Dude, What The Hell?

The live blog last night covered how surprisingly quiet the crowd was last night, and while there were some celebrities in attendance, they too left much to be desired with their performances. For example:

Now I think this is supposed to be Jay-Z, but it looks more like Gollum from "The Lord of The Rings" was gene-spliced with Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show. And what the fuck is going on with those glasses?! They're bigger than my grandmother's. I know Beyonce wasn't with him last night, but that's still unacceptable for the best rapper alive to show up to a big event looking like that.

Here's Kate looking rather ridiculous with a toothpick in her mouth and a dazed Winona Judd look on her face. She still never seems like she knows what's going on in the game any time they put her on camera. It's almost like she's waiting for everyone else to start cheering before she joins in. In any case, she needs to stop with the hillbilly toothpicks and start sucking down B12 pills so A-Rod's seed inside her pops out in 9 months already a 5-tool player with good power to all fields.

I'm not 100% sure that this is Paul Simon, or 100% sure that it's even alive. Dude looks like a Holocaust victim that just got let out of solitary confinement. I appreciate the team support with the Yankee hat, Paul, but it would still help if you brushed your hair before putting it on.

Maybe the A-listers were scared to come out last night for fear that they'd experience another playoff letdown, but after last night I expect there to be a much more lively contingent of celebs for Game 2. Break out Jack and McCartney and Spike Lee, and let's get Rudy sitting first row behind the dugout. Show strength with your celeb lineup and the rest of the fans will follow, and then the Bombers can head to Minnesota up 2-0.