AB4AR's Week 6 NFL Wrap-Up (The "I'm Too Busy at Work So I Had to Make This Quick" Edition)

Week 6 Recap

Houston 28 Cincinnati 17

No big comeback for Cincy this week. More insane fantasy numbers for Matt Schaub. Hey, Steve Slaton is alive!

Green Bay 26 Detroit 0

Daunte Culpepper is officially done as a football player. Drew Stanton showed why he's a 3rd-string quarterback. Packers got exactly what they needed coming off a bye week.

Jacksonville 23 St. Louis 20 (OT)

Maurice Jones-Drew backed up his calling out of the team and coach with 133 yards and 3 TDs, and Mike Sims-Walker managed to not bang any random chicks after team curfew.

Minnesota 33 Baltimore 31

Favre almost got the Aaron Rodgers treatment as the Vikes' D imploded in the 4th quarter. In true Ray Lewis fashion, Ray started dancing maniacally on the field after Hauschka's miss and couldn't be stopped for 5 minutes to be informed that the Ravens had actually lost.

New Orleans 48 NY Giants 27

Here's a recipe for a guaranteed loss: dynamic offense coming off a bye week against an overrated, banged up defense that has grown complacent by beating up on shitty teams for 4 straight weeks.

Pittsburgh 27 Cleveland 14

While the Steelers officially won the game by scoring more points, Browns coaches and team officials awarded themselves 1/2 of a win for scoring 2 TDs and gave all the players gold stars after the game for trying their best.

Carolina 28 Tampa Bay 21

Williams and Stewart combine for 250+ yards rushing and 3 TDs as Carolina discovers a new winning formula: keep the ball out of Jake Delhomme's hands as much as possible.

Kansas City 14 Washington 6

............................ That moment of silence was in remembrance of the Redskins' season. Congrats to Todd Haley for getting his first win as an NFL head coach and his parking spot back at the Chiefs' facility.

Oakland 13 Philadelphia 9

Jamarcus Russell shows flashes of competence and Oakland does just enough to win a game that the Eagles should have dominated. This game tells you everything you need to know about the Eagles' chances of being a serious competitor this year.

Arizona 27 Seattle 3

After their Dr. Jekyll performance last week, the Seahawks turned back into Mr. Hyde as the offense sputtered against one of the worst D's in the league. Arizona manages to keep themselves relevant for one more week.

New England 59 Tennessee 0

He's BAAAAAAAaaaaaaack! Brady and company set 164 NFL records in the 2nd quarter on way to a destruction of the lame duck Titans. Steve McNair showed more life yesterday than the Titans (BAM!!! 3 McNair jokes in a row).

Buffalo 16 NY Jets 13

In 3 weeks the Jets have gone from the belle of the ball to the ugly, lesbian-looking chick at the school dance who nobody wants to go near. Can somebody get Mark Sanchez some hand warmers and a cup of cocoa? I haven't seen a pussy that big since I watched the Pam Anderson-Tommy Lee honeymoon tape.

Atlanta 21 Chicago 14

The Falcons make it official that they are for real and could very well be the best team in the NFC behind the Saints. Ryan wasn't great, Michael Turner did next to nothing, and they still managed to squeak out a win against a game Chicago team. That kind of win is not something you typically see from young teams, or NFC South teams for that matter.


MNF Prediction

San Diego 30 Denver 24

The glass slipper falls off tonight as the Chargers finally solve the Broncos' defense and Antonio Gates has the monster night I need to finally get a win in fantasy.


MNF Predictions for the Season (Winners): 4-2

Mind of McCarver: Inside the Empty Head of a Bitter Old Baseball Curmudgeon

No fanbase of any team would be happy to have Tim McCarver doing color commentary for a playoff series; the guy is slow, clueless, and still seems to think the game is being played the way it was in the 1960s and 70s.  But when the Yankees are involved, McCarver takes his act to a completely different level, and the first 2 games of the ALCS have been chock full of Timmy's stubborn, blatant, anti-Yankee "analysis."

Exhibit A- Game 1: "There are managers who make people forget about the manager before him.  Joe Girardi is not one of them..."

Then why say it when you're talking about Girardi and the job he did this season???  Whether or not it was meant to be a slight, it was still a curious thing for Tim to bring up while he and Joe Buck were discussing how calm Girardi seemed in the pre-game press conference and how much more calm he seemed through the entire season compared to last year.

I don't think any Yankee fan will ever forget Joe Torre and the success he had with his Yankees during his tenure as manager, but there was always whisperings of his mismanagement of the bullpen and the fact that he played favorites with players like Jeter and Posada.  Those whisperings became louder towards the end of the Torre Era and an argument can be made that it contributed to the negative performance of the team over the last few years.

Girardi, on the other hand, has done a great job managing the pen throughout the season and especially in the playoffs so far.  He was known to be a bit of a general when he was managing the Marlins, but seems to have found a happy medium dealing with this collection of players.  There is certainly no sign of favoritism or any rifts in the clubhouse this season and the results have been everything fans have been hoping for.  So no, maybe he won't make people forget about Torre, but I would say Girardi has done a far better job of managing the personalities of this team than Torre did during his last few years and deserves a lot more credit for it than he's gotten.

Exhibit B- Game 1: "The catcher is almost always going to get that call, regardless of whether he's tagged or not."  Bottom of the 5th, referring to the play at the plate involving A-Rod where he appeared to never be tagged out by catcher Jeff Mathis.

This was the first of his trio of insanely illogical viewpoints on questionable calls of close plays.  Even in the face of multiple angle replays showing that A-Rod was not tagged with the glove holding the ball as he touched the plate, McCarver was steadfast in his belief that tagging the runner out was not necessary on plays at the plate, and focused solely on the fact that A-Rod should have been tied and quartered for running through the third base coach's stop sign.

If that's the case, Tim, then why do teams bother to throw the relay home to the catcher and why does he make an effort to catch the ball before tagging the runner?  Why not just throw the ball wherever you please and just let the catcher block the plate as the runner comes at him?  It's because the rules clearly state that the runner has to be TAGGED to be called out, and if he is not then he should be ruled safe.  There's no doubt that were the teams reversed in that situation, McCarver would have been up in arms about the umpire missing the call and being out of position, but since it involved the Yankees, the team that dismissed him as an announcer after 2001, being on the wrong end of the call, Timmy just chalks it up as a typical play that occurs as frequently in baseball as the home run or the groundout.

Exhibit C- Game 1: "It's off the bag....  But was it on long enough after the catch was made?" Top of the 6th, referring to Mark Teixeira's foot being off the bag when he caught CC Sabathia's throw to get Torii Hunter out on a bunt attempt.

Once again plain factual visual confirmation was thrown to the wayside to allow McCarver to hold on to his own misguided, bitter opinion that the Yankees got the benefit of a bad call.  Multiple replays showed Teixeira's foot to be on the bag as the ball was in his glove for more than a split second before it came off while Hunter had yet to reach the base, but McCarver refused to acknowledge it, leaving it up to question while repeatedly stating he believed Teix's foot was off the base.

Tim then stepped it up a notch by suggesting the first base umpire should consider that Torii Hunter's reaction was evidence that he was safe because he "had the best view of the play, and he was sure he was safe."  WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????!!!!  You mean the player who had more to gain on the play than the umpire should be the most trusted authority on the ruling of a close play?  You're kidding, right Tim?  If that's the reasoning you're going to use, then why don't we just believe every player who says it was tainted supplements or B-12 shots when they get caught for using PEDs, or just let the players call their own balls and strikes at the plate?

Torii Hunter did not have the best view of the play.  He's moving at a fast rate of speed, trying to beat a throw to the base.  He doesn't have the time or the focus to check the positioning of Teixeira's foot at the exact moment the ball enters his glove.  The umpire does because that's what he is supposed to be watching on a play at first base.  If the ump is in good position, which he was, then he certainly has a much better view of the play than Torii Hunter.  Once again, if this play is reversed and Robinson Cano gets thrown out at first, McCarver would have talked himself hoarse praising Lackey for a great play and Morales for a great stretch at first.  Instead, the great plays of CC and Teix get ignored because the ump made what McCarver thought was the wrong call.  Whatever it takes to steal praise from the Yankees.

Exhibit D- Game 2: McCarver again ripping on the umpires for correctly calling Melky Cabrera safe at 2nd when Erick Aybar clearly failed to touch 2nd base attempting to turn a double play.

McCarver was at his best here, switching from saying Aybar did touch the base to Aybar didn't touch the base to Aybar hadn't been touching the base all night to players never touch 2nd base to umpires make that call all the time without players touching 2nd base to this game will go down as the most disputed game in professional sports history because of that call.  It was hard to tell who was more upset by the call, Aybar or McCarver.

All the while, the folks at FOX were once again providing multiple-angle replays of the play that show Aybar clearly never coming anywhere near second base on the play.  Not only that, they dug up replays of the previous plays he had made at 2nd base on the other 3 double plays turned by the Angels that night showing that he clearly DID touch 2nd base on all 3 of them.

When confronted with this indisputable evidence, McCarver did acknowledge that Aybar touched the base the previous times and did not touch it the 4th time, he still would not admit that the correct call was made.  Instead he argued that umpires should not make that call and typically call the runner out even if there is no contact with 2nd base to avoid getting players hurt.  Whether or not that's the case, the fact is a correct call was made and in McCarver's eyes, the umpire was in the wrong for making that call as opposed to allowing Aybar's clear-as-day miscue to go on the wayside.

In McCarver's world, it's not a matter of right and wrong, it's a matter of what he believes is typically done and whether or not the team he's rooting for benefits from or is hurt by that unbalance in typicality.  Using McCarver's logic, if you get pulled over for going 75 in a 55MPH zone on the highway, you're not in the wrong for breaking the law and driving over the speed limit, but rather the cop is in the wrong for not ignoring what you typically do in driving that speed in that section of the highway.  The million times of it being wrong are more important than the one instance of something being right.  That was the case last night, and it was magnified by the fact that the Yankees benefited from the correct call and not the Angels.

McCarver has made it perfectly obvious that he is rooting for the Angels and will continue to spin his commentary towards them as this series goes on.  The sad thing is that FOX continues to put him on the air.  Sure Joe Buck is not psyched to have to call the Yankees but he's at least putting his pro-Boston rhetoric on hold to attempt to call the game as unbiased-ly as possible.  But McCarver is a flat-out fucking joke.  He cries when the right call is made that helps the Yankees and makes no mention of a wrong call being made when the Yankees are on the wrong side of it.  Michael Kay and David Cone would call this series more straight than McCarver.  The only question that remains is just how much lower will Timmy sink as this series goes on?  That in itself is a great reason to tune into Game 3 tomorrow.

Forget A-Rod. How About A-God?

It's starting to get ri-goddamn-diculous, ain't it?  Even the rain drops stop falling just so they can catch a glimpse of A-Rod's at-bats.  Simply amazing.

The Angels would be better off just not showing up at the stadium tomorrow afternoon.  They've already proven that they can't play worth a shit in the cold weather but the Yankees have no problem playing in warm weather.  This series is fucking over.

ALCS Game 1 Musings and Observations

* The crowd was surprisingly loud and active early last night, considering the weather conditions and how dead silent they were in the 2 ALDS games the Stadium.  Maybe they've overcome their worries about the Yankees blowing it because they were up out of their seats cheering for CC in the top of the 1st.

* It's a good thing the crowd was behind the Yankees because to no one's surprise, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver were not.  From the first inning when Buck said that Jeter had a "bounce back year" this season (really Joe?  I didn't realize Jeter had a bad year or was hurt last year), and attempted to poo-poo Jeter's playoffs hits record by mentioning that he did it in extra games, to McCarver trying to jinx Rivera by saying he didn't look right warming up as he proceeded to sit down 3 in a row after walking the first batter of the 9th.

Also sprinkled in were references to A-Rod's steroid use, attempts to say Kendry Morales was as good as Mark Teixeira, constant mentioning of every good pitch thrown by John Lackey while completely ignoring the gem that CC pitched, and the Aflac Trivia Question being "What team, before the Angels, was the last to defeat the Yankees in consecutive playoff series'?"

Buck and McCarver, and FOX in general, did everything short of banging thunderstix and having the Rally Monkey as a guest in the booth to root for the Angels last night, and it was downright pathetic.

* While Yankees like Robinson Cano, Mark Teixeira, and Nick Swisher looked like kids getting ready to go outside and have a snowball fight in their little ear-warmer hats last night, who was the one guy not wearing anything and not even looking like the cold bothered him at all?  Derek Jeter.  Dude is just a professional in every sense of the word.  He could have his arm chopped off trying to turn two and would just shrug it off and keep playing.

* Interesting stat on Cano: he led all of MLB this season in batting average to lead off an inning.  Just one more tic to make on the "Robinson Cano is the least clutch player on the Yankees" tally sheet right there.

* While John Lackey tried to be a tough guy and go without any long sleeves last night, it was obvious the cold affected what he wanted to do on the mound, at least for the first couple innings.  He had no control over where his curveballs were going and that contributed to his high pitch count and early exit from the game.  And what the fuck is what that stupid look on his face when he's getting the signs from his catcher?  He looks like a cross between Baby Huey and constipated Elvis.

* Staying with their theme of focusing solely on the Angels, Buck commented in the top of the 5th that they really need to "get Figgins figured out" as he has been downright awful in the playoffs.  With as many bad shows as they have put out over the years, I can't be the only person who thought FOX would take that comment and turn it into a new comedy show.  'Next Tuesday at 8, it's the season premiere of "Figuring Out Figgins," starring Kevin Hart, Nia Long, and Faizon Love.  Followed by an all-new "Wanda Sykes Show."'  That sounds right up FOX's alley, doesn't it?

* While more Yankees had the goofy protective headwear on last night, they looked infinitely more comfortable playing in the cold last night than the Angels.  Anaheim looked stiff in the field and not as fast as usual on the basepaths, while the Yanks didn't look like they were playing any more different than they do in the middle of summer.  I understand they play in warm weather year-round, but if you're the Angels you have to suck it up and be professionals.  Some of those errors were unforgivable last night and probably a direct result of standing around in the cold conditions.  And that's not even counting Juan Rivera's flailing, sliding, stumbling play to cut off Matui's hit into the gap in the 5th inning.

* What the hell is with FOX's split screen pitcher-batter view with the catcher giving signs as a small square between them?  I felt like I was watching an episode of Hollywood Squares every time they did that.  Trust me, it's only a matter of time before we have a Brady Bunch-style block of cameras across the screen showing every player on every play.

* Bobby Abreu venturing near the wall in right field to catch Cano's fly ball in the 6th inning was the highest of high comedy.  It was like he expected one of the creatures from "Where the Wild Things Are" to jump out of the wall and grab him.  And 2 weeks ago without the wind blowing in, that ball is a home run easily.

* The bottom of the 6th was the perfect microcosm of the whole game.  A typical Jeter at-bat, not affected at all by the weather conditions and an atypical Torii Hunter error in center, more than likely a direct result of the weather conditions.  That right there is why the Yankees are going to win this series; the ability to block out any outside distractions and just play the game.

* This is stealing a joke from Bill Simmons, who did it in reference to J.D. Drew, but after his bases-loaded strikeout in the 7th inning, I'm thinking of making a book entitled "Hack: A Collection of Nick Swisher's Greatest Swinging Strikeouts at Curveballs Way Out of The Strikezone."  That should be a big seller, right?

* All this other shit aside, the story of the night last night was CC.  He was a manimal out there on the mound, doing exactly what the Yankees gave him 161 mil to do.  He got the first pitch strike across against more than half the batters he faced, and when he didn't, his next pitch was almost always a strike.  He had more 0-2 and 1-2 counts than I remember him having all season last night; he attacked the Angels hitters early and got ahead in the count with his fastball, which allowed him the luxury of working the outer corner of the plate with his sinker and throwing his slider sparingly as his out pitch.  He knew the weather was going to affect his off-speed stuff so he used it as little as possible and when you have great fastball command like he did last night, you're going to throw a lot of strikes.

I only remember him having one 3-ball count last night and that was the one batter he walked, so Sabathia wasn't picking corners and wasting pitches.  He was perfectly in sync with what Posada was calling and with the exception of the double by Guerrero, there weren't many hard-hit balls off him.  Last but not least, CC showed his more than just a fat guy in clown pants by fielding his position incredibly well.  His play to throw out Hunter on the bunt attempt in the top of the 6th was incredible (and was an obvious out, despite what Tim McCarver said) and he was consistently quick off the mound on ground balls to Teix to cover first.  For a man his size, CC is a fantastic athlete and he showed it last night.  It wasn't a walk-off win last night, but if anybody deserved a cream pie to the face, it was CC.  I could write an entire column just breaking down each inning last night, that's how fucking good he was.

* And I love the decision by Joe to let him throw the 8th inning.  He hadn't shown any signs of slowing down and was facing the 9-hitter in the lineup and Figgins and Abreu, who had both been awful in their first 2 at-bats of the night.  Sure they're thinking about pitching him on short rest in Game 4, but the most important game is the one you're playing NOW and Joe made damn sure he stuck with what gave him the best chance to win, CC.  If anything, this just gives Joe the option to go to the pen earlier in Game 4 if CC shows signs of laboring because they will have that much more rest.  People can talk about Mike Scioscia being a baseball genius all they want, but Joe Girardi is no slouch and so far may has done arguable the best managerial job of anybody in the playoffs.

Cakewalk, Anyone?

Seriously, were the Angels even at the Stadium tonight or was that the Columbus Clippers in Angels jerseys for a simulated game?

Game 1 recap tomorrow morning...

Sour Grapes 101

Good Seats Still Available

Posted by Peter Abraham, Globe Staff October 16, 2009 10:29 AM

The Yankees are in the ALCS for the first time since — ahem — 2004. But Yankee Stadium may not be sold out tonight for Game 1 against the Angels. That would be embarrassing for the business side of the organization.

Whether it's the economy or the outrageous ticket prices, there were still 6,000 seats available as of last night through the team. Just a few minutes ago, to see what was out there, I pulled up four tickets on Yankees.com for section 221. OK, so they were $431 each. But they were there.

The Yankees trumpeted their postseason ticket prices a few weeks ago, proudly saying they had held the line on prices. But apparently they didn't go far enough.

The secondary market is awash with tickets as well, but that is likely due to the cold and wet weather in New York.

So if you're a Yankees or Angels fan and in the vicinity of the Bronx tonight, seats are there to be had. Dress warm.



I'm not sure which of the 5 stages of grief being a sarcastic, whiny asshole falls into but Peter Abraham needs to fucking let it go.

It's cute that you tried to go online and buy Yankee tickets to prove a point, Pete, but that point is a dead horse that finished being beaten about 2 months ago.  What you should have done was actually follow ed through and bought the tickets since the Yankees actually -ahem- won their first round series to advance to the ALCS and your sad-sack team is -ahem- sitting at home right now watching their Sports Illustrated 2004 World Series highlight DVDs.  Then you could have had some October baseball to watch and actually had something new and fresh and relevant to write about.

But thanks for plugging the fact that there are tickets left to anybody that didn't know.  You probably helped boost last minute sales for tonight's game, especially considering Barstool Boston blogged about this already today too.  You call the fact that the game isn't sold out tonight embarrassing, and while I agree that it would be a bit disappointing to not sell out Game 1 of the ALCS in any weather conditions, it certainly isn't any more embarrassing than being a Sox fan who bought ALCS tickets in advance only to watch his or her team get their collective shit pushed in by the Angels.

Hey Peter,

Suck it, bitch!

Enjoy the game tonight, buddy!

Yanks-Halos ALCS Preview In a Nutshell

I'm not going to waste time breaking down all the matchups and running through the list of each team's strengths and weaknesses here, because quite frankly it's boring and every other Yankee blog and sports website has already done it.  And quite johnly, I don't think any of that shit matters.  These 2 teams are practically even in every facet of the game, and if they aren't then the advantage held by one over the other is so small that it shouldn't tip the scales one way or the other.  Every facet of the game except one.  That one facet is the bullpen.

It's no secret by now that the Yankees bullpen is stocked with competent, confident power arms that can be used interchangeably with frighteningly consistent and dominant results.  Phil Hughes was as awful as he's been all season against the Twins and he still managed to get some outs and not blow any leads and logic would dictate that he's spent the better part of the off time this week reviewing his performance and realizing he needs to stick with the fastball when he gets to 2 strikes and not overthink the situation and get cute with his off-speed stuff.  Outside of Hughes and Damaso Marte, who barely qualifies as a pitcher, the Yankees' pen was lights out in the Division Series and gives them the luxury of keeping their starters on a shorter leash in the unlikely event they suck ass on the mound.  The Yankees can theoretically shorten the game down to 5 innings and still feel confident about holding slim leads, something that has been proven time and time again to be a major luxury in the playoffs.

It's also no secret that the Angels bullpen has been shakier than Muhammad Ali's handwriting over the course of the regular season and hasn't looked all that strong so far in the playoffs.  While the Yankees throw out the fearsome fivesome of Rivera, Hughes, Joba, Aceves, and Robertson, with Phil Coke on drums, the Angels counter with Jason Bulger, Matt Palmer, Kevin Jepsen, and Darren Oliver as their rickety old bridge to the left-handed human roulette wheel that is Brian Fuentes.  If the Angels don't get starting pitching at least as good as what they got against the Red Sox then they are going to be in big trouble in late innings against a Yankee offense that has already demonstrated they have no issues performing a coup de grace against subpar relief pitching.

People can talk about stolen bases, switch hitting, 3-man rotations, how Mike Scioscia is the world's greatest genius, and schedule changes due to weather all they want, but the thing that's going to determine the winner of the series is going to be the bullpen.  Whichever team can hold the late-game leads that should be a constant theme of this series is going to win and the team that is set up better to hold said leads is the Yankees.  Period.  End of story.

I rest my case.  Somebody hit the music...

LAME!!

In what undoubtedly has to be the lamest and most hastily-thrown together pile of crap, Bill Shaikin of the LA Times had an "article" yesterday on the 10 Reasons Why America Should Root for the Angels in the ALCS.


Check it out here.

It's almost too easy to beat this kindergarten logic into the ground, but we'll do it anyway.


10 Reasons why America Should be Rooting for the Angels to Beat the New York Yankees in the ALCS:

1) The Yankees had their century.

Yeah, they did. And it was a century that they thoroughly dominated, winning 25 World titles and producing a who's who list of baseball immortals. Not to mention, that so far in this century they've won just as many championships as the Angels have while participating in more World Series (3) to the Angels' 1. I'd say this century is shaping up to look pretty damn good too.

2) The Angels could become the first team to knock the Yankees and the Boston Red Sox out of the playoffs in the same season, ridding us of both the teams that are force-fed to America all summer.

As if knocking a team out of the playoffs that wasn't as good as you is anything to be so super proud of. And your team would be getting a little force-feeding of their own done if anybody outside of LA gave a fuck about them.

3) What do the Yankees call a $1,250 seat? Half-price.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh god, that's great!! That's priceless! Did you write that yourself? Great stuff, there. Great stuff.  Leno couldn't have said it better himself.

4) Torii Hunter! Say anything! Down with the bland corporate personalities of Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira!

Down with professionalism! Down with complete sentences! Give me an energetic black guy who yells and screams in the dugout and flips his bat triumphantly over every home run he hits, no matter how big or a small a moment it is in the course of a game, as long as he's on the team I root for!

5) If the Angels and Dodgers win, how cool would it be to see Gail and Dave Weaver rooting their boys on, wearing those custom-designed, half-Angels, half-Dodgers jerseys?

About as cool as it was watching AJ Hawk's sister wearing the stupid half-Ohio St., half-Notre Dame jersey in the 2006 Fiesta Bowl. But yeah, I could see how watching a couple of old farts cheer their kids on from the luxury box would be cooler than seeing Joe Torre return to Yankee Stadium to match wits against his former team and its manager who used to play for him.

6) Can you imagine the disgusted looks on the faces of New Yorkers if Joe Torre gets into the World Series and the Yankees do not? Better yet: Jeff Weaver gets into the World Series and the Yankees do not.

Don't get yourself all erect over New Yorkers' misery, Bill. They would be just as pissed if their team doesn't make it regardless of which team does. And unlike you and Red Sox fans, real Yankee fans don't live in the past. We could give a shit about Jeff Weaver and what he does, whether it's making it to the World Series or dying of swine flu.

7) The Angels have the rally monkey. The Yankees have bleacher creatures.

Excellent point. A self-motivated fanbase that cheers the players of their team on at all moments of the game, starting always with the iconic player roll call in the top of the first vs. a lame gimmick that stopped being cute about 3 hours after it was covered on SportsCenter back in 2002.  Lame gimmick by a landslide.

8) The Yankees charge $20 for a stadium tour. No game included.

That's because there's stuff at Yankee Stadium that people are willing to pay 20 bucks to see. Nobody's flocking to the Angels Hall of Fame to check out the career stats of Jim Fregosi, Brian Downing, and Chuck Finely. And what bearing does tour prices have on who you should root for in a game? Anybody who's more interested in stadium tours than ALCS games should have their MLB fan license revoked.

9) Biggest contracts in baseball history: 1. Rodriguez ($275 million); 2. Rodriguez ($252 million); 3. Jeter ($189 million); 4. Teixeira ($180 million); 5. CC Sabathia ($161 million).

Ahh, the old "boo-hoo, the Yankees spend too much" routine; haven't heard that one before. If every team had the money the Yankees do, they would spend it too and that's a fact. End of story. Don't be bitter because you couldn't scrap together enough cash to keep CC and Teix in town.

10) The Angels have won the World Series more recently than the Yankees. America loves a winner.

The Yankees are the most winningest franchise in professional sports history, and have been for 100 years. That's why the big time Cuban and Japanese free agents always want to come to the Yankees; they know that's where the spotlight is and where it's always going to be. The World loves a winner.


So there you have it. No statistical breakdowns, no analysis, no insight, just the same tired reasoning with some old-fashioned homerism sprinkled in. All I have to say is the Angels should be thanking God that the ALCS is won on the field and doesn't come down to a battle between team beat writers because if it did, the Yanks would sweep the series before it even got started.

Dustin Pedroia Is A Dick

BOSTON -- If Boston had won on Sunday, the way Dustin Pedroia turned a double play in the sixth inning would have been a highlight.

Instead, the double play that Pedroia could not make in the eighth became an issue. And Pedroia took a couple swipes at the grounds crew because of it.

In the eighth inning, with runners on first and second, and one out, the slow-footed Kendry Morales hit a hard grounder toward the hole between first and second.

Pedroia hustled to his left, but the ball bounced up on him. He could only knock it down and throw Morales out at first. Both runners then scored on Juan Rivera's single.

Two costly runs that Pedroia knows would not have scored if he fielded the grounder cleanly.

"It took a bad hop," Pedroia said. "Our infield (stinks). It's the worst in the game."

Pedroia was obviously peeved, but did not back away from his statement.

"I'm not lying about that. That is true. I think about those things. That stuff upsets me," Pedroia said. "My job is to take 1,000 groundballs a day. Other guys' job is to get the field perfect so we can play baseball." (story courtesy of The Morning Sentinel, whatever the fuck that is)



So much for scrappiness and heart, huh?  This would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.  I mean come on, the infield is bad?  The grounds crew is the reason you guys lost on Sunday?  Pedroia would have been better off saying the sun got in his eyes on the gounder or the wind took it.  But the grounds crew?  If you're going to blame them, why not take a swipe at the batboys for brings the wrong balls to the umpires, or the clubhouse attendants for not having enough gum and sunflower seeds in the dugout?  Now that I think about it, the pretzel vendor in section 44 only gave 2 packets of mustard to the guy in Row 13, Seat 12 instead of 3 so he's just as much to blame for the loss as those godamn lazy fucking grounds crew assholes, right?

It's sad that this is the team that has been held up on a pedestal for the last 5 years as the pinnacle of what a professional sports organization is supposed to be.  When Robinson Cano fudges a play at second, he doesn't blame anybody.  He blows a fucking bubble of his Bazooka Joe and goes out and makes an even slicker-looking play next time.  When Jeter fucks up a throw from short, he stands right there with the mics and cameras in his face after the game and points the finger squarely at himself.  Say what you want about the money the Yankees spend, but don't ever say they make excuses.  Injuries, bad calls, errors, it all has happened to the Yanks over the last couple seasons and they just kept their nose to the grindstone, fixed their issues, and got back to where they rightfully belong.  And they took every misstep and bump in the road along the way in stride, acknowledged it, and moved forward.

The Boston Red Sox are the most fraudulent team in sports.  They bitch, step back, shake their heads, and mouth off to the umpire at every pitch called a strike when they're at the plate and every pitch called a ball when their on the mound.  They're rosters have now been proven to be full of just as many big-time roiders as any other team in the Steroid Era (and that's not counting all those ex-Sox who haven't been outed- Jason Varitek, Keith Foulke, Trot Nixon, Alan Embree, Mike Timlin, etc.).  And as soon as something goes wrong, they're all collectively looking to point the finger at whoever is closest, be it the umpires, their opponents, or their own grounds crew, who get paid peanuts compared to what they make to do real, actual work at shitty hours, without the benefit of scheduled off-days, signing bonuses, or bonus clauses built into their contracts.

Newsflash, Dustin, your field isn't perfect and neither is anybody else's in Major League Baseball.  Bad hops happen all the time across the league and occassionally they have an impact on the outcome on the game.  Occassionally that game happens to be the one that your team goes on to lose, thereby knocking you out the playoffs, but it isn't your fault and it isn't the grounds crew's fault.  You said "I think about those things.  That stuff upsets me."  Why don't you stop thinking about the field conditions and think about keeping your head on the ball and making the fucking play, and if you don't make the play, for whatever reason, then shut the fuck up.

The fact of the matter is, your team didn't get it done in Games 1 and 2, and your closer didn't get it done in Game 3, where you were still holding the lead, even after the double play that wasn't.  There's nobody to blame but yourselves.  But if you need somebody to share those sour grapes with, I hear Joe Nathan is still looking for somebody to listen to his excuses.

Or you could use your extra free time you have now that you're out of the postseason to study up on the fundamentals of fielding.  I hear those Tom Emanski videos are still pretty good.

You Think WHO Is Going to Win?

Well, well, well.  Without Boston's nuts to hug, it looks like ESPN is looking for a team to whom they can latch on, evidenced by their ALCS Predictions.

Nice try, fellas, but there's no room left on the bandwagon.  You had your fucking chance all season but were still too blinded by the diamonds in the Red Sox 2004 and 2007 championship rings to see what was right in front of your faces, and now there simply aren't any vacancies left at the Yankee Hotel.

Gammons, Kurkjian, and Phillips should be especially ashamed of their turncoat-ness.  Blatantly trying to suckle from the teat of success is grounds for having their Red Sox Nation membership card revoked.  What would Theo think if he were to see this?  Shame, shame.  Buster can talk about the Yankees all he wants because he still has a little credibility left but the rest of you?  Just keep wiping the tears away and get to the back of the line.

There is only one spokesman for the Yankees at ESPN and his name is Brian Kenny. 

The rest of you will just have to live with the decisions you've made and try to apply for membership again next year.

SportsCenter's Top 10 Things ESPN Can Do to Keep Mentioning the Red Sox Even Though They're Out of the Postseason

It's no secret that there's a Mariana Trench-sized gap left in the SportsCenter and ESPN programming schedule in general now that their beloved Red Sox were knocked out of the playoffs.  Luckily for the Worldwide Leader, that fateful event happened on a Sunday, allowing them the benefit of conveniently burying the coverage of the Sox's beatdown and the Yankees' triumph underneath 30-40 minutes of regular season NFL coverage.   This actually benefited them two-fold: one, it allowed even more time for ESPN's gaggle of football "analysts" to verbally jerk off Brett Favre, and two, it gave Peter Gammons and Tim Kurkjian time to stop crying in each other's arms and regain their composure for Baseball Tonight. 

But the fact still remains that the ESPN baseball cupboard is bare without the Sox, so here's their plan to keep the Sox at the forefront of their postseason coverage in tonight's SportsCenter Top 10, sponsored by Miller Lite.  Great Taste, Less Filling.

10) Focus on Pedro Martinez's performance throughout the remainder of the postseason, since he is the most prominent former Red Sox player still in the postseason.

9) Pay the Red Sox to have Bill James come up with new formulas that can sabermetrically prove that Boston actually won their ALDS series against the Angels.
 
8) Break down Jonathan Papelbon's career stats against Mariano Rivera's to show that, by the time he retires, Papelbon will be remembered as the greatest closer that ever lived.
 
7) Have a 2-hour Baseball Tonight Special where Karl Ravech, John Kruk, Tim Kurkjian, and Peter Gammons all break down Red Sox players chances of winning every single award from MVP to Cy Young to Rookie of the Year to Comeback Player of the Year (even though it's already been awarded) to awards that don't even exist but were created by ESPN for the sole purpose of being able to give them to Red Sox players.
 

6) Force all ESPN temps and interns into a small conference room and give them only water and bread until they discover 20 random, quirky, unimportant baseball stats or records that the Red Sox set this year for Tim Kurkjian to orgasmically yelp about on the next installment of "Coors Light Cold Hard Facts."

 
5) Blatantly replace every hat on every baseball player's headshot for the remainder of the playoffs with a Red Sox hat.

4) Show old footage of Papelbon closing out a game against the Angels from last year's playoffs and pass it off as what happened on Sunday so they can pretend Game 4 is actually tomorrow night. Secure an interview with Terry Francona where he is asked who his starter will be for Game 4 to really sell the ruse.

3) Work mentions of and comparisons to the Red Sox into coverage of other players and teams and topics that ESPN has a hard-on for, i.e.- Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, Tim Tebow, etc.

2) Cancel next week's Monday Night Football Game and have Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden, and Ron Jaworski call the play-by-play and provide commentary for a replay of the 2004 ALCS Game 4.

1) Replace the remainder of the "ESPN: 30 For 30" specials with a new, 1-hour, 29-week series devoted to the story of Jon Lester miraculously recovering from cancer.
 
 
Or they could just get over it and focus on the fact that the Yankees are the best team in baseball, have been for the majority of the season, and are the clear cut favorites to win the World Series and would have still been the favorites even if the Red Sox were still in the playoffs.
 
Don't fight it, ESPN, let your hate out.  Give in to  the powers of the Dark Side...

Let Us Know How The Courses Are Playing

The thrill of victory.

The agony of defeat.

No dancing around in your compression shorts?  No cigar?  No Dropkick Murphys?  What happened, little buddy?

Seriously though, Jon, you did the right thing.  It would have been even more embarrassing to get torn apart by the Yankees for a fourth series in a row.  Deep down you know that and your team knows that.  Dustin Pedroia may have said he wasn't ready for the series to be over yesterday, but you clearly were.  So enjoy the rest of the postseason from the armchair.  Watch Mo and take some notes, asshat.

AB4AR's Week 5 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 5 Recap


Cincinnati 17 Baltimore 14

Cincy's offense surprisingly dominated by racking up 413 yards and holding down Joe Flacco and what had been an explosive Ravens' offense as the Bengals vaulted to the top of the AFC North, knocking Baltimore down a few pegs in the process. Carson Palmer is suddenly the king of the 4th-quarter comeback drive for the Bengals who make the "Hard Knocks" curse look more and more obsolete each week. Any if anybody says they had the Bengals at 4-1 and atop the division after 5 weeks, they're fucking lying.

Carolina 20 Washington 17

Jake Delhomme actually completed more passes to his team than the opposition this week and Carolina's defense got the remedy it needed to get back on track by facing the bumbling Redskins and soon-to-be-official bust, Jason Campbell. Washington just never seems to stay consistent, even within games; every week they find a way to blow games they are leading and come back to win games they're losing.

Philadelphia 33 Tampa Bay 14

Donovan McNabb showed no rust in his return to the lineup (see how it's done, Tom Brady?) as the Eagles ransacked Tampa. Jeremy Maclin's 6 catches, 142 yards, and 2 TDs helped McNabb's cause. Kellen Winslow was given the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Purple Heart after the game for his soldier-like 9-catch, 102-yard, 2TD performance in defeat.

NY Giants 44 Oakland 7

Oakland is absolutely pathetic. They would lose by fewer points if they just forfeited each game at the beginning. Head Coach Tom Cable should probably think about threatening to kill himself rather than his assistants after the way his team has performed in the early season. It's not often you see an NFL game playing out like a USC-San Jose St. game (QB only playing the first half; RB gaining 110 yards and 2TDs on just 11 carries).

Minnesota 38 St. Louis 10

Turnovers actually killed the Rams in this game more than their usual suckiness did as they actually outgained Minnesota. Brett Favre is having more praise heaped on him after another solid performance, but let's be honest here; you could throw Terry Schiavo out there and she'd be putting up good numbers if she was playing against the Browns, Lions, Packers, and Rams in 4 out of her team's first 5 games.

Dallas 26 Kansas City 20 (OT)

Tony Romo discovered that if he throws the ball to Miles Austin (10 catches, 250 yards, 2 TDs) instead of the other team, his team stands a chance to win the game. It still doesn't say much about the Cowboys being contenders when it takes overtime to beat the lowly Chiefs though. Chiefs coach Todd Haley was so upset after the game that he took everyone's reserved parking spots away at the team facility, including his own.

Pittsburgh 28 Detroit 20

The Steelers finally manage to do something that they, and I, have struggled with all season, sealing the deal. The Lions were game behind backup QB Daunte Culpepper, but in the end the Steelers managed to hold on and get a much-needed win. Ben Roethlisberger, clearly inspired by his teaming up with D-Generation X earlier this week on WWE RAW, carved up the Lions' secondary to the tune of 300+ yards and 3 TDs.

Cleveland 6 Buffalo 3

I'm still trying to convince myself that this game didn't actually happen because the numbers are way scarier than anything you could experience at Halloween. Browns' QB Derek Anderson finished with a 2-17 day with 23 yards. Let that really sink in for a minute. They guy played 60 minutes of football and managed to complete 2 passes. AND HIS TEAM WON THE GAME!!!!!!!!!! What does that say about how bad Trent Edwards played??? For the sake of the league, Commissioner Goodell needs to mandate that all Browns and Bills games for the rest of the season be played out in simulation mode of Madden so that nobody has to experience something this awful again.

Seattle 41 Jacksonville 0

Matt Hasselbeck dominated the Jags' D in his return, making it a clean sweep for QBs coming back from broken ribs and possibly inspiring some other QBs to break their ribs just to help their teams win. More incredible than Seattle's offensive output was the revelation that their team actually does have a defense. I'm not kidding, they shut down Maurice Jones-Drew and everything. Who woulda thunk it?

Arizona 28 Houston 21

Arizona's defense pulled a Mariano Rivera and saved the win for their team with a late interception return for a touchdown and a goal line stand. Of course this was after they did their best Jonathan Papelbon impression and blew what was a 21-0 3rd quarter lead, but hey, what else did you expect from Arizona. This just in, Andre Johnson is good.

Atlanta 45 San Francisco 10

Matty Ice was back in business yesterday and he made the Flavor-of-the-Week 49ers look like a steaming helping of brussel sprouts with the help of his receivers and defense. The Matt Ryan-Roddy White combo is starting to look like the next Montana-Rice right now, which bodes well for the Falcons moving forward. '9er coach Mike Singletary, invoking memories of last season's pants-dropping incident, teabagged QB Shaun Hill in the locker room after the loss to show his players that this type of performance was not acceptable.

Denver 20 New England 17 (OT)

Champ Bailey proved once again that he is still the best cover corner in the league, even at age 73, with his shutdown of Randy Moss yesterday. The Pats continue to be an enigma as the offense can't decide when it wants to execute and score and the defense can't decide when it's going to shut opponents down or give up huge chunks of yardage and extended drives with the game on the line. On the positive side for Coach Belichick, at least one of the branches on his coaching tree finally seems to have sprouted fruit.

Indianapolis 31 Tennessee 9

SuperManning puts on another embarrassingly good performance for the 5-0 Colts and the Titans put on another embarrassingly bad defensive performance as they drop to 0-5. Since they clearly have shown they aren't willing to hand the keys back over to Vince Young, they have to be content knowing their awful play gives them a good shot at Sam Bradford in the 2010 draft. But still, the Titans' offense is so bad right now that they're...(don't say it)...even...(fight it, fight it)...deader...(bite your tongue)...than...(come on, that's a low blow)...Steve McNair. There, I said it. 2 Steve McNair death jokes in a row. How do ya like them apples?


MNF Prediction

NY Jets 27 Miami 13

Rex Ryan is going to have his defense ready to play on the team's first Monday night appearance this year, especially coming off a loss. Miami has to be hoping the Jets won't mind if they put Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams, Ted Ginn, Chad Henne, and Dan Marino in the backfield all at once to try to score some points. Braylon Edwards got acquainted with his new teammates by punching them all in the face at a team dinner Friday night.


MNF Predictions for the season (Winners): 4-1

Game 3/Series Thoughts

* Andy Pettitte probably just earned himself another one year deal for next year, and at more than the $5.5million bargain bin price the Yankees got him for last season, if he decides he wants to come back after his performance last night. It was like watching Andy circa 1998 or '99; his fastball was lively and he wasn't afraid to throw it up, in, or both, and his cutter and off-speed stuff had plenty of bite on it. There were only a handful of good swings off him all night and in a regular season game there's no doubt he finishes the 7th and maybe beyond.

* It obviously wasn't the way I and many other Yankee fans envisioned facing Carl Pavano last night, but after thinking about it, it's almost better that they beat him the way they did. After saying he had something to go out and prove to NY fans, Pavano was lights out through 6 innings before getting a few balls up in the zone that cost him. In the end, he did prove something to the Yankees and their fans; he proved that even at his best he still isn't good enough to hack it for New York. It will be interesting to see which team gets blinded by the first 6 innings and decides to throw a 3-year contract at him which they'll end up regretting. My money is on the pitching-strapped Mets, who were practically picking people out of the crowd to throw at the end of the season.

* Funny how all the Nick Punto ball-sucking by Caray and Darling stopped after he got thrown out at third, huh? Guess the million intangibles he brings to the game don't include picking up your third base coach. My uncle brought up a great point while we were texting after that play that definitely warrants mentioning here; The reason A-Rod was so excited after tagging out Punto on that play was because he never would have thought to do that; he just doesn't think on his feet the same way Jeter does and he knows it. My money would have been on A-Rod making the play in the hole and trying to force the out at first, throwing the ball away in the process and allowing the run to score. It's those kind of plays (throwing home on Punto, calling for the ball to tag out Gomez at 2nd) that separate Jeter from his peers. There's no way to document them in the statistics, but those 2 plays had just as much to do with the Yankees winning than A-Rod's home runs did.

* The demons of bad starting pitching were exercised in this series as all 3 starters turned in solid performances that allowed the Yankees to score the runs they needed to win. Combined, CC, A.J., and Andy went 19 innings, allowing just 14 hits and 6 walks, 3 earned runs, and 21Ks for a 2-0 record, 1.42 ERA, and 1.05 WHIP. When you have a deep bullpen and get starting pitching like that, you don't need to score too many runs.

* And it's a good thing the Yankees didn’t need to score too many runs because they didn't. Take away Jeter and A-Rod and the Yanks were a combined 14-82 in the series (an awful .171 average) with 2 home runs and just 7 RBIs. They got the hits when they needed them, but the Yankees patience played into the Twins' strategy in this series as they were always swinging from behind in the count and not putting good swings on the good pitches to hit that they did get. An offensive output like that might not cut it against the Angels, whose 1-7 in the batting order is just as dangerous as New York's.

* Phil Hughes has finally come back to Earth in his first big-time playoff experience. 2 innings of work in the series, 5 hits, 1 walk, 2 earned runs, and 3 strikeouts on 60 pitches. I don't care who you are, 60 pitches in 2 innings of work is not good and it's been Hughes' inability to put guys away with 2 strikes and get out of the inning quick after getting 2 outs that has hurt him. He's been too picky out there with 2 strikes, trying to overthink the play instead of just attacking the hitters with gas like he has all season. The Yankees need to get him back on track for the next series.

* I can't say much about his ability as a late-game stopper out of the bullpen, but with that badass neck tattoo, Jon Rauch would certainly fit in as a member of the MC on "Sons of Anarchy."
* Looking forward, the Yanks are set up perfectly to have their rotation intact for the beginning of the ALCS and now that they have committed to Joba in the pen, it should be a no-brainer picking Chad Gaudin as the Game 4 starter. He was a better starting pitcher down the stretch for the Yanks anyway and if Joe can manage the bullpen and off-days as well as he did this past series, he can make sure he has plenty of arms available if Gaudin falters.

The most important thing, however, will be to get the offense going. Damon looked lost out there in this series, Melky looked overmatched, and Swisher was downright awful. I know he's pushing for another contract next season, but I would give series consideration to sitting Damon in favor of Brett Gardner for a game to try and get a spark if Damon continues to struggle. Otherwise, we could be looking at the beginning of the Austin Jackson Era next year.

One Down...

Well it wasn't the massacre I and most other Yankee fans were hoping for, but in the end the Yankees did what they did all series: waited, waited, waited, and then pounced when the opportunity presented itself.  Andy was on, and the bullpen was stout again, showing Minnesota how to hold a lead.

Check back tomorrow morning for a full Game 3/Series recap...

A Message To Carl Pavano

Hey Carl,

How's it going?  Good to see you on the mound again, us Yankee fans had almost forgotten what that looked like.  But it must be nice to find yourself back pitching in the postseason.  Good for you.

Now I know you were technically a Yankee for 4 years so you know the kinds of struggles and glaring team flaws they've had over that time period.  But if you think this year's team has those same issues and you're just going to cruise into the Metrodome tonight, say your hellos to your old teammates and then dominate them for 7 or 8 innings, you're sadly mistaken.  And if you think the guys on this team have forgotten about how bad you fucked them and the organization for the 4 years that you were here, robbing the team of much-needed pitching depth and robbing Mr. Steinbrenner of his $39.95 million, you're even more sadly mistaken.

These are not the Yankees you used to know and used to be a part of.  What they did to Joe Nathan on Friday night was just a preview of what they're planning on doing to you tonight.  Listen and understand, Carl.  They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity or remorse or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Good luck tonight, chief.

Fun With Chip and Ron

By now, saying that Chip Caray and Ron Darling have made the first 2 games of the series borderline unwatchable would be a waste of breath and finger use.  So instead, let's just document their idiocy from last night and make fun of them.  Cool?  Cool.

*"Minnesota has lead every game against the Yankees this year."

I think the TBS production crew deserves just as much blame here as Chip and Ron for flashing the graphic showing how late in each game Minnesota had held the lead.  But when one of those games shows "Lead Game in 1st," that hardly constitutes leading the game.  It was in the May series at Yankee Stadium which means the Yankees hadn't even had a chance to hit yet when the Twins held the lead.  That's like saying Jeff Gordon is leading the Daytona 500 during the pace laps just because he's starting from the pole.  You would think one of them would have had the intelligence to point out that the game in which the Twins led in the first inning lead hardly matters, but no, they lumped that game in with the rest to keep hammering home the point that Minnesota can't hold leads against the Yankees.

* "He's a championship-caliber player for New York and he's won a few with the Yankees."- Ron Darling, talking about Hideki Matsui during his 2nd-inning at-bat last night.

Ron, Ron, Ron.  If you're going to discuss things as fact, you could at least double check them before blindly blurting them out on national television.  It took me all of 13 seconds to log onto Wikipedia and bring up Matsui's page, which you can check out here.  A quick once over of this page will show that since joining the Yankees in 2003, Matsui has not won any titles because the Yankees have not won any titles.

If you don't have the time to check the facts, then just do a little critical thinking.  The Yankees' last WS appearance was in 2003, but they lost to Florida.  Before that, they lost to Arizona in 2001, and before THAT, they beat the Mets, the team you do color commentary for all season on SNY, in the Subway Series in 2000.  I didn't even need a computer for that.

Worse than Darling blabbing this nonsense was Chip, a long-time announcer and someone who should know something about who won which championships when, not stepping in to correct him.  It's almost like they're both oblivious to the fact that other is in the booth.

*"It's hard to judge Nick Punto by the numbers."- Caray in the 3rd inning during Punto's first at-bat.

No it isn't.  Numbers and statistics are there for that exact reason, to document just how good or bad a player is to take the subjectivity out of it.  Another quick search on ESPN.com can bring you to Nick Punto's page, where one can clearly see that it is quite easy to judge him by the numbers.  His career OPS, the simplest and most accurate way to determine how good a hitter is, is .646, almost 100 points below the league average.  This season it was .621 and in 2007, the season in which Punto played a career high 150 games, it was .562.  Punto has never hit more than 4 home runs in a season, has never driven in more than 45 runs in a season, has never scored more than 73 runs in a season, and has never slugged higher than .382.

And these are just the basic numbers.  Sabermetrics that can compare Punto to all other players in baseball would show that he is statistically amongst the lowest-rated infielders offensively.  He is a lifetime jobber, a player out there merely for his ability to play more than one position and yes, it is actually very easy to judge Nick Punto by the numbers and have those numbers reflect just how mediocre a player he is.

*"In, out.  In, out.  Soft, hard.  Up, down."- Darling in the top of the 5th discussing Nick Blackburn's strategy of working both sides of the plate against the Yankee batters.

This was just damn funny.  If a blind man walked in while Ron said this, he would have throught you were watching porn.  At the moment it was said, I was at the fridge grabbing myself a beer and I hustled back to the TV to see just what he was describing.

It was actually a legitimate point and a point worth pointing out by Darling because at that point in the game, Blackburn had been shutting out the Yankees, but anytime an older dude says "in, out, in, out, soft, hard, up, down," it's fucking funny.  If Viagra were smart, they would sign Darling as a spokesman and just run a 15-second ad of him repeating that slogan while a voiceover discussed the benefits of Viagra and reminded you to seek medical attention if your boner lasts longer than 4 hours.

*"I think they had that written down in highlighted marker pen."- Caray in the top of the 7th, describing how determined the Yankees were to not let Joe Mauer beat them.

OK, Chip, let's review this.  There are highlighters...

There are markers...

And there are pens...

I don't know where you shop for office supplies, but I have never seen a highlighted marker pen anywhere and don't know exactly how one would look or what you would use it for if one did exist.

After last night, I'm thinking these 2 need to make like Champ Kind and just stop talking for a while.

Excuses Are Like Assholes...

... And so is Joe Nathan.

“I wasn’t the only one who blew one tonight." (talking about Phil Cuzzi's blown call)

Yeah you were, dude.  Bottom line.  Cuzzi never gets the chance to blow that call in the 11th inning if you do what your job title implies and close the game out in the 9th inning.  But you shit the bed as soon as you hit the mound and gave up the game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.

“Hopefully, [Cuzzi] gets better,” Nathan said. “Hopefully, that umpire realizes he has to do something to get better.”

Yeah, hopefully that umpire realizes that it's not acceptable to be human and make mistakes some times because nobody has ever done that before.  He should donate his body to science immediately so they can turn him into some sort of human-cybertronic robot that never makes a single mistake ever, and certainly would never make a mistake as big as swinging at 2 consecutive first pitches with the bases loaded or giving up a game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.

In the mean time, why don't you take a look in the mirror and figure out why you can't seem to close out games against the Yankees, close out games in the playoffs, or close out games against the Yankees in the playoffs.  Those all seem like pretty big mistakes to me, especially when one of them involves giving up a game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.

“There’s really nothing we can do about a terrible call. And that’s exactly what it was. It was an awful call at the wrong time.”

You're right, Joe.  There is nothing you or your teammates can do about a terrible call.  But you could do something about leaving 17 men on base last night, 14 of them before the 11th inning.  You could also do something about coming into the game to close out a win and giving up a leadoff single and then a game-tying, 2-run home in the bottom of the 9th.  Phil Cuzzi can't do anything about that, but you could because it wasn't acutally his awful call that lost the game for your team.  It was actually you giving up a game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.

Game 2 Thoughts

* Carlos Gomez may "love to swing," as Chip Caray put it, but he certainly doesn't love to hit; 0-4 last night and 0-the series so far.  His half-swing chopper to Teixeira with the bases loaded in the top of the 11th would have been an inning-ending double play with most other people running to first.  I'm starting to see why the Mets traded him away.

*** Check back later today for another column dedicated to the insanity that was Caray and Darling's calling of the game last night***

* The Yankees made no secret about what their gameplan was against Blackburn last night.  8 of the first 9 batters took the first pitch and 5 more of them took until they saw a strike.  They weren't going to swing freely against Blackburn, even though he had the 2nd-fewest swings and misses in the league coming into last night.

* That being said, the Yankees couldn't seem to put any good swings on Blackburn's pitches last night.  The guy threw decent last night, but he wasn't overpowering and he didn't seem to be fooling anybody.  It was almost as if the Yanks became rushed after being patient to get a strike and didn't focus on putting a good swing on the ball, just a swing.  There were more than a few Blackburn pitches that should have ended up in the gaps or over the fence instead of popped up into Twins' gloves.

* While first glance at the numbers shows A.J. Burnett threw a great game last night, anybody who watched the game knew it was a typical A.J. performance: brilliant first few innings, great bite on the slider, but too picky with runners on, too many trips to the mound to talk things over when it should be clear what the gameplan is, and maddeningly inconsistent.  He went from 2 strikeouts in a row to 2 hit batters in a row to 2 walks in a row without warning.  While one run in 6 innings is the important thing and helped keep the Yankees in the game while their offense found itself, 10 baserunners in 6 innings is just plain not good.

It's an effective strikeout pitch, but Burnett's slider is a double-edged sword.  It was so good early, that A.J. became too focused on using it to strike guys out with 2 strikes that he started overthrowing it, another A.J. Burnett staple (see the 3-2 pitch to Orlando Cabrera in the 5th inning).  This led to more pitches being thrown, more walks, more baserunners, and more people at home like me chewing their fingernails down to nothing.

By the 6th inning, it was clear that all the effort he had put into all those sliders had taken it's toll on A.J.'s gas tank.  He lost velocity on the fastball and movement on the slider and he was basically done.  Looking at how the game played out, it would have been nice to get another inning out of him, but at least it made Joe's decision on when to take him out and when to pinch hit Jorge for Molina a no-brainer.

* Was I the only one having visions of Bobby Abreu running through my head when Johnny Damon jumped/spazzed into the left field wall in the 6th inning?  For a guy who looked back twice as he was tracking the ball, Damon timed his jump so poorly that he made it look more like he was trying to avoid hitting the wall and less like he was trying to catch the ball.  Terrible.

* A-Rod woke the crowd up again with his hit in the bottom of the 6th.  It was another textbook "Locked In" swing by A-Rod, where he stayed back on the ball and shifted his weight forward perfectly in sync with his swing.  I didn't think he would hit a home run in the 9th inning, but after watching his swing in the 6th, I knew he would at least get another hit off of Nathan.

* Who invited Xavier Nady and Chien-Ming Wang to hang out in the dugout with the team?  Go away, fuckers!  Nobody wants your walking-wounded bad vibes around the guys who actually earn their paycheck.  Take some of that money and buy a ticket if you want to be a part of the playoffs.

* I don't know what's worse about President Obama doing a commercial with George Lopez for his new late-night talk show: the fact that he's promoting something done by George Lopez or the fact that he's on TV doing commercials for stuff completely unrelated to government.  I will admit, though, this is a change from the past few Presidencies.  You didn't see Bill Clinton doing guest spots on "Mad TV" did you?

I'm glad you're having fun yukking it up with George Lopez and traveling to Denmark to plug your home city for the Olympics, Barry, but now it's time to get back in the Oval Office and make a decision on something.

* Phil Hughes suffered from the same disease that has plagued A.J. and Joba all year for the second straight outing last night.  He got too cute with batters that had 2 strikes and too careful with runners on base.  It ended up getting him in trouble and giving up 2 runs and once again both he and Mo threw 20+ pitches in their appearances.  When the best guys can do is foul your fastball off with 2 strikes, then stick with the fastball.  It ain't rocket science.

* I could write an entire column about the A-Rod home run, but like I already said, I absolutely knew he was going to get a hit in that situation.  His swing since the middle of game 1 has been on point, he was seeing the ball perfectly out of Nathan's hand, and after giving up a leadoff hit to Teixeira, Nathan was showing all the signs of blowing up already.  Once he got to 3-1 on A-Rod, you could bet your life savings that he was going to groove one and you just aren't going to get away with that when A-Rod is on his game.  Simply the biggest hit in his Yankee career so far, but hopefully not the last big one he has this postseason.

* Minnesota's 8-9 hitters were 4-9 last night with 2 RBIs, 2 walks, and 1 run scored.  I wouldn't know Matt Tolbert, Nick Punto, or Brendan Harris if they walked into my apartment and punched me in the face, but those guys were a thorn in the Yankee staff's side all night last night.

* Damaso Marte is the Hispanic version of Ron Villone: a lefty reliever with a funky delivery who can't get lefty hitters out.  If you're going to come out and pitch away to the lefty hitters instead of busting them inside, then why fucking bother pitching to them at all?  Just come out, intentionally walk Mauer and Kubel and let Joe come get you next time.  Don't leave something out over the plate where they can extend their arms and get a good swing on it.

* I'll admit it, Phil Cuzzi's call was one of, if not the worst call in playoff baseball history.  The guy was in perfect position with an un-obstructed view and he flat out blew an obvious call. 

Mauer obviously scores if he's awarded second base like he should have been, but that still doesn't mean the Twins win the game.  That could have been the only run they scored and with Mijares out there starting the bottom of the 11th pitching to Teix and A-Rod, the Yankees could have gone back-to-back and still won it.

And the Twins didn't do themselves any favors by having Delmon Young and Carlos Gomez both swing at the first pitch with the bases loaded.  Dave Robertson didn't have his A-level stuff and the few curveballs he did throw were right over the plate.  Logic would dictate you take a few pitches, see if you can get ahead in the count and see if you can get to a count where he grooves one.  Plus, with Jorge behind the plate every ball in the dirt is an adventure, so the Twins could have scored a cheap run without even taking the bat off their shoulders.

The blame for the Twins not scoring at least one run in the top of the 11th breaks down like this: 40% Phil Cuzzi for making the worst call in history, 50% Twins for swinging themselves out of a rally, and 10% Yankees for playing the infield in.  If Teix is playing at regular depth, that chopper off of Gomez's bat is at least a bang-bang play at the plate so good call there by Joe.

* I know they didn't have a lot of arms left in their pen either, but leaving Mijares out there in the bottom of the 11th was a terrible decision by Ron Gardenhire.  In 71 appearances this season the guy has only thrown 61.1 innings.  He's a lefty specialist and was clearly out of his element pitching to righties.  His long, looping delivery carried the ball right into Teix's wheelhouse and Teix did what any good hitter does against pitches down the middle of the plate.  Even if Teix ended up with a double off of that swing, A-Rod batting next would have had equal success against Mijares.  If I'm Gardenhire, I'm going Jesse Crain or Scott Baker or anybody who throws right-handed before I go Mijares in that situation.  But Gardie didn't and this was the result:

P.S.

If that isn't the sexiest thing you've ever seen, then I don't know what is.

What A Game!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY, WHAT A FUCKING GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't even write right now.  Too much to say. Post-game wrap-up tomorrow morning.

Frankie...

5 Things To Watch For in Tonight's Game

1) How quickly A.J. works tonight.

It's already been documented to death the difference between Burnett's numbers pitching to Molina vs. pitching to Posada so I'll skip that here.  The real indicator of how well he's throwing and how well he feels on the mound is how quickly A.J. works when he's on the mound.  Whether it's Molina, Posada, or Elston Howard behind the plate, when A.J. doesn't have it, he slows the game down to a Joba-like crawl, constantly stepping off the mound and shaking off his catchers, which leads to multiple visits and discussions.

I don't expect A.J. to throw a perfect game tonight.  At some point, he's going to put runners on base.  The true litmus test of what he's got tonight is going to be his speed on the mound with runners on.  If he's making pitches and feeling good about his command, he'll keep working fast even if he gives up a hit or walk here or there.  It's when he's throwing junk and knows he's throwing junk that he gets skittish and starts second-guessing himself.

It will probably take until the 2nd or 3rd inning to really be sure, but if somebody gets on early in one of those innings and we still see Burnett up on the rubber ready to throw, we'll know all is well.  If he's walking around, throwing to first, and Molina has to make more than one trip to the mound in any given inning, then it's time to get Alfredo Aceves up.

2) The Yanks' approach against Nick Blackburn.

Nothing about Blackburn's season numbers blow you away, but nothing stands out as a glaring weakness to the kid's game either.  He's pitched in big games before and comes into the postseason throwing well over his last 4 starts, but pitching in Yankee Stadium, even the new Yankee Stadium, is a whole different animal and whether he shows it or not, there's going to be some nerves involved.

For the season, Blackburn has a .290 batting average against and the Yankee offense had no problem throughout the season attacking pitchers early in the count and pounding the ball all over the field or waiting them out, bleeding the count, and having the starter hit the showers after 100+ pitches in 5 innings.  Will the Yanks try to jump on Blackburn early in the count knowing he throws a lot of good pitches to hit?  Or do they wait him out and test the waters the first time or 2 through the lineup the way they did with Duensing in Game 1 and then unleash the hounds in the middle innings?

3) The Crowd.

I know I'm beating a deader than dead horse here, but the crowd in Game 1 was the weakest playoff crowd I can remember since I became old enough to notice things like that in a game.  You could barely even hear the first inning role call coming from the bleachers in the top of 1st.

Hopefully Game 1's win helped restore a little faith in the Yankee faithful and they will be more active tonight, because they could hold a big influence over the first 2 factors; if they are loud and rowdy early, it could help shake Nick Blackburn up, and if they get behind A.J. early, it could help him settle in.

One thing is for sure, there better not be any sitting around and waiting until there are 2 outs and 2 strikes to cheer.  It's the fucking playoffs, for God's sake!!  Get up off your asses and get your money's worth!

4) How Joe Manages the Game.

With all the press being given to the Molina-for-Posada controversy, it will be interesting to see how Joe handles A.J. and Molina tonight.  A.J. should be in his comfort zone out there at home with his favorite catcher, but if he doesn't have it, how long does Joe wait to go get him?  Both Aceves and Gaudin will be ready to go for multiple innings tonight and all hands should be on deck with the exception of maybe wanting to limit Hughess and Mo's pitch count after Wednesday night.  Knowing that, I would, and I certainly hope Joe would, have no problem taking Burnett out in the 4th or even the 3rd inning if he's awful.  Joe did everything he could to baby A.J. and make him comfortable, but it's about winning the game and he has to do what he has to do to win it.

On the other side of that coin, if A.J. pitches well but the Yankees are down in the 5th or 6th inning with runners on and Molina due up, does Joe pinch hit Jorge in that spot, hoping he will get the clutch hit that Molina almost certainly wouldn't?  And then after that, does he leave A.J. in to pitch to Jorge or do you go right to Dave Robertson or Aceves?  Not to mention the pinch runner factor.  If Molina gets on base in the 5th or 6th inning and I need a run, I'm taking him out for Brett Gardner without even thinking about it and telling Jorge to get his gear on.

Like I said, it's about winning the game at this point.  Jorge's feelings were hurt and A.J.'s were taken into great consideration for tonight's game, but as soon as the first pitch is thrown, all of that should go out the window and the focus should only be on what players give our team the best chance to win this game.

5) George Steinbrenner.

Where the hell was he on Wednesday???  We all know George is a fragile shell of his former self, but I would imagine he's still competent enough to realize his team was back in the playoffs and would want to see them in their first postseason game at the new Stadium.  And yet, not once did a camera catch any shots of him up in his box, sunglasses on, looking down half-alive, half-dead at the game.

Jeter expressed how much the team wants to win this title for George; everybody knows he's on borrowed time right now.  It would add a little more buzz to the atmosphere tonight to flash him up on the big screen in the first inning and let everyone give him a cheer.

He's old, he's frail, he might think it's the 1978 season again, and he's probably got a big dump in his pants right now, but he's still The Boss, damnit, and I want to see him at the game tonight.  So Hank and Hal, I don't care how you do it, get Georgie Boy to the game and in his rightful spot watching over his creation from his perch.

**Check back here after the game for post-game analysis**