Random Thoughts on Today's Game

-I don't know what Joe Girardi smoked before the game today, but it had to be good shit seeing as he's out in Cali and he basically coached the game today like a guy who was focused on what flavor Doritos he wanted rather than a manager who needs to be getting his team ready for the postseason.

-Exhibit A- Shelley Duncan starting the game in right field.  Even before today, it was clear to everybody but Joe that Shelley has no business being in the outfield unless he's chasing a member of the opposing team during a brawl.  After today, it needs to be written into any and all future baseball contracts that Shelley Duncan signs that the only time it is acceptable for him to be playing right field is at a family cookout.

-Exhibit B- Joe tries to get cute in the 7th inning and match up with the Angels by replacing Damaso Marte with Jonathan Albaladejo.  Granted I've praised J-Alba for his play late, but let's be realistic, he isn't going to be on the postseason roster, at least not for the Divisional Series.  Marte has shown flashes since returning from the DL but could still use all the reps he can get to get back to top form.  If you want to have confidence in him, you might as well give him a shot to get a righty out.  And if you're going to match up, get Bruney in the game to get his shit figured out.  The fact that Joe didn't go to Bruney shows where he might stand in the postseason pecking order but if Dave Robertson can't go, the Yanks ARE going to need Bruney.

-Exhibit C- Playing the JV team.  Look, I know the Yankees are older and it was an afternoon game after a night game, but assuming they continue to hold the best record in the AL and get to choose their first-round schedule, there are going to be plenty of off days for their 30-and older vets to rest.  The important thing now is to make damn sure you lock up that division title and that freedom to choose the schedule.  My uncle sent me a text late in the game asking why Joe wasn't stepping on the Angels' and essentially every other team's throats and this, once again, falls on Girardi and his decision to sit half the starting lineup today.  He's looking weeks and weeks down the road to the postseason when he should be focused on the next game like he always says he is.  Play the damn starters, rattle off another 7, 8, 9 wins in a row, strike some fear into the other teams, and go into the playoffs with momentum.

-I don't know who the fuck Freddy Guzman is or where he came from; my uncle and I are working under the belief that he is some dude who was bumming around Steinbrenner Field in Tampa when George stumbled out of his office, saw him, and assumed he was actually Mickey Rivers, so he stumbled back inside and ordered Girardi to play him.  The one thing I do know is that if you get this fucking kid on base, he's a guarantee to steal at least one.  Between him and Brett Gardner, the Yanks have more pure speed than they've had in the last 15 years combined.

-Is it me or does Mo seem not quite 100%?  I can't put my finger on it, but it seems like there might still be some lingering soreness in his groin and he's just getting by with his B-level stuff right now.  But when you're as God-like as Mo, your B-level stuff will get you further than most guys' A-stuff so as long as he's saving games that's all that matters.

-Last but not least, another bizzaro move by Joe that thankfully turned into a feel good story today was Ian Kennedy working the 8th inning.  After suffering an aneurysm scare that is all too familiar for Yankees' fans who remember David Cone, Kennedy has made it all the way back to pitch this year and it's good to see him out there as he may become another important factor in the rotation next season. 

I'm sure most Yankee fans probably sat there wishing he still had the aneurysm when he hit a batter and walked 2 more to load the bases, but our little Ian has apparently grown up and learned a new trick called "getting out of trouble," which he did quite well with a strikeout and a flyout.

John Sterling's reaction was a little less than happy upon realizing Kennedy was on the mound...

...but the bottom line is the Yankees have yet another young arm to work with moving forward and his name is:

MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...Kennedy!!!

AB4AR's Week 2 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 2 Recap

Atlanta 28 Carolina 20

Well the good news for Panther fans is that Jake Delhomme only threw one pick yesterday. The bad news is that their team still lost and Matt Ryan outplayed Delhomme, thus dropping the Panthers 2 games behind both Atlanta and New Orleans only 2 games into the season. Tony Gonzalez continued to earn that new parking space at Atlanta's team facility with 7 catches for 71 yards and a TD.

Minnesota 27 Detroit 13

Another workman-like Pee Wee football performance by the Great Favre helps get the Vikings to 2-0. A little-known detail about Favre's contract with the Vikings is that he actually gets paid more in bonuses for every pass under 5 yards he throws. After the first 2 weeks of the season, he has already earned an extra $300,000. Nothing really snappy to say about the Lions; they're performance is a good enough joke in and of itself.

Cincinnati 31 Green Bay 24

Antwan Odom turned himself from a "Who the fuck is that guy?" to a potential Pro Bowl candidate with a team record-tying 5 sacks in Cincy's upset of the Packers. Green Bay's patchwork line made Odom look like Reggie White, and Rich Gannon, probably still woozy from his career-ending concussion/neck injury, seemed to think Odom actually was White with his endless praise. The Green Bay o-line's putrid performance didn't just end on the field though. After the game, they couldn't even stop a horde of autograph seekers from rushing by them to get to Aaron Rodgers.

Houston 34 Tennessee 31

It was the Battle of the Johnsons as Houston's Andre and Tennessee's Chris went back and forth trying to see which Johnson would come up bigger in this back and forth game.... Wait, that sounds really gay, forget I wrote that. In any case, both guys were fantasy owners dreams yesterday, combining for 176,594 yards and 285 TDs. After the game, Tennessee QB Vince Young was so distraught at his team's 0-2 start that he thought about killing himself again. Kerry Collins told him to just chill out and have a beer.

Oakland 13 Kansas City 10

Jamarcus Russell finally broke through and had the type of MVP-caliber game his teammates and coaches have been waiting for yesterday as he led the Raiders to victory over their rivals from Kansas City. I'm just kidding, Russell was fucking terrible as usual, and this time is NFL record-terrible. His 7-24 performance marked just the 2nd time since 1997 that a quarterback attempted more than 20 passes in a game and managed to complete less than 30% of those passes. It's that kind of inept play that makes you wonder just how epically bad Darrius Heyward-Bey will turn out to be and makes you wonder even more how this team is a few stops last Monday night away from being 2-0.

NY Jets 16 New England 9

Without his security blanket, Wes Welker, Tom Brady looked more like Gisele in his performance yesterday as the Pats fell to the Jets and Charlie Weis/Ron White hybrid fat guy, Rex Ryan. After the game, Ryan called New England coach Bill Belichick and left him a voicemail thanking him for never changing his blocking scheme or blitz pickup strategy in the face of constant defensive pressure from Gang Green.

New Orleans 48 Philadelphia 22

Kevin Kolb threw his name into the Eagles' QB hat as he put up almost 400 yards and 2 TDs in defeat, proving once again the Donovan McNabb is a terrible quarterback and should be taken out back and shot. Unfortunately, Kolb's performance was no match for Drew Brees, who had another ho-hum 300+ yard, 3 TD passing day. Right now Brees is on pace to throw for 5,728 yards and 96 TDs this season. Think about that for a second.

Washington 9 St. Louis 7

In what 20 years from now will be known as "The Worst Game Ever Played," the Redskins somehow managed to score more points than the Rams yesterday, thus losing the tiebreaker for the first pick in next year's NFL Draft to St. Louis at the end of the season if both teams end up with the same record.

Arizona 31 Jacksonville 17

Has a team fallen farther than the Jaguars over the last 2 seasons? After his team obviously quit on him last year, for some reason upper management decided to bring back Jack Del Rio and the start to this season hasn't been much better. The new uniforms they started the season with don't seem to be helping so maybe they should try something more in accordance with how they play...

San Francisco 23 Seattle 10

Frank Gore ran for 207 yards on just 16 carries yesterday and after the game graciously donated his game check to the "Seattle Seahawks Run Defense Disaster Relief Fund." In off-the-field Niner news, Michael Crabtree attempted to use this latest win as a bargaining tool, pointing out that the team is undefeated since drafting him and he should be paid accordingly for his impact on the franchise.

Buffalo 33 Tampa Bay 20

Despite another solid performance on the both sides of the ball, Terrell Owens was quick to call out Trent Edwards for only having 97.0 QB rating, Fred Jackson for not rushing for 125 yards, and the defense for only returning one interception for a TD. Fellow wideout Lee Evans wasn't shielded from the verbal tirade either as TO chastised Evans for catching a 32-yard TD pass instead of the 43-yarder Owens caught.

Chicago 17 Pittsburgh 14

In a hard-fought battle at Soldier Field, Jay Cutler silenced his critics by leading Chicago on two consecutive 4th quarter drives to tie and eventually win the game against the defending Super Bowl champs, outplaying Ben Roethlisberger in the process. Roethlisberger got revenge after the game though, by raping Cutler's mom at the team hotel.

Baltimore 31 San Diego 26

In a game that fans will no doubtedly blame LT for losing, it was actually the Chargers defense that couldn't get the job done yesterday in their loss to Baltimore. Ray Lewis had a vintage performance, racking up 12 tackles and slashing through the Chargers' o-line (something he's quite familiar with) and stopping Darren Sproles for a loss to end the game. Shawn Merriman accumulated 1 tackle and no sacks yesterday, meaning the hardest hit he has this season is still the one on Tila Tequila (yeah, that was back-to-back rape/domestic violence jokes right there; classy stuff here, people).

Denver 27 Cleveland 6

Less than a week after he was fined 25 grand for his role in the Brett Favre injury report saga from last season, the NFL fined Browns' coach Eric Mangini an additional $25,000 for completely sucking at his job as his team was thoroughly handled by the Denver Broncos. On a positive note, the Browns rebounded from last week's uncharacteristically decent performance to start a new no-TD streak.

NY Giants 33 Dallas 31

Tony Romo predictably crashed back to Earth last night in a big moment as the NFL-record 105,121 people in attendance got treated to a 13-29, 3 interception performance by Romo in Dallas' last-second loss to the G-Men. There was actually more of a concern about Romo's passes hitting the new video screen than any of the punts, but everyone in attendance did agree that Romo looked even better sucking than usual on the large HD screen.

MNF Prediction

Indianapolis 23 Miami 13

Even without Anthony Gonzalez, the Colts still have plenty of weapons to use against the overrated Dolphins. Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark, and the 2-headed monster of Joe Addai and Donald Brown will be more than enough to match up against whatever 11 guys actually play on the Dolphins defense (seriously, can anybody even name 2 guys on that defense??). Keep an eye out for Colts WR Pierre Garcon, who looks to cement his status as the NFL's premier black-French wideout.


MNF Predictions for the season (winners): 2-0

MNF Predictions for the season (being even remotely close to getting the score right): 0-2

Def Con 2

Ummmm, what the fuck is going on?  2 weeks ago the Yankees were cruising along, 9 games up on Boston, and looking like a lock to get into the playoffs and right the wrongs of the last 5 years.  After today, things are starting to look more like the last 5 underachieving seasons than the last 2-3 months of fantastic baseball the Yanks had been playing.

Pitching consistency and depth is non-existent at this point and right now the only set spot in the playoff rotation is CC Sabathia.  Hitting is feast or famine and clutch hits are harder to find lately than a good-paying job, despite all the league-leading offensive numbers the Yankees possess.  Lately we've seen more nights of the Yanks making pitchers like Ian Snell look like Bob Feller than of them working counts, piecing hits together, and making guys pay for their mistakes.  Most importantly, the bullpen has shown cracks that hadn't even been remotely apparent a few months back, cracks than they cannot afford to have moving forward with the way the rotation has been performing.

I said earlier this week that if the fight helped refocus the team then I would consider it a success.  Judging by how the team performed for the remainder of the week, I would say it did more harm than good.  If anything, it seemed to make the Yankees more complacent with the position they were, and still are in and did nothing to get their sites reset on Title # 27.

As far as Joba goes, I hate to say it but he's fucking done.  This season has gone from promising to rewarding to a disaster over the course of the summer, and while I support the move to manage his innings and won't jump on the Yankees for wanting to keep him and his arm healthy (anybody know what Mark Prior and Bill Pulsipher are up to these days?), I have to say that the way the team went about doing it was completely backwards and the new versions of the Joba Rules this year have fucked him up beyond repair.

Instead of starting him in the pen to limit his innings and then building him up to the point where he could throw 6, 7, 8 innings per start now when you need him to be in peak condition for the playoffs, the Yankees worked him in reverse and now Joba is more of a liability than an asset when he's on the mound. The Yanks need to either put him in the pen for the rest of the year and let Mitre start, or sit Joba entirely because with the way he's pitching right now he gives the team no chance to win.

"It will take more than this to get my confidence level down..." Joba said after today's horrific outing, but anybody who has watched him pitch over the last month knows his confidence has been shot for a while.  He can't locate anything consistently, can't finish hitters, and grinds the game to almost a complete stop when he gets runners on base by shaking off his catcher and constantly throwing to first base, prompting multiple trips to the mound by Jorge or Molina but of course none from Dave Eiland.

When you make a decaying, 39-year-old Ken Griffey Jr. look like Ken Griffey Jr. circa 1999, you know there are big problems.  Joba and Joe need to cut the shit with this "we still have confidence," "he looked good," "I felt good today" bullshit and just accept the fact that the plan this year didn't work and now the rotation is looking potentially just as thin for this postseason as it did the last 4. 

And in case the Yankees haven't noticed, Boston is clicking on all cylinders right now and are just 5 games back, 4 in the lost column.  I'm not saying I'm hitting the panic switch yet, because the fact of the matter is the Yanks have been the better team this year and I still believe they are, but the heat has been turned up significantly and the way the Yanks respond to this mounting pressure down the stretch is going to be an indicator of their chances heading into the playoffs.

If Andy comes out and looks like a tired old man again on Wednesday, then you can think about moving that hand one minute closer to midnight.  But for now, let's all take a deep breath and just enjoy the soothing sounds of Frankie...

You're on The Mark...Teixeira

I think Mark Teixeira just hit another home run...

This Guy Sucks

Down 17-16 to Michigan St. at halftime on your home field?

7 first half penalties a week after your 9 against Michigan contributed to your team blowing the game??

A defense that, for the 5th consecutive year since you waddled onto campus, can't cover or tackle anybody???

Somebody gather up all his extra Hostess cakes, Hot Pockets, and vats of nacho cheese from his office and donate it all to local food shelters, and then get a forklift and a flatbed truck to dump him on because this fat fuck has to go.

And if that doesn't work, find Carrie Fisher to choke him to death with her chain...

P.S.- That's not even Jabba The Hutt; that actually is Charlie Weis.

BREAKING NEWS: Mariano Rivera Is Human!!!

So Mo blew a save last night?  Big fucking deal.  Every other closer in baseball has blown at least 2, 3, 4, or more saves this season and last night was Mo's 2nd of the year in the team's 148th game, and first since April. 

I'm sure everybody at Baseball Tonight had to hide their boners when they saw Mo give up the game-winning homerun to Ichiro (which is nothing to be ashamed of), especially considering the Red Sox won again last night, but let's not forget that other than his 2 hiccups this season, Mo has been lights out whereas Papelbon can pretty much be penciled in to put 2 runners on and throw 20-25 pitches in his 9th-inning appearances.

I, and any other Yankee fan with half a brain, should be more concerned with the fact that AJ Burnett finally looked competent pitching in a baseball game and Johnny Damon broke out of his nearly month-long slump.  Based on the time between his first and second blown saves this season, Rivera should be golden moving forward into the playoffs and that's what you want; get all the BS out of the way now and move forward.

Is Francisco Cervelli The Best Catcher On The Red Sox?

The answer after tonight is a definitive "Hell Yes."  Too bad being the best on that team doesn't help the fact that he's only the 2nd or 3rd-best on the Yankees.

Varitek goes 0-2 and allows a passed ball that helped the Angels regain the lead they would eventually lose (with some help from homeplate umpire Rick Reed), while Cervelli comes in cold off the bench to become the 74th different Yankee this season to get a walk-off, game-winning hit.

(YAY!!!!!  I'm so happy we could come back and win a game thanks to a collection of fluke infield hits by Jed Lowrie and Nick Green, some questionable calls by Rick Reed, and a bloop single to left by powerhouse Alex Gonzalez)

Sit the fuck down, Big Sloppi, and take notes on how to really win a game.  Sharp single to center, stolen base, sacrifice, sharp single to left, start spreading the news...

P.S.- Did anybody else catch Steve Phillips saying Ortiz was "squealing like a little girl" when he described this celebration, which, by the way, wasn't even on the game-winning hit.  I wonder how ESPN will reprimand him for speaking ill of the Red Sox.

Final Thoughts on The Fight

After watching the replay of the brawl for the 347th time today, I came to the conclusion that the Yankees should not only the favorite to win the World Series this year, but should also be the favorite to take the title belt in any team brawl.

Check the tape of the fight from multiple angles.  Sure Damon and Jeter were the first non-Posada Yankees involved, but they had a head start from the on-deck circle.  Take a look at who the first dudes into the fray are out of the Yankee dugout: CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, Joba Chamberlain, and Shelley Duncan.  Screw Ruth and Gehrig, that's a murderer's row of big fucking dudes ready to pound people's faces in right there.



And hot on their heels was manager, Joe Girardi.  When do you ever see a manager get that involved in a team brawl?  Girardi looked like he was ready to kill as many people as Jorge, and that's something his players notice and respect and that's why they've played so hard for him this year.  Cito Gaston was off to the side, trying to start something with Edwar Ramirez.  Edwar Ramirez!!! He's smaller than the batboys.  Way to show your toughness, Cito, you fucking pussy.

All that was missing was Bruney and Albaladejo steaming out of the bullpen with matching Road Warrior spiked shoulder pads and Hawk and Animal facepaint, bashing Carlson over the head with a steel chair.

Any team that's thinking of starting shit with the Bombers for the rest of the year better think twice after last night.  Any time a guy comes out of a baseball fight looking like this...

...you know whoever it was that was throwing fisticuffs in the pile was playing for keeps.

After inflicting that much damage last night and winning a decisive 10-9 round on my scorecard, Jorge must be stoked to only have to serve a 3-game suspension, down from 4 after he said he would not appeal.  20 bucks says he pulled a Gunnar Stahl when he got the news.  "3 games?  Well worth it."

Don't fuck with this man.  Molina and Pettitte look scared to death to even be standing next to him. Start spreading the news and somebody ring the damn bell...

Tuesday Night Fights

So after Jorge Posada brutally murdered Jesse Carlson last night and then smeared his blood across his face, Braveheart-style, he should be banned from baseball for life.

At least that's what John Kruk and Peter Gammons would like to have you believe with the over-the-top reaction they had to the fracas last night at the Stadium. Kruk chastised Posada up and down for how he reacted to Carlson's throwing behind him and then throwing a mini-Rick Flair elbow at Carlson as he crossed the plate, completely skipping over the fact that Carlson shouldn't have been standing on that side of the plate if he was attempting to back up the throw home to begin with and was basically inviting trouble by being there. And Gammons was practically in tears talking about Mitre and Melancon hitting 2 guys with pitches, going so far as to say Mitre's pitch could have hit Edwin Encarnacion in the head when replay shows it was nowhere near his head.

Remember these are the same 2 guys who applauded Kevin Youkilis for charging Rick Porcello after being hit in the back with a pitch and throwing his batting helmet at Porcello, and participated in a 5-minute break down on Baseball Tonight of what Youkilis did right and did wrong in charging Porcello. Way to show you Red Sox, colors, boys! Here's a free pink Varitek jersey for your efforts, although I'm sure you 2 fags already have one.

Now that the analysis of ESPN's blatantly biased coverage has been discussed again, we can move on to the real issues. The fight last night, good or bad? I, personally, was not a fan of it last night, but not for the reasons that BBTN gave. The Yankees have nothing to worry about at this stage in the season. Who cares if Jorge gets suspended for 5, 8, or 10 games? If anything, that gives him more time to rest his aches and pains and rehab his bruised finger a little more while at the same time allowing AJ Burnett the chance to pitch to Jose Molina, who he obviously prefers, once or twice to try and get his mojo back before the postseason starts.

The Red Sox aren't catching the Yankees, nobody is. It's a foregone conclusion that they are making the postseason so guys getting suspended doesn't mean shit. My problem with the fight was that it came in a game where the Yankees were getting their asses handed to them again. They pounded out 15 hits last night, 11 of them off Roy Halladay, and still only produced 4 runs. Over the last 2 weeks, the Yankees hitting has been very inconsistent, particularly in the clutch, and their pitching not much better. They seem to have almost gotten bored with how well they've been playing and instead of buckling down and getting ready for the playoffs it's like their coasting into them with an overly-relaxed team mindset that they can't afford to have.

Let's not forget that this is a team one year removed from completely missing the playoffs. Sure it's great that they're back on top of baseball now and have the best record heading into the postseason, but in reality, that doesn't mean a whole lot. They're still going to have to face the Angels, Red Sox, or both, and those 2 teams have completely owned the Yanks over the last 5 years. Recent success aside, the Yankees have to prove they can beat these teams when it matters, and instead of getting their shit together and gearing up for a run at the title that they are currently the favorite for, the Yankees are playing sloppy, uninspired baseball and getting caught up in a tit-for-tat fight with the Blue Jays.

Maybe I'm overreacting, and maybe I'm making too big a deal out of the last couple weeks, but with the Red Sox getting their collective shit together, it's only natural to look back at the last couple years and think about whether or not this new team with their new identity can win a 7-game series when the pressure is on.

I did like how quickly everyone responded last night and jumped to Jorge's defense. That wasn't your typical "everybody stand around and push and hold each other" baseball fight; it was a borderline melee. Jesse Carlson came out of it looking like he had gone 3 rounds with Anderson Silva, Joe Girardi was bleeding from the ear, Shelley Duncan looked like he was ready to fight the entire Toronto team, Edwar Ramirez was dragging Rod Barajas across the field by his chest protector like a bag of garbage, and new Yankees CC Sabathia and Mark Teixeira were among the first responders and were right in the middle of the dustup as soon as it started. That showed how tight this group is; everybody understands their role and everybody is together in whatever they do, win, lose, or fight, and that at least is something you couldn't say about the past few Yankees teams.

The bottom line is Jorge was in the wrong and Carlson was in the wrong. They're both just as much to blame for the fight as the other and they should each get the same amount of games for their upcoming suspensions. But nobody should be surprised or appalled at how Jorge reacted. Anybody who knows anything about the Yankees knows that he's always been the vocal leader in the clubhouse and is intense to the point that it borders being batshit crazy.

What the Yankees need to do is use this as a catalyst to get re-focused and build up the momentum they carried through July and August to round into playoff form because the baseball they've played over the last couple weeks, including last night, won't get it done come October.

Another 8th-Inning Comeback? What Else is New?

I'm sure the Angels are all broken up about losing last night after they became one of the lucky few to get a run off of Phil Hughes this year, and especially since the Yanks have turned the tides on their supposed kryptonite to win 6 out of the 7 matchups between the 2 teams.

But they should really just be happy that they had the first 7 innings to try to score runs and give themselves a chance to win, because the Yankees are the best late-game team in baseball. If every game started in the bottom of the 8th, they would be 145-0 instead of 93-52 right now and that's just a stone cold fact.

Starting pitcher has a bad night? No big deal, the offense will put up enough runs to keep them in the game and then blow it open in the 8th or 9th. Close game in the 8th? No big deal, Phil Hughes will come in and blow the other team away to hold the late. Hughes coughs it up? Even less of a deal, Brett Gardner will just run all over the bases to score the go-ahead run before the supposedly unclutch Robinson Cano provides some insurance for Mariano Rivera, the next surest thing in life besides death and taxes.

Christ, even Joba decided to show up and pitch last night! It's good to have him back after the last couple months. That fat guy trying to impersonate him was starting to get on my nerves.

AB4AR's Week 1 NFL Wrap-Up

It's not all shameless Yankee praise and Red Sox bashing here at An A-Blog for A-Rod.  We enjoy football season just as much as the next overweight American.  And it is with that in mind that we introduce our weekly NFL Wrap-Up column, which focuses on some of the storylines not covered by the mainstream media and looks forward to the upcoming MNF matchups.

Week 1 Recap

Pittsburgh 13 Tennessee 10
Quite possibly the most boring close game ever played in NFL history. Pittsburgh's RB trio of Willie Parker, Rashard Mendenhall, and Mewelde Moore looked more primed to audition for "So You Think You Can Dance?" than to carry the ball 20-30 times a game with all the stutter-stepping and juking behind the line of scrimmage they did. On the good side of that, though, fantasy owners of Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes, and Hines Ward can rejoice.

Philadelphia 38 Carolina 10

In case anybody missed last year's first round NFC divisional playoff game between the Panthers and Cardinals, Jake Delhomme was gracious enough to re-enact his disgraceful performance and lead the Eagles to victory after Donovan McNabb went down with broken ribs. Reports that team officials had to prevent Mike Vick from trying to drown and electrocute McNabb after hearing about the broken ribs haven't been confirmed.

Minnesota 34 Cleveland 20

Despite just having fun out there yesterday, there is a possibility Brett Favre will be on the injury report next week with a strained back. Favre was clearly not ready to hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson as many times as he did yesterday after missing virtually all of training camp. Only time will tell if he'll be able to hold up to such a demanding workload of reverse pivots and 4-yard dumpoff passes to Percy Harvin for the whole season.

Indianapolis 14 Jacksonville 12

Indy's season-opening win was not without loss, as Anthony Gonzalez went down with a knee ligament injury. Despite Gonzalez's injury and his expected recovery time of 2-6 weeks, Indy will most likely not attempt to re-sign Marvin Harrison. Instead Peyton Manning is scheduled to shoot a PSA today asking for any and all athletic, tall black guys to show up at Lucas Oil Field for a tryout. Judging by what happened to the last person who crossed Marvin Harrison, I would advise against that decision.

Dallas 34 Tampa Bay 21

Tony Romo re-establishes himself as the best "Early Season With No Pressure On You or Your Team" QB in the NFL with a dominant performance in the first game of the No-TO Era in Dallas. If only the Boys could play Tampa and their horrible defense all 16 games of the season; then nobody would have to worry about punts hitting the scoreboard.

NY Jets 24 Houston 7

Mark Sanchez's performance yesterday was, in perfect accordance with his last name, downright dirty. Jets fans haven't seen a QB look that good since they saw Sanchez's spread in GQ earlier this year. A lackluster performance by the Texans' supposedly high-powered offense must have fans already secretly wishing for Matt Schaub to get hurt again.

New Orleans 45 Detroit 27

Drew Brees puts up a performance that made all of his fantasy team owners (including me) jizz in their collective pants. According to the box score, Joe Horn even caught a TD pass yesterday. Matthew Stafford looked like a rookie QB, but hey, it was still better than Daunte Culpepper would have done.

Baltimore 38 Kansas City 24

After giving up 38 points and over 400 yards of offense to the traditionally offensively-weak Ravens, new KC head coach Todd Haley is probably thinking he fired the wrong coordinator. If your team allows 300+ and 3TDs to Joe Flacco and 100+ rushing yards to Ray Rice, just imagine what Phillip Rivers and LT will do to you? Something tells me Haley will be updating his resume as this season winds down.

Denver 12 Cincinnati 7

In a page right of the Bill Belichick playbook, Josh McDaniels draws up the old "Throw it to the cornerback who jumped the primary receiver's route and have him tip it to the other receiver playing right behind the defense so he can run and in score with 11 seconds left" play and the Broncos execute it to perfection to steal a win from Cincy. Not only did it win the game, but it also gave us the first of hopefully many insane Gus Johnson calls this season.



Atlanta 19 Miami 7

Miami blasted out of the gates yesterday with an electrifying offensive display, highlighted by Pat White burning up the Falcons' D for... 0 yard on 2 touches. Wait, what? In actuality, Miami came to the harsh realization that defenses have caught up to the WildCat formation and that Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams probably aren't the people to be running it. Not to mention the fact that when that doesn't work and the game is on Chad Pennington's shoulders, you can pretty much put up an L for your team.

NY Giants 23 Washington 17

Corey Webster's textbook takedown of Santana Moss pretty much summed up the game between the G-Men and the Offensive Nicknames of DC. Jason Campbell was horrific again, raising serious questions about whether he will ever be able to effectively run the offense. During the 4th quarter, Washington owner Daniel Snyder was in contact with Heath Shuler, Mark Rypien, and even Sammy Baugh about coming in this week for a workout.

San Francisco 20 Arizona 16

Maybe Kurt Warner's age is starting to get to him as he seemed to forget he had Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin on his team and instead chose to complete 11 passes to Tim Hightower in the Cardinals' upset loss to San Fran. SF head coach Mike Singletary's team exhibited the new smash-mouth, hard-working approach he wanted to take this season. No word on whether or not him taking his pants off had anything to do with the team's effort.

Seattle 28 St. Louis 0

Jim Mora and the Seahawks got to remember what it was like when they ran an offense that had a good QB and a full complement of good receivers yesterday. In a related story, first-year head coach Steve Spagnolo remembered how much easier it was to coach a defense when it actually had good players.

Green Bay 21 Chicago 15

Not even his favorite Dashboard Confessional album and a new pair of black skinny jeans could help emo-QB Jay Cutler overcome his sad performance in his first game as a Bear. Packer fans were surprisingly light on Cutler after his 4-TD disaster, probably because they're so used to seeing those performances from Brett Favre. Aaron Rodgers' picture-perfect 4th quarter, game-winning TD pass was Exhibit Z in the case for why Ted Thompson kept him and let Favre go. After the game Thompson rested his case.


MNF Predictions

New England 34 Buffalo 13

Pretty simple math here; A dynamite offense led by the fully healthy QB who also happens to be the best player in the league + a pedestrian defense at best and an offense that was so inept in the preseason it's coordinator was fired = a blowout win for New England and a lot of people turning to Monday Night Raw by halftime.

San Diego 37 Oakland 10

The only thing uglier than the NE-Buffalo game will be this one. Seriously, NFL, this is the best you could do for opening night of Monday Night Football? Do you not want people to watch or something? Whoever does stay up to watch this will get to witness the rebirth of LaDanian Tomlinson as an elite back and Antonio Gates as en elite tight end. It's not all bad news for Oakland, though. With reports that Michael Crabtree is willing to sit out this season and re-enter the draft next year, they will have another shot to draft the correct WR.

The Only Thing That Mattered Last Night...

Just as he did on Wednesday night, Derek Jeter exuded the same patience, grit, and class that brought him all the way to Lou Gehrig's record to break it in the 3rd inning.  After taking the first 2 pitches for balls, Jeter hit a fastball down the middle right down the right field line in what has become an all too familiar sight for Yankee fans and opposing pitchers.

To quote Will Ferrell quoting James Lipton, "Simply stunning."

Then, in typical Jeter fashion, Derek appeared almost embarrassed as he stood on first base acknowledging the roar from the crowd, taking time to wave his helmet at all corners of the stadium and single out his family sitting in their private seats, something America's favorite athlete, Michael Jordan, almost forgot to do at his Hall of Fame induction last night.

Best of all, when Jeter's teammates all came out to congratulate him, you could tell there was nothing contrived or forced about it.  Despite the bland public persona that he portrays in the media, Jeter's teammates all know what he's really like and all know the kind of guy he is.  You can't help but love playing with a guy like that, and you can't help rooting for a guy like that.

OOFDA!!

Well that sucked.

But like my parents always taught me, you gotta look at the positive side of things.  1) The Yankees didn't use any valuable pitchers out of the bullpen, 2) Joe gave all the regulars some rest after the 2nd rain delay, and both of these things add up to everybody being fresh and ready to go for the rest of the weeked.

And if that isn't enough to turn your frown upside down, just remember that the Red Sox didn't even play tonight, so they didn't gain any ground on the Yankees or Rangers (not that gaining a game on the Yanks matters at this point).

Andy looking sluggish in his second straight start was a concern, but Brian McNamee is always just a phone call away...

A Thing Of Beauty...

There's the classic "Jeterian" swing that tied Lou Gehrig last night.

It's like the Mona Lisa or The Sistine Chapel.  Simply breathtaking.  I'm actually getting a little turned on looking at it.  No wonder Jeter has begged so many A-List hot chicks in his career.  If this doesn't get the ladies squirming in their thongs then I don't know what does.

I'll take this textbook swing over Youk's herky-jerky crap or Ichiro's run-out-of-the-box slap crap 8 days a week.

What A Night!

Well, Joba sucked again and pretty much all but guaranteed himself no shot at starting a game in the ALDS, if not the whole postseason.  But that being said, there was still plenty to be happy about tonight.

-Alfredo Aceves continued to show why he might be the most valuable pitcher in the bullpen not named Mariano Rivera.

-Jonathan Albaladejo looked strong in his 2 innings of work, making a case for himself to be included on the postseason roster is Dave Robertson gets bad news from Dr. Andrews.

-Brett Gardner looks completely healthy and doesn't seem to have missed a step despite being out for an extended period of time.  With him, Melky, and Swisher in the outfield late in games, there aren't going to be too many balls dropping in the gaps in the playoffs.

-A-Rod continues to be locked in at the plate.

-Jorge Posada continues to defy Father Time by coming off the bench cold to smack a game-winning homer.  (For my money he's the 2nd best offensive catcher in baseball behind Joe Mauer and probably the best when it comes to clutch at-bats)

-And last but not least, The Captain finally got of the schnide to lead the offensive charge tonight with 3 hits, tying Lou Gehrig for the franchise record.  A truly great moment in Yankee history that could have only been made better if Jorge failed to hit the home run and Jeter got a chance to come up in the bottom of the 9th with the game, and the all-time hits record, on the line.

If you call yourself a Yankee fan, and this image...

...of Jeter saluting the crowd as they gave him a much-deserved standing ovation didn't give you goosebumps and/or make you choke up a little bit, then you aren't a REAL Yankee fan.

JORGE JUICED ONE!!!!!

Fuck you, Grant Balfour. 

You just lost the game for your team; the least you could do was groove one for Jeter and give the people what they came to see.

Another Day, Another Walk-Off

Swish-a-licious, indeed.

Hit the music...

This Story Sums Up The Red Sox Season

Boston Red Sox' principal owner John Henry’s new bride is calling the shots when it comes to the team’s development plans at Fenway Park.

Sources tell the Herald that Henry benched Janet Marie Smith, the team’s vice president for planning and development, just weeks after his June wedding to Linda Pizzuti.

“Janet Marie was told to go because Linda’s taking over the whole damn place,” said one person familiar with Smith’s exit. Another source said, “Janet was thrown under the bus and everything is a mess as a result of the young bride. The Chinese symbol for conflict is two women under one roof.”

Smith, 51, recently ended her eight-year stint with the Sox. She is credited with sparing the storied ballpark from the wrecking ball, installing Monster seats and improving the 97-year-old stadium.

The 30-year-old bride worked for her family’s Boston development firm, which is transforming a former raincoat factory in the Bulfinch Triangle into luxury condominiums.

A third source said the conflict centered on factors that have been brewing within the Sox organization since Henry bought the team in 2001 for $660 million and hired Smith to restore the park.

In one camp were Sox staffers who praised Smith for encouraging Henry to buy properties around the ballpark to keep developers from building apartments or offices that could tower over Fenway.

But others within the organization wanted the Sox to maximize the property the team purchased under the name of New England Sports Ventures.

Since 2002, the Sox have spent millions for Town Taxi on Ipswich Street, WBCN [website]’s former headquarters, the McDonald’s on Boylston Street and a parking lot behind CVS. This faction wanted Henry to capitalize on those parcels by building up to whatever the zoning allows....

"When Linda arrived, she woke John Henry up to the fact that Janet has a conflict of interest and that the team is not maximizing its value on properties it owns,” a source said. “So they ditched her and they’re trying to make it look like Janet’s departure was mutual, but it wasn’t.”

On the details of her departure, Smith said last week, “I can’t say anything about that.”

Henry and Pizzuti did not respond to requests for interviews. (story courtesy of BostonHerald.com)



BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  This story is so goddamn funny I almost can't talk about it.  Now it's confirmed that not only is John Henry the creepiest-looking guy on the planet, but he's also completely pussy whipped.  And his pussy-whipped-ness has created a rift in the Red Sox organization over some chick that got fired and whether or not they are doing the most to maximize the area they own around the stadium.

Their team is in the midst of battling for a wild card spot after they all collectively shit the bed at the same time and watched the Pinstripe Express go steaming by them; they have a team comprised of mostly catchers and first basemen; David Ortiz is practically a rotting corpse; their rotation consists of Tim Wakefield and his old-man back, the human batting cage pitching machine that is Josh Beckett, and Paul Byrd, PAUL FUCKING BYRD!!!!  And despite all this, what is everybody in upper management talking about?  Whether firing Janet Marie Smith was on the up-and-up or whether it wasn't.  Everyone is picking sides like the 2 gangs in the "Beat It" video while the team continues to fall back into the clutches of the Texas Rangers.

If this story isn't proof that the Red Sox run is over, then I don't know what is.  It's like the only people in the whole organization who care about winning baseball games are Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy.  Theo hasn't been heard from in months; presumably he's sitting on his racecar bed crying about the shitty contracts he gave J.D. Drew and Jason Varitek.  And Terry Francona has pretty much let everybody know where he stands as he pulls all his starters out of games at the first sign of an impending blowout. 

"Don't worry about winning this one, boys.  We're still 2 games up in the Wild Card standings and we won the World Series in 2004.  Everything will be fine.  Somebody get me some more gum."

Shit like this story leaking out would never happen in New York.  Hank and Hal would have had Janet Smith on a boat to Singapore in the middle of the night 3 weeks before she was even fired and would castrate anybody who even thought about mentioning anything related to her firing to the papers.  That's because the only thing the Yankees care about is winning.  Even if they did care what happened to the area surrounding their new stadium, they wouldn't let it become a big-time story in the New York Post quoting unnamed sources within the organization.
 
Let's all just admit that the whole "Red Sox Nation" was cute for a few years after they won in 2004, but that time has come and gone.  This story shows that Henry, Lucchino, and the rest of the Red Sox organization is just as fraudulent as their fanbase.  They've gotten so caught up in continuing to capitalize on their recent success that they've totally neglected trying to continue that success and now not only have the Yankees passed them by, but they might not even make the playoffs.
 
Thank you, John Henry.  Thank you for marrying this chick.  Somebody better run a background check on her and make sure she isn't some mail-order bride hired by the Yankees to destroy Boston.

R.I.P., Tampa

13 IP with a combined 14 baserunners allowed, 2 ER, and 18 Ks in a 2-0 shutout of a day-night doubleheader?

I'd call that $243.5 million well spent.

Karma's A Bitch, Huh?

How do you like them apples?  On the same day that Andy Pettitte picks up his 13th win of the season and helps the Bombers knock 2 more games off of their ever-shrinking magic number, his former Mitchell Report tag-team partner Roger Clemens gets his defamation lawsuit against Brian McNamee thrown out in his home state of Texas.

And as if that wasn't enough, Clemens gets a little more salt in his wound by having to still deal with McNamee's still pending counter-suit in New York.  And if THAT wasn't enough, the judge in Texas who dismissed Clemens' case did so with prejudice, meaning Roger can't file the suit again.

I wonder which one of Roger's cars is the next to be sacrificed to pay for his defense in the Big Apple.  Bret Michaels must be licking his chops in anticipation.

Thank God it's after the September 1 deadline, though, because with the way Joba and AJ are throwing right now, I wouldn't have been shocked if Cash succumbed to Roger's charms one more time and offered him $10 mil.  I don't think I could bear to hear this again...

Thank You, Toronto

Well Toronto finally decided to show up against the Yankees and made them look awful last night, but there's no reason to even care about last night's game.  Jeter and Swisher sat out, their replacements played sloppy in the field, and the 4 recent September callups handled the bullpen duties after Joba came out of the game.

Essentially the Yankees played their JV team against Toronto last night and they happened to run into Roy Halladay on the night that he snapped out of his funk.  Halladay has been a notorious Yankee killer, and it was only a matter of time before he found his command that he had been missing over his last 3 starts.  That time was last night and with the way he was pitching, he would have shut out the 1927 Yankees, so all you can do is chalk this game up as one the Yankees needed to rest the bullpen and move on to today.

And if you still feel a little uneasy about Joba's performance, take a look at what Paul Byrd did for Boston last night.  Not to mention the fact that Jonathan Papelbon is bitching about being fined for working too slowly on the mound, which could affect his already shaky performance when it comes to putting guys on base.

Any time your team can look horrible for a night and still chop a game off of their magic number, you can live with that.

Same Old Song and Dance

You know, this is really starting to get kind of boring.

Working the starting pitcher out of the game early, bullpen getting critical outs to hold a slim lead, and a late inning surge to put the game out of reach.  What else is new?

I can't say I blame the Blue Jays for folding the tents after the 8th inning, but you could at least pretend you're a bunch of professional baseball players and try to make the game interesting by getting a fews outs in the 9th.  Us Yankee fans have almost forgotten what a close game feels like.

And by the way, in case you're keeping score at home, that's now 7 different Yankees who have 20+ HRs and 70+ RBIs.  (Yawn)

I'm A Genius

Did I call it or did I call it?

Just this morning I said Boston using all of their best bullpen guys last night would come back to bite them and look what happens.  With Crapelbon and The Artist Formerly Known as Billy Wagner unavailable they had to turn to the double-decker crap sandwich of Ramon Ramirez and Manny Delcarmen and watch them choke the game away. 

Meanwhile, Phil Hughes is in Baltimore striking people out left and right to close out another Yankee win, what else is new?

When you're right, you're right.  Now the Sox get to sweat out the rest of the regular season after breathing new life into Tampa's lungs.  Have fun with that, fellas.

Start spreading the news...

WTF Is That???

Seriously, what the hell was David Wright thinking with this helmet last night?  He looks like a chemo patient with that thing on.

If you don't want to get hit in the head by a pitch, don't make a bigger target for pitchers to focus on.  He might as well stand right on the plate, face the mound, and start psyching himself up like Happy Gilmore because if you wear that batting helmet you're basically inviting pitchers to buzz your tower again, if for no other reason than to test the ability of the helmet to protect its wearer.

I would rather get hit in the head every time I stepped into the box until I was laid out on the trainer's table drooling and shitting myself than wear this monstrosity.  A Yankee wouldn't be caught dead wearing this thing.

Will the Real AJ Burnett Please Stand Up

While CC has shown over the last 6 weeks why the Yankees gave him $161 million, AJ Burnett's first season in pinstripes has pretty much been a microcosm of his career: consistently inconsistent with dramatic night-and-day differences between his stats over extended periods of time.

Case in point: Through June and July Burnett was 7-2 with an excellent 2.27 ERA over 10 starts. But since his July 27 start, he is 0-4 with a horrendous 6.53 ERA over 7 starts. These types of dramatic Jekyll and Hyde swings in performance have marked his whole career until he established a bit of consistency over his last 2 years in Toronto. But these latest outings beg the question: Which AJ Burnett is the real AJ Burnett? Is he in the midst of a freak Hyde phase where he's snarling and cursing on the mound and then pouting in the dugout after he gets taken out? Or is this the actual Dr. Jekyll form of Burnett and the flashes of brilliance he has shown this season are just that, flashes and nothing more?

The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle, as a closer look at his numbers shows that through June and July his WHIP, H/9 innings, & BB/9 innings were as follows:

WHIP- 1.45; H/9IP- 7.105; BB/9IP- 4.54

Those same categories since July 27 are:

WHIP- 1.59; H/9IP- 10.33; BB/9IP- 4.007

What those splits tell you is that in June and July Burnett's stuff was electric, but his control not so much. He gave up far fewer hits (less than 1 per inning) but walked more guys. While walks are never a good thing, they are easier to overcome than doubles and home runs. You walk a few guys with 2 outs and you can still get the next guy to escape an inning unscathed. You give up a double, a walk, and a home run with 2 outs and you end up getting out of the inning having allowed 3 runs, assuming you make it out of the inning at all.

Through August and last night's start Burnett has walked fewer batters per 9 innings, but is now getting shelled by hitters at a 1.15 H/inning clip. He isn't inducing as many swings and misses, and the contact being made on his pitches is solid, both indicative of his fastball not having the same zip on it and his off-speed pitches not having the same bite they had earlier. The difference in WHIP over the 2 splits is negligible; it's the fact that lately there has been more "H" than "W."

Jorge Posada being behind the plate is irrelevant. You could put Yogi Berra in his prime back there right now and it wouldn't make much of a difference. The solution to his struggles needs to be worked out by Burnett himself and Dave Eiland. Once again we're watching a Yankee pitcher struggle for an extended period of time without any noticeable difference in his approach to try and overcome the struggle. This comes back to Eiland needing to watch video and try to notice things that are being done differently that could be causing Burnett's problems and then working with him on his off-days to resolve the problems. And like with Joba, Eiland needs to be quicker to head to the mound when these struggles pop up. Burnett's frustration has boiled over in each of his last 2 poor outings and he clearly does not have it within himself to calm down and refocus his attention to pitching.

So which AJ Burnett will we see down the stretch? My guess is it will be a hybrid version of the June-July Burnett and the Burnett of the last month as the law of averages will bring his hits and walks back to homeostasis. While that probably won't be enough to have MLB polish the trophy for the 27th Championship right now, it should be enough to keep the Yankees in the driver seat as the postseason favorite, especially if the bullpen can produce in the postseason the way they did last night.