that was just fucking brutal last night.  Really, dude?  The phone wasn't working?  It was too loud in the stadium?  The bullpen coach thought you said "Lynn" instead of "Motte?"  Who the fuck confuses "Lynn" for "Motte???"  A blindfolded Marlee Matlin wouldn't confuse "Lynn" for "Motte."

And then you throw in the intentional walks and having the lefty face Mike Napoli and you're probably looking at the biggest managerial fuck up in baseball history.  I'm just glad that I didn't have to watch it play out with Girardi in LaRussa's place and even more glad I didn't have to listen to Tim McCarver's commentary on it.

(Hilarious LaRussa gif via SBNation)

A New Potential FA Pitching Target Surfaces

"The Phillies have declined the 2012 options for pitchers  Roy Oswalt and Brad Lidge.

Oswalt was 9-10 with a 3.69 ERA in 23 starts for the Phillies this past season. The three-time All-Star right-hander was acquired in a trade with Houston on July 29, 2010. He was 16-11 with a 2.96 ERA in 35 starts for Philadelphia." (via The AP)

Hmmmm, a 3-time All Star pitcher and former Cy Young candidate with a 3.21/3.35/3.58 career ERA/FIP/xFIP tripleslash who could be available at a reasonable price for a short-term deal?

Excellent.

The Yankees would have to overcome Oswalt's reported desire to stay in the NL, but I'd be willing to take a chance on him and his back for a year or 2 over offering more years to Mark Buehrle or Edwin Jackson.

Andrew Marchand's Strategy For Re-Signing CC Is... Surprisingly Good

(Would 5 years/$125 million be enough to bring the parachute pitching pants back to the Bronx?)

It really is.  Normally I'm the first to jump all over Andy and his pal Wally when they're spouting off something stupid, but the plan that Marchand lays out in this post actually makes a lot of sense.

With all the concern the Yankee front office will surely have with handing out guaranteed years and money to a guy well into his late-30s after the A-Rod deal, 5 years/$125 mil is a perfect starting point.  The annual value of that contract is higher than what they originally paid CC on his first contract, it makes him the highest-paid starter in the game again, and it lessens the risk the Yankees take on if CC's weight, innings, and knees start to catch up to him as he approaches his late-30s.

I don't know if I would take the "go find a better approach" if he wants more years like they did with Jeter this past offseason and risk damaging the relationship with CC and his agent.  Let's remember that we are still talking about a guy who's in his prime right now, not on the decline.  But like Andrew, I would not be opposed to matching any offer he does get from another team that does include a guaranteed 6th year.  I would even be in favor of bumping the money up to 26-27 mil a year over 5 or 6 years to really force CC to back up his "I love New York" talk.  And that's before we even get into talking about extra option years, incentives, etc.  Bottom line is, 5/125 is a great starting point for both sides.

P.S.- If you're looking for more CC contract talk, Mike A. at RAB had this post that referenced other contract talking points last week.

This Is Not How You Make Fun Of The Fraud Sawx

To quote Paul Mooney from the episode of "Chappelle's Show" where he's reviewing Tom Cruise in "The Last Samurai," I was offended by this.  I really was.

First off, lose the tie, my man.  You've got it tied in a big, ridiculous, Merril Hoge knot and you look like a dope.  And loosen up a little.  You look scared to death reading off those cue cards or whatever you have in front of you that has all your jokes.

Second of all, who are you supposed to be in this video?  Why are you in charge of a Fraud Sawx audition casting call?  Set the scene, man!  Give me some background so I know where you're coming from and know why this is supposed to be funny!  Are you supposed to be Lucchino?  Henry?  You have to be somebody pretty high up in the organization to be asking for resumes for catcher.  What the hell??

Third, and this was the biggest mistake of all, you didn't anybody out by name.  Don't just say they're looking for a new GM.  Say they need a new GM because Theo Epstein decided to skip town to the Cubbies because he didn't want to help clean up the mess he made.  Don't say they need a new starting pitcher, say they need somebody who isn't going to put up the worst numbers in team history like John Lackey or somebody who isn't going to choke in crunch time like Josh Beckett and Jon Lester.  Don't just poke fun at them.  Twist the fucking knife, man!

Lastly, make sure somebody proofreads your graphics before you decide to throw something up on YouTube.  There's no apostrophe in "playoffs."  Tighten that shit up, bro.

P.S.- I'm pretty sure people in professional baseball don't have to send their resumes to other teams.

(via Deadspin)

Expanding My Horizons

A message to all the loyal AB4AR readers out there.  I recently accepted an invitation to join the team over at The Yankee Analysts, and starting this coming Tuesday you can check my stuff out over there a couple times a week.  If you're somehow a rabid follower of AB4AR and NOT familiar with TYA, I suggest you spend the next couple of days familiarizing yourself with what Larry, Moshe, and the boys over there are doing because I assure you, they do it far better than I do.

Please know that this will in no way affect what I do over here at AB4AR.  I'm not jumping ship so much as I'm forming an alliance with a much bigger, shinier, nicer, better ship.  I'll still be here each and every day churning out the same brand of sarcasm-fueled commentary and analysis that you're accustomed to.  But if you're interested in seeing my stuff in a more professional setting (and you really should be), be sure to head over and check me out at TYA starting on Tuesday.

A Preemptive Strike On The Albert Pujols Situation

(Don't even think about it, Yankee fans.  Courtesy of The AP)

Last night's performance by Albert Pujols in Game 3 of the World Series was one for the record books.  It could very well have been the greatest individual offensive performance in World Series history: 5-6, 3 HR, 6 RBI, 14 TB.  Those numbers are more than Nick Swisher could hope to put up in an entire postseason, let alone one game (zing!), and it was the kind of performance that could launch a million fantasies in Yankee fans' heads.  Luckily for those Yankee fans, I'm here to give you a dose of reality.

Stop it.  Stop thinking about the Yankees signing Albert Pujols.  Just stop.  It's not going to happen, it never was going to happen, it never will happen.  So please do yourself a favor and spend the time you would normally spend next week on hold with "Mike'd Up" waiting to get on with Mike to tell him how you figured out the perfect trade to get rid of Teix so they can sign Pujols to play first and put that time towards your wife or your friends or your job or something more productive.

Unless he secretly has the stuff to be a dominant pitcher somewhere inside him, the Yankees have no use for Albert Pujols.  They have Teix at first, The Horse at third (assuming Pujols could even still play third), and they need to keep the DH spot open for Jesus and The Horse's rest days.  And while Pujols would almost certainly be an offensive upgrade over all 3 of those guys, he represents something the Yankees are trying to move away from in their FA agent pursuits, an All Star on the north side of 30.  The A-Rod contract fiasco in '07 has left the team strapped with the worst contract in baseball for a player who is starting to fade, and it has left the team with fewer options to pursue through free agency and no way to move that contract to free up some money if the front office is serious about keeping the payroll at or as close to $200 mil as possible. 

And that's not to say that it's a foregone conclusion that Pujols is going to start falling apart next year physically and production-wise.  It's merely pointing out that he is closer to moving away from the prime of his career than towards it, he's going to be expensive as fuck, and he doesn't fill a position of need for the Yankees.  In fact, Pujols probably needs the Yankees much more than they need him.  Everybody knows that the Yankees have the most money to spend, so when you're heading into free agency you want them involved, or at least you want other teams to think they're involved.  Pujols and his agent are no different, and it's to their benefit to try to drum up the most Yankee-related interest as possible to force their real targets to cough up the most dough for the most years for Albert.  It's a smart strategy to take, but it doesn't mean the Yankees really will be or should be involved in the process.

Albert Pujols is a dominant player, a surefire HOFer, and as last night showed, he's still capable of being one of, if not the best, player in all of baseball.  But I don't see any scenario where he ends up in pinstripes next year and I don't think anybody in the Yankee front office or fanbase should even consider it.  The offensive foundation is fine, and so is the defense.  The bullpen is stacked, but the rotation is still the biggest area of need and that's where all the focus needs to be.  Having Albert in the Yankee lineup would be a dream come true, but that's exactly how it should stay in the minds of Yankee fans, a dream.

Friday Afternoon Free-Flowing Commentary

It's Friday, it's been a long week, we're all shot.  No sense in trying to construct something clever or insightful.  I'll just let the random literary diarrhea flow.

- Is Ron Washington still secretly on coke?  Like a lot of it?  I watched the clip of him on SC last night giving his "thought" on how the 9th inning played out, and all he did was recap what happened, recite the play-by-play, and that was it.  Dude sounded completely strung out, like there wasn't a whole lot firing upstairs.  Entertaining sure, but nothing that was worthy of putting in a story about the game.

- If Cory Wade can replicate 2011's success next year (assuming he's still with the Yankees), where does Joba fit into the bullpen hierarchy when he returns?  The 7th-9th innings are locked down, Wade has flourished in the middle-innings role, and the Yankees always seem to pluck an arm from somewhere that turns into something useful (maybe Kontos a/o Ryan Pope in 2012).

- And if Joba does get stuck at the bottom of the barrel, does he automatically become the best "garbage time" mop-up man in baseball history?

- I still can't let go of the belief that Brett Gardner's swing could be tweaked a little to generate some more power, and I still can't believe Dr. Long isn't trying to work on that with him.  With his speed, Gardner could get 20-30 triples a year if he could put the ball into the gaps more.

- Who's playing RF in 2012 if the Yankees decide not to bring back Swish?  Beltran?  Vlad Guerrero?  J.D. Drew??  Blech!  Not to mention the fact that the Yankees' internal crop of OF replacements are either not that great (Golson, Maxwell, Parraz, Brewer, Melky Mesa) or too far away from the big leagues (Almonte, Heathcott, Mason Williams).

- If I'm Cash, part of the new contract negotiations with CC would involve demanding that he add a couple new styles to his stable of custom Air Jordan cleats.  I was never an Air Jordan guy (being very white and very bad at basketball), but those Jordan spikes are the shit!

- If Wallace Matthews seriously thinks the Yankees are going to target Albert Pujols this offseason, then he's even further out there than I thought.

- The whole Sawxenfreude beer saga is still just as hilarious this week as it was last week.  I actually check ESPN Bahhhhhston every day just to see if there's a new article about it.

- In fairness to Beckett, Lester, and Lackey, I would have been in the clubhouse pounding beers too if I was pitching that horribly.  Boom, roasted!

- Anybody who wears a Yankee jersey with the player's last name on it is an asshole.  Real Yankee fans know who wears/wore which numbers.  Every time I see somebody with a #2 jersey with "Jeter" on it, or #7 with "Mantle," I want to scream.

- I forget where I saw this originally, but it's just as funny now as it was then.  Kudos to whoever thought this up:

Happy Friday, everybody.

Mixed Front Office Feelings On Yu Darvish?

(Courtesy of Getty Images)

I haven't gotten into talks about potential FA targets for this offseason, mainly because it's still technically the season and I don't think it's warranted yet, but then Joel Sherman tweeted this yesterday and that pretty much forced my hand.

"#Yankees scouts love Darvish, but Hal Steinbrenner/Cashman unlikely to authorize big $$ to win post #thinkIgawa"

I don't want to go way overboard on criticism here, because this is the first bit of news we've heard regarding the Yankees' plans for targeting Darvish and it very well could just be part of the Yankees' strategy to go after him.  But I will say that if there is truth to that tweet by Sherman and the Yankees really don't want to target a Japanese guy who will be arguably the best FA pitcher available if he's posted because of the previous bad experience they went through with the last Japanese pitcher they signed,



Well, not really.  I just wanted to use that clip because it's hilarious.  But it is incredibly stupid.  Kei Igawa is Kei Igawa and Yu Darvish is Yu Darvish.  And just because Igawa flamed out, that has nothing to do with Darvish's stock as a prospect.  By the same token, if Igawa HAD panned out and pitched very well for the Yankees over the life of his contract, that wouldn't automatically be a reason for the Yankees to go all in for Darvish.  The logic of evaluating any player in terms of another player's successes or failures is incredibly flawed and not fair to either of the players involved, especially in this case.  You're talking about 2 guys with different pitching styles, different makeups, different personalities, and different career paths.  For Christ's sake, they don't even pitch with the same hand!

These are the facts.  The Yankees are planning to target starting pitchers this offseason.  Yu Darvish is a starting pitcher.  The Yankees  have scouted Yu Darvish..  The general consensus on Darvish is that he is a top-flight prospect.  And from what the Yankee scouts saw, they seem to agree with that consensus.  These are the factors that the Yankees should use when determining their plan for going after Darvish.  If their scouting reports do throw up some red flags and they decide to not throw a big posting fee out there for him, that's fine.  But if the evaluation of Darvish and strategy for approaching him are both being viewed through Kei Igawa-colored glasses, that's a problem.

Again, I understand that it's way too early to speculate, and it would be equally stupid of the Yankees to come out today and tell everybody, "hey, we are sweating Yu Darvish's nuts hard and we're going to throw a boatload of money at him."  I'm sure the Yankees are playing the game and this is part of their strategy, a strategy of misdirection and half-truths regarding their intentions that we've seen before.  But we've also seen them use flawed logic when targeting FA pitchers before (think "A.J. Burnett owned us in 2008.  We should sign him to pitch FOR us" in the 2008-2009 offseason).  I'd hate to see them not go after the top available player in their biggest position of need because of more bad logic.

Tim McCarver Absolutely Sucks

That's right.  "Strike," spelled S-T-R-I-K-E, is a 5-letter word.  Just like "Idiot" or "Moron."

It's moments like this that make me almost a little bit glad that the Yankees didn't make the World Series.

(Via Awful Announcing)

Damaso Marte Not Coming Back

In a story almost as shocking as yesterday's one about Soriano choosing to come back for 2012, the Yankees announced yesterday that they would NOT be picking up Damaso Marte's $4 million option for next season.

He was lights out for the Yankees in the 2009 postseason, but other than that there was really nothing about Marte's time with the Yankees to speak of.  He was often injured, and when he was healthy he wasn't particularly effective.  And with the declining of his option becoming official yesterday, we can finally go back and close the book on that fateful 2008 trade that brought him and Xavier Nady to the Bronx.  And it ain't pretty.

Nady has bounced from the Yankees to the Cubs in 2010 and the Diamondbacks this past year, putting up below average numbers in both spots.  He still can't say healthy (like Marte) and at 32, turning 33 next month, his window to live up to the promise he showed in the mid-2000s is all but closed.  Meanwhile, the Pirates have benefited from the bounty of players they received from the Yankees in the trade.  Jose Tabata is starting to show some of the skills that made him a top prospect and is the team's everyday LF, Jeff Karstens put up a respectable 3.38/4.29/.400 line in 162.1 innings as a starter this year, Daniel McCutchen is one of their most used relievers, and Ross Ohlendorf has shown the ability to be effective when healthy.

I'd say Cash probably wishes he could use a do-over on that one.  Probably not something he wants to mention during his contract negotiation talks.  Between Marte and the Pedro Feliciano disaster of this past season, let's all hope that the Yankees have finally learned their lesson about relievers, specifically lefties.

Sour Puss Is Coming Back

In what surely comes as the most shocking story in sports since... well, ever in the history of the world, Andrew Marchand breaks in with this "hold the phone" bit of info:

"As expected, Rafael Soriano is not going to opt out. Nothing is official yet, but there is no way Soriano is going to beat the $11 million the Yankees will pay him next year and the $14 million who [sic] is scheduled to pick up in 2013 on the open market."

 Elaine, your thoughts?



I completely agree, Elaine.  This is like "The Decision," the Wayne Gretzky trade press conference, the Magic Johnson AIDS press conference, the OJ car chase, and the Lou Gehrig "luckiest man" speech all rolled into one.  I'm not near a TV right now, but I imagine SportsCenter is giving this news wall-to-wall coverage.

I apologize to anybody if reading this post was the first you heard of this story and the enormity of it caused you to faint, fall down, and/or piss yourself in shock.  I was floored myself.  But once you regain your composure, and come to terms with the magnitude of this revelation, you can sleep soundly tonight knowing that the Yankees have locked up their setup man to the setup man for next season.  And look at how happy Raffy is to hear the news:

Y U Kno Want Swish?

(How could you not want this guy back next year?)

Did I miss something?  Has Nick Swisher not been amongst the top 10 all-around OF in the American League since the Yankees acquired him (at least)?  Does he not produce above-average output defensively in right field?  Does he not put up above-average (sometimes All Star-worthy) numbers up at the plate as a switch hitter?  Does he have a team-friendly $10.25 million team option for 2012?

Then why the hell is everybody talking about Swish like he's not coming back?  What the F?  Mike A. at RAB started this shit last week and the proceeded to fuel the Yankee fan fire of stupidity with this on Monday.  Of course, those 2 posts all but forced his colleague Joe Paw to join the fray today, and even my man Larry K. at TYA is getting in on the action.

Guys, please.  Stop this.  Swish isn't going anywhere.   You know it, I know it, and even if the American people and other Yankee fans don't know it, please don't potentially pour gas on a fan fire of stupidity that hasn't been and doesn't need to be lit.

Did he suck balls in the playoffs this year?  Sure.  But that doesn't mean the Yankees shouldn't pick up Swish for 2012 and it sure as shit doesn't mean that they are considering not picking him up.   I know the season is over, and there's only so many "2011 season recap" posts we can all write, but don't stoop to catering to the dumb Yankee fan demographic for the sake of posting something.  You're above that.

The Jesus Resting On The 7th Day?

Saw this on LoHud this morning and was a little confused:

"The Yankees have decided not to have Jesus Montero play winter ball this offseason. Between Triple-A and the big leagues, Montero played in 127 games this season, and he caught most of them.

General manager Brian Cashman said the Yankees will have Montero maintain his strength and conditioning, but they don’t want him to continue playing in games.

Just to answer some of the emails I’ve gotten recently: Cashman immediately dismissed the notion of moving Montero to right field. That’s just not going to happen."

Maybe I'm just missing something here, but I'm not following the logic of this decision.  So the kid caught 127 games this year, so what?  Last time I checked, Montero was only 21 years old and completely healthy.  He's the most prized prospect in the organization and his legitimacy as a full-time catching option is still up for debate.  He's going to be expected to fill a much bigger role on the team in 2012 and the Yankees need to decide if he can really handle being a catcher at the Major League level.  The only way to do that is to continue to have him catch and work on his skills in game situations, which he can't do if he's just off somewhere maintaining his strength and conditioning.

No one doubts Montero's skills at the dish, that's a given.  But his catching has always been the major question mark surrounding him and now the Yankees are making the decision to have him not work on it during the offseason.  That just doesn't add up to me.  They say he's not moving to the outfield, he can't move to first base, and he's going to have to give up DH ABs to all the older players that are going to need days there next season.  On those days, ideally Montero should be behind the plate to keep his bat in the lineup and give Russell Martin some rest, and the Yankees should be doing everything to get Montero reps behind the plate to see if he can handle that responsibility.  He should be catching in the fall league, winter league, and as soon as he reports to Tampa for Spring Training in 2012.

The Yankees have already stumbled over defining roles for top prospects like Joba and Phil Hughes.  I'd hate to see them go down the same path with Montero.

More Fraud Sawx Meltdown News? Why Not

Awesome flowchart for determining where to point the finger for the Fraud Sawx collapse.  I got a good laugh from this when I saw it on TYA this morning.

And if you're looking for more Sawxenfreude-related reading, here's Jon Lester basically admitting that he was unprofessional and the team gave up on Francona this year.  I'll give the guy credit for being the first to man up and take responsibility for sucking in September, but to admit that you knowingly took advantage of your manager?  Ouch.

Prioritizing The Offseason To-Do List

(Not exactly what the Yankee list will look like)

2011 is finally put to bed after my incredible series of Season Review posts last week, which means now it's time to really, really, REALLY look towards 2012.  And in looking towards 2012, you can see that there's a lot that needs to be done before the Yankees report to Tampa for Spring Training.  This is nothing new for the Yankees, but I wouldn't mind seeing things done in a particular order this year.  Here's the order in which I'd like to see those things get done to maximize the Yankees' offseason efficiency:

1) Get Cash's New Deal Done

Whether you like all of his moves or not, and whether you like the way he handles things in the media nowadays, there's no denying that Cash has done a damn good job of rebuilding this team at all levels since being given "full autonomy" a few years back while still keeping them at the top of the competitive heap.  2011 was no exception, and if you just compare the handful of moves that Cash made (Garcia, Colon, Jones, Chavez) to the one move he didn't support but ownership approved (Soriano), it's clear that he's the right guy for the job moving forward.  He knows the team, he knows the players, he knows how to find value, and he's been around long enough to be able to handle all the extra BS that comes with holding a high-profile position in NY.  Unless people want to see Randy Levine making more decisions, they should be praying to whatever God they believe in every night before bed that Cash gets a new deal and gets it soon. 

2) Re-sign CC

There has already been plenty of talk around the Yankosphere about the CC situation, and most everybody agrees that CC is a MUST re-sign for the Yanks if he chooses to opt out.  I don't see anybody offering the money or the years that the Yankees can, despite talks of Texas being a big player, but I wouldn't throw the whole world at him right off the bat.  Go 5 years/$130 mil and put the ball in CC's court to have him back up all his "I love NYC" talk and see where it goes from there.  In the end, though, the Yankees almost have to beat any other offer that comes for the big guy, because he's far better than anything available this offseason and probably in the 2012 offseason as well.