Dan Shaughnessy Can Fuck Off (But He Does Kinda Know What's Up)

This man will rape your children

All bolded items are from Dan's column from SI.com today.  I would post the link to it but I don't want to direct people to more bad writing.  Just take a gander at some of the high-(low?)-lights below:

Is that it? Has the curtain officially been drawn on the golden era of New England sports?

Yes, Dan.  Yes it has.

I hear all of you cackling across the land. Boston teams were pretty darned great in that '00s. The Celtics returned to glory with their first World Championship in 22 years when they smoked the Lakers in 2008. The Red Sox broke an 86-year curse with the Greatest Baseball Story Ever Told (coming back from 3-0 against the Yankees) in 2004, then topped it off with another Fall Classic sweep in 2007. And the Patriots? They demolished the rest of the NFL and acquired enemies around the globe, winning three Super Bowls in four seasons, then steamrolling to an unprecedented 18-0 in 2007....

Ahh yes.  Nothing says "not used to success" like living balls deep in the past and re-hashing every title you won in the past decade like it just happened yesterday.  And what's all this "Greatest Baseball Story Ever Told" nonsense?  Why the capital letters?  Is that the title of your new book?  In case you don't remember, the greatest story ever told was that of the 1994 California Angels, who, behind the brilliant managing of George Knox and career resurrection of pitcher Mel Clark, rallied to win the AL pennant.  All the information on that magical season can be found here.

Truth be told, there's been a sense of arrogance and entitlement about Boston sports fans in recent times.

Agreed...

Success did not become us. We were lovable losers back in the day...

Losers, yes.  But lovable?  Outside of the greater Boston area, I can't imagine too many people would agree with you on that.  Your 86-year run of futility was more like baseball's running joke that everybody was in on.  Kind of like the crazy uncle that everybody smiles at and talks to when he visits on Christmas but all go into the kitchen to laugh at and make fun of later on.  But hey, tell yourself whatever you have to...

...but gracious winners in good times.

The scores of hastily-written books, tidal waves of off-colored, lame merchandise, scores of fair-weather fans popping up like dandelions after 2004, and the seemingly never-ending torrent of chest thumping and bragging by your drunken Mick fanbase would argue otherwise.

Ask fans in Baltimore, Oakland and Tampa how much they love having citizens of Red Sox Nation overrun their ballparks every summer.

Probably about as much as any fan likes having even one insufferable citizen of Fraud Sox Nation sitting anywhere in their section of one of their team's home games every summer.

The Red Sox won 95 games last year and have been in the playoffs in six of the last seven years. They have one of the top four payrolls in baseball and this winter added John Lackey to a stable of starters which includes Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Clay Buchholz and Tim Wakefield. They have depth in the bullpen and one of the best closers in baseball in Jonathan Papelbon.

Yeah, about that.  Lackey is overrated and has never gotten it done against good teams; Beckett might have already peaked; Dice-Gay just admitted he hid an injury to pitch in the meaningless World Baseball Classic last year, thus costing the rotation much-needed depth and the team the millions of dollars it paid him; Clay Buchholz is still the same scared little bitch he was the last 2 seasons and hasn't shown any signs of breaking out of that shell; Tim Wakefield is more washed up than Bret Hart looked on Raw last Monday night.  Oh yeah, and your closer is a 'me first' jackass who cares more about making money for him and all other closers than winning championships.

And there's something to be said for the "depth" in the Red Sox bullpen.  Call me crazy, but I'd take Mo, Joba (or Hughes), Robertson, Marte, and Aceves over Papelbon, Okajima, Bard, Delcarmen, and Saito any day of the fucking week.  Nobody of that last 3 in the Sox 'pen screams "gamer," and Bard and Papelbon didn't exactly light the world on fire in pressure situations at the end of last year.

But I'm saying the Sox will not hit enough to compete with the Yankees in 2010. The Sox were too often easily shut down by good pitching in 2009 and it showed when they were smothered by the Angels in the playoffs. Boston's top four hitters are terrific, but the lineup stalls after messrs Ellsbury, Pedroia, Martinez and Youkilis. David Ortiz struggled terribly last year. He wound up with decent numbers, but too much of his damage was done against the Triple-A Orioles. If Ortiz continues to slide, the Sox lineup will struggle. Since the season ended the Sox have added Mike Cameron in center, moving Ellsbury to left. Marco Scutero has been brought on board to plug the shortstop hole and Adrian Beltre signed for one year to take over at third. It's a big-time commitment to defense, but offense promises to be Boston's problem. They can be a playoff team, but they are falling further behind the Yankees. And that's not a prescription for a World Series championship.

Now you're talking, Danny Boy.  From your keyboard to God's ears.  Good call staying away from Cameron's, Scutaro's, and Beltre's borderline laughable offensive stats.  You may be a homer but at least you aren't delusional about your team's chances or the fact that the Yankees are still head and shoulders above your beloved Sox.

...the Red Sox may pick up Adrian Gonzalez next summer and there be could another Duck Boat parade in downtown Boston this year or next.

Just what they need; another corner infielder!!  That will put them over the top for sure and completely negate the Yankees' signings of Joe Mauer and Cliff Lee.

But this new decade is off to a bad start here in Boston. And the rest of the country must be loving it.

I won't be so bold as to speak for the entire country, but as far as Yankee fans and Red Sox haters go, yes, we are loving it to death.  The only thing that could make it better would be for Victor Martinez to blow his knee out in spring training so we can all enjoy bathing in your tears.