AB4AR's Week 11 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 11 Recap

Miami 24 Carolina 17

Despite outgaining the Dolphins and holding the ball for more time, the Panthers fell to mighty Miami, who somehow is 5-5. Ricky Williams was a one-man wrecking crew as he smoked the Panthers to the tune of 22 carries, 119 yards, and 2 TDs, with a receiving TD thrown in for good measure (get it? Smoked? Because he's a pothead). Chad Henne once again stayed out of the way and did just enough to not fuck the game up and all of a sudden the Dolphins find themselves back in the wild card race in the AFC.

Dallas 7 Washington 6

This game had everything an old-school football fan could want: low scoring, low yardage gains, back-and-forth punting, failed 3rd down conversions, and field goal attempts. Tony Romo had an underwhelming 158 yards, probably due to the fact that Jessica Simpson was spotted wearing a Cowboys hoodie earlier in the week, but did find Patrick Crayton for the game-winning TD in the 4th quarter. After losing Ladell Betts to injury, the 'Skins are now down to Rock Cartwright as their #1 back and are rumored to be bringing in John Riggins and Ernest Byner for workouts this week.

Detroit 38 Cleveland 37

Straight of the "Who Woulda Thunk It?"-Department came this barnburner from 2 of the worst organizations in professional sports. The QBs combined for 726 yards and 9 TDs through the air, helping to take Brady Quinn's career off of life support for at least one week and to establish Matt Stafford as "The Man" in Detroit. Stafford's gutsy throw on the last play of the game with a super-fucked up shoulder earned him plenty of fans and gives the Lions hope moving forward. As far as Cleveland goes, you just don't know what else to say. Even when they put up 37 points they still manage to lose thanks to a pass interference call in the end zone on the last play of the game. Actually, that's kinda fitting for them, I don't know why I'm surprised.

Green Bay 30 San Francisco 24

The Pack hurled themselves headfirst back into wild card contention with a much-needed win against a game 49er team. Aaron Rodgers threw for 344 and 2 touches, and Ryan Grant picked up 129 yards and a TD on 21 carries to help the Pack hold off a furious 4th-quarter comeback from Small Hands Smith & Co. The victory wasn't without loss, though, as Green Bay will be without Al Harris and Aaron Kampman for the rest of the year with matching ACL tears. Mike McCarthy said they will look into cloning Charles Woodson for the next game since there isn’t anybody else in the Packers' secondary worth 2 shits.

Kansas City 27 Pittsburgh 24 (OT)

Matt Cassell made plays when he had to and the Steelers' D couldn't make stops when they had to, and somehow the Chiefs ended up winning the game. Ben Roethlisberger did his part, throwing for 398 yards and 3 TDs, but it was his 1 concussion suffered late that will be the biggest blow to the Steelers, who suddenly find themselves 6-4 and dropping back in the pack in the AFC.

Minnesota 35 Seattle 9

Brett Favre was surprisingly efficient, 22-25, and tossed 4 TDs to boot as the Vikings continued to roll. I'm not trying to besmirch what these guys are doing this year, but could they get an easier schedule? I could pick 10 guys out of my office and beat up on the Browns, Lions, Rams, and Seahawks. Right now the Vikings are looking like your typical small conference BCS buster. We just don't know how good they are yet since the only real "good" team they played, the Steelers, they lost to. Give me some games against Indy and New England before you convince me that the Vikes are Super Bowl contenders.

NY Giants 34 Atlanta 31 (OT)

Eli transformed from a floppy-armed girl back into an NFL quarterback this week, and it paid off as his 384 yards and 3 TDs helped the Giants regain their heartbeat in the NFC. Matty Light played more like Milwaukee's Best in the first half, but then helped bring the Falcons back with a very good 2nd half. It still wasn't enough and now Atlanta needs to step it up with their remaining schedule, which is chock full of home games, to stay in the playoff hunt.

New Orleans 38 Tampa Bay 7

Tampa Bay turned the ball over 4 times and against a good team like New Orleans, that isn't going to help you win, whether it's Josh Johnson, Josh Freeman, or Bobby Abreu playing QB. After a few weeks of lackluster performances, the Saints finally played up against week competition and never seemed to break a sweat as they improved to 10-0. Drew Brees had 3 TDs to pace the Saints attack.

Jacksonville 18 Buffalo 15

Did anybody else realize that the Jags are 6-4?? How the fuck did I not know this? If the playoffs started today, they would be one of the wild card teams. I guess that's what happens when you have 2 guys with kickass hyphenated last names and a decent QB who doesn't turn the ball over. And hey!!! A T.O. sighting!!! Holy shit on a stick, I thought that guy had died! Don't get excited though, because 9 catches for 197 yards and a TD now brings Owens' season totals to 12-216- and 1, or something close to that.

Indianapolis 17 Baltimore 15

Joe Flacco was inconsistent all day, but it was Ed Reed's "I'm Keith Hernandez" lateral attempt on a late-game interception that sealed the Ravens' fate. As much as I love Ed Reed, sometimes he makes you wonder what he's thinking about when he returns a pick or punt; he's always looking to lateral! Dude, this isn't Madden or backyard football. Hold onto the fucking thing and just go down! And I'm not even a Ravens fan, so imagine what they're all saying today. Peyton Manning had 299 yards and a touch, but it was his 2 picks that helped keep the game closer than it should have been.

Arizona 21 St. Louis 13

Kurt Warner got hurt (I know, I'm just as shocked as you are at that statement), but did enough before he left to help the Cards hold on for a 21-13 win and lock a Joe Stevenson-style guillotine chokehold on the NFC West division. Tim Hightower picked up the slack for Warner with 110 yards on just 14 carries, and Steven Jackson continued to be the best player on a bad team with 21 carries, 116 yards, and 1 TD.

San Diego 32 Denver 3

If no one else will call it, I will; the Broncos are done. Fucking done. Turn them over on that side and take them off the grill because they are D-O-N-E done. They turned the ball over 3 times and basically laid down to the Chargers, who got only pedestrian games from LT and Phillip Rivers. Legedu Naanee did have a 2-yard TD catch, which gives me an excuse to write Legedu Naanee in my column for the first time ever. Legedu Naanee, haha, that's a funny name.

Oakland 20 Cincinnati 17

Who knew that if you remove arguably the worst pound-for-pound player in the NFL from his spot at the most important position in the game it would give you a chance to win?? It's bonehead moves like leaving Jamarcus Russell in for 10 weeks that should have Tom Cable looking to slap himself around instead of his wife. Of course none of this would have happened if Cincy could have held onto the ball after a kickoff, but still, Bruce Gradkowski's 183 yards and 2 TDs at least make the Raiders close to respectable on offense. Larry Johnson had 2 carries and 5 yards in his Bengals debut, and in my opinion, looked pretty queer in his new uniform. Maybe all that gay-bashing was just him trying to cover up for something...

New England 31 NY Jets 14

It's been almost a full day since this game ended and I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck Mark Sanchez was doing out there yesterday. 8-21, 136 yards, 4 interceptions, 3 of which were of the absolute "Are You Fucking Kidding Me???"-variety, and a lost fumble are just not going to get it done against the Pats. I know the kid's a rookie, but holy fuck, that was bad. I don't even want to know what Rex Ryan did in the locker room after this game, but I know he had to be holding back more tears on the sideline because watching the Dirty One struggle that bad was making me a little bit misty. Wes Welker's 15-catch, 192-yard day probably didn't do anything to ease Rexie's pain either.

Philadelphia 24 Chicago 20

Donovan McNabb led the Eagles on a late 4th-quarter drive to take a lead they would hold onto for a much-needed win. More importantly, they did it with enough time left that Andy Reid couldn't fuck it up by mismanaging the game clock, making horrible challenges, or running out of timeouts. With Jay Cutler: Emo Quarterback at the helm, Devin Hester might want to be re-think his UnderArmour commercial and do a new one where he's being constantly overthrown on deep routes and tackled for 2-yard losses on poorly-set up WR screens.


MNF Prediction

Tennessee 31 Houston 27

I'm still not completely sold on Vince Young, as he hasn't shown he can overcome adversity yet, but with the way Chris Johnson is running right now, I don't see anybody stopping him, certainly not the Texans. Schaub and Co. will make things interesting, but Ryan Moats' and Steve Slaton's acute fumble-itis will come back to haunt Houston late in the game.

MNF Predictions for the Season (Winners): 8-3

The Big Fat Straw That Broke The Camel's Back

UConn 33 Notre Dame 30.

Second straight year losing to an inferior Big East opponent on Senior Day (no offense, UConn, but as a former alum I know that our football program isn't what we're known for).  Consider the writing on the wall.  Jack Swarbrick won't come out and say it but we all know it's over for Fatshit, and after today's game it is certainly warranted.

It's like you said back in '04, Charlie; what you are is a 6-5 football team.  And that just isn't good enough.  Do the smart thing and just step down tomorrow.  A classy move like that will at least give you a chance to keep your XXXXL hoodies and the pallet of Hostess cookies in your office closet, but it won't help the fact that Clausen, Tate, and Floyd are all leaving for greener pastures in the NFL after this season.

Thanks for playing, big guy, and thanks for leaving the program in worse shape than it was before you waddled onto campus.  Now where's that chain?

Outstanding Yankee Offseason Issues and How to Handle Them in a Nutshell

Jose Molina- Like him, but he's overpriced as a backup who is almost always a guaranteed out at the bottom of the lineup. For the money the Yanks are spending on A.J., he needs to suck it up and learn to work with Jorge, and for the stupidly high amount of money that the Mets might throw at Molina, the Yanks should let him walk and make room for Francisco Cervelli a/o Jesus Montero.

Chien-Ming Wang- Has been beyond useless for the last 2 seasons and has major questions about his mental makeup after hitting these bumps in the road, but let's not forget this is the same guy who won 38 games from 06-07. He isn't worth $1 million right now, let alone 4-5, and won't be ready to pitch until mid to late summer so nobody will want him. If he's smart, he'll agree to come back to the Yanks for a barebones minor league deal and finish re-habbing. If he's dumb, let him leave and focus on Hughes, Kennedy, and Ivan Nova.

Andy Pettitte- Dude more than earned his $5.5 mil last season and as a reward should get a 1-year deal for $10-12 mil, 2 for 20 if he wants to pitch that much longer. His stuff obviously isn't going to get any better, but his ability to pitch and think on the mound has, and his pick-off move is still second to none. You see any better options for a #3 starter next year?

Hideki Matsui- It's tough to argue with the guy's production and clutch hitting, but the fact that he's a defensive liability and cripples the team's lineup flexibility in interleague situations does make him less valuable. If he can swallow his pride and admit that he would rather continue to DH and contend for titles than try to prove he can still play the outfield, then he's definitely worth bringing back for one year at $10 mil. But no more than that, because the majority of the DH at-bats need to be reserved for Jorge in 2011.

Johnny Damon- Can still play the outfield, which gives him more value than Matsui, but is getting older and stumbled to the finish last season before heating up a bit in the playoffs. Damon has said he wants to be back, but he will have to prove that wanting to win is more important to him than wanting to get a big, Jeter-esque contract that Scott Boras is looking for. A 1-year deal at $8-10 million is more than fair and I could live with a team option for 2011, but getting locked into long-term deals with aging players is what got the Yankees into trouble in the past so if that's what Damon is looking for, I would have no problem saying adios, friend-o, and bringing in Austin Jackson for an audition to win the spot next year.

Curtis Granderson- If they can get him without giving up A-Jax then I'm all for it. He makes them younger and more athletic in the outfield, gives them one more lefty power bat to punish the short right field of the new Stadium, and also more speed on the basepaths to make the Yankees even more dangerous playing the smallball game. He's a defensive upgrade over anybody at any outfield position that the Yankees currently have and would give them leverage over Johnny Damon and Matsui to convince them to sign 1-year deals if they want to stay.

Former Yankee 2nd Round Draft Pick Dominates The QB Position

Jesus Christ, is there anything the Yankees can't do? Even their minor league scrap metal turns to gold in other places. Brandon Weeden may have sucked a fat one as a pitcher and been a huge waste of a 2nd-round draft pick, but goddamn! That motherfucker can play some quarterback!

10-15, 168 yards, 2 TD passes (both in the 4th quarter) to lead Oklahoma St. back from a 21-10 3rd-quarter deficit to a dramatic 31-28 victory. Mike Gundy may be a man, and he may be 40, but that dude clearly doesn't know what the hell he's doing when he's got a blue-chipper like Weeden buried as the 3rd-string QB.

So if Oklahoma St. ends up winning the Big 12, that's kinda like the Yankees winning another division title too, isn't it? It's stories like this that make me proud to be a Yankee fan.

How Is This Guy Not AL Manager of the Year?

I get it, Mike Scioscia is a good manager, maybe the best in baseball.  But hasn't everybody already been singing that song for the last 2-3 years?  What did he do this year that was so great and so different from what he's been doing that it garnered him winning AL Manager of the Year over Joe Girardi?  He took one of the most talented lineups in baseball (which he has consistently had since he began his tenure as Angels manager), and led it to another 90+-win season that ended without a World Series title.  What's so special about that?

In that city where the fans need extra props to produce crowd noise, in that division where the pennat race is over sometime between May and June 1st, Scioscia and his team did exactly what they always do, except they had a player die early on in the year.  Call me crazy, but I can't imagine Nick Adenhart is strumming his harp with a little extra happiness because his former team got trounced in the ALCS and his manager won Coach of the Year.  So is Scioscia being given the award for "keeping his team together" and "leading them through an unimaginable tragedy"?

Please; what keeps those players together and keeps them trying to win is their paychecks and the thought of being able to hold up that big trophy and then videotape the parade 2 days later with their families on top of a float, and the bottom line is Mike Scioscia did not do enough this season to make that thought a reality and Joe Girardi did.  There's no doubt that Joe Girardi was the best manager in the American League this season.  Case in point:

**Hampered by injuries and innings limits, Girardi found a way to get respectable value out of the 4- and 5-spots in his starting rotation for more than half the season and not only did it without sacrificing wins, but in doing it guided his team to the best record in baseball.  You can't try to tell me that at the beginning of the year Girardi was counting on getting wins in the summer and early fall when, there was still a hint of a pennat race, from the likes of Sergio Mitre and Chad Gaudin.  And yet he did it.  He started who he had to start, got the most out of what he had to work with, and kept winning.

**Despite having these issues that sapped innings from the back end of his staff, Girardi expertly managed his bullpen from Day 1, using his whole complement of pitchers available in a way that gave him the opportunity to win and think situationally day-to-day while still not relying on any 1 or 2 guys so much that their arms became tired and they had to go on the DL or were shot once the playoffs rolled around.

Torre was criticized for years for his tendency to fall in love with Mo and whoever was the setup guy at the time and burn them out by August.  Girardi got big innings from Mo, Hughes, Aceves, Robertson, and Coke all year and still left them all with plenty of gas in the tank come postseason time.  The only Yankee reliever in the top 30 in the AL in relief innings pitched was Aceves, and as the lone guy in the pen who was used as a long reliever, you don't mind that.

**Joe didn't tinker with the lineup, trying to play matchups or get guys out of slumps just for the sake of doing it throughout the year.  He based his players' off-days almost solely on who he thought needed rest to keep them fresh for the long haul.  People questioned his sitting Matsui for the entire interleague schedule outside of pinch hitting duty and that worked like a charm as Matsui was a beast for the rest of the year after interleague was over.  Instead of worrying about a bad game or two, Joe looked at the big picture and kept his guys rested just enough to keep them fresh but not so much that they became cold heading into the postseason.  Once the playoffs hit, everybody on the everyday roster was relatively healthy and ready to go, something that most teams can't usually say after 162 regular season games.

**Joe also didn't tinker with the new vibe and attitude around the team this year with the addition of the new faces.  In fact, he almost seemed to rein back his tough exterior and include himself into the new feeling around the clubhouse.  He let guys like Nick Swisher and A.J. be who they were instead of forcing them to follow the strict "Yankee way" and him and the team ended up being better off because of it.

**Most importantly, Joe did an excellent job managing the workload of his big 3 starters down the stretch of the regular season to keep them rested enough for the grind of the 3-man rotation he used in the playoffs.  It became obvious pretty quickly that Joe had his mind set on the 3-man playoff rotation for some time, and while some people questioned it, he stuck to his guns and it ended up being the best call he made all year.

You can argue with a lot of the decisions he did make in the playoffs, but the one you can't argue with is the 3-man rotation; it's what gave the Yankees the best chance to win and it's what eventually won the series for them as they could count on one of their big 3 every game and not worry about what they were going to get from a cold, possibly not up to the challenge 4th starter.  After being worked to the bone last season, CC showed what a little rest can do for him, and there's no way Andy comes back to win Game 6 in the World Series without a little extra rest at the end of the regular season.

Joe knew what he wanted to do in the playoffs, both with his everyday lineup and his pitching staff, and he managed accordingly down the home stretch.  His strategy allowed him to stick with that plan all the way through the playoffs and it allowed his team to win the World Series.  Did he have the most talented lineup in baseball?  Absolutely he did.  But Girardi also managed to get more out of the most talented lineup than Torre did in his last few years, and did it in a high-pressure situation in a big market for the most famous organization in professional sports a year after his first year at the helm resulted in the team missing the playoffs for the first time since 1995.

Mike Scioscia did a good job this year, don't get me wrong.  But Joe Girardi did a great job, and it's a crime that he isn't being recognized as the best manager in his league.

Mike Scioscia Is A Funny Man

The Yankees beat the Angels in six games in this year’s ALCS, and Angels manager Mike Scioscia is apparently already thinking about a rematch. Scioscia spoke at a fundraiser recently, according to the Orange County Register, and spent most of the luncheon telling stories from his playing days. When asked about the Yankees, though, he said, “I don’t care if the Yankees go out and spend $350 million next year, we’re going to beat them because we have the team.”

Story courtesy of the Lo Hud Yankee Blog

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  Somebody better tell Mikey to lay off the free mimosas at the next luncheon because that is the only logical explanation for why he would make this statement.  That or he's still so punch drunk from the lube-less ass rape that the Yankees carried out on his team last month that he isn't thinking straight.  It's stupid tough talk like this that gets you knocked the fuck out in the bar and gets you embarrassed again by the Evil Empire in 2010 after they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that a $200 million roster was more than enough to drop your sorry team like the overrated sack of shit that they are. 

But if that's how Mike wants to play, then that's how we'll play.  Hank and Hal, you heard what Mr. Scioscia said; fuck last year's spending spree and fuck the economy, take Cash off his leash and let him grab the offseason by the throat and drag it through the street for every other GM to see like he did last year.  Sign Jason Bay AND Matt Holliday and trade for Curtis Granderson to fill out the new outfield, and let Damon and Swisher be your 4th and 5th outfielders on the bench.  Bring Matsui back at $15mil for this season so he can continue to destroy anybody that gets in his way.  Throw $100mil at Lackey to be the 3rd starter and round out the rotation with Pettitte and Hughes.  Or just to be a dick, package Melky, Brett Gardner, Eric Hinske, and a couple of Double-A pitchers for Scott Kazmir and make him the 5th starter just to add insult to injury.  Sign Chone Figgins to be your utility player off the bench and your pinch runner and stock up on an extra lefty in the bullpen and that should pretty much cover $350 million.

And if there is anything left over, use it to by Mike Scioscia and his family World Series tickets for Game 1 at the Stadium, right behind homeplate.  Because that's the only way that punch drunk bastard is making it back to the World Series next year.

AB4AR's Week 10 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 10 Recap

San Francisco 10 Chicago 6

In a game that borderlined on unwatchable, Jay Cutler provided some excitement and high comedy with his 5 interceptions and 15 sour puss faces on the sideline.  Frank Gore was the only player on either side who put up decent numbers with 104 yards rushing and the lone TD of the game.  Not surprisingly, ESPN executives announced after the game that it would not be considered for a "Game of the Year" ESPY.

Carolina 28 Atlanta 19

Michael Turner amassed 111 yards on just 9 carries, but it was his ankle injury that forced him out of the game that caused a bigger impact.  Left without his bulldozer, Matt Ryan had trouble navigating the perilous streets of Pantherville and stumbled to a 2-pick performance that had Jake Delhomme asking him what his secret to success was.  Not only did Delhomme fail to throw a pick for the first time since high school, the entire Carolina team managed to hold onto the ball for the whole 60 minutes, thereby not wasting the 30-carry, 174-combined yard, 2 TD performance from the Williams-Stewart combo platter.

Washington 27 Denver 17

If you had Week 10 in your office pool for the "When will Denver's mid-season collapse officially begin?" then congratulations.  Kyle Orton's injury and Denver's defensive struggles against a team who handed its play-calling duties over to a BINGO caller could spell doom for the Broncos down the stretch.  Clinton Portis' concussion and Ladell Betts' 114 yards and a touch on 26 carries could spell the end of Portis' time in a 'Skins uni.  And H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T spells what I said when I realized Jason Campbell didn't throw an interception in this game.

Cincinnati 18 Pittsburgh 12

In a battle of defenses and kickers, the Bengals came out on top to officially end all speculation as to whether or not they are for real.  Neither QB played particularly well, but Carson Palmer made a few more big throws than Big Ben, and did it all without raping anybody, which helped his team score the extra points they needed to win.  With Troy Polamalu out again with a knee injury, Steeler fans must be concerned about who will pick up the slack in appearing in Head and Shoulders commercials.

Jacksonville 24 NY Jets 22

Maurice Jones-Drew leaped ahead of Mike Sims-Walker in the Hyphenated-Names BCS poll with his 24-123-1 stat line and his heads-up play to take a knee at the 1-yard line late in the 4th that allowed Jacksonville to run the clock down and ensure their game-winning, chip shot FG attempt would be the last play.  After mangling his timeout management to almost Herm Edwards levels of bad and having his defense fail in the biggest drive of the game, Rex Ryan might want to stop focusing on firing up Jet fans and leave himself a voicemail reminding him to do his fucking job.

Minnesota 27 Detroit 10

It's bad enough when you give up 133 yards and 2 TDs to Adrian Peterson and 344 yards and a TD to Brett Favre, but when you counter your defensive ineptitude by putting the game in the hands of your rookie QB and having him throw 51 times, you're not asking to lose, you're begging to lose.  I guess we shouldn't be shocked since nobody knows losing like the Detroit Lions, but come the fuck on; at least pretend like you want to win.

Miami 25 Tampa Bay 23

The Miami Dolphin RBs combined for 32 carries, 184 yards, 1 TD, 1 game-ending injury, and 2 counts of marijuana possession on the way to their last-second win.  Bobby Abreu-Freeman looked good in his 2nd start at QB for the Bucs, but got outplayed by Chad Henne, who orchestrated a 14-play, 80-yard game-winning drive that used up all the time left on the clock.  Rookie or not, getting outplayed by Chad Henne has to sting a little.

New Orleans 28 St. Louis 23

You can pretty much pencil the Saints in for a lose in the next 2 weeks after their 3rd straight lackluster performance against inferior competition.  They were outgained 434-420 by the Rams, which doesn't bode well for the defense and Drew Brees looked shaky again, throwing for under 200 yards and 2 picks, which doesn't bode well for the offense.  On the plus side, Reggie Bush actually ran the ball like he had hair on his nuts for a change, but the Saints seem bored right now and need a loss to get them re-focused for the stretch drive towards homefield advantage in the playoffs.

Tennessee 41 Buffalo 17

Sure Vince Young was good again, 210 yards and 1 TD, but Chris Johnson is just an absolute human truck stick: 26 carries, 132 yards, 2 TDs on the ground and 9 catches, 100 yards in the air.  The guy isn't on even my fantasy team and I just got hard reading that stat line.  Buffalo fans have to be asking themselves who is more useless at this stage: Marshawn Lynch or Terrell Owens.  And everybody needs to chill with the Bud Adams middle finger deal; if you had to go sit in the middle of a shithole stadium in Buffalo, NY, you'd be flicking people off too.

San Diego 31 Philadelphia 23

LT's football pulse picked up with another 2-TD performance and 96 yards to boot and Phillip Rivers was Manning-like in his efficiency as he went 20-25 for 231 yards and 2 scores.  Donovan McNabb's 450 yards and 2 TDs weren't enough to compensate for Philly's lack of running game without certified mush-head Brian Westbrook.  Westbrook is so banged up and useless that Michael Vick was seen trying to drown and electrocute him in the locker room after the game.

Green Bay 17 Dallas 7

Ahh there's Tony Romo.  I hadn't seen him in so long I was worried he had been kidnapped or something.  In fairness to Romo, the Packer D was insanely good in this game, which makes it the first time this year I've been able to say that.  Charles Woodson was amazing with 8 tackles, a sack, 2 FFs, and a brilliant interception on the goal line.  A week after being dead in the water, the Pack have once again risen to Super Bowl Contender status, at least in the minds of all their unintelligent fans.

Kansas City 16 Oakland 10

Kansas City took advantage of another vintage Jamarcus Russell performance (9-24, 67 yards) but did themselves a disservice in trying to lock up a top-5 pick next year with their win over the Raiders.  Jamaal Charles, now the feature RB after Larry Johnson left the team to go on a nationwide tour promoting homosexuality and equal rights, had 103 yards and a touch on just 18 carries.  I bring this up only because it now makes me 1-10 in my preseasons fantasy sleeper predictions.

Arizona 31 Seattle 20

In a game that had a combined 934 yards of total offense, it's hard to hit every major stat, but the big ones were Kurt Warner's 340 yards and 2 TDs which gave him 200 in his career, and Justin Forsett's 123 yards on the ground and 1 TD for the Seahawks.  The Cardinals get the big win they needed to mantain control of the division, something that should come in handy with the 49ers, Rams, and Sea-hahahahahahaha, oh Christ, I almost got through that without laughing!!  Who the fuck am I kidding?  Those teams are awful and Arizona owns this division.

Indianapolis 35 New England 34

In one of the most exciting Sunday night games in recent memory, these 2 upstart teams battled to the finish behind their young, relatively unknown QBs.  Mark my words, if this Peyton Manning and Tom Brady continue to play like that, they are going to become big stars in this league.  The one negative was New England's coach's decision to go for it inside his own 30 that late in the game.  I don't who the fuck that guy thinks he is, but calls like that that end up costing your team a win will have you out the door pretty quick.  You might want to do something with your career and establish yourself before you start pulling stunts like that.

MNF Result

Baltimore 16 Cleveland 0

From one of the best games to one of the worst, all I can say is at least the Ravens covered the spread.  As for Cleveland, when you can't even be competitive against a team who is clearly going through the motions, it's time to just forfeit the season and go on vacation.

MNF Predictions for the Season (Winners): 8-3

My Bad, Yo

I Weis'd things up and forgot to bring my notes on yesterday's NFL schedule to work with me today to knock out over lunch, so no NFL recap today, at least not until after the game.  But in the interest of not letting down all you dear readers who come to my Monday NFL recap column for betting advice on MNF, I did predict Baltimore will beat Cleveland 30-6 tonight, so there you go; take -11 for Baltimore and send me my cut in the morning.

In the mean time, you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow to get your "Jamarcus Russell sucks" and "Tony Romo is a choke artist" jokes.  Deal with it.

What. The. Fuck.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?????!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure the lady who got her face ripped off by the chimp a few months back being on Oprah this week was hideous, but the Notre Dame football season and the continued underachieving that this team does under Charlie Weis is far more scary and disgusting to look at, if you ask me.  There's only so many times I can sit on my couch every Saturday and watch a team with an All-America-quality QB, 2 All-America-quality WRs, an army of good RBs, and other big-time HS recruits scattered throughout the lineup on both sides of the ball play down to their competition before I just say "Fuck it, get somebody else in here."

And the worst part is, nothing ever seems to change!  Every fucking week the same mistakes are being made; the same guys on the offensive line are going offsides and missing assignments, the same group of shitrags in the secondary are blowing coverage and missing tackles (can somebody please inject Sergio Brown with a needle full of swine flu?  Thank God that guy is a fucking senior; he couldn't cover a sleeping child with a blanket). And the same team that is infinitely more talented on paper than their opponents 9 times out of 10 is going down to the wire for a last-second victory, or falling short in a comeback attempt that should never be taking place because they don't execute and don't play hard for 60 minutes.  And after each of those games we get to see the same image of this fat fuck slowly waddling off the field with a bewildered look on his face and sit down at the press conference and spew the same cliches about needing to focus on winning the next game.

All that right there adds up to poor coaching.  You can bring in all the top-10 recruiting classes you want, but when you can't get anything out of them other than 7-5 and 6-6 seasons then it means you don't have what it takes to coach at this level.  These guys are anywhere from 18-23 years old, they aren't pros yet and can't be expected to self-motivate and stay focused 24/7.  They've got classes to take, parties to go to, chicks to fuck, and draft prospects to worry about.  College players need way more hands-on, in your face, constant pressure and drilling than pro players do.  Weis still hasn't figured this out after 5 years; he still thinks he's coaching the fucking Patriots and that suddenly it's all going to come together and the collective natural talent will come together and overcome everything else or that bringing in a name like Jon Tenuta will solve all the team's defensive problems.

It ain't that easy, Fat Boy.  The bottom line is, you suck as a coach, your assistants suck as coaches, and that combined suckiness is why your team is 6-5 and on a one-way train to Nowheresville again.  So go clean out your office, pack up your Ho-Ho's and Ring Dings, take your framed copy of your bullshit book that I now regret wasting 2 hours of my life reading, and get the fuck out before I wrap a fucking chain around your neck and do the university and the football program a favor.

Try shoveling soup ladles full of nacho cheese down your fat gullet now, ass.

UConn Men's Basketball Last-Minute Season Preview

I've been meaning to write this preview for the last 3 days, but since I've been busier than shit at work and drunker than shit the last 2 nights, it just didn't happen. When you're as popular a guy as I am and a budding media mogul, you have to make time for the little people and sometimes the blog has to take the hit. So because I'm behind the 8-ball and the opening game is tonight, here's the abridged version of the UConn season preview.

Frontcourt

The Huskies will be hard pressed to replace the production of Hasheem Thabeet and Jeff Adrien, but they have the benefit of having a bunch of new bodies to pick up the slack. Freshman F/C Alex Oriakhi is a textbook Jim Calhoun-style big man who can rebound and defend like a maniac and has an offensive game that's already light years ahead of where Hasheem was at in his first year. Charles Okwandu, a 7-1 junior, is an intriguing possibility to replace Thabeet's shot-blocking presence and should get a look early in the season since Calhoun already knows what he'll get from Gavin Edwards and Jonathan Mandeldove, which is nothing. Stanley Robinson, now a senior and team leader, and freshman Jamal Coombs-McDaniel give the Huskies all kinds of freakish athleticism (Jay Bilas hasn't patented that yet, so I'm going to steal it) at the 3-spot and should combine to terrorize opposing teams' matchup strategy. While he's no sniper, Coombs-McDaniel is a good enough shooter that teams will have to pay attention to him, allowing the Huskies to keep the floor spread and lane open for drivers like Robinson and their quick guards.

The key player for this group will be freshman center, Ater Majok. After having to sit out last season, he will finally become eligible at the end of the fall semester. Having already been with the team and learning the system for a year, he is ahead of the curve compared to other freshmen and shouldn't have the jitters and brain farts that usually come along with being a young player in D-1 basketball.

While the major contributors in this group are all unknowns outside of Sticks, there is enough size, athleticism, and raw talent spread around to create the formidable, intimidating frontcourt that UConn is known for as they gain experience and get used to the college game.

Backcourt

Just like the frontcourt, the guards this season are either well-established guys in the rotation who will be counted on to lead and account for the loss of AJ Price (see: Jerome Dyson and Kemba Walker), or fresh from the high school womb-young'ns with 0 college ball experience. Dyson and Walker will be the straws that stir the drink. As they go, the Huskies will go. Both are fearless, hard-nosed players who look to drive and create opportunities at the rim for themselves or their teammates, and who harass opposing guards to such a degree on defense that there will be a national hotline set up for players to call in for counseling and support. Both guys can hold their own shooting the ball, but are not nearly the marksmen that Price was and so hopefully they worked on their outside shooting enough in the offseason to command respect from opposing defenses.

Backing them up will be a tandem of freshmen, Darius Smith and Jamaal Trice. Trice will be looked at to provide scoring and shooting off the bench, think Rashad Anderson Light, while Smith will probably end up being the backup point guard because quite frankly, Donnell Beverly fucking sucks and can't run an offense.

The good news is these 4 plus Beverly actually give the Huskies more depth in the backcourt than they've had in the past couple seasons, but the bad news is that depth is very inexperienced and will be pressured by the never-ending train of good Big East defenses. How quickly Trice and Smith adjust to the college game will be a key for this team all year long as Calhoun can't afford to run Dyson and Walker ragged every night like he did with AJ Price last year. Their style of play leads to injuries and Dyson has already shown a tendency to get banged up easily so limiting their minutes as much as possible will keep them fresh for the long haul. Of course Jimbo won't do this at the expense of losing games though, so the frosh need to step up and show they're capable of handling the pressure.

Overall, this season is wide open in terms of possibilities. This is a team that can be a carbon copy of traditional UConn teams and be a Big East and National title contenders if the veterans step up their games and leadership skills. This is also a team that can struggle to find its identity and be hampered by its inexperience and youth and resemble the 2005 Husky team. Coach Calhoun will have more work to do than he has in past years, both in managing and motivating his seniors and molding his freshmen, but if anybody can do it, he can. I mean, you don't just win 800 games by accident.

Season Prediction:

22-6 regular season, 3rd in the Big East
Semifinals of Big East Tourney
Sweet 16 in the NCAAs

Money Well Spent...And Then Some

For all the praise and semen that the media threw at Theo Epstein and the Red Sox for their "smart," cheap offseason signings and the bitching and moaning about all the money the Yankees threw at their big free agents, the numbers of this season prove why the Yankees were the ones that made the smart investments. Observe.

John Smoltz' and Brad Penny's combined stats during their time in Boston were:

IP       H     BB ER     K   ERA   WHIP   W-L

171.2  219  51  119  122 6.24   1.57    9-13

For the $10.5 million in salary they were signed to, that works out to approximately $1.167 million per win. Factor in that both players were eventually released mid-season because they were so ineffective and it goes without saying that the Red Sox would have been better served to take that $10.5 million and donate it to charity, spend it on supplements for Sloppi and Varitek, or just burn it right in center field.

The Yankees' 3 pitching signings produced the following totals:

IP          H    BB    ER     K    ERA   WHIP   W-L

631.2  583 240 270  540  3.85   1.30   46-25

For the $37.286 million in salary that they were paid (5.5 mil Pettitte, 16.5 mil A.J., 15.286 mil CC), those numbers work out to $810,565 per win. Factor in the more than respectable ERA and WHIP numbers and the fact that these 3 ate up over 600 innings, that makes their combined worth much more proportional to what they were paid, and may even make their worth a steal when you consider what they were paid.

As if those numbers weren't glaring enough, Smoltz, Penny, and the incredible Dice-Gay (who made $8.333 million this year to pitch to an ERA of almost 6.00 in the regular season) combined to put up goose eggs across the board in any stat in the playoffs for Boston. By comparison, CC, A.J., and Andy's numbers look like so:

IP     H   BB   ER   K    ERA  WHIP   W-L

94.1  76  36    36    81   3.43    1.19    8-2

Those numbers are damn good, and even more impressive when you consider the ERA and WHIP values are disproportionally high due to A.J.'s 5.27 postseason ERA and 38 baserunners in 27.1 innings. These 5 guys all started 5 games in the playoffs and in those 15 starts, they got quality starts in 13 of them, lights-out performances in at least half of them (see: CC in the ALDS, Burnett in Game 2 of the WS, etc.), and series-clinching wins from the cheapest member of this trio (Pettitte) in all 3 playoff series.

Sure player salaries are incredibly out of this world for what these guys do for a living, but for the most part there is a reason why better players command bigger salaries and why those guys are paid that much; they fucking produce!!

The Red Sox thought they would try to be cute and play financial smallball to get themselves another title and it backfired on them in the form of a washed-up old man coming off of arm surgery and a has-been fat guy whose biggest baseball highlight is still the fact that he fucked Alyssa Milano.

The Yankees shelled out big bucks for guys in their primes and got a still-productive veteran at a bargain price and rode all 3 to a title. The differences in approach and result are night and day, and are even more glaring when you consider Andy's season totals alone outdo the combined numbers of Penny and Smoltz for the same price.

I also would mention that Boston's only major position player signing, Rocco Baldelli, put up numbers similar to Brett Gardner while Teix and Swish combined for 68 HRs, 204 RBIs, and 1 Gold Glove, but that would just be rubbing it in.

Message To The Readers

I'm sure by now everyone is asking themselves "how the hell is Brad going to continue to churn out incredible, hilarious, insightful posts every day now that the Yankees have locked up their 27th title and there's no more baseball until next spring?"  My answer to you, baby birds, is don't worry, because I've got this shit all figured out and I'll continue to chew up your humor and analysis and puke it down your throats until opening night 2010 at Fenway with a little help from the UConn Huskies.

That's right, the fucking UConn Huskies.  I know people might have been thinking 'Yankee blog= obvious New York college coverage' but you would deader than dead wrong.  If you came here expecting a daily dose of Canisius or Rider commentary then you can just gargle a ball because it ain't gonna happen.  And if you came here looking for some witty observations of Syracuse's season then you can gargle and rinse with my whole nutsack because that sure as shit ain't gonna happen.  I mean, even if I did root for Syracuse, why would I waste valuable blog space and time writing about a team that lost to Le Moyne?  FUCKING LE MOYNE!!!!!  That's where kids who weren't quite good enough to make the Syracuse lacrosse team go to school, not basketball players.

So UConn it is, and let's just get it all out there now and let it be known that it will only be the men's team getting covered because let's face it, chicks' sports aren't real sports and the UConn women are just going to win anyway so there's no point.  There will still be plenty of Yankee goodness to keep you pinstripers happy, but the Huskies will be filling the void left by the Bombers and their offseason starting this Friday against William & Mary (whoever the fuck that is), and ending after March Madness.

And if you can't handle that, I just don't give a fuck.  Watch ESPN all winter and listen to them blow Duke and North Carolina and talk about the Red Sox hot stove news for all I care.  Now somebody hit the fucking music!

Touché, Buddy

Now as a Yankee fan, I'm obligated to agree with the crowd here and say that this guy is absolutely an asshole and a homo, but I'm also going to give credit where credit is due because it takes a set of big, hairy balls to walk through the Canyon during the parade dressed to the 9s in your Sox gear after your team completely shat the bed in their playoff series.

In fact, this dude shows more heart in this video than the Red Sox showed throughout their entire season.  There's no way a guy with this much gall goes a combined 3-32 with 0 RBIs and 9 Ks like the 3-4-5 hitters in Boston's lineup did in the postseason, or have a Three-Mile Island-style meltdown in the 9th inning when your team was looking for you to close out a win and shift momentum in your series like the Great Papelbon did in Game 3.

If I'm Theo, I'm tracking this fucking dude down and locking him up to a 3-year deal tonight, and then figure out where he's going to play and where he should hit in the lineup later.  After the team-wide fold job they put on in the second half of the year and the playoffs, you have to show your fans that you have a commitment to winning, and signing this dude shows that commitment.

Or you could re-sign Tim Wakefield and leave the door open for Jason Varitek to come back next year...

AB4AR's Week 9 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 9 Recap

Atlanta 31 Washington 17

On a day where Matt Ryan wasn't at his best, Michael Turner put the Falcons on his back with 166 yards and 2 TDs to make sure the Falcons didn't fall to the lowly 'Skins. There were some good signs for Washington, though; Jason Campbell threw 2 TD passes, even though one of them was to the Falcons. And CB Dante Hall showed some fight on defense, but it was mostly with the Falcons' sideline and coach, Mike Smith. So yeah, I guess the Redskins still just suck. Nevermind.

Arizona 41 Chicago 21

Even without Anquan Boldin, Arizona's offense was in full effect yesterday. Beanie Wells and Tim Hightower combined for 149 yards on the ground, making them the most potent Cardinal RB tandem since....well since.... OK, so the Cardinals have never had a good RB tandem, making these guys the first. It was also a monster day for the quarterbacks as Kurt Warner and Jay Cutler combined for 630 yards passing and 8 TDs and Matt Leinart went 0-1 with an interception. If that doesn't look very good next to Warner's numbers, you have to remember that just getting on the field is a monster day for Matt Leinart.

Cincinnati 17 Baltimore 7

The Cincinnati defense, now armed to the teeth with former USC Trojans, proved itself more than worthy of competing with the big boys of the NFL as they shut down Flacco and the Ravens' offense. Cedric Benson carried the offense again, with 117 tough yards, and in probably the biggest example of karma in recent NFL memory, notorious all-around asshole Chris Henry had to leave the game with a broken forearm. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Indianapolis 20 Houston 17

Peyton Manning threw an unheard of 40 passes in the first half yesterday. The Colts' coaching staff, concerned about how that early workload would affect his availability for Game 4, eased up in the second half to keep him fresh. Thanks to a late TD and a Ray Finkle impression by Houston kicker Kris Brown, the Colts will march into their annual meeting with the Patriots undefeated. Head coach Jim Caldwell could be a candidate for Coach of The Year, assuming he actually has anything to do with coaching the team.

New England 27 Miami 17

Everything seems to be falling into place for the Patriots; Brady looked sharp again, Randy Moss has a more Moss-ian day (6 catches, 147 yards, 1 TD), than we've seen lately, and there was even a Laurence Maroney sighting! Most importantly, the Pats have finally learned to contain the Wildcat offense as yesterday marked the second consecutive time they stifled the Dolphins. That probably won't have any bearing on the game against the Colts next week, but whatever, I have to fill space somehow. Peter King isn't the only guy who can fill his weekly column with useless info.

Tampa Bay 38 Green Bay 28

That silence you're hearing is all the Packer fans mourning the passing of their team's season. When you give up 6 sacks to a bunch of no-names, let a rookie QB who looks like Bobby Abreu throw 3 TD passes and lead a game-winning drive against your D, and get torched on a simple fade route by some guy named Sammy Stroughter, you know it's just not your year. Yesterday also marked the first time that Aaron Rodgers did appear to be holding the ball too long, but when the guy spends the whole first half scrambling with 2 injured feet, you can't really blame him.

Jacksonville 24 Kansas City 21

Mike Sims-Walker had another monster game and is beginning to challenge teammate Maurice Jones-Drew for the title of NFL's best hyphenated-named player. KC did have a small glimmer of hope in watching Matt Cassell play a good game and almost lead a late comeback charge. Cassell and new acquisition Chris Chambers looked good together after only a few weeks. Who knew that a young QB could play better with more weapons around him? Only an offensive genius like Todd Haley could figure that out.

Seattle 32 Detroit 20

Clearly inspired by my calling him out in last week's column, Matt Hasselbeck threw for 329 yards and a TD yesterday in leading his Seahawks to a come-from-behind victory over the Lions (although having to come from behind against the Lions isn't necessarily something to be proud of). After leading 17-0 early, the Lions fell apart behind Matt Stafford, who was suffering from a bout of Sanchez Disease (or was it Delhomme Syndrome?) as he threw 5 picks.

New Orleans 30 Carolina 20

De'angelo Williams had 149 yards and 2 touches for the Panthers, but it was his late fumble on his own 2-yard line that sealed Carolina's fate. After replays showed Williams coughing it up after barely being touched on the arm, cameras on the sidelines showed him saying "I was down!" to the team's RB coach. D, if you can convince yourself that you were down, then more power to you, but you sure as fuck were standing straight up in the air. Panther fans have to be upset, but hey, at least Jake Delhomme didn't blow the game. Oh by the way, Drew Brees threw for 330 yards and a TD.

San Diego 21 NY Giants 20

The Giants secondary is the Brad Lidge of their team; after a late 4th quarter TD gave them the lead, they absolutely imploded on the Chargers' last drive, giving up open play after open play, and culminating in Vincent Jackson catching a long TD pass with nobody within 5 yards of him. Last week the panic button was hit, this week the casket is being picked out for the G-Men's season. Big shout out to Shawn Merriman for getting 2 sacks and having his name mentioned for the first team this season without the words "choked Tila Tequila" included.

Tennessee 34 San Francisco 27

After his dynamite performance last week, Chris Johnson obviously took this week off and slacked his way to 135 yards and 2 TDs in the Titans' 2nd consecutive win. Vince Young played well, running for a TD and also not turning the ball over and not threatening to kill himself for the 2nd week in a row. Alex Smith and his small hands threw 3 picks in the loss, crippling the '9ers' chances.

Dallas 20 Philadelphia 16

Andy Reid's unconventional decision to play for the 4-point deficit rather than play to win cost his team dearly as Dallas got the first downs they needed and ran the clock out after the Eagles kicked a late FG down 7 instead of going for it on 4th down. Tony Romo played well again, Roy Williams got the touches he had been practically begging for, and the Cowboys established themselves as the best team in their division and a possible challenger to the Vikings and Saints for NFC supremacy (I know, I can't believe I just wrote that either).


MNF Prediction

Pittsburgh 24 Denver 13

The Steelers seem to have their swagger back and will drive Kyle Orton crazy tonight with their constant blitzing. Denver's D may have been exposed last week in the same way the Giants were by New Orleans a few weeks ago, so expect the surprisingly high-flying Steelers to air it out and attack the Denver secondary.

MNF Predictions for the season (Winners): 6-3

This Sign Is Everywhere

Thanks to Megan C. for the pic

Hey, check it out.  Jimmy Rollins' favorite sign was at the parade on Friday too.  Before Cash gets too deep into thinking about how much to offer Damon and Matsui and whether he needs to offer Andy another deal to cover the back end of the rotation, can he throw these guys a few hundred bucks for this thing and hang it up over the centerfield wall every time Philadelphia comes back to town?  Would that be too much?

People Want THIS Guy In The Rotation Next Year?

Hey, it's that guy from the gay "Twilight" movies!  Oh no, wait, it's just Joba dressed like a 17-year-old emo kid.  And he's looking a bit pale; maybe he grabbed the last of his Mom's meth stash.

Just because you won the World Series doesn't mean you can just forget about representing yourself and the organization properly, son.  Take the hoodie off, tuck the shirt in, put some dress shoes on, and comb your fucking hair.

And So It Begins...

In an attempt to get a headstart on the Yankees in competing for next season, the Fraud Sox traded for former Marlins' outfielder Jeremy Hermida yesterday.  Yes, that Jeremy Hermida, the same guy who hit .259 with 13 HRs, 47 RBIs, and a .740 OPS last season.  The same guy who the Marlins have been hoping will put it all together since the moment he began playing for them.  When you're trying to compete with the suddenly head-and-shoulders above you New York Yankees, I guess you have to jump at the chance to trade 2 prospects for a guy with questionable heart and dedication issues and who you could have gotten in free agency after the Marlins dumped him.

Not to be outdone, the Angels decided to re-sign Bobby Abreu to a 2-year, $19 million deal.  You remember Bobby, right?  He's the same guy who hit .265 with 0 HRs and 3 RBIs in the postseason, .160/.276/.240 in the ALCS.  Call me crazy, but I wouldn't be shelling out that much for a 35-year-old outfielder who is deathly afraid of the outfield wall and has somehow managed to get through his career without a serious injury.  The Angels struck gold with their $5 mil deal last season, and were rewarded with 103 RBIs, but I wouldn't count on "Mr. July" putting those numbers up again next year.

I give props for each of the Yankees biggest "rivals" trying to jump early at the chance to improve their teams while the Yankees are cruising the Canyon, but if these are the moves they're going to make, they might as well just forfeit 2010 right now.  Everybody saw what Cashman did last offseason and at the trade deadline this season; the dude is playing fucking Bobby Fisher-level chess right now while the Sox and Halos are playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos trying to match him.  28 could come easier than we think.

The 10 Biggest Plays of The World Series

10) Chase Utley's 3-run HR off of A.J. Burnett in 1st inning of Game 5

After the two leadoff runners got on, this shot by Utley set the tone for the rest of the game and for A.J.'s bad outing.  In a potential series-clinching game for New York, Utley's home run gave the Phillies the early boost they needed and never let up as they got the win they needed to keep their season alive.

9) Hideki Matsui's solo HR off of Brett Myers in the 8th inning of Game 3

This game was all Yankees after Andy struggled in the early innings but once the game got the bullpen, the Yankees could have made the outcome more interesting than it had to be.  With the Phillies still lingering with a manageable 7-4 deficit, Matsui stepped off the bench cold and delivered a rally-killing solo bomb to give Phil "Wild Thing" Hughes and Mo enough cushion to cruise to the finish and recapture home field advantage.

8) Derek Jeter's GIDP against Ryan Madson in the 9th inning of Game 5

Jeter stepped in as the tying run, and although his grounder did score Jorge Posada, it also took 2 runners off base and prevented Teix from being the tying run when he came to the plate after.  More importantly, Jeter's bad swing in a good hitters' count helped calm a quickly-crumbling Ryan Madson and allowed him to calm down and re-focus to strike out Teix to end the game and keep the Phillies alive.

7) CC Sabathia getting the 3-4-5 hitters out in order in the 5th inning of Game 4

After the Yankees took a 4-2 lead in the top of the inning, CC started the bottom half by giving up a single and a walk to Rollins and Victorino and the Phillies seemed to be in business with the heart of their order coming up.  But CC made great pitches and retired Utley and Howard on pop ups to Jeter before getting Werth swinging to end the inning.  This was big because it allowed the Yanks to hold the lead they had just built and made Utley's HR in the 7th less important as it still left the Phillies one run behind.  If CC crumbles there and gives up the lead, maybe the Yankees approach is different for the rest of the game and they don't score the late runs to win.

6) Hideki Matsui's 2-run HR off of Pedro Martinez in the 2nd inning of Game 6

This was the at-bat that exposed Pedro as having no stuff early in the game as he had no desire to throw Hideki anything off-speed and didn't have the heat on his fastball to get it by Godzilla inside.  It got the crowd into the game and on Pedro and provided an early cushion for Andy Pettitte, who also didn't have his A-game.

5) Hideki Matsui's solo HR off of Pedro Martinez in the 6th inning of Game 2

A battle of an at-bat ended with Matsui being the victor as he parked a pretty good curveball from Pedro into the right field seats.  It ended Pedro's night, which essentially wasted the only good performance he had in the series, made Charlie Manuel look bad for letting Pedro start the 6th inning after having a high pitch count through 5, andnwas the game-winning RBI in a game the Yankees had to win.

4) Mariano Rivera entering in the 8th inning of Game 2 for a 6-out save

This logic by Joe was the exact opposite of what Manuel did with Pedro.  By not playing around and bringing in Mo for 6 outs, Joe gave his team the best chance to hold the lead and win a tight game and didn't waste a great starting effort by A.J.  In a must-win situation, Joe left the lead in the hands of his best pitcher.

3) Charlie Manuel letting Cliff Lee pitch the 9th inning in Game 1

Sure he was great all night and gave the Phillies a guaranteed win by being out there to finish it, but Lee racked up 122 pitches on the night and was noticeably tired in the 9th inning when the Yanks finally put some good swings on his pitches.  This extra work made Lee unavailable to throw on short rest in Game 4, and the Yankees ended up getting the win against Blanton and the awful Phillies bullpen, putting themselves in a 3-1 hole they wouldn't climb out of.  Manuel was so caught up in winning Game 1 that he didn't think of the effect Lee's long effort would have on the rest of the series.  You should be able to do count on your bullpen to get 3 outs when you have a 6-run lead, and the fact that Charlie didn't may have cost him a chance to even the series in Game 4.

2) Hideki Matsui's 2-run 2B off of J.A. Happ in the 5th inning of Game 6

After killing Pedro and getting him out early, Hideki drove the dagger into the heart of the Phillies with this double that made the lead 7-1.  There was plenty of time left to come back , but this hit seemed to take what little wind was left out of the sails of the Phils and provide plenty of insurance for Andy Pettitte and the Yankee bullpen.  Of all of Matsui's big hits in the series, this was the biggest.

1) Johnny Damon's double steal against Brad Lidge in the 9th inning of Game 4

With the infield playing the shift against a left-handed hitting Teixeira, Damon seized the opportunity presented to him when he stole second base cleanly.  His pop-up slide and quick thinking gave him the chance to take an uncovered 3rd base and he didn't hesitate.  Putting himself at 3rd rattled Lidge's already iffy confidence, evidenced by his hitting Teix, and then changed his approach against A-Rod as he was too scared to throw his slider.  The fastball that he grooved to A-Rod ended up being deposited into the left field gap and Damon trotted home with what would be the game-winning run.  Without getting himself to 3rd by being smart and recognizing the situation, maybe Damon gets stranded and Lidge never crumbles.  Instead, Damon changed the whole approach to the situation and scored the game-winning run in a game that gave the Yanks a commanding 3-1 series lead.

Is This The Greatest YouTube Video Of All-Time?

You bet your ass it is!!  I've already watched it twice in a row and I still want to watch it again.  I might not even go into work tomorrow just so I can sit here and watch this video.

Were There Better Game 6 Options Than Pedro?

At this point, it's obvious starting Pedro Martinez last night was a bad move by Charlie Manuel.  Shit, I knew it was a bad move when the announcement was made on Monday night; Pedro is old, has no stuff anymore, and was working on regular rest, which after having eons of rest between his start against the Dodgers in the LCS and his start in Game 2, was going to seem like a regular pitcher throwing on 2 days' rest.  But given Charlie's other options: mediocre Joe Blanton, crybaby Cole Hamels, and definitely dead tired Cliff Lee, Pedro seemed like the logical choice.  Some may argue J.A. Happ, but after watching his pants-pissing performance in relief, that theory can be put to bed with your kids.

Enter my friend, D-Skar.  The kid is a closet baseball genius and he noticed how awful Pedro was last night probably before you and I did.  Somewhere around the 2nd or 3rd inning last night he sends me this text:

"The phillies should bring in freddie prinze jr. from summer catch."

After I got done laughing my ass off because, let's be honest, that's damn funny, that one statement got me thinking; were there better options out there for old Uncle Charlie last night than a washed-up, possibly-still-having-a-tummy-ache Pedro Martinez?  Of course there were.  Here are 4 pitchers that would have been lightyears better than Pedro last night and explanation as to why any of these 4 studs could have had us all glued to our TVs tonight for Game 7 instead of fighting to get a good spot for the parade tomorrow.

1) Ryan Dunne, LHP, Chatham A's

He's younger than Pedro, which means more velocity and sharpness on his pitches. As locked in as the Yankees were on Pedro's fastball (if that's what you want to call it) last night, some more speed and movement from a young arm could have helped to slow down their bats and keep them off-balance, not to mention provide length to save Charlie Manuel from having to go to his bullpen early.  And to top it all off, the kid's a lefty!  You saw what Cliff Lee did to them in Game 1; what's to say Dunne doesn't go out last night and put on a similar shutdown performance?


2) Chet Steadman, RHP, Chicago Cubs

A veteran pitcher even older than Pedro, but still with plenty of juice left in the right arm. I mean shit, you don't get the nickname "Rocket" for nothing.  A straight fireballer of Steadman's caliber could have given the Yankees problems since they had yet to face a starter with consistent mid- to high-90s heat in the postseason. There would also be no worry about jitters as a veteran with Steadman's pedigree would not have been shaken by the bright lights of Yankee Stadium.


3) Mel Clark, RHP, California Angels



A carbon copy of Steadman, Mel Clark is another older pitcher who found the fountain of youth and with it, greater velocity on his fastball. Clark had some questions about the strength of his shoulder due to years of wear and tear, but based on his previous outings seemed healthy enough to give at least 5 to 6 good innings.  And by watching this game film, it's clear the guy is a battler and inspires confidence in his teammates, even if he throws like a girl with muscular dystrophy.  Any time you've got a guy with angels on his side, you're going to be in good shape. All the clutch hitters in the world can't compete with divine intervention.


4) Eddie Harris, RHP, Cleveland Indians

Maybe the oldest of the bunch, but a battle-tested gamer and devout Christian, Harris could have provided the biting off-speed stuff that Pedro showed in Game 2 with the aid of his various foreign agents. Would it have been illegal? Sure. But when you're faced with elimination you've got to do anything you can to win, and with a track record of never being caught, one has to assume Harris could be crafty and discreet enough to keep his doctoring from being noticed by the Yankees.


I would have been shitting in my pants twice if any of these horses were on the mound in a must-win situation for the Phillies last night, but Charlie stuck with Pedro and the rest is history.  The navy and white ticker tape is being shredded, the Canyon is being cleared, and Scott Eyre is eating chocolate-covered Twinkies.

Best Sign of The Night

(Thanks to Brian S., friend of the blog, for the photo)

Ahh yes.  Nothing completes a World Championship like some good old-fashioned, double-entendre marijuana humor.  And the quality of the artwork is surprisingly good.  No cheesy "FOX" signs here, folks.  This is the big leagues.

27!!! Game 6 Thoughts and Afterthoughts

* Did I fucking call it or did I fucking call it??!! 6 games, 4-2 series, just as I predicted and just as the stats predicted. Screw being the defending champion, that doesn't mean shit. The better team and better players will usually prevail and that's exactly what happened.

* Good omen for the game last night: Joe Buck informed us all last night during the bottom of the 1st that Pedro called his Mommy after Game 2 to tell her he didn't feel well when he was pitching. Ready? All together now...AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I hope you had a good excuse to give her last night, douche. Maybe she can come make you a grilled cheese sandwich and some Campbell's Chicken and Stars soup while you lay on the couch today and watch all the highlights of your miserable performance.

* Matsui's at-bat in the 2nd last night was the most glaring proof that Pedro had nothing. He tried to force feed Hi-dek fastballs that didn't have any oomph behind them, afraid to go to his off-speed stuff after what Matsui did to the curveball in Game 2. Fortunately for the Yanks, the last pitch of the at-bat had some authentic A.J. Burnett "ride right back over the heart of the plate" bite on it. Matsui owned Philly pitching in this series, almost as much as Chase Utley owned CC.

* More proof of Pedro's knowledge of his own ineffectiveness last night: hitting Teix in the bottom of the 3rd. After what Matsui did to him the previous inning, Pedro wanted no part of a power lefty and drilled Teix to avoid any confrontation. Amazingly enough, we didn't have to listen to Tim McCarver go on and on about how he didn't think it was intentional.

* Did Joe West not realize who was on the mound for the Yankees last night? It was Andy Pettitte for Christ's sake, not Tanyon Sturtze. Give the guy a fucking call!! Andy wasn't super sharp last night, but he also wasn't wild. His pitch count was artificially inflated by at least 2 walks that can be directly attributed to West's strike zone turning into the Bermuda Triangle in the 4th and 5th innings.

* The double play turned on Jimmy Rollins' grounder in the 5th never happens without Cano's arm at 2nd. Rollins is a fast runner and the ball wasn't hit all that hard, but Cano has such a cannon that he almost made the play look easy. At least he's good for something.

* Is there a sexier phrase in baseball than "Chad Durbin takes over for the Phillies in the bottom of the 5th?" When I heard that walking out of the bathroom between innings I almost took my clothes off and lit some candles to set the mood.

* Actually, there is something sexier than that, and that is J.A. Happ coming in to replace Durbin. I know Uncle Charlie didn't have many viable options in that pen but shit, if that's who you're going to bring in when you need to keep the score where it is, you might as well just wave the white flag right there.

* Buck sounded like he wanted to die when Matsui got the double in the 5th to bring in the 2 back-breaking run. Come on, Joe, I know you aren't a Yankees fan but you weren't at your Dad's wake giving his eulogy, you're calling a World Series game. At least try to pretend to show a little fucking enthusiasm.

* Who the fuck did Ryan Howard think he was when he said something to Cano rounding 2nd after his 2-run home in the 6th? Check the stats, assclown, you're team is still in a 4-run hole with 10 outs left and you left Chase Utley high and dry all series with your pathetic swings. Not to mention the fact that you ended up setting a new World Series record with 13 strikeouts after Marte tooled your ass in the 7th. So yeah, fuck off. Maybe go shoot another gay Subway commercial with Jared in the offseason.

* Speaking of Marte, he was the Yankees unsung MVP of the series. He retired every batter he faced and seemed to get better and better with each out. From the beginning of the postseason to the end I went from not even wanting Marte to touch the team luggage to being ecstatic that the Yankees have him for 2 more seasons.

* Another example of the Yankees dedication to playing the game the right way: Jeter and Cano ALWAYS touch second base when they turn 2, and most of the time it's not even debatable as to whether they may have missed it. No "neighborhood play" here, thank you. They'll earn all 27 of their outs.

* Great text from my Dad in the 6th inning: "Gardner's gloves look like he's doing yard work." After reading that, I took a look during Brett's at-bat and you know what? My old man is right! What the fuck is that about? Does Gardner have really small hands or something? He looked like he was wearing a pair of those Mickey Mouse gloves from Disney World last night. I'm a big Gardner fan, but the way he swung the bat last night, he probably could have put those batting gloves to better use helping the grounds crew.

* Bottom 7th- Joe Buck informs us that Scott Eyre was "bouncing around" the locker room before the game because somebody gave him a chocolate-covered Twinkie to eat. Really, Scott? Your team is trying to keep their season alive and you're excited about a chocolate-covered Twinkie? Hope you enjoyed them after the game in your clean, dry locker room, you fat bastard. Me? I'll take champagne over Twinkies any day.

If that doesn't show the difference between the Yankees and other organizations then I don't know what does. Spare me the bullshit stories about teams with "loose locker rooms," and "a good bunch of guys," and all that crap. At the end of the day it's about being a professional and winning and nobody does that better than the Yankees.

* Another great call by Joe going to Mo for 5 outs and not even giving the Phils a chance to put runners on against the likes of Hughes. The Phillies made him work, forcing him to throw 42 pitches for those 5 outs, but in the end Mo was Mo and got the job done. He's almost more of a sure thing than death and taxes at this point in his career.

* After the game Mo said he might play for 5 more years? Yes, please. Even more amazing than that was his admission to the BBTN crew that he had been dealing with a rib injury that was so bad, he didn't know if he would have been able to throw another game. I don't think anybody knows how long he's had that injury, but in the next few weeks you expect that to come out and it just puts Mo on a whole new level of awesomeness. Peter Gammons couldn't have said it any better when he called Mo the MVP and Cy Young of the last 15 years.

* Speaking of Gammons, despite that one great line of praise, his attempts to dredge up the past and hand out back-handed compliments to the Yankees last night was borderline disgraceful. A guy like Rivera leaves his teammates to come out and talk to you and your co-workers on live TV and all you can mention is the Game 7 loss in 2001, saying things like "with the 3 broken bats, sometimes the breaks just don't go your way?" Then in analyzing Pettitte's performance, your whole argument is based around him not having good stuff, no location, no this, no that, blah, blah, blah. Guess what, dick? Pedro didn’t have shit last night either and the Yankees pounded him. Andy got the outs he needed to get, the Phillies didn't. End of story.

What a piece of garbage. Get off your high horse, take the Red Sox panties off, and give the Yankees some fucking credit. If I was Mo, I would have slapped Gammons and tried to give him another brain aneurysm. The Yankees were classy in victory again last night; it's too bad the Worldwide Leader couldn't be classy in defeat.

* Seeing Joe running around hugging everybody and their mother on the field during the celebration was nice. After maintaining a cool, calm, focused demeanor all series and all season, Joe let it all out last night, laughing, smiling, thanking the fans, and carrying on like he was back in '96 or '98 again. You could practically see the memories of those past glories coming out of him as he went from player to player, embracing them and pounding them on the back. For those couple moments, he wasn’t their manager, but one of the boys again and it was cool to see.

* I personally would have picked Mo for the MVP just because he's the biggest difference maker for either team when you stack them up head-to-head, but I can't argue with Hideki getting it after that performance. To sit on the bench for almost 3 whole games and then get back into the lineup would mess with most guys' timing, but he was just as locked in last night as he was in the beginning of the series. Did he earn himself a new contract next year? I think so. I'd like to see the team get younger, but Matsui showed all year that he can still get it done and the Yanks would be hard pressed to match his production with any new player they pick up. It may only be a 1-year deal for $5-8 mil, but I would take one more year of Hideki if he's swinging like that.

* People (and by people I mean ESPN), can say whatever they want, but the fact is the best team won the series. From the middle of summer on, the Yankees established themselves as the best team in baseball and they continued to do the things that brought them their regular season success through the playoffs. Sure the offense as a whole wasn't as dominant, and the bullpen cracked some leaks, but they got the hits they needed to get and outs they needed to get when they needed to get them, and that's the sign of a great team. Most of this crew will be back next year, another year older, yes, but that's what everybody said about this year's core and look how it worked out for them.