Ummmm...

What the fuck just happened???

The Yanks get 5 innings of 1-run ball from Mitre, D-Rob manages to keep the ball in the yard for 2 innings and then in the 8th Joba and Mo completely shit the bed to cough up a 3-1 lead and transform it into a 6-3 deficit?  Is that even real life?  1 IP, 3 H, 2 BB, 5 ER, and a grand slam given up by Mo; was that really him and Joba out there or Paul Quantrill and Jose Veras in disguise?

You hate to lose a game like that, especially when you get a good start from your 6th starter and the majority of your offensive production came from Randy Winn and Ramiro Pena today.  But if it takes an act of the darkest black magic that causes Joba and Mo to bomb that badly to allow the Twins to finally win a game against the Yanks, then I guess that's not so bad.  At least Minny has a little something to hang their hat on on the flight home.

P.S.- The top of the order striking out to end the game after Winn and Pena get on base to lead off the bottom of the 9th is like getting kicked in the balls.

** Updated stats coming later tonight.  I have a Brewers game to go to.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's lame, but they're box seats and it gives me an opportunity to wear all my Yankee World Series gear out to another ballpark again.  I'm jumping at that chance 25 hours a day, 8 days a week.**

Nick Johnson's Wrist Might Need Surgery? Who Saw THAT Coming???

If you had May 15 in your "Nick Johnson's First Wrist-Related DL Trip of the Season" office pool then congratulations on your winnings.  Read it and weep, via The New York Times. 

3 weeks if the cortisone shot works?  4-6 if he ends up needing surgery (he will end up needing surgery)?  First of all, what kind of crazy internet porn is Johnson wanking it to that he has such a problematic wrist as a result?  Second of all, what is his wrist made of, plastic coffee stirrers and paper mache?

Early in the season or not early in the season, I'm going to pencil this signing in under "Bad Move" for Cash.  Now we get to enjoy the "Juan Miranda Show" for the next 2 months.

Oh My Goodness Gracious!!! Andy Pettitte Is BACK!!!

Doesn't quite have the same ring as Big Suze's original Rawjah Clemens freak out, but it was still good to see Andy back out on the hill today and back out there dominating as he was before the injury.  Nothing a little extra rest and a few HGH shots can't fix, huh?  (I keed, I keed)

So far this weekend has gone exactly as I predicted.  It's always good to know that no matter how difficult a road trip or schedule may be, the Yankees always have the Twins to fall back on when they need to right the ship and start knocking teams around again.

Thanks, Minnesota.  The team needed that before their 2-and-2 against Bahston and Tampa next week.  Have fun getting your asses dominated by Sergio Mitre tomorrow.

A Day Of Reckoning May Be Coming

Who dareth speak foul of The Almighty?

First be the sinner Jayson Stark, he of ESPN:

"It isn't every year that the International League has two catching prospects as hyped as Jesus Montero (Yankees) and Carlos Santana (Indians). But a scout covering that league says there's "no comparison" between those two....

Montero... "just got benched for laziness, basically [i.e., not running out a ground ball]. And from what I've seen, the [Austin] Romine kid in Double-A is going to pass right by him, and Montero is going to end up as pretty much a right-hand-hitting DH. He's got talent. But his swing is really long, and he has no discipline. So the Yankees are going to have two frontline catchers. But they're Romine and [Francisco] Cervelli."

And second to preach at the altar of Satan be Joel Sherman, a Yankee wolf in sheep's clothing:

"The true sin is that he was removed from a recent game and benched for not hustling and sulking. This came at a time when the Yankees had a couple of injuries that have begun to negatively impact their offense, including to DH Nick Johnson. Would the Yanks have summoned Montero if he were hitting well? Possibly not. They were determined in spring to get him 100 games as a catcher this year in the minors....

However, the Yanks are not going to call up a young player acting like a baby, and so Montero might have hurt himself now and into the near future.

In spring training, I sat in an office at the Yankees’ minor league complex and spoke with Montero. During that interview, Montero told me that Jorge Posada is “my daddy.’ That was his way of saying that while he was in major league spring training he followed Posada around like a puppy dog and hoped to emulate him.

If that were the case, then he learned very little. You could criticize Posada for being a bad baserunner or a stone-handed catcher. But his sincerity of effort has never been in question for one second of his Yankee career. Posada cares about being a professional and being a Yankee, and so he plays with passion.

And if Montero needs to see how far fervor can go then just look at what Francisco Cervelli is doing with the Yankees. He is creating a career with expected defense, unexpected offense and boundless enthusiasm. Cervelli is honoring the legacy of Posada. Not Montero."

Nay, Joel.  The true sin beeth thou daring to talk ill of such a great and mighty Lord of the Pinstripes.  Consider thyself lucky if thou dost not take ill or feel the icy hand of death upon thyself tonight in one's bed.  The Almighty needeth not run out every play at first base.  And dare risk possible injury to the legs that will surely carry the future middle of the Yankee order??  How dare thy even suggesteth such a thing!  The Almighty will be the ventricles of the heart of the lineup; the very lungs that shall breathe life into the team of the future.  And he will runneth as hard as he damn well please.  If thou don't like it, thou can sucketh upon a dick.

Seriously, though.  Who cares about this?  Kid is fucking 20 years old and experiencing his first tough times as a professional baseball player, maybe even as a baseball player period.  Leave him alone and let him learn from his mistakes.

Nobody fucks with the Jesus!!

The Green, Green Grass Of Home

In honor of the Yanks returning to The Stadium tonight after what seems like another 45-game road trip, here's a quick batch of "home"-themed YouTube selections to set the mood.







And of course, it wouldn't be complete without a little Frankie...



Ahh, doesn't that feel better? Now let's hope we all get Good A.J. tonight and not bad A.J.

Mmmmmm, Linkapalooza Nuggets (Nom, Nom, Nom!!)

- Vizzini at No Maas throws some more praise at Brett Gardner for his fantastic start to the season.  Gardner's ability to keep producing at a respectable level will be an interesting subplot to watch as the season continues, as it could have a major effect on the Yanks' decision to go after Carl Crawford.

- Benny Kabak at RAB discusses the current revolving door that is the DH spot in the lineup.  While I agree with him that the Yanks should stop messing around with off-days and rest by using the DH spot, I don't think Juan Miranda is the answer.  If the guy was that good, he would be a regular by now.  Cervelli has earned his spot in the lineup; keep him behind the plate and Jorge at DH to keep him healthy.

- iYankees take a look at Teix's UZR so far this season.  If you're too lazy to click and read for yourself, it's currently 14.4.  So at least there's that while his batting average still sits at .198.

- Darren Everson of the Wall Street Journal takes a very interesting look at whether or not A-Rod will still reach the all-time HR record.  I still think it's a little early to be questioning something that long term, but given The Horse's slow power start, it is a point worth making.

- Moshe Mandel at TYU poses a great question that makes me wish I had somebody out here in Wisconsin to discuss it with: Would the Yanks have traded for Javy if they knew Phil would be this good? 

Perfectly valid question given how incredible Phil has been and how awful Javy has been before yesterday's start.   But at the end of the day, the age factor with Pettitte and innings limit factor with Hughes combined with Javy being a notorious innings eater makes me think he was going to end up in pinstripes regardless of how good or bad Hughes pitched.  So I'm siding with Moshe on this one.

- Graham Stoneburner is decent, I guess.

It's good that Teix and A-Rod seem to be coming around.  It's better that Jorge is back in the lineup and Andy will be back on the mound this weekend.  And it's best that this latest road trip is over and the Yanks can come back home to face their favorite whipping boys, the Twins, before a pair of 2-game series against the Sox and Rays next week.

Blech!

(Photo courtesy of The AP)

6-0 and a second shutout in as many days?  Talk about a downer heading into the weekend.

Yanks played like a team that just wanted to get on the bus and go home today, which sucks.  CC pitched his worst game of the year, which also sucks.  But with as many bumps, bruises, sprains, strains, and pulls as this team has right now, maybe a playing off-day like they played today was for the best.

I mean, when you're rolling out a starting outfield of Greg Golson, Brett Gardner, and Randy Winn against Justin Verlander, you're not exactly set up for success (no offense, Brett.  You know I love ya).

Is Phil Hughes The Best Pitcher In The American League?

(Photo courtesy of Reuters)

It's a legit question to ask after last night. Having missed all of his previous starts this season, I was looking forward to finally getting to watch Phil work last night on ESPN and he didn't disappoint. Watching Hughes pitch last night, you would have never guessed that this was the same guy who had been so hot and cold over the last couple years that the whispers about whether or not he would ever live up to the hype were growing to a dull murmur.

Ever since his shift to the bullpen last year, and even despite his massive struggles in last years playoffs (of which I was one of the loudest critics), Hughes hasn't just been a different pitcher on the mound, he's been a different person. Everything about how he handles himself on the mound oozes confidence and maturity. He is cool, calm, and consistent in his approach, something that had always been missing from his starts in years past. And the nervous posture and darting eyes that would creep into focus when Hughes started putting runners on base are nowhere to be seen this season. Instead he just licks his fingers, gets the ball back, steps back on the hill, and attacks the next hitter.

His numbers this year more than speak for themselves and they stand up against anybody's in baseball right now. After last night he is 5-0 with a 1.38 ERA, 0.92 WHIP, and 9.0 K/9.  In his 39 innings pitched, he has allowed just 22 hits to the tune of a .165 BAA and a .446 opponents OPS.  He is flat out dominating hitters and after being a bit wild in his first 3 starts, he has made adjustments to cut down on his walks and has walked only 3 batters over 21 IP in his last 3 outings.

But more important than the numbers is the approach. Hughes has finally learned how to pitch smart and at no time was that more evident than last night. From batter to batter and inning to inning Hughes threw the right pitches in the right locations to get the batter to do what HE wanted him to do. He pitched to contact early in the game, getting ahead in the count and forcing Detroit to have to swing with 2 strikes, then just going after them and trusting his defense behind him. But when the time called for it, like the end of the 5th and 6th inning, Hughes changed his approach, getting ahead with the fastball to set up his killer off-speed stuff and go for the strikeout. His poise and command of the situation on the mound this year is absolutely insane. He isn't to afraid to throw any pitch at any time and has learned to recognize trends within a game and stick with what's working, even if his catcher wants to call something different. Hughes is pitching the way that you would expect veterans like A.J. Burnett and Javy Vazquez to pitch, and he's still just 23!!

It seems like Hughes has been around forever, but he is at an age where most young pitchers are still dealing with growing pains and trying to master their stuff at the Major League level. Hughes has gone through the growing pains and the injuries, and he's learned along the way, and this year he has put it all together. He has established himself as not only one of the best young pitchers in baseball, but one of the best pitchers in baseball period and maybe, just maybe, the best pitcher on the Yankees.

Javy Vazquez Can't Catch A Break

Poor guy.  He goes 7, gives up just 2 ER on 5 hits and strikes outs 7 today.  He should be having a party thrown for himself right now, complete with a Fudgy The Whale cake and pin the tail on the donkey.  Instead he watches Rick Porcello shut the offense down and he gets tagged with the L.

Looks like all the injuries to the offense are starting to catch up...

P.S.- I know nothing is updated on the site right now.  I'll catch up tonight after Game 2.

It Must Be Great To Be An Indians Fan

"Pain I say!!!  Headtatoe!!  Oh God, we stink!!"

I know this is a bit old, but how fucking awesome is Bruce Drennan?  Fucking guy just calling it like it is.  No bullshitting, no excuses, just flat out calling it like he sees it and not even thinking about considering pulling a punch.  It's videos like this that remind me how great it is to be a Yankee fan.  So they've lost 2 in a row and have more injuries than the train wreck at the beginning of "Unbreakable."  They still aren't the Indians and they still don't have good old Bruce throwing them to wolves for how awful they're playing.

Oh no, instead the Yankees have the luxury of having their balls licked and taints waxed by the likes of Michael "See Ya!!!" Kay and the dynamic duo of Johnny Catchphrase and Big Suze.  So if there is anybody freaking out out there over the current Yankee situation, just sit back and watch this video, count to 10, and realize that it's going to be OK.

Good times.  Good fucking times.

Damon Hits HR In Tigers Win, Who Cares?

Yeah, good for Johnny Damon. The guy can still play.  That doesn't change the fact that he was insane to think he was worth Derek Jeter money this off-season, money which he didn't end up getting, by the way.  So I don't give a shit that he played well and helped beat the Yanks last night.

I'm not going to start sucking his dick over his great numbers or pull my hair out over a close lose in which the Yanks had plenty of chances to win when they are still sitting on a 110-win pace for the season right now.  I'm especially not going to do that when I know they almost pulled out another victory playing with half a deck of starters and their 6th starting pitcher out of a rotation of 5.  Put the Yankee regulars out there and Andy on the hill and we aren't even talking about Damon today.  Fact.

** Side note - site is going to be a little sparse in the next couple days.  Work is taking over my life until Thursday.  Try to keep it together until then. **

Bad A.J. Resurfaces, Yanks Still Win Series In Boston

It was only a matter of time before bad A.J. reared his ugly head and last night was that time. He couldn't locate the fastball or the curve and had already been living on the edge before blowing up for good in the 3rd inning. And now cue the sounds of all the NY sports writers firing up their laptops to point out how awful A.J. has been in Boston since joining the Yankees and horrible it was that they got crushed last night in the series finale.

The reality of the situation is the Yankees still dominated Boston to the tune of 24-6 in the first 2 games of the series and they leave Boston with another series win in hand. With the number of injuries they came into Fenway with and the couple more they added over the weekend (Johnson, Aceves, maybe Cano), I think they will take that series win, bad A.J. outing or no bad A.J. outing.

So A.J. sucked yesterday, big deal. Anybody who actually expected him to keep up the pace he had set all year long and not have any of these "bad A.J." outings just doesn't know A.J. and doesn't know baseball. He's still 4-1 with a 3.40 ERA on the season and the Yankees are still 21-9. So enjoy the victory, Boston, and enjoy being back at .500. The Bombers have bigger fish to fry, like that punk Johnny Damon and the Tigers starting today.

Nick Johnson To The DL

15-day DL with a sore wrist?  Can somebody get this guy some Flintstones vitamins or something?

Given the way the team is playing right now, I would let Johnson rot on the bench even when he's back off the DL.  Stick Jorge at DH to maximize his offensive value and keep him healthy and let Dark Helmet Cervelli continue to tear shit up behind the plate.

Done and done.

Francisco Cervelli Is The Man Up In This Piece

He runs shit here!  You just live here!

3-4 with a walk and 5 RBIs tonight.  5 RBIs!!!  This guy is insane.  For the season to date he's now hitting .429 with a 1.000 OPS and 12 RBIs in just 42 at-bats.  He has a 2B, a 3B, and 5 BBs to just 3 Ks while providing Gold Glove caliber defense behind the plate.

Sure he looks like a jackass with that gigantic, Dark Helmet batting monstrosity, but dude is just straight up knocking dicks in the dirt left and right right now.  He is a bad, bad man, and King Kong ain't got shit on him.



And if you were keeping score at home, Teix had 3 HRs and 5 ribbies today and Nick Swisher drove in 3 more.  Just throught I would mention that in case anybody missed it.

Fear The Parachute Pants

CC takes the hill tonight and judging by this picture from last night...

... I'd say somebody in the heart of the Boston order better be ready to hit the deck today.

And everybody can spare me the "none of the HBPs were intentional.  Why would he do that with the bases loaded?" crap.  Every single one of those plunk jobs and brush backs were intentional by Beckett.  He had nothing in the 6th inning, he knew he had nothing, and he wanted out of the game ASAP.  In his mind, what better way to do that than continue to plunk Yankees and hopefully hurt one in the process?  I mean, knocking Cano out of the game was the only positive contribution he made for his team last night.

So be aware in the box today Justin, Kev, Sloppi, and Victor.  I wouldn't be worried about taking one the other way or trying to find gaps today as much as I'd be worried about getting the fuck out of the way.

(Photo used courtesy of LoHud)

Fuck Josh Beckett

Seriously, fuck that guy.  What a piece of fucking garbage.

It's one thing to come up and in on a guy.  It's one thing to plunk the hottest hitter on your arch rival's team.  It's a completely different thing to continue to buzz people's towers and hit batters after you start getting shellacked by the bottom of that arch rival's order.

Just completely classless.  Shame on the umpire for not tossing Beckett after the Jeter HBP.  It was obvious at that point that the Yanks weren't going to retaliate and Beckett was looking for a way out, so just give it to him.  And speaking of retaliation, how does Dustin Pedroia not take one in the ear after Cano gets drilled?  Fuck taking the high road.  As awesome as he was tonight, Hughes should have stepped up and protected his teammates.  The ump hadn't issued a warning and the Yanks had their opportunity to even the score and they didn't take it.  Hopefully CC takes matters into his own hands tomorrow.

I'm not a religious man by any means.  But I am going to be saying my prayers to God, Allah, Yahweh, Shiva, and everybody else tonight that Cano is OK.

Oh by the way, the Yankees won 10-3 tonight and completely dominated the Red Sox in every facet of the game.  Yawn!

Yanks-Sox Hook 'Em Up Again This Weekend

Now that the Dallas Braden nonsense has been beaten to death by everybody, we can focus on what's really important this weekend, namely the impending Yanks-Sox series.

Sure it's still early, but given where both teams are at you can't say as a fan that you wouldn't like to see the Yanks kick Boston further down the stairs by taking at least 2 out of 3 at Fenway.

And to make it even better, the Yanks have their best 3 going over the weekend; CC matches up with Clay Buchholz on Saturday afternoon, A.J. goes up against Jon Lester on Sunday night, and it all kicks off tonight with Phil "The Artist Formerly Known As Phillip" Hughes

opposing Josh "The Bag Fat Bag of Shit Who Used to Be a Major League Ace" Beckett.

Once again I get fucked tonight by living in the midwest where there is no YES network. Piss.


P.S.- Here's tonight's lineup:

1) Derek Jeter SS
2) Nick Johnson DH
3) Mark Teixeira 1B
4) Alex Rodriguez 3B
5) Robinson Cano 2B
6) Nick Swisher RF
7) Brett Gardner CF
8) Francisco Cervelli C
9) Randy Winn LF

RHP Phil Hughes

(Still no sign of Jorge in the lineup and no update on his condition.  I smell a DL stint coming... )


P.P.S.- How the hell does Jon Lester have a 3.93 ERA??? Every time I see his stat line run by on the ESPN scroll it usually reads something like "5IP, 7H, 3BB, 5ER, 2K."

Dallas Braden Is A Salty Mother F

Dallas Braden is still talking about A-Rod.  Talk about riding a guy's dick, huh?

"There are things that are going to have to happen," Braden told CSN Bay Area. "Out of respect to my teammates, out of respect to the game. I think he's probably garnered a new respect for the unwritten rules and the people who hold them close to their game. But I think you're right, we don't do much talking in the 209."

Braden said he was particularly peeved that A-Rod dismissed his actions and words because Braden hasn't done much as a major leaguer yet.

"There's two ways that I can comment on that, and I'll give you both of them. One, I was always told if you give a fool enough rope, he'll hang himself, and with those comments, he had all the rope he needed. No. 2, I didn't know there was a criteria in order to compete against A-Rod."

"He's an individualistic player. He plays for the name on the back of the jersey, not the front. I don't know if he's noticed, but he doesn't have a name on the back over there so he should play for the name on the front." (used courtesy of the ESPN Yankee blog)

Oh shit, son!!! Dallas Braden be straight killin' this! Bringin' that ill shit from the 209, mothaFUCKAAAA!!!!

Alex Rodriguez best watch his mothafuckin' back in the streets, ya heard? Cuz my boy D-Bra will straight up toss that cat. Things are going to be happenin' and shit! Joggin' across mounds and shit? Playa you better chiggity-check yo self before you wriggity-wreck yo self, B!

Listen, Dallas. First of all, your first name makes you sound like a stripper. Second of all, if you don't do much talking in the 209 then why the fuck are you still running your mouth about The Horse running across the mound. That's right, THE mound. Not YOUR mound.

So throw all the mud you want, buddy. Sticks and stones may break A-Rod's bones, but shit talking by sub-.500 career pitchers will never hurt him. Take some of your advice and check the name on the back of your jersey. You're Dallas Braden.

He's Alex Fucking Rodriguez.

And he's going to jog across whatever mound he wants and probably bang some blonde Hollywood actress on the way. Deal with it.

ESPN Just Can't Get Off The Red Sox Bandwagon

(Bags O' D)

Interesting little tidbit I saw in the Post today:

"Joba Chamberlain, Alex Rodriguez and Nick Swisher were cited as baseball's top three overrated players, according to a poll of major league players."

I almost crapped myself when I read that this morning. Literally (not literally). These 3 guys are the most overrated players in baseball? Not Ellsbury, the leadoff hitter/incredible outfielder who can't get on base or make a play at the wall? Not K-Rod, the closer who can't work more than 1 inning without risking his arm falling off and who has a higher career WHIP than you would like to see from a "shutdown" closer? Not even Jonny Papelbon, who's ERA and WHIP has gone up every year he's been in the league and who can't even close out the fucking Orioles?

I mean sure Joba is a shitty starting pitcher, we already knew that. But a 2.92 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, 13 Ks in 12.1 IP to go along with 2 saves in 2 chances and 5 holds sounds pretty fucking solid to me. Swishy is hitting .295/.380/.457 with 5 HRs and 17 RBIs right now and plays a pretty damn good right field. And even though it seems like he's hardly done anything this year, The A-Horse is still on pace to drive in 102 runs this season and is playing Gold Glove defense at 3rd. But then I stopped and re-read the second sentence in the article and suddenly it all became clear.

"The poll, conducted by ESPN the Magazine during spring training, also found that 67 percent of the players feel home-run king Barry Bonds deserves enshrinement in baseball's Hall of Fame." (used courtesy of Reuters)

Really, ESPN?? That's what you've resorted to with the Yankees continuing to stomp on people's dicks while the Red Sox toil away at or below .500? Creating false player polls to try to keep your Yankee smear campaign alive as long as you can?

Please. Just stop. It's getting downright embarrassing now. I'm sorry that you don't have Peter Gammons to slurp Terry Francona's ball sweat anymore and that his replacement, Nomar, is boring and never says anything insightful. Just admit you were stupid to dump to the Yankees back in '04 for the flavor of the month, put your Jeter jerseys back on, and crawl back to the Dark Side with your tails between your legs. Just don't expect to be welcomed with open arms.

Andy's Elbow Not Feeling So Hot

(Photo courtesy of Anthony Causi, NY Post)

After leaving yesterday's win early and getting an MRI on what we now know was a balky elbow, Andy Pettitte is going to miss his next start with inflammation in said elbow.

That by itself is not a huge surprise. Being the elder statesman of the rotation, we all knew that Pettitte carried a big injury risk with him this season. If the guy is going to miss a start here or there, I can live with that.

The problem with this situation is the uncertainty and ambiguity associated with the amount of time Pettitte is going to miss. The team saying that Pettitte is going to miss his next scheduled start "at the very least" and George King writing things like "Don't look for Pettitte on Tuesday. Beyond that is anybody's guess..." in The Post are disconcerting because they suggest that the team and doctors don't know exactly what is wrong with Pettitte despite the MRI yesterday.

I'm sure the injury and recovery time isn't as black and white as I'd like it to be, but with an older player like Pettitte, you don't want to take the "wait and see" or "give it a try" approach. All that is going to lead to is continued arm problems and skipped starts and DL stints for him for the remainder of the year. I would rather see the Yanks err on the side of caution, skip him for a few starts until the elbow feels completely fine, and then let him get back on a mound and throw a session to see how it feels. Now sense in risking the long-term goals of the season for a team that's 19-8. I'll live with Sergio Mitre for a few starts if it means Andy is going to be healthier for the rest of the year and good to go for the postseason.

Or the Yanks could take the John Harper approach and trade him to Boston for Josh Beckett straight up. A change of scenery would certainly help heal Andy's elbow and help Beckett remember how to pitch instead of being a glorified BP pitcher.

P.S.- The Core Four is down to the One Gun right now (Jeter). Fucking SI cover jinx.

AB4AR's Mini-Linkapalooza Chunks (Javy Vazquez Sucks Edition)

So here it is.  The first batch of links from the first half of the week.  As expected, most of this stuff is related to Javy Vazquez and his complete inability to pitch effectively or even be a man on the mound.

- Steve S. from TYU was the first to hop on the "what the hell should the Yanks do with Vazquez?" train, and like Nostrodamus, he predicted Vazquez would be skipped for a start.

- He followed it up with the perfect post about why Vazquez being skipped was the right move to make from every conceivable angle.  We've already touched on this yesterday, but when you can skip your weakest link against your biggest rival, set up arguably your 3 best pitchers right now in his place, keep everybody on regular to extra rest, and give your weak link a chance to fix his problems, you can't argue with that decision.

- But damn if somebody isn't going to try, and that was my buddy, Lenny from LenNY's Yankees.  His post on Monday argued against skipping Vazquez.  Lenny, Lenny, Lenny.  Usually I'm picking up whatever you're putting down but I just couldn't get on board with this decision. 

Just because it's early in the season and just because the Red Sox are playing like shit doesn't mean you sacrifice winning.  Why even give the Sox a chance to break out against Vazquez when you don't have to?  Limit the damage to the team and to Vazquez and keep the victory train rolling, baby!

(I do agree with the point about bullpen sessions not meaning anything though.  I don't care what Vazquez does in the 'pen if he's going to continue to shit the bed on the mound.)

- In the midst of all the Vazquez hysteria, Joe Paw at RAB took a minute to remind us all that none of the Yankees' other offseason 5th starter options are doing much better.  Sheets and Piniero have fallen back to Earth after good starts and Justin Duchsherer's hip is hurt again, so at least Javy isn't alone in his ineffectiveness.  And when you've got 4 aces making up the rest of your staff, you'll live with one bad seed.

- Best post of the week so far has to be Steve at TYU's look back at the Johan trade that wasn't for the Yankees in 2007 and how that's working out for the Yankees now.  I remember being steadfastly against trading Hughes and the rest of the farm for Johan back in the day, even when he was hands down the most dominant pitcher in baseball.  The Yankees made a wise move in holding onto Hughes and company and now they're reaping the early benefits this year while Mets fans watch Johan walk 47-year-old fossils and hand out home runs like he's a free sample person at Sam's Club.

So there you have it.  Javy sucks, Phil rules, and it's all there for you to read about.  Have fun killing time at work tomorrow with this.  You're welcome.

Is This John Harper's Blunt?

There have been a lot of theories about what should be done with Javy Vazquez over the last week and a half, but this one today from John Harper really takes the cake. See below:

"PHILADELPHIA - There's a perfect solution to the Javy Vazquez problem in the Bronx: trade him to the Mets and everyone comes away happy.

Think about it. For the Mets there's just no getting around the obvious - they're going to need another starter to parlay their hot couple of weeks into serious contention this season. They can't live with the inconsistencies of both John Maine and Oliver Perez over the long haul.

And while Vazquez is a mess mentally trying to overcome his issues pitching with the Yankees, put him back in the National League and he'd likely go right back to being a dependable starter, if not the Cy Young contender he was last year.

For the Yankees, meanwhile, they could wash their hands of what is developing into a major problem. And the way Phil Hughes is pitching, as well as their Big Three, they could plug Sergio Mitre - who has looked very good in relief - into the rotation and be just fine." (courtesy of NY Daily News)

And that's not even the whole story! If you're really into reading garbage, you can find the whole piece here. But there's more than enough in these first four paragraphs to make this the leading candidate for "Worst NY Sports Piece of The Year."

First of all, how does trading Javy to the Mets make everyone happy? How does it make anyone happy? The Yankees would end up shrinking their pitching depth by having to plug somebody into the 5-hole for Vazquez, and the Mets would be adding an expensive, incredibly ineffective pitcher to a staff already filled with more question marks than the Riddler's outfit.

And sure John Maine and Oliver Perez have been inconsistent this year, but they have still been better than Javy. Maybe I'm thinking too simply in my logic here, but I would rather deal with inconsistency than consistently awful. At least with inconsistency the Mets stand a fighting chance with Perez and Maine on the mound. With Vazquez out there, they might as well call the game in the top of the 1st.

"... put him [Vazquez] back in the National League and he'd likely go right back to being a dependable starter."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!! OH NO NO NO!! STOP! PLEASE!!!

/starts choking on water

/spits water all over computer screen

/keeps laughing

Sure, John. A trip back to National League will cure all Javy's ills. His velocity will come back, his command will come back, and his confidence will snap right back into place like that. Nevermind the fact that he would still be playing IN THE SAME FUCKING STATE WITH A FANBASE JUST AS BLOODTHIRSTY AND UNFORGIVING AS THAT OF THE YANKEES!!!! Mets fans read the same papers Yankee fans do; they know what the deal is with Vazquez. They would absolutely eat him alive. A couple more shitty outings in Citi Field and you'd find Vazquez swinging from a water pipe in the clubhouse with his uniform belt around his neck before you saw him being a "dependable starter" again.

And I'm not even going to get into the fact that there is nothing the Mets have in their farm system that the Yankees want or need, there is no way the Mets would take on Vazquez's $11.5 mil salary with the way he's pitching right now, or that saying Sergio Mitre has been "very good" in the bullpen is a stretch.

The plain fact of the matter is this is a short-sighted, idiotic piece of sports writing that captures everything that is wrong with New York sports fans. Javy Vazquez fucking sucks right now, that's a fact. The Yankees know he sucks and they are trying to find a way for him to un-suck. It is still way too early in the season to be talking about dumping this guy, especially when the team he plays for is 18-8 and ESPECIALLY when you're talking about trading him to your cross-town rival without even giving consideration to what the Yankees would get back or how the money would be worked out.

Put the bong down, John. And then slowly step away from the keyboard.

** More opinion and insight on Javy Vazquez in the first mini-linkapalooza tonight.  I promise it will be better than John Harper's nonsense. **

Cervelli & Ramiro Pena Carry The Team (As Usual)

(Photo courtesy of The AP)

And life in bizarro Yankee world continues...

In case anybody missed it tonight, the Yanks were led by Francisco Cervelli (3-3 w/ 2 runs scored, a 3B, a bunt 1B, and a fantastic falling-into-the-dugout catch), Brett Gardner (1-3, 2 runs scored, 1 BB, 1 SB), and Ramiro Pena (2 RBIs) offensively while A.J. Burnett put together yet another cool, calm, consistent, dominating performance, striking out 8 and allowing 0 ER over 7 1/3 IP, to improve to 4-0 and lower his ERA to 1.99 on the season.

Oh, and Joba closed out his second game in a row.  Yawn.

Jorge who?  Alex what?  Mariano why?  And you can cancel the search party for Teix while you're at it.  The rest of the guys have it on lock right now.

Start spreading the fucking news...

P.S.- The Opening Day 6-9 of the lineup: Jorge, C-Grand, Swish, Gardy. 

Tonight's 6-9: Thames, Gardy, Frankie, Pena.  And those 4 only combined for 5 of the team's 8 hits, 2 of the 3 RBIs, and all 4 runs scored tonight.  No big deal.

Javy Vazquez, I Banish Thee

(Photo courtesy of the NY Times & Javy Vazquez's Terrible Pitching)

So by now everybody knows that Javy is getting skipped over this weekend in Boston. You certainly can't argue with the logic in this decision. At this point, it's beyond trying to go out and improve on things and fix mechanics. The plain fact of the matter is the guy doesn't give the team any chance to win. He has zero confidence in himself, evidenced by how timidly he pitches, inspires zero confidence in his team, and serves only to overwork an already banged up bullpen. If the Yankees wanted that when they first made the trade back in December they would have just stuck with Chien-Ming Wang.

Steve S. at TYU touched on the subject today and pretty much hit the nail on the head from every angle. While I personally believe that Vazquez more than likely would shit his pants under the spotlight in Fenway, there are many more important, legitimate factors that make the decision to skip a good one (lineups, ballpark style, etc.).  And hey, giving an extra day's rest to your oldest pitcher (Andy), and your one starter who's on an innings limit this year (Hughes) by pitching Javy on Monday against Detroit aren't bad ideas either.

The one thing that does stick out in all of this are these "higher intensity" bullpen sessions before his next start. What the fuck does that even mean? Are there going to be hecklers throwing things and hissing at Javy while he pitches? Is there going to be a ring of fire around the mound? What's the story? What's going to make these sessions so intense?

Everybody knows that how you pitch in the 'pen has no indication of how you're going to pitch on the actual mound in an actual game against actual hitters. The sessions can be as intense as the Yankees can possibly make it, but until Vazquez can go out on the mound in a game and pitch with confidence and movement and velocity, nothing else matters. Period. Getting the guy away from a potentially high-leverage situation (Friday night at Fenway) where he would almost assuredly fail is a good move. Thinking you're going to cure him of his ailments by making him throw a little more in the bullpen is not.

Yankees Beat Orioles 4-1, Slip Into The Twilight Zone

(Photo courtesy of The AP)

What the fuck happened last night? Were the Yanks and Orioles playing in bizarro world? Did we all secretly slip into an alternate baseball dimension last night?

- Randy Winn is hitting 3-run homers now.

- home plate umpire Bill Hohn decided the strike zone didn't exist anymore and then decided to yell at CC Sabathia about that fact.

- Jorge has apparently forgotten how to stretch before the game

- Mo has apparently been dealing with an injury to the entire left side of his body (WTF?) that has had him unavailable to pitch since Friday.

- Jeremy Guthrie managed to pitch against the Yankees and NOT hit anybody with a pitch.

- The Yankees are seriously considering calling up Chad Moeller's zombified corpse to replace Jorge if needed instead of The Jesus

I don't know if I've ever been more confused or unexcited after a win. It's still not registering with my brain that CC threw 8 innings of 1-run ball last night. That did really happen, right?