Ahh You Fahcking Kidding Me?

Daniel Bahhd, wat ahh you doing out they-ah?!  We ahh still trying to climb outta this fahckin' slump and you ahh pulling this kinda hoarseshit?  That is nawt what you ahh paid to do.  You need to pitch with mah hahht!  HAHHT!  Like fahckin' Wes Welkah.  Did you see that fahckin' guy on Mahnday night?  99 FAHCKING yahhds, bro!!

3 fahckin' blown saves this mahnth.  9 eahrned runs.  Too many fahckin' wawlks!  Tawm Brady would nevah allow this kinda harrible perfoarmance!  You ahh bridging the gap to nowhey-ah!

And especially awn a day whey-ah Lack is stahhting!  It's been a tough fahckin' yee-ah fah the guy.  He needs a win.  WE need a win!  You need to fahckin' get it to-fahckin'-gethah, my friend.  Look at how upset Lack is:

I think he shat himself.  The fahhckin' magic numbah keeps getting lowah.  And we don't even know how Jawsh's ankle is going to hold ahp awn Friday.  Fahckin' nawt good times, bro.  Nawt good times.