What. The. Fuck.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?????!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure the lady who got her face ripped off by the chimp a few months back being on Oprah this week was hideous, but the Notre Dame football season and the continued underachieving that this team does under Charlie Weis is far more scary and disgusting to look at, if you ask me.  There's only so many times I can sit on my couch every Saturday and watch a team with an All-America-quality QB, 2 All-America-quality WRs, an army of good RBs, and other big-time HS recruits scattered throughout the lineup on both sides of the ball play down to their competition before I just say "Fuck it, get somebody else in here."

And the worst part is, nothing ever seems to change!  Every fucking week the same mistakes are being made; the same guys on the offensive line are going offsides and missing assignments, the same group of shitrags in the secondary are blowing coverage and missing tackles (can somebody please inject Sergio Brown with a needle full of swine flu?  Thank God that guy is a fucking senior; he couldn't cover a sleeping child with a blanket). And the same team that is infinitely more talented on paper than their opponents 9 times out of 10 is going down to the wire for a last-second victory, or falling short in a comeback attempt that should never be taking place because they don't execute and don't play hard for 60 minutes.  And after each of those games we get to see the same image of this fat fuck slowly waddling off the field with a bewildered look on his face and sit down at the press conference and spew the same cliches about needing to focus on winning the next game.

All that right there adds up to poor coaching.  You can bring in all the top-10 recruiting classes you want, but when you can't get anything out of them other than 7-5 and 6-6 seasons then it means you don't have what it takes to coach at this level.  These guys are anywhere from 18-23 years old, they aren't pros yet and can't be expected to self-motivate and stay focused 24/7.  They've got classes to take, parties to go to, chicks to fuck, and draft prospects to worry about.  College players need way more hands-on, in your face, constant pressure and drilling than pro players do.  Weis still hasn't figured this out after 5 years; he still thinks he's coaching the fucking Patriots and that suddenly it's all going to come together and the collective natural talent will come together and overcome everything else or that bringing in a name like Jon Tenuta will solve all the team's defensive problems.

It ain't that easy, Fat Boy.  The bottom line is, you suck as a coach, your assistants suck as coaches, and that combined suckiness is why your team is 6-5 and on a one-way train to Nowheresville again.  So go clean out your office, pack up your Ho-Ho's and Ring Dings, take your framed copy of your bullshit book that I now regret wasting 2 hours of my life reading, and get the fuck out before I wrap a fucking chain around your neck and do the university and the football program a favor.

Try shoveling soup ladles full of nacho cheese down your fat gullet now, ass.

UConn Men's Basketball Last-Minute Season Preview

I've been meaning to write this preview for the last 3 days, but since I've been busier than shit at work and drunker than shit the last 2 nights, it just didn't happen. When you're as popular a guy as I am and a budding media mogul, you have to make time for the little people and sometimes the blog has to take the hit. So because I'm behind the 8-ball and the opening game is tonight, here's the abridged version of the UConn season preview.

Frontcourt

The Huskies will be hard pressed to replace the production of Hasheem Thabeet and Jeff Adrien, but they have the benefit of having a bunch of new bodies to pick up the slack. Freshman F/C Alex Oriakhi is a textbook Jim Calhoun-style big man who can rebound and defend like a maniac and has an offensive game that's already light years ahead of where Hasheem was at in his first year. Charles Okwandu, a 7-1 junior, is an intriguing possibility to replace Thabeet's shot-blocking presence and should get a look early in the season since Calhoun already knows what he'll get from Gavin Edwards and Jonathan Mandeldove, which is nothing. Stanley Robinson, now a senior and team leader, and freshman Jamal Coombs-McDaniel give the Huskies all kinds of freakish athleticism (Jay Bilas hasn't patented that yet, so I'm going to steal it) at the 3-spot and should combine to terrorize opposing teams' matchup strategy. While he's no sniper, Coombs-McDaniel is a good enough shooter that teams will have to pay attention to him, allowing the Huskies to keep the floor spread and lane open for drivers like Robinson and their quick guards.

The key player for this group will be freshman center, Ater Majok. After having to sit out last season, he will finally become eligible at the end of the fall semester. Having already been with the team and learning the system for a year, he is ahead of the curve compared to other freshmen and shouldn't have the jitters and brain farts that usually come along with being a young player in D-1 basketball.

While the major contributors in this group are all unknowns outside of Sticks, there is enough size, athleticism, and raw talent spread around to create the formidable, intimidating frontcourt that UConn is known for as they gain experience and get used to the college game.

Backcourt

Just like the frontcourt, the guards this season are either well-established guys in the rotation who will be counted on to lead and account for the loss of AJ Price (see: Jerome Dyson and Kemba Walker), or fresh from the high school womb-young'ns with 0 college ball experience. Dyson and Walker will be the straws that stir the drink. As they go, the Huskies will go. Both are fearless, hard-nosed players who look to drive and create opportunities at the rim for themselves or their teammates, and who harass opposing guards to such a degree on defense that there will be a national hotline set up for players to call in for counseling and support. Both guys can hold their own shooting the ball, but are not nearly the marksmen that Price was and so hopefully they worked on their outside shooting enough in the offseason to command respect from opposing defenses.

Backing them up will be a tandem of freshmen, Darius Smith and Jamaal Trice. Trice will be looked at to provide scoring and shooting off the bench, think Rashad Anderson Light, while Smith will probably end up being the backup point guard because quite frankly, Donnell Beverly fucking sucks and can't run an offense.

The good news is these 4 plus Beverly actually give the Huskies more depth in the backcourt than they've had in the past couple seasons, but the bad news is that depth is very inexperienced and will be pressured by the never-ending train of good Big East defenses. How quickly Trice and Smith adjust to the college game will be a key for this team all year long as Calhoun can't afford to run Dyson and Walker ragged every night like he did with AJ Price last year. Their style of play leads to injuries and Dyson has already shown a tendency to get banged up easily so limiting their minutes as much as possible will keep them fresh for the long haul. Of course Jimbo won't do this at the expense of losing games though, so the frosh need to step up and show they're capable of handling the pressure.

Overall, this season is wide open in terms of possibilities. This is a team that can be a carbon copy of traditional UConn teams and be a Big East and National title contenders if the veterans step up their games and leadership skills. This is also a team that can struggle to find its identity and be hampered by its inexperience and youth and resemble the 2005 Husky team. Coach Calhoun will have more work to do than he has in past years, both in managing and motivating his seniors and molding his freshmen, but if anybody can do it, he can. I mean, you don't just win 800 games by accident.

Season Prediction:

22-6 regular season, 3rd in the Big East
Semifinals of Big East Tourney
Sweet 16 in the NCAAs

Money Well Spent...And Then Some

For all the praise and semen that the media threw at Theo Epstein and the Red Sox for their "smart," cheap offseason signings and the bitching and moaning about all the money the Yankees threw at their big free agents, the numbers of this season prove why the Yankees were the ones that made the smart investments. Observe.

John Smoltz' and Brad Penny's combined stats during their time in Boston were:

IP       H     BB ER     K   ERA   WHIP   W-L

171.2  219  51  119  122 6.24   1.57    9-13

For the $10.5 million in salary they were signed to, that works out to approximately $1.167 million per win. Factor in that both players were eventually released mid-season because they were so ineffective and it goes without saying that the Red Sox would have been better served to take that $10.5 million and donate it to charity, spend it on supplements for Sloppi and Varitek, or just burn it right in center field.

The Yankees' 3 pitching signings produced the following totals:

IP          H    BB    ER     K    ERA   WHIP   W-L

631.2  583 240 270  540  3.85   1.30   46-25

For the $37.286 million in salary that they were paid (5.5 mil Pettitte, 16.5 mil A.J., 15.286 mil CC), those numbers work out to $810,565 per win. Factor in the more than respectable ERA and WHIP numbers and the fact that these 3 ate up over 600 innings, that makes their combined worth much more proportional to what they were paid, and may even make their worth a steal when you consider what they were paid.

As if those numbers weren't glaring enough, Smoltz, Penny, and the incredible Dice-Gay (who made $8.333 million this year to pitch to an ERA of almost 6.00 in the regular season) combined to put up goose eggs across the board in any stat in the playoffs for Boston. By comparison, CC, A.J., and Andy's numbers look like so:

IP     H   BB   ER   K    ERA  WHIP   W-L

94.1  76  36    36    81   3.43    1.19    8-2

Those numbers are damn good, and even more impressive when you consider the ERA and WHIP values are disproportionally high due to A.J.'s 5.27 postseason ERA and 38 baserunners in 27.1 innings. These 5 guys all started 5 games in the playoffs and in those 15 starts, they got quality starts in 13 of them, lights-out performances in at least half of them (see: CC in the ALDS, Burnett in Game 2 of the WS, etc.), and series-clinching wins from the cheapest member of this trio (Pettitte) in all 3 playoff series.

Sure player salaries are incredibly out of this world for what these guys do for a living, but for the most part there is a reason why better players command bigger salaries and why those guys are paid that much; they fucking produce!!

The Red Sox thought they would try to be cute and play financial smallball to get themselves another title and it backfired on them in the form of a washed-up old man coming off of arm surgery and a has-been fat guy whose biggest baseball highlight is still the fact that he fucked Alyssa Milano.

The Yankees shelled out big bucks for guys in their primes and got a still-productive veteran at a bargain price and rode all 3 to a title. The differences in approach and result are night and day, and are even more glaring when you consider Andy's season totals alone outdo the combined numbers of Penny and Smoltz for the same price.

I also would mention that Boston's only major position player signing, Rocco Baldelli, put up numbers similar to Brett Gardner while Teix and Swish combined for 68 HRs, 204 RBIs, and 1 Gold Glove, but that would just be rubbing it in.

Message To The Readers

I'm sure by now everyone is asking themselves "how the hell is Brad going to continue to churn out incredible, hilarious, insightful posts every day now that the Yankees have locked up their 27th title and there's no more baseball until next spring?"  My answer to you, baby birds, is don't worry, because I've got this shit all figured out and I'll continue to chew up your humor and analysis and puke it down your throats until opening night 2010 at Fenway with a little help from the UConn Huskies.

That's right, the fucking UConn Huskies.  I know people might have been thinking 'Yankee blog= obvious New York college coverage' but you would deader than dead wrong.  If you came here expecting a daily dose of Canisius or Rider commentary then you can just gargle a ball because it ain't gonna happen.  And if you came here looking for some witty observations of Syracuse's season then you can gargle and rinse with my whole nutsack because that sure as shit ain't gonna happen.  I mean, even if I did root for Syracuse, why would I waste valuable blog space and time writing about a team that lost to Le Moyne?  FUCKING LE MOYNE!!!!!  That's where kids who weren't quite good enough to make the Syracuse lacrosse team go to school, not basketball players.

So UConn it is, and let's just get it all out there now and let it be known that it will only be the men's team getting covered because let's face it, chicks' sports aren't real sports and the UConn women are just going to win anyway so there's no point.  There will still be plenty of Yankee goodness to keep you pinstripers happy, but the Huskies will be filling the void left by the Bombers and their offseason starting this Friday against William & Mary (whoever the fuck that is), and ending after March Madness.

And if you can't handle that, I just don't give a fuck.  Watch ESPN all winter and listen to them blow Duke and North Carolina and talk about the Red Sox hot stove news for all I care.  Now somebody hit the fucking music!

Touché, Buddy

Now as a Yankee fan, I'm obligated to agree with the crowd here and say that this guy is absolutely an asshole and a homo, but I'm also going to give credit where credit is due because it takes a set of big, hairy balls to walk through the Canyon during the parade dressed to the 9s in your Sox gear after your team completely shat the bed in their playoff series.

In fact, this dude shows more heart in this video than the Red Sox showed throughout their entire season.  There's no way a guy with this much gall goes a combined 3-32 with 0 RBIs and 9 Ks like the 3-4-5 hitters in Boston's lineup did in the postseason, or have a Three-Mile Island-style meltdown in the 9th inning when your team was looking for you to close out a win and shift momentum in your series like the Great Papelbon did in Game 3.

If I'm Theo, I'm tracking this fucking dude down and locking him up to a 3-year deal tonight, and then figure out where he's going to play and where he should hit in the lineup later.  After the team-wide fold job they put on in the second half of the year and the playoffs, you have to show your fans that you have a commitment to winning, and signing this dude shows that commitment.

Or you could re-sign Tim Wakefield and leave the door open for Jason Varitek to come back next year...

AB4AR's Week 9 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 9 Recap

Atlanta 31 Washington 17

On a day where Matt Ryan wasn't at his best, Michael Turner put the Falcons on his back with 166 yards and 2 TDs to make sure the Falcons didn't fall to the lowly 'Skins. There were some good signs for Washington, though; Jason Campbell threw 2 TD passes, even though one of them was to the Falcons. And CB Dante Hall showed some fight on defense, but it was mostly with the Falcons' sideline and coach, Mike Smith. So yeah, I guess the Redskins still just suck. Nevermind.

Arizona 41 Chicago 21

Even without Anquan Boldin, Arizona's offense was in full effect yesterday. Beanie Wells and Tim Hightower combined for 149 yards on the ground, making them the most potent Cardinal RB tandem since....well since.... OK, so the Cardinals have never had a good RB tandem, making these guys the first. It was also a monster day for the quarterbacks as Kurt Warner and Jay Cutler combined for 630 yards passing and 8 TDs and Matt Leinart went 0-1 with an interception. If that doesn't look very good next to Warner's numbers, you have to remember that just getting on the field is a monster day for Matt Leinart.

Cincinnati 17 Baltimore 7

The Cincinnati defense, now armed to the teeth with former USC Trojans, proved itself more than worthy of competing with the big boys of the NFL as they shut down Flacco and the Ravens' offense. Cedric Benson carried the offense again, with 117 tough yards, and in probably the biggest example of karma in recent NFL memory, notorious all-around asshole Chris Henry had to leave the game with a broken forearm. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Indianapolis 20 Houston 17

Peyton Manning threw an unheard of 40 passes in the first half yesterday. The Colts' coaching staff, concerned about how that early workload would affect his availability for Game 4, eased up in the second half to keep him fresh. Thanks to a late TD and a Ray Finkle impression by Houston kicker Kris Brown, the Colts will march into their annual meeting with the Patriots undefeated. Head coach Jim Caldwell could be a candidate for Coach of The Year, assuming he actually has anything to do with coaching the team.

New England 27 Miami 17

Everything seems to be falling into place for the Patriots; Brady looked sharp again, Randy Moss has a more Moss-ian day (6 catches, 147 yards, 1 TD), than we've seen lately, and there was even a Laurence Maroney sighting! Most importantly, the Pats have finally learned to contain the Wildcat offense as yesterday marked the second consecutive time they stifled the Dolphins. That probably won't have any bearing on the game against the Colts next week, but whatever, I have to fill space somehow. Peter King isn't the only guy who can fill his weekly column with useless info.

Tampa Bay 38 Green Bay 28

That silence you're hearing is all the Packer fans mourning the passing of their team's season. When you give up 6 sacks to a bunch of no-names, let a rookie QB who looks like Bobby Abreu throw 3 TD passes and lead a game-winning drive against your D, and get torched on a simple fade route by some guy named Sammy Stroughter, you know it's just not your year. Yesterday also marked the first time that Aaron Rodgers did appear to be holding the ball too long, but when the guy spends the whole first half scrambling with 2 injured feet, you can't really blame him.

Jacksonville 24 Kansas City 21

Mike Sims-Walker had another monster game and is beginning to challenge teammate Maurice Jones-Drew for the title of NFL's best hyphenated-named player. KC did have a small glimmer of hope in watching Matt Cassell play a good game and almost lead a late comeback charge. Cassell and new acquisition Chris Chambers looked good together after only a few weeks. Who knew that a young QB could play better with more weapons around him? Only an offensive genius like Todd Haley could figure that out.

Seattle 32 Detroit 20

Clearly inspired by my calling him out in last week's column, Matt Hasselbeck threw for 329 yards and a TD yesterday in leading his Seahawks to a come-from-behind victory over the Lions (although having to come from behind against the Lions isn't necessarily something to be proud of). After leading 17-0 early, the Lions fell apart behind Matt Stafford, who was suffering from a bout of Sanchez Disease (or was it Delhomme Syndrome?) as he threw 5 picks.

New Orleans 30 Carolina 20

De'angelo Williams had 149 yards and 2 touches for the Panthers, but it was his late fumble on his own 2-yard line that sealed Carolina's fate. After replays showed Williams coughing it up after barely being touched on the arm, cameras on the sidelines showed him saying "I was down!" to the team's RB coach. D, if you can convince yourself that you were down, then more power to you, but you sure as fuck were standing straight up in the air. Panther fans have to be upset, but hey, at least Jake Delhomme didn't blow the game. Oh by the way, Drew Brees threw for 330 yards and a TD.

San Diego 21 NY Giants 20

The Giants secondary is the Brad Lidge of their team; after a late 4th quarter TD gave them the lead, they absolutely imploded on the Chargers' last drive, giving up open play after open play, and culminating in Vincent Jackson catching a long TD pass with nobody within 5 yards of him. Last week the panic button was hit, this week the casket is being picked out for the G-Men's season. Big shout out to Shawn Merriman for getting 2 sacks and having his name mentioned for the first team this season without the words "choked Tila Tequila" included.

Tennessee 34 San Francisco 27

After his dynamite performance last week, Chris Johnson obviously took this week off and slacked his way to 135 yards and 2 TDs in the Titans' 2nd consecutive win. Vince Young played well, running for a TD and also not turning the ball over and not threatening to kill himself for the 2nd week in a row. Alex Smith and his small hands threw 3 picks in the loss, crippling the '9ers' chances.

Dallas 20 Philadelphia 16

Andy Reid's unconventional decision to play for the 4-point deficit rather than play to win cost his team dearly as Dallas got the first downs they needed and ran the clock out after the Eagles kicked a late FG down 7 instead of going for it on 4th down. Tony Romo played well again, Roy Williams got the touches he had been practically begging for, and the Cowboys established themselves as the best team in their division and a possible challenger to the Vikings and Saints for NFC supremacy (I know, I can't believe I just wrote that either).


MNF Prediction

Pittsburgh 24 Denver 13

The Steelers seem to have their swagger back and will drive Kyle Orton crazy tonight with their constant blitzing. Denver's D may have been exposed last week in the same way the Giants were by New Orleans a few weeks ago, so expect the surprisingly high-flying Steelers to air it out and attack the Denver secondary.

MNF Predictions for the season (Winners): 6-3

This Sign Is Everywhere

Thanks to Megan C. for the pic

Hey, check it out.  Jimmy Rollins' favorite sign was at the parade on Friday too.  Before Cash gets too deep into thinking about how much to offer Damon and Matsui and whether he needs to offer Andy another deal to cover the back end of the rotation, can he throw these guys a few hundred bucks for this thing and hang it up over the centerfield wall every time Philadelphia comes back to town?  Would that be too much?

People Want THIS Guy In The Rotation Next Year?

Hey, it's that guy from the gay "Twilight" movies!  Oh no, wait, it's just Joba dressed like a 17-year-old emo kid.  And he's looking a bit pale; maybe he grabbed the last of his Mom's meth stash.

Just because you won the World Series doesn't mean you can just forget about representing yourself and the organization properly, son.  Take the hoodie off, tuck the shirt in, put some dress shoes on, and comb your fucking hair.

And So It Begins...

In an attempt to get a headstart on the Yankees in competing for next season, the Fraud Sox traded for former Marlins' outfielder Jeremy Hermida yesterday.  Yes, that Jeremy Hermida, the same guy who hit .259 with 13 HRs, 47 RBIs, and a .740 OPS last season.  The same guy who the Marlins have been hoping will put it all together since the moment he began playing for them.  When you're trying to compete with the suddenly head-and-shoulders above you New York Yankees, I guess you have to jump at the chance to trade 2 prospects for a guy with questionable heart and dedication issues and who you could have gotten in free agency after the Marlins dumped him.

Not to be outdone, the Angels decided to re-sign Bobby Abreu to a 2-year, $19 million deal.  You remember Bobby, right?  He's the same guy who hit .265 with 0 HRs and 3 RBIs in the postseason, .160/.276/.240 in the ALCS.  Call me crazy, but I wouldn't be shelling out that much for a 35-year-old outfielder who is deathly afraid of the outfield wall and has somehow managed to get through his career without a serious injury.  The Angels struck gold with their $5 mil deal last season, and were rewarded with 103 RBIs, but I wouldn't count on "Mr. July" putting those numbers up again next year.

I give props for each of the Yankees biggest "rivals" trying to jump early at the chance to improve their teams while the Yankees are cruising the Canyon, but if these are the moves they're going to make, they might as well just forfeit 2010 right now.  Everybody saw what Cashman did last offseason and at the trade deadline this season; the dude is playing fucking Bobby Fisher-level chess right now while the Sox and Halos are playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos trying to match him.  28 could come easier than we think.

The 10 Biggest Plays of The World Series

10) Chase Utley's 3-run HR off of A.J. Burnett in 1st inning of Game 5

After the two leadoff runners got on, this shot by Utley set the tone for the rest of the game and for A.J.'s bad outing.  In a potential series-clinching game for New York, Utley's home run gave the Phillies the early boost they needed and never let up as they got the win they needed to keep their season alive.

9) Hideki Matsui's solo HR off of Brett Myers in the 8th inning of Game 3

This game was all Yankees after Andy struggled in the early innings but once the game got the bullpen, the Yankees could have made the outcome more interesting than it had to be.  With the Phillies still lingering with a manageable 7-4 deficit, Matsui stepped off the bench cold and delivered a rally-killing solo bomb to give Phil "Wild Thing" Hughes and Mo enough cushion to cruise to the finish and recapture home field advantage.

8) Derek Jeter's GIDP against Ryan Madson in the 9th inning of Game 5

Jeter stepped in as the tying run, and although his grounder did score Jorge Posada, it also took 2 runners off base and prevented Teix from being the tying run when he came to the plate after.  More importantly, Jeter's bad swing in a good hitters' count helped calm a quickly-crumbling Ryan Madson and allowed him to calm down and re-focus to strike out Teix to end the game and keep the Phillies alive.

7) CC Sabathia getting the 3-4-5 hitters out in order in the 5th inning of Game 4

After the Yankees took a 4-2 lead in the top of the inning, CC started the bottom half by giving up a single and a walk to Rollins and Victorino and the Phillies seemed to be in business with the heart of their order coming up.  But CC made great pitches and retired Utley and Howard on pop ups to Jeter before getting Werth swinging to end the inning.  This was big because it allowed the Yanks to hold the lead they had just built and made Utley's HR in the 7th less important as it still left the Phillies one run behind.  If CC crumbles there and gives up the lead, maybe the Yankees approach is different for the rest of the game and they don't score the late runs to win.

6) Hideki Matsui's 2-run HR off of Pedro Martinez in the 2nd inning of Game 6

This was the at-bat that exposed Pedro as having no stuff early in the game as he had no desire to throw Hideki anything off-speed and didn't have the heat on his fastball to get it by Godzilla inside.  It got the crowd into the game and on Pedro and provided an early cushion for Andy Pettitte, who also didn't have his A-game.

5) Hideki Matsui's solo HR off of Pedro Martinez in the 6th inning of Game 2

A battle of an at-bat ended with Matsui being the victor as he parked a pretty good curveball from Pedro into the right field seats.  It ended Pedro's night, which essentially wasted the only good performance he had in the series, made Charlie Manuel look bad for letting Pedro start the 6th inning after having a high pitch count through 5, andnwas the game-winning RBI in a game the Yankees had to win.

4) Mariano Rivera entering in the 8th inning of Game 2 for a 6-out save

This logic by Joe was the exact opposite of what Manuel did with Pedro.  By not playing around and bringing in Mo for 6 outs, Joe gave his team the best chance to hold the lead and win a tight game and didn't waste a great starting effort by A.J.  In a must-win situation, Joe left the lead in the hands of his best pitcher.

3) Charlie Manuel letting Cliff Lee pitch the 9th inning in Game 1

Sure he was great all night and gave the Phillies a guaranteed win by being out there to finish it, but Lee racked up 122 pitches on the night and was noticeably tired in the 9th inning when the Yanks finally put some good swings on his pitches.  This extra work made Lee unavailable to throw on short rest in Game 4, and the Yankees ended up getting the win against Blanton and the awful Phillies bullpen, putting themselves in a 3-1 hole they wouldn't climb out of.  Manuel was so caught up in winning Game 1 that he didn't think of the effect Lee's long effort would have on the rest of the series.  You should be able to do count on your bullpen to get 3 outs when you have a 6-run lead, and the fact that Charlie didn't may have cost him a chance to even the series in Game 4.

2) Hideki Matsui's 2-run 2B off of J.A. Happ in the 5th inning of Game 6

After killing Pedro and getting him out early, Hideki drove the dagger into the heart of the Phillies with this double that made the lead 7-1.  There was plenty of time left to come back , but this hit seemed to take what little wind was left out of the sails of the Phils and provide plenty of insurance for Andy Pettitte and the Yankee bullpen.  Of all of Matsui's big hits in the series, this was the biggest.

1) Johnny Damon's double steal against Brad Lidge in the 9th inning of Game 4

With the infield playing the shift against a left-handed hitting Teixeira, Damon seized the opportunity presented to him when he stole second base cleanly.  His pop-up slide and quick thinking gave him the chance to take an uncovered 3rd base and he didn't hesitate.  Putting himself at 3rd rattled Lidge's already iffy confidence, evidenced by his hitting Teix, and then changed his approach against A-Rod as he was too scared to throw his slider.  The fastball that he grooved to A-Rod ended up being deposited into the left field gap and Damon trotted home with what would be the game-winning run.  Without getting himself to 3rd by being smart and recognizing the situation, maybe Damon gets stranded and Lidge never crumbles.  Instead, Damon changed the whole approach to the situation and scored the game-winning run in a game that gave the Yanks a commanding 3-1 series lead.

Is This The Greatest YouTube Video Of All-Time?

You bet your ass it is!!  I've already watched it twice in a row and I still want to watch it again.  I might not even go into work tomorrow just so I can sit here and watch this video.

Were There Better Game 6 Options Than Pedro?

At this point, it's obvious starting Pedro Martinez last night was a bad move by Charlie Manuel.  Shit, I knew it was a bad move when the announcement was made on Monday night; Pedro is old, has no stuff anymore, and was working on regular rest, which after having eons of rest between his start against the Dodgers in the LCS and his start in Game 2, was going to seem like a regular pitcher throwing on 2 days' rest.  But given Charlie's other options: mediocre Joe Blanton, crybaby Cole Hamels, and definitely dead tired Cliff Lee, Pedro seemed like the logical choice.  Some may argue J.A. Happ, but after watching his pants-pissing performance in relief, that theory can be put to bed with your kids.

Enter my friend, D-Skar.  The kid is a closet baseball genius and he noticed how awful Pedro was last night probably before you and I did.  Somewhere around the 2nd or 3rd inning last night he sends me this text:

"The phillies should bring in freddie prinze jr. from summer catch."

After I got done laughing my ass off because, let's be honest, that's damn funny, that one statement got me thinking; were there better options out there for old Uncle Charlie last night than a washed-up, possibly-still-having-a-tummy-ache Pedro Martinez?  Of course there were.  Here are 4 pitchers that would have been lightyears better than Pedro last night and explanation as to why any of these 4 studs could have had us all glued to our TVs tonight for Game 7 instead of fighting to get a good spot for the parade tomorrow.

1) Ryan Dunne, LHP, Chatham A's

He's younger than Pedro, which means more velocity and sharpness on his pitches. As locked in as the Yankees were on Pedro's fastball (if that's what you want to call it) last night, some more speed and movement from a young arm could have helped to slow down their bats and keep them off-balance, not to mention provide length to save Charlie Manuel from having to go to his bullpen early.  And to top it all off, the kid's a lefty!  You saw what Cliff Lee did to them in Game 1; what's to say Dunne doesn't go out last night and put on a similar shutdown performance?


2) Chet Steadman, RHP, Chicago Cubs

A veteran pitcher even older than Pedro, but still with plenty of juice left in the right arm. I mean shit, you don't get the nickname "Rocket" for nothing.  A straight fireballer of Steadman's caliber could have given the Yankees problems since they had yet to face a starter with consistent mid- to high-90s heat in the postseason. There would also be no worry about jitters as a veteran with Steadman's pedigree would not have been shaken by the bright lights of Yankee Stadium.


3) Mel Clark, RHP, California Angels



A carbon copy of Steadman, Mel Clark is another older pitcher who found the fountain of youth and with it, greater velocity on his fastball. Clark had some questions about the strength of his shoulder due to years of wear and tear, but based on his previous outings seemed healthy enough to give at least 5 to 6 good innings.  And by watching this game film, it's clear the guy is a battler and inspires confidence in his teammates, even if he throws like a girl with muscular dystrophy.  Any time you've got a guy with angels on his side, you're going to be in good shape. All the clutch hitters in the world can't compete with divine intervention.


4) Eddie Harris, RHP, Cleveland Indians

Maybe the oldest of the bunch, but a battle-tested gamer and devout Christian, Harris could have provided the biting off-speed stuff that Pedro showed in Game 2 with the aid of his various foreign agents. Would it have been illegal? Sure. But when you're faced with elimination you've got to do anything you can to win, and with a track record of never being caught, one has to assume Harris could be crafty and discreet enough to keep his doctoring from being noticed by the Yankees.


I would have been shitting in my pants twice if any of these horses were on the mound in a must-win situation for the Phillies last night, but Charlie stuck with Pedro and the rest is history.  The navy and white ticker tape is being shredded, the Canyon is being cleared, and Scott Eyre is eating chocolate-covered Twinkies.

Best Sign of The Night

(Thanks to Brian S., friend of the blog, for the photo)

Ahh yes.  Nothing completes a World Championship like some good old-fashioned, double-entendre marijuana humor.  And the quality of the artwork is surprisingly good.  No cheesy "FOX" signs here, folks.  This is the big leagues.

27!!! Game 6 Thoughts and Afterthoughts

* Did I fucking call it or did I fucking call it??!! 6 games, 4-2 series, just as I predicted and just as the stats predicted. Screw being the defending champion, that doesn't mean shit. The better team and better players will usually prevail and that's exactly what happened.

* Good omen for the game last night: Joe Buck informed us all last night during the bottom of the 1st that Pedro called his Mommy after Game 2 to tell her he didn't feel well when he was pitching. Ready? All together now...AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I hope you had a good excuse to give her last night, douche. Maybe she can come make you a grilled cheese sandwich and some Campbell's Chicken and Stars soup while you lay on the couch today and watch all the highlights of your miserable performance.

* Matsui's at-bat in the 2nd last night was the most glaring proof that Pedro had nothing. He tried to force feed Hi-dek fastballs that didn't have any oomph behind them, afraid to go to his off-speed stuff after what Matsui did to the curveball in Game 2. Fortunately for the Yanks, the last pitch of the at-bat had some authentic A.J. Burnett "ride right back over the heart of the plate" bite on it. Matsui owned Philly pitching in this series, almost as much as Chase Utley owned CC.

* More proof of Pedro's knowledge of his own ineffectiveness last night: hitting Teix in the bottom of the 3rd. After what Matsui did to him the previous inning, Pedro wanted no part of a power lefty and drilled Teix to avoid any confrontation. Amazingly enough, we didn't have to listen to Tim McCarver go on and on about how he didn't think it was intentional.

* Did Joe West not realize who was on the mound for the Yankees last night? It was Andy Pettitte for Christ's sake, not Tanyon Sturtze. Give the guy a fucking call!! Andy wasn't super sharp last night, but he also wasn't wild. His pitch count was artificially inflated by at least 2 walks that can be directly attributed to West's strike zone turning into the Bermuda Triangle in the 4th and 5th innings.

* The double play turned on Jimmy Rollins' grounder in the 5th never happens without Cano's arm at 2nd. Rollins is a fast runner and the ball wasn't hit all that hard, but Cano has such a cannon that he almost made the play look easy. At least he's good for something.

* Is there a sexier phrase in baseball than "Chad Durbin takes over for the Phillies in the bottom of the 5th?" When I heard that walking out of the bathroom between innings I almost took my clothes off and lit some candles to set the mood.

* Actually, there is something sexier than that, and that is J.A. Happ coming in to replace Durbin. I know Uncle Charlie didn't have many viable options in that pen but shit, if that's who you're going to bring in when you need to keep the score where it is, you might as well just wave the white flag right there.

* Buck sounded like he wanted to die when Matsui got the double in the 5th to bring in the 2 back-breaking run. Come on, Joe, I know you aren't a Yankees fan but you weren't at your Dad's wake giving his eulogy, you're calling a World Series game. At least try to pretend to show a little fucking enthusiasm.

* Who the fuck did Ryan Howard think he was when he said something to Cano rounding 2nd after his 2-run home in the 6th? Check the stats, assclown, you're team is still in a 4-run hole with 10 outs left and you left Chase Utley high and dry all series with your pathetic swings. Not to mention the fact that you ended up setting a new World Series record with 13 strikeouts after Marte tooled your ass in the 7th. So yeah, fuck off. Maybe go shoot another gay Subway commercial with Jared in the offseason.

* Speaking of Marte, he was the Yankees unsung MVP of the series. He retired every batter he faced and seemed to get better and better with each out. From the beginning of the postseason to the end I went from not even wanting Marte to touch the team luggage to being ecstatic that the Yankees have him for 2 more seasons.

* Another example of the Yankees dedication to playing the game the right way: Jeter and Cano ALWAYS touch second base when they turn 2, and most of the time it's not even debatable as to whether they may have missed it. No "neighborhood play" here, thank you. They'll earn all 27 of their outs.

* Great text from my Dad in the 6th inning: "Gardner's gloves look like he's doing yard work." After reading that, I took a look during Brett's at-bat and you know what? My old man is right! What the fuck is that about? Does Gardner have really small hands or something? He looked like he was wearing a pair of those Mickey Mouse gloves from Disney World last night. I'm a big Gardner fan, but the way he swung the bat last night, he probably could have put those batting gloves to better use helping the grounds crew.

* Bottom 7th- Joe Buck informs us that Scott Eyre was "bouncing around" the locker room before the game because somebody gave him a chocolate-covered Twinkie to eat. Really, Scott? Your team is trying to keep their season alive and you're excited about a chocolate-covered Twinkie? Hope you enjoyed them after the game in your clean, dry locker room, you fat bastard. Me? I'll take champagne over Twinkies any day.

If that doesn't show the difference between the Yankees and other organizations then I don't know what does. Spare me the bullshit stories about teams with "loose locker rooms," and "a good bunch of guys," and all that crap. At the end of the day it's about being a professional and winning and nobody does that better than the Yankees.

* Another great call by Joe going to Mo for 5 outs and not even giving the Phils a chance to put runners on against the likes of Hughes. The Phillies made him work, forcing him to throw 42 pitches for those 5 outs, but in the end Mo was Mo and got the job done. He's almost more of a sure thing than death and taxes at this point in his career.

* After the game Mo said he might play for 5 more years? Yes, please. Even more amazing than that was his admission to the BBTN crew that he had been dealing with a rib injury that was so bad, he didn't know if he would have been able to throw another game. I don't think anybody knows how long he's had that injury, but in the next few weeks you expect that to come out and it just puts Mo on a whole new level of awesomeness. Peter Gammons couldn't have said it any better when he called Mo the MVP and Cy Young of the last 15 years.

* Speaking of Gammons, despite that one great line of praise, his attempts to dredge up the past and hand out back-handed compliments to the Yankees last night was borderline disgraceful. A guy like Rivera leaves his teammates to come out and talk to you and your co-workers on live TV and all you can mention is the Game 7 loss in 2001, saying things like "with the 3 broken bats, sometimes the breaks just don't go your way?" Then in analyzing Pettitte's performance, your whole argument is based around him not having good stuff, no location, no this, no that, blah, blah, blah. Guess what, dick? Pedro didn’t have shit last night either and the Yankees pounded him. Andy got the outs he needed to get, the Phillies didn't. End of story.

What a piece of garbage. Get off your high horse, take the Red Sox panties off, and give the Yankees some fucking credit. If I was Mo, I would have slapped Gammons and tried to give him another brain aneurysm. The Yankees were classy in victory again last night; it's too bad the Worldwide Leader couldn't be classy in defeat.

* Seeing Joe running around hugging everybody and their mother on the field during the celebration was nice. After maintaining a cool, calm, focused demeanor all series and all season, Joe let it all out last night, laughing, smiling, thanking the fans, and carrying on like he was back in '96 or '98 again. You could practically see the memories of those past glories coming out of him as he went from player to player, embracing them and pounding them on the back. For those couple moments, he wasn’t their manager, but one of the boys again and it was cool to see.

* I personally would have picked Mo for the MVP just because he's the biggest difference maker for either team when you stack them up head-to-head, but I can't argue with Hideki getting it after that performance. To sit on the bench for almost 3 whole games and then get back into the lineup would mess with most guys' timing, but he was just as locked in last night as he was in the beginning of the series. Did he earn himself a new contract next year? I think so. I'd like to see the team get younger, but Matsui showed all year that he can still get it done and the Yanks would be hard pressed to match his production with any new player they pick up. It may only be a 1-year deal for $5-8 mil, but I would take one more year of Hideki if he's swinging like that.

* People (and by people I mean ESPN), can say whatever they want, but the fact is the best team won the series. From the middle of summer on, the Yankees established themselves as the best team in baseball and they continued to do the things that brought them their regular season success through the playoffs. Sure the offense as a whole wasn't as dominant, and the bullpen cracked some leaks, but they got the hits they needed to get and outs they needed to get when they needed to get them, and that's the sign of a great team. Most of this crew will be back next year, another year older, yes, but that's what everybody said about this year's core and look how it worked out for them.

King Of The Hill, Top Of The Heap

The news? Start fucking spreading it!!!!

The shoes?? Stray away, baby!!!!



Andy was good, the offense awoke, Jeter was Jeterian, Matsui WAS Godzilla, Marte was shut-fucking-down, and Mo was Mo.

It all came together in one beautiful orgy of success tonight, as there was evidence of all the Yankees' strengths shining through at different points.  Congratulations, gentlemen.  Job well done.  Job well fucking done, indeed.  I know I already put it up but here it is again:

HIT THE FUCKING MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Full Game 6 and World Series recap tomorrow and the next day.

John Sterling's Call of Mark Teixeira's 5th-Inning Pop-Up Last Night

Thuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pitch...

Swung on and a TOWERING pop up to the edge of the infield grass...

THAT BALL IS HIGH!  NNNNNNNNNNIT IS HIGHER!!!  IT...IS...CAUGHT!!!

OH WHAT A PLAY BY JIMMY ROLLINS!!!  He backed up a good 4 to 5 steps off the dirt in the hole at second base and made an UN-BE-LIEV-ABLE two-handed form catch while standing still.  I tell ya, Suzyn, he AB-SO-LUTE-LY robbed Mark Teixeira of what would have been a sure bloop single with that catch.  But that's just baseball, Suzyn. 

YOU'RE OFF THE MARK, TEIXEIRA!!!!

1 run, 1 hit, aaand 1 left.  After 4 1/2 innings its the Phillies 6 and the Yankees 2 on the Yankees... radio network!

Thanks For That, A.J. Game 5 Thoughts and Afterthoughts

* Can someone explain to me why a Canadian bitch who hasn't been relevant in at least 5 years was singing the National Anthem of the United States before the game last night? I mean what the fuck, was the leader singer of Nickelback not available? Don't get me wrong, I think Canada does a great job keeping America's head warm, but unless one of their teams are involved, they shouldn't be anywhere near professional sporting events of this magnitude in America.

* Welcome to the A.J. Burnett Experience. This thrill ride of a coaster is sometimes rated among the best in the world, with high speeds, sharp curves, and enough drops to make even the toughest guy feel queasy and off-balance. Unfortunately, the A.J. Burnett Experience is also prone to breaking down periodically with no signs of being fixed soon, or just shutting down completely, thus never quite allowing itself to get the praise so many are ready to heap on it.

* Seriously though, if you didn't see that kind of outing coming from A.J. last night after the first 2 batters then you need your eyes checked. The Phillies made it perfectly clear they were looking first-pitch fastball, and after hitting Victorino to put 2 runners on, you knew A.J. was going to try to be careful and throw a strike down the heart of the plate. After that jack by Slickback, there weren't enough sandbags to beat back the waters gushing through the dam, but that's the pitcher A.J. Burnett always has been and always will be: maddeningly inconsistent and mentally weak to the point that he can't battle his way out of any serious adversity.

* And don't start with the short rest crap. The rest had nothing to do with it. Burnett's velocity was up just as high as it was in Game 2, but his command was nowhere to be found. He couldn't locate the fastball consistently and fell behind in counts, and he hit his spots with his curve only slightly more than the heater. The bottom line is Utley's homer in the 1st shook Burnett and he never recovered. No amount of rest was going to change that.

* And it's sad too, because Cliff Lee was nowhere near the pitcher the Yankees saw in Game 1 and still appeared to be a bit tired from his complete game ordeal. His velocity and bite were down on his pitches and the Yankees were making a lot of good contact off him early. After the first inning it seemed like we were destined to get the back-and-forth, high-scoring game that people had been waiting for with these 2 offenses.

* I give the guy credit for staying in the game because after taking a shot like that off the hand, I would have spent the next half hour rolling around at homeplate crying, but Joe Buck can cut the shit with the "Shane Victorino is as tough as they come..." rhetoric. Shane Victorino is a baseball player; guys in his sport miss weeks at a time with sprained ankles, strained quads, shoulder stiffness, tightness in the groin, blisters, bruises, etc. Those are the kinds of injuries football players would kill to have; those guys play with concussions, tears, broken bones. THAT is tough.

If Brian Dawkins got hit by that pitch last night, he probably would have jumped up and beat the shit out of the ball before walking to first so don't try to convince me that Shane Victorino is any level of tough when he stood around shaking his hand and grimacing all night even after X-rays showed nothing was broken.

* Is it me or are the Phillies ballgirls fucking hot?? That blondie down the right field line in Game 4 was all kinds of cute, and even though they didn't keep the camera on her long enough to get a definitive face shot, it certainly seemed like the brunette down the left field line last night had some things working for her. Google search "Philadelphia Phillies ballgirls" and you won't come up with a swimsuit calendar, but there are still a few in there who'll make you tingle, and kudos to the Phillies for bringing out the A-Team of that lineup for the postseason.

* I don't want to spend too much time on this again, but the "neighborhood" play at 2nd base when turning 2 is bullshit. If the guy isn't on second then he shouldn't get the out; it's a simple thing to do to place your foot on the base. Utley wasn't even close to touching the base in the top of the 3rd and they still called Damon out. Terrible.

* Great move by Joe to get A.J. out of the game in the 3rd and not let things get any more out of hand. It was still early enough that the Yanks could have come back and you have to give your team a chance. It was clear by that point that A.J. hadn't changed his approach to adjust to the Phillies' aggression at the plate and was just out there slinging it over the plate and hoping for the best, so you have to know when to pull the plug and Joe pulled it right when he should have.

* Unfortunately, the Yankee bats never did come alive in the middle innings despite getting 4 solid shutout innings of relief from Dave Robertson (who knew he was actually a decent pitcher?), and Alfredo Aceves.  The Yankee strategy at the plate continues to puzzle me; they are watching way too many good pitches go by (see: Jorge Posada's at-bat in the top of the 7th inning), and are swinging and popping up or grounding out on pitches they should be putting in the seats (see: every Mark Teixeira at-bat in the series). What bothers me most is the looking at strikes, especially strike 3. You want to be patient and make the pitcher throw strikes? I'm all for that. But when the guy has you down 0-2, you can't be guessing or waiting for something anymore, you have to be up there hacking, trying to fight back and MAKE him throw the pitch you want instead of HOPING he throws you the pitch you want.

* After making him look much much better than he actually was from the 2nd inning on, it was almost embarrassing that the Yankees started pounding Cliff Lee and jumping on his first- and second-pitch meatballs in the 8th when he clearly had nothing left in the tank. They took 31 called strikes from Lee last night to only 3 swings and misses. 3!! What more proof do you need that the guy wasn't that good last night? How about 7 hits and 3 walks allowed in 7 innings?? He wasn't fooling anybody!

* It was nice to see Phil Hughes get a few outs with turning the field into a shooting gallery, but you can't get too excited when he was essentially sent in for mop-up duty, sapping all the pressure out of the situation. Until I see the kid get 3 outs to hold a 1- or 2-run lead in the 8th again, I'm not going to be impressed.

* Screw this MasterCard home run charity thing; if MLB really wanted to make some money they would start a charity based around Teixeira and Cano's pop-ups in the series. "Teix & Robbie's Pop-Up for the Troops Fund. For every pop-up Mark and Robinson hit in this World Series, the New York Yankees will donate 100 dollars to a fund designed to help get returning troops back on their feet and settled into a new job. 200 dollars will be donated if the pop-up is hit on the first pitch of an at-bat and 500 dollars if it's hit in a situation with runners in scoring position."

Tell me that's not fucking gold right there. If you implemented that, the returning soldiers would never have to work a day in their lives. They'd be opening up casinos and starting their own cruise lines.

What I'm trying to get at is that Mark Teixeira and Robinson Cano have been disgraceful at the plate in this series, especially Teix. He's first-pitch swinging in the 5th with Jeter on 2nd and he's flailing at junk not anywhere near the strike zone with Damon on in the 9th off the once again not-so-great Ryan Madson. He's off balance, swinging too hard, and pulling off the ball with every hideous hack he takes. If the Yankees wanted Gold Glove-caliber fielding with a 2-19 performance at the plate they would have signed Doug Mientkiewicz back for a hell of a lot less than you, Teix, so get your shit together.

* Jeter's at-bat in the 9th wasn't much better; 2-0, good hitter's count and he lets a fastball go down the middle. Then he lunges at a borderline pitch and grounds into a double play on the 2-1 offering. Just not what you expect from The Captain in that situation.

* While everybody else jumps back on the Philly bandwagon and gets hard-ons for a potential Game 7, consider these factors:

-The Phillies have used their best pitcher and now have to choose 2 from the unappetizing Pedro-Hamels-Happ-Blanton platter to beat the Yankees at home

-The Yanks will get their full complement of offense back in the lineup for Game 6 on Wednesday. That means hello, Hideki, no more Swish in the 5-hole, a full game for Jorge, and Brett Gardner batting 9th where he belongs.

-Ryan Howard is completely lost at the plate. In fact, outside of Chase Utley, the Yankees have held the Philly offense in check through this series.

-The Phillies potential Game 7 starter wants to quit on his team, is getting in fights with teammates about wanting to quit, and even has his manager questioning him. You think his team is going to be pumped to play behind him if there is a Game 7?

-The Yankees will have Mo for 6 outs if need be in Game 6. He's thrown just 13 pitches in his last 2 outings and will have 2 full days' rest going into tomorrow night. If Andy gives them 6, which you expect he'll be able to do, the Yanks will have a mountainous advantage over the rotating pitching machine that is the Phillies bullpen.

In short, everything is fine. Everybody relax, have a few beers before work today, and enjoy the off-day. The Canyon's still getting cleared and the ring sizes are still being taken...

.

.

. But Teix still sucks.

Fuck You and Your Hair

Can somebody please kill this guy?  Please.  Maybe hit him with a pitch?  At least fucking walk him.  Seriously.

10:29PM- Is it too late for Cash to get his money back for Teixeira?

A- Always, B- Be, C- Closing

Let's talk about something important. Put. That coffee. Down. Coffee's for closers only. You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from New York. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Lidge? You call yourself a closer, you son of a bitch?

You've got 2 outs. Your teammates worked hard to score 2 runs to tie the game, busted their asses to tie it. You can't get 3 outs to protect the tie you're given, you can't close shit. You ARE shit. Hit the bricks pal, and beat it 'cause you are going OUT.

There's a runner on third so the slider is weak?  Fucking slider is weak. You're weak. Mariano's been in this business 15 years...

You can't play in the man's game, you can't close them - go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: Get them to swing at the pitches you're throwing. You hear me you fucking faggot? A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing. ALWAYS BE CLOSING.  They're sitting out there waiting to give you their outs. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? What's the problem, pal?

You see these rings? You see these 4 rings?  

You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is pressure? You think this is pressure, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the pressure you get when your team actually has the lead? You don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight with the pitches you've got and get myself 3 outs. Tonight! In ten pitches! Can you? Can YOU?  You wanna go out in the 9th tonight and close, CLOSE. It's yours. If not, you're gonna be cleaning my spikes.

 
And to answer you question, pal, why am I here? I came here because Charlie Manuel asked me to. He asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.
.
.
.
Hmmm, wonder who gets the Glenngary leads.  Good luck tonight, Brad.  I'm sure you won't choke on it again if given the chance, lose the World Series for your team, and disgrace the name "Brad" for the rest of us out there who are representing the name well.  This is the face of determination right here...

AB4AR's Week 8 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 8 Recap

Baltimore 30 Denver 7

Joe Flacco was efficient, Ray Rice was good enough, and the Baltimore D was dominant in knocking the Broncos from the ranks of the unbeaten. But hey, at least Josh McDaniels still has more career wins than Romeo Crennel, Eric Mangini, and Charlie Weis combined.

Philadelphia 40 NY Giants 17

Consider the panic button pushed in New York as Eli and company have taken shitting the bed to a whole new level. Donovan McNabb put on a show, racking up almost all of his yards and 3 TD passes in the first half. Eli has made his yearly transition back to a noodle-armed 8-year-old girl earlier than usual this season, which doesn't bode for well for the G-Men as the rest of the division seems to be hitting their stride. (Washington doesn't count; they aren't a professional team in my book)

Miami 30 NY Jets 25

Finally a game the Jets can't blame on Mark Sanchez. The dirty one was pretty good yesterday, but not good enough to overcome the Ted Ginn Return Extravaganza. Here's the breakdown of Miami's point scoring: Offense 9, Defense 7, Special Teams 14. When you only give up 104 total yards and still lose, that's cause for concern.

Indianapolis 18 San Francisco 14

Peyton Manning had 347 yards but no touchdowns and Joe Addai tossed a beautiful TD pass to Reggie Wayne, finishing the game with a perfect QB rating and sparking a debate over who should be starting at QB next week for Indy. After another monster day (12-147-1TD), can we all just agree Reggie Wayne is the best receiver in the NFL? Larry Fitz has Anquan Boldin and Steve Breaston next to him; Wayne has Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie. I mean, no offense to them but they are Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie.

St. Louis 17 Detroit 10

Steven Jackson's 149 yards and 1 TD were enough to get the Rams and Steve Spagnuoulo their first win of the season, breaking a 17-game losing streak in the process. While one streak ended, the Lions looked good in their attempt to get a new losing streak going. They may not be committed to winning, but you can't say Detroit isn't committed to being consistent.

Dallas 38 Seattle 17

Somebody needs to find out who Tony Romo is banging now because lately he's been nothing like the mistake-prone, choke-in-the-clutch d-bag that we know and love and it's killing my joke potential. Miles Austin slacked a bit this week, racking up only 61 yards and 1 TD (yawn), and with Roy Williams coming out of the witness protection program this week to catch a TD pass, the 'Boys are suddenly stacked at WR.

Chicago 30 Cleveland 7

Jay Cutler was OK yesterday, but when your opponent is the Browns, OK is usually way more than enough to win. Matt Forte had 2 TDs and Cleveland committed what, for them, is a respectable 5 turnovers. Sooner or later we're going to have to organize one of those offseason QB competitions with Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, Jamarcus Russell, and Jake Delhomme to see just who the worst QB in the league is. Tell me you wouldn't watch that; dudes bouncing passes off of tires, underthrowing stationary targets, it would be the highest of high comedy.

Houston 31 Buffalo 10

Despite losing Owen Daniels for the season with an ACL injury and having Andre Johnson shut down with just 6 catches for 63 yards, the Texans still romped over the Bills and ended the Ryan Fitzpatrick winning streak. Ryan Moats came off the bench to have 126 yards and 3 TDs after Steve Slaton was benched so the training staff could find a cure for his fumbleitis. If that strategy keeps working like it did yesterday, they might just want to let Slaton go out and cough the ball up early so they can sub in with Moats.

San Diego 24 Oakland 16

Hey, a LaDainian Tomlinson sighting!!! Wow, it's even more unbelievable in person. Somehow LT stumbled his way into 2 TDs yesterday, tricking all of his fantasy owners into keeping him for another couple of weeks as A Whale's Vagina took care of business against the fighting Jamarcuses. Asked how he felt about the team's loss coupled with the OTL story about his violent past towards women at the postgame press conference, Tom Cable promptly beat the shit out of Andrea Kramer.

Tennessee 30 Jacksonville 13

Vince Young played surprisingly well in his return yesterday against the Jags, taking care of the ball, completing some big passes, and never once threatening to kill himself. Of course when your RB is Chris Johnson, that makes life a lot easier. Johnson and Maurice Jones-Drew engaged in a RB version of "My Dick is Bigger Than Your Dick" all day as Jones' 177 yards and 2 long TDs (79 and 80 yards) on 8 carries were bested by Johnson's 24 carries, 228 yards, and 2 TDs (52 and 89 yards).

Minnesota 38 Green Bay 26

I have run out of sarcastic things to say about Brett Favre. The guy has played out of his mind for the first half of this season and yesterday put an end to any speculation that the Packers can hang with the Vikings by tossing 4 more TDs. Of course that doesn't change the fact that he's a turncoat, prima donna, bitter, old, pill-popping bastard sonofabitch, but hey, what can you do. The Packers have no o-line and no D and to quote Ron Jaworski, "That just won't get it done in the National Football League."

Carolina 34 Arizona 21

In a game that proves that stats and rankings mean absolutely nothing in the NFL, the Panthers racked up 271 yards and 2TDs on the ground against the NFL's leading rush D on way to a big upset win. Kurt Warner, in an effort to show Jake Delhomme that he's not alone out there as a pathetic turnover machine, graciously committed 6 turnovers in the loss.


MNF Prediction:

New Orleans 39 Atlanta 26

Call me skeptical, but I just don't think the Falcons' young D has what it takes to bottle up Brees and Friends. They'll keep it close early, but once New Orleans pulls away and Atlanta has to start throwing more as they play from behind, expect a few picks from Matty Ice that will put the game out of reach.


MNF Predictions for the Season (Winners): 5-3

Get The Coffin Ready. Game 4 Thoughts and Afterthoughts

* Did anybody else's jaw hit the coffee table last night when Tim McCarver praised the Yankees and Joe Girardi for using the 3-man, short rest rotation for the remainder of the series. At this point I had assumed it was written into all of FOX's commentator contracts that they couldn't say anything good about the Yankees before 10PM.

* Tim must have realized his mistake because he quickly jumped back into formation on the Phillies cheerleading squad when he said that, in his view, there was no way Joe Blanton hitting A-Rod in the top of the 1st was intentional. I don't know where Tim's getting his views from, seeing as how he caught some of the most notorious headhunters in baseball history, but when a guy gets plunked 3 times in 10 innings, that's about as intentional as it gets. Shame on the umps too for not recognizing the pattern and giving CC a chance to drill Utley or Howard before issuing the warning.

* Both pitchers seemed like they were starting to settle in after the 3rd inning, but neither was on top of their game. Blanton was living on questionable strike calls by Mike Everett and CC could never quite find the consistent command of his fastball that he's used all postseason to get ahead in the count.

* I know it's a bang-bang play at the plate in the bottom of the 4th, but when you're in perfect position and looking right at the plate, there's no reason to blow the call on Ryan Howard missing the plate on his collision with Jorge. It was obvious, it was clear as day, and Mike Everett had a front row seat for it. On the replays you could tell he was unsure of whether or not Howard touched the plate, as he didn't make the "safe" sign until a good 2-3 seconds after Jorge dropped the ball. He knew what the right call was, but once he realized the Yankees weren't going to tag the plate, he took the easy way out and made the safe call. Disgraceful.

* Slick Back Utley tried to be too cool for school in the top of the 5th and it cost his team a couple of runs. He had plenty of time to transfer to ball and make an underhand flip or even a short toss to Jimmy Rollins at 2nd to get Swisher. Maybe that means the Phils don't turn 2, but the lead runner is always most important and Utley tried to make the flashy play to keep the chance at 2 and instead they didn't even get one. I know you've got the hair gel, chief, but you ain't the Fonz, and you certainly ain't Robinson Cano so just stick to the fundamentals.

* Nice read by Melky on Damon's bloop single after the Jeter hit in the 5th. He came halfway off, like your supposed to, and once he realized the ball was going to drop he was thinking homeplate all the way. Maybe a better throw gets him, but with a good slide he's probably in either way. When you're ahead in the game, you can take chances like that and that one turned out well for the Yanks.

* I don't know about you, but I was losing my shit after Teix and A-Horse popped up with 2 on and 1 out to kill the 5th-inning rally. A couple more runs there and you can start shoveling dirt on the Phillies; as it turned out, they could have used those 2 extra runs in the later innings to secure the win and you expect your $50 million heart of the order to something more than pop up to left in that situation.

* The bottom of the 5th summed up CC's night and his performance so far in the World Series: he didn’t have his best stuff, he got himself into trouble allowing the first 2 runners on, but then he bore down and made some big pitches when he needed them to get the 3-4-5 hitters out and keep it a 2-run lead. No way Wang, Clemens, Randy Johnson, Javy Vazquez, or even Chad Gaudin gets out of that situation unscathed.

* Who had the better "FUCK!!" picked up by the FOX homeplate mic, CC after failing to get the bunt down in the top of the 5th or Howard after popping up to left in the bottom? I say CC, hands down. His was more forceful, angry, and much louder and clearer into the mic; Howard sounded downtrodden and defeated with his and there was no heart behind it. The Yankees even swear better than the Phillies.

* It's official: Chase Utley owns CC Sabathia. I know that sounds bad, seeing as how Utley is an uppity-looking white man and CC is a big, strong black guy, but it's the truth, He OWNS him! CC pitched him pretty well the second time around last night, but in the 7th he threw a bad pitch (slider) in an even worse location (hung right over the middle) with 2 strikes and Utley abused it. I wonder what Utley will do in the offseason to torment CC since he won't have CC's off-speed pitches to pound. Maybe some ding-ding-ditch? Little flaming bag of poo on the doorstep?

* I know it's picking at some really small nits, considering the Yanks are a game away from winning it all, but there have been a lot of Yankee batters watching a lot of strike 3's go right down the middle in this series. Yes, I'm talking to you, A-Rod, Teixeira, Posada, and Nick Swisher. I don't know why the decision was made to be taking so much with 2 strikes or if they're all just guessing wrong, but shit! There's been at least a handful of 2-strike fastballs down Broadway that should have been souvenirs, not strike 3.

* He was looking like he was all the way back to form last night, but then Joba decided to stop pitching and start thinking and he screwed himself. He was throwing straight gas, consistently in the 95-96MPH range and nobody on the Phils had shown any ability to put it in play and then he decides to get cute on Pedro Feliz with a 1-2 count, throws 2 shit sliders to make the count full and then had to groove a fastball when Feliz knew it was coming. As many times as he called time to go talk to CC last night, Jorge should have sprinted out to the mound to put Joba in his place as soon as he started shaking off the fastball in that situation.

* He's gone back and forth from earning himself a new 2-year deal to not even getting an offer, but I think it's safe to say Johnny ensured himself a contract for next season with his call back to his KC Royal days on the steal on 2nd and 3rd in the top of the 9th last night. It was a great hustle play and a head's up play all in one, and without the pop-up slide into 2nd, he probably has no chance to make it to 3rd, which is what set up the rest of the inning.

* You can argue whether or not Lidge should have kept throwing the slider all day if you want (and I personally think it's pathetic that the Phillies would decide to go away from his best pitch for fear that he throws a wild pitch), but the fact of the matter is A-Rod was looking fastball all the way and got one right down the middle on his game-winning RBI double. With the wheels falling off the Lidge cart, somebody should have been out there talking to him, and telling him to stick with the slider. Unless you hit him with it, A-Rod is going to make contact on a fastball and that's exactly what he did with Lidge's.

* Another vintage Mo outing in the 9th: 8 pitches, 2 broken bats, 3 outs, start spreading the news. Hopefully Brad Lidge was taking notes.

* If Game 4 of the ALCS was CC Version 2.0, then last night was CC Version 0.2. It was basically a rerun on his Game 1 performance: high pitch count early, untimely walks, never being able to locate the fastball consistently, and pitching from behind in the count more than you'd like to see. But he still gave the Yankees 6+ and left with the lead, and there's something to be said for that. When your ace comes out with his B- or C-game and you still get a win, you'll take it.

* Sure it's Monday Morning Quarterbacking, but Charlie Manuel should have thrown Cliff Lee last night. If your only excuse is that he's never done it before, then that’s just not good enough. Nobody has ever done it before the first time they do it, and yet we've seen plenty of guys step up on short rest and throw gems. If Manuel was worried about him being tired then he shouldn't have let him throw a 122-pitch complete game in Game 1. The bottom line is your team was playing a must-win game and you left your best pitcher on the bench in favor of your number 4 starter. And if you aren't going to start him, at least bring the fucking guy in in the 9th inning. Anything would have been better than Lidge.

* the 9th inning last night was a microcosm of the Yankees entire season; timely hitting when they needed it and shutdown bullpen work at the most crucial moment. CC wasn't great, Joba made a bad pitch, and up until the 9th the offense had only mustered 5 hits, 4 coming from Jeter and Damon, and yet they still managed to put together 3 runs with 2 outs in the 9th inning to get the lead back and hand it over to the most sure thing in the world next to death. Now it's clearly not about bad calls, bad decisions, or anything else. It’s about the Yankees being the better team, plain and simple.