Yanks-Twins ALDS Game 1 Live Blog

Check back starting at 6PM for minute-by-minute coverage and reaction to tonight's game...

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5:00PM CST- You gotta love cutting out of work early to go home and watch a baseball game on a Wednesday.  Is it a viable excuse for leaving 45 minutes before 5 o'clock?  Of course not, unless you happen to root for a real baseball team like I do and not a Minor League Team like the Milwaukee Brewers.

And I am damn sure glad I made it home early enough to catch the end of TBS' pre-game coverage.  Can somebody explain to me why David Wells was invited to be a studio analyst?  The open button-down shirt is bad enough, but when he's providing analysis like "Ron Gardenhire has got a team of baseball players, and they are going to go out tonight and play baseball," you have to think TBS could have found something more productive to do with the money they are paying him.  Seriously, ANYTHING they could have spent the money on would have been better than paying Boomer to sit in a desk chair and enlighten us with that wisdom.  He makes Tim McCarver sound smart by comparison.

5:02PM- And we're treated to the dynamic duo of Clueless Chip Caray and Grumpy Ron Darling calling the game tonight.  After Caray botched the most exciting play of the Tigers-Twins game last night (search for it on YouTube), you have to wonder how badly he can ruin this series.  And being a former Met, Ron Darling is going to be so anti-Yankee that ESPN might offer him a contract to host Baseball Tonight by the middle of the 5th inning.

5:05PM- Not to toot my own horn again, but toot-fucking-toot.  With the exception of Cervelli instead of Pena, I predicted the entire postseason roster.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept of carrying 3 catchers.  Call me crazy, but I'd rather have a utility infielder to cover in case somebody like Jeter or Cano gets hurt than a 3rd catcher who is going to need an act of God to play.

5:08PM- One of the items on CC's scouting report was "Stay in The Moment."  What the fuck does that mean?  Is he going to time travel to the future to pitch?  How about something useful and intelligent like "Needs to Get Ahead in The Count?" Or "Work Both Sides of The Strike Zone?"

5:10PM- There's some nostalgia for Yankee fans: pitcher gets ahead 0-2 in the count and then pussies out to make the count 3-2 before throwing the payoff pitch right down the middle for a double.  I missed not being able to see that last postseason.

5:12PM- Was there a bigger hit in last night's game than Cabrera's 2-run homer?  Why yes, Chip, as a matter of fact there was.  It was the hit that actually won the fucking game.

5:14PM- Are there any fans at the Stadium yet?  Is there bad traffic getting in or something?  Seriously, what the fuck?  It's quieter than Friday night in my bedroom there right now.

5:15PM- Oh there they are.  Nothing like a Joe Mauer strikeout to wake everybody up.

5:18PM- CC works around the leadoff double and gets out of the inning unscathed.  Time to see what this kid from Minnesota has.

5:25PM- After a long at-bat, Damon pops up to second after Jeter's leadoff hit.  Is there any player in baseball who has such a drastic difference in appearance between his swings that produce hits and swings that don't?  I dare you to find a player whose "out" swings look worse than Johnny Damon.  As soon as the ball leaves his bat, you know if it's an out or a hit.

5:28PM- Here comes A-Hud!!!  Anybody that read my live blogs on my old "Shallow Thoughts" column on Facebook remember my comparison for watching A-Rod at-bats and at no time is that more true than playoff time.  This is the fan equivalent of banging a chick with no protection who you know has chlamydia and HIV.

5:31PM- Well he didn't strike out, but A-Rod failing to get a hit with RISP just brings back more playoff memories.  Ahh, it's like they never left.

I need a beer...

5:37PM- It's only the top of the 2nd and we've already had Joe Mauer, Michael Cuddyer, Jason Kubel, Delmon Young, and Ron Gardenhire hailed by Chip and Ron as the main reason the Twins played so well down the stretch after Justin Morneau went out for the season with injury.  Surprisingly, Brett Favre was left off that list, but there's still time.

5:39PM- Brendan Harris ruins my chance for a "you know you're in trouble when your DH is batting .261 with 6 homers and 37 RBIs" joke by lining a base hit off of CC.  Fuck you, Brendan Harris.  Fuck you right in the A.

5:41PM- Nice play by A-Fraud to end the inning right as Chip claims "their were 2 winners last night but one victor."  No, Chip, you're wrong again.  Those 2 terms are synonyms and the fact that the Twins are playing tonight while the Tigers are sitting at home tonight proves you're wrong.

Ask Miguel Cabrera if he feels like a winner right now.  That guy is back at home with his girlfriend probably getting attacked with a frying pan right now.  Not exactly what you expect to be rewarded with when you're a "winner."

5:46PM- It's almost sad at this point watching Hideki Matsui run the bases.  If he was a horse, he would have been glue or dog food a long time ago.  I know he's produced this season, but I wouldn't re-sign him.  Take his money and go find another big bopper who can put up similar numbers without being a liability on the bases.

5:47PM- Wrong again, Chip.  The Twins would like to see Brian Duensing take the game MUUUUUUCH deeper than Rick Porcello's 5.2 innings he threw last night.  The Twins used pretty much everybody in their pen last night; they want as many innings as they can get out of Duensing.  They would take a fucking complete game!  Weren't you at the game last night?  Were you even paying attention to what happened??

5:49PM- And there's our obligatory "Future batting champion" mention of Robinson Cano.  Glad we got that out of the way.  And right on cue, he strikes out looking although I'm sure any YES analyst would say he looked like Rod Carew doing it.

5:55PM- Looks like I owe David Wells an apology.  He was merely quoting Ron Gardenhire with his "the Twins have a bunch of baseball players" bit.  Good assessment of your team, Ron.  They must be thrilled to know you think so highly of them to refer to them and their abilities in the most basic, fundamental description of their profression.  Feel free to throw a "Good" in front of that phrase next time.

5:58PM- CC gets the double play he needed after doing his best Joba Chamberlain "stall with a runner on first" impression.  Good thing too because for some reason no one on the Twins roster scares me more than Denard Span.  I know that makes no logical sense with Joe Mauer and Kubel and Cuddyer in the lineup, but I just worry about the impact Span can have on this series.

6:01PM- Memo to Tim Tschida: I know you're an old white guy and CC is a big black dude, but it's OK to give him a call on a 2-2 pitch on the outside corner.  I think he deserves more of a right to that call than Orlando Cabrera.  Just sayin'...

6:03PM- I know it's early, but the Twins are out-Yankeeing the Yankees right now.  They're being patient against CC, waiting to get ahead in the count, and then making him pay when he's forced to groove a pitch over the plate.

6:05PM- Jesus fucking Christ, Jorge.  Ya know, the next time you want to bitch and moan about not catching Game 2 in a series, you might want to think about playing well behind the plate in Game 1.  2-0 Twins.

6:07PM- There's the ticket right there.  Just strike guys out and then they can't get on base.  What a concept!  CC at 64 pitches through 3 innings.  He needs to reach inside those parachute pants and find some fastballs that stay down in the zone if he wants to make it through 6 tonight.

6:11PM-  And there is it!!!!  Chip Caray with a repeat of last night's botched call on Swisher's line out.  Unbelievable that a guy whose job it is to watch the game blows calls like this.  Your old man would be ashamed, Chip.  Stop jumping the gun and making calls on plays before they unfold.

6:13PM- OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN!!!!!  Jeter with a rare homer to left and the game is tied.  You had to see that coming after the squib hit by Melky and a first-pitch wild pitch by Duensing.  Rookies always want to make sure their next pitch is perferct and that usually means something right down the middle.  Jeter knew it was coming and turned it into a souvenir.  Even better than that, Chip didn't blow the call by calling it foul or a flyout or something.

6:18PM- Damon's slide breaks up a sure DP ball off the bat of Teix after the first visit to the mound to calm down Duensing and clean the shit out of his pants.  Maybe he should think about hitting lefty exclusively.  Something about watching him bat righty just looks wrong...

6:19PM- Ron Darling on Brian Duensing: "His ball count so far is excellent."  Haha, "ball count."  Awesome.

6:21PM- A-Rod goes down flailing and the rally is over almost as quickly as it began.  That was a vintage, "2006 A-Rod Playoff Swing" right there.  Can somebody get this guy some fucking heroin or something?  Anything to calm him down.

6:24PM- I know they're probably contractually obligated to talk to the announcers during the game, but if I was a head coach of any professional team and I had to put on a headset or go stand next to Craig Sager in the middle of a game and answer stupid questions, I would tell the announcers and folks at the network to suck a dick.  Nobody's bursting in on Chip Caray while he's doing his job butchering the calling of the game; don't interrupt Girardi and Gardenhire while they're trying to do their job.

6:27PM- Can Jeter catch Rose for the hits record?  I personally don't think so.  And it's not because I think Jeter will deteriorate that severely as a hitter; I think the fact that he won't have Rose's motivation of having money on the games will keep him short of the record before he finally retires.  Let's fact it, when you bet on your own team you're going to make damn sure you get as many hits as possible to make sure you win the game and the bet.  Jeter won't have that added pressure to perform and so he'll probably fall a few hundred short before he finally retires.

6:31PM- Yankees are making it too easy on Duensing with all these early swings.  Ummm fellas, they played 12 innings last night.  They got to the hotel at 4:15 in the morning today.  Make them work a little bit.

And can MLB just agree to pass the "Matsui Rule" where any old hitter with multiple knee surgeries is automatically out as soon as the fielder catches the ball?  That way we don't have to sit there and wait for him to blow his knee out trying to beat out the throw at first.

6:34PM- I love when announcers say shit like "you can't place this hit any better" on bloop singles like the batter meant to do that.  Watch the replay, Ron, Jorge had no intention of popping the ball up into short right field.  He took a shitty swing at an up-and-in pitch.  It was luck, sheer luck.

6:37PM- Who gives a fuck what the Red Sox are doing on their off-day in California???  It's Game 1 of the Yankees-Twins series, for Christ's sake!!!  It's a fucking tie game!!!!  Unless you're breaking in to tell us the Red Sox team bus has crashed and everybody has died (which would be awesome), then there's no reason to mention them or the Angels during this game.

(50 bucks says somebody at ESPN paid Craig Sager to do that report)

6:41PM- Thanks for the free run, Cabrera.  JFC, that was pathetic.  A good throw gets Cano out by a mile there; a half-decent throw gets him by half a mile; a terrible throw still probably gets him out.  But hey, I look at Yankee runs like I look at sex: I'll take it any way I can get it.

6:49PM- Fuck, Jeet!  What happened to that range you showed all season?  That ball couldn't have gone through the infield any slower if it was moving backwards.

6:52PM- Where is all this garbage on the field coming from?  Come on, Yankee fans!  It's bad enough you aren't cheering for your team at all, don't make it worse by littering.

6:56PM- Jeter steps in to lead off the bottom of the 5th.  This is the inning where the Yankees can break the game open.  Third time through the lineup against a rookie pitcher with a rising pitch count.  A couple runs here could knock this kid out and get into that tired bullpen...

6:59PM- How is it that Joe Mauer can backhand scoop a fastball in the dirt like it's nothing and Jorge can't catch fastballs down the middle?  I'll give credit where it's due; Mauer is fucking good.  He'll look good in pinstripes in 5-6 years.

7:01PM- I don't want to pick nits here because he's been the MVP of the team this season, but can't Mark Teixeira find a better pre-at-bat entrance song than "I Want To Rock" by Twisted Sister?  I don't know what's worse, his entrance music or his swings tonight.

7:03PM- And it is aaaaaaaaa BASEHIT!!!  It's a single!!  From A-Rod!! And the Yankees take a 4-2 lead!  OK, so it doesn't have the same pizzazz as Sterling's call, but that was a huge hit for A-Rod and the Yankees.  For once tonight, I agree wholeheartedly with everything Chip Caray said.

It may seem like not a big deal, and in actuality it shouldn't be for a player as talented as A-Rod.  But when you consider how awful he has been in the postseason since he first joined the team, that was the postseason equivalent to his game-winning homer off Junichi Tazawa a few months ago.  He looked tense and jumpy in his first 2 at-bats, but he was balanced and on the ball for that one, and that's huge for A-Rod.  When he's staying back and not shifting his weight forward early on his swing, you know he's in the zone and that was exactly how he looked right there.

7:07PM- I know the kid is a rookie and pitching a playoff game at Yankee Stadium is no easy task, but can Chip Caray calm the fuck down?  Throwing 4.2 innings...

BANZAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking Matsui does it again!!  The dude has straight up murdered lefties all year long, and when the lefty on the mound is The Artist Formerly Known as Francisco Liriano, you can pretty much take it to the bank that he's giving up at least 2 runs.  6-2 Yanks.

7:10PM- So where was I?  Oh yeah, when you throw 4.2 innings of 7-hit, 5-run ball, that's not exactly a sterling performance.  So let's calm down praising Duensing like he just threw a complete game shutout.  He did what a rookie usually does: he was predictable his 2nd and 3rd times through the lineup and the Yankees took advantage of that.  Period.

7:16PM- Caray and Darling are entering dangerous territory here by talking about how much fun the Yankees had this season.  They need to remember that NOBODY has more fun than Brett Favre.  Nobody.

7:17PM- And just for the record, A.J. Burnett hitting people in the face with whipped cream pies after each walk-off win has nothing to do with the team's success.

CC gets through another 1-2-3 inning and seems to have found his homeostasis after a shaky first few innings.  He's clearly staying in the moment right now.

7:22PM-  Wait, wait, wait, Ron.  You and Chip were both gobbling on Brian Duensing's apple bag after he got taken out of the game and now you're saying the Twins didn't get good starting pitching tonight.  It's one or the other, you can't have both.  The kid either battled through 4.2 innings out there and gave the Twins a chance or he sucked.  Pick one.

7:25PM- I've mentioned it a few times already tonight, but now between innings seems like the right time to really get into it.  What the fuck is up with the crowd at the Stadium tonight?  I feel like I'm watching a Friday round at Augusta National instead of the first playoff game at the new Yankee Stadium.

I think the fans have been so brutalized by the last 4 postseasons that they almost expect the Yankees to gag on it at some point.  Despite the fact that this year's team played far more loose and relaxed than the past 5, people can't forgive the sins of the past 4 playoff teams yet.  They don't want to get too excited too early because they're still waiting for the clock to strike midnight and Sabathia, Burnett, and Teix to turn back into Kevin Brown, Jaret Wright, and Jason Giambi.

It's actually understandable and I can't say I blame them if that is the reason for the reserved demeanor of the crowd tonight.  But come on, it's still a Yankee playoff game and  your team is still kicking ass right now.  You can't live in the past, you gotta do what CC does and "stay in the moment."  Forget about the past and go nuts.  The trademark of Yankee crowds is their ability to give life to the team with their cheering at key moments.  This crowd tonight is like your typical Fenway crowd: just sitting back and waiting for something to cheer about rather than using their cheering to bring about the success they desire.

It's like getting behind the wheel after your first bad car accident.  You're going to be a little skittish.  The last 5 years have been the car accident and tonight is the first time back in the driver's seat for the fans.  I'm sure over time, as the team wins a few and proves they aren't just the latest version of the sad-sack teams of '05 and '06, the crowd will loosen up and get back to being the rowdy Yankee Stadium crowd we know and love.

7:33PM- 2 consecutive runners reach base on a hit batter and a freak infield single off CC's foot.  Get back in the moment, CC, get back in the moment!!!"

7:38PM- Not a bad performance by CC tonight, but not a great one.  He gave up 8 hits, but struck out 8 too, both of which contributed to his high pitch count.  Most importantly, he didn't walk anybody.  You can't give batters free passes in the playoffs and expect to win and he didn't give the Twins anything free tonight.

7:41PM- Little surprised to see Hughes in this spot.  I would have gone Robertson to face Cabrera, Marte to face Mauer to start the 8th, and then gone to Hughes for the last 2 outs before handing it over to Mo.

7:46PM- HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHES!!!!!  That's why I'm sitting here blogging about the game and Joe is in the dugout managing it.

7:49PM- Good job by somebody in the TBS production truck to make sure Chip cleared up what he was trying to say before Hughes fanned Cabrera.  If he actually meant to say that Cabrera has played in the postseason for the Angels, Red Sox, Yankees, and Rays then he should just set his headset down, leave the booth quietly, and let Ron finish this baby up solo.

7:52PM- Darling on Jeter: "It's almost like he knows how to perform in every at-bat."  Yes, Ron, I would say a multiple-time All-Star and Silver Slugger who holds the all-time record for playoff hits knows how to perform in every at-bat.  I mean, shit, he's only been playing for 14 years.  I think he might have a small inkling of a clue about what he's doing up there.

7:56PM- Does TBS really have nothing better they can use for analysis of this series than highlights of home runs that players hit back in July?  First they showed Cuddyer's off of CC on July 7 and now Teix's off Liriano on July 9, as if either of those plays have any bearing on how any of the players involved would play tonight.  Give me career batting averages against specific pitchers, give me batting average with RISP, give me the spray charts and breakdowns of situational hitting; don't give me highlights from 3 months ago.

8:01PM- Another big base hit by A-Roid and it's 7-2 Bombers.  I'm calling it.  Wave the white flag, Minnesota, because this thing is fucking over.  Let Gardenhire go out and finish this game and save the rest of your pen for Friday.

8:06PM- How ironic it is that one of the lyrics to his new song is "Get up off your knees" because that's basically where Bon Jovi has been the last couple of years, practically blowing the folks at ESPN, TBS, and any other network showing major sporting events to use his cookie-cutter songs as the theme music for their broadcasts.  It almost brings a tear to my eye every time I hear "Dead Or Alive" on the radio when I think about the insane whore Jovi has become to stay relevant in the 21st century.

8:11PM- Joba really needs to clean that hat or get a new one.  It doesn't even look cool or weathered like some other guys whose hats have the sweat stains on them.  Joba's looks like it was used as a clean up rag in a bukakke film.

Yeah, I'm reaching for things to talk about at this point...

8:13PM- Goddamn, Joe Mauer can hit!  Seriously, when is his contract up?

8:18PM- I can't decide which show I'm going to try harder to avoid watching: "Men Of A Certain Age" or the new George Lopez late-night talk show.  I'm leaning towards Lopez because he is just absolutely atrocious and Ray Romano is a pretty funny dude.

In other news, I love what Joe is doing here, taking Hughes out after he showed signs of laboring against Cuddyer, then going lefty-lefty with Coke, and even using Joba.  He's getting everybody work so they can get comfortable in this playoff setting but not overworking them to the point where they wouldn't be unavailable on Friday night if A.J. craps out early.

Just keep the midges away from Joba.

8:26PM- While I did leave work early to be home in time for the game and the blog, in my book that's ok because I'm bringing some of the bottles from the Blue Moon 6-pack I bought to work tomorrow to use for a project I'm in charge of.  In a way, it's almost like I was still working while I was driving to get the beer, driving home to put the beer in the fridge, and drinking the beer now so I have bottle samples tomorrow.  I didn't ditch out, I'm putting in fucking overtime!

Some might call it cutting out of work early, I would call it "project test-bottle sample procurement."  Yeah, that sounds a lot better.

8:34PM- "Say your prayers, little one.  Don't forget my son.  To include everyoooooonnnne-ahhh!"

I still don't get why the networks don't stay on the air for 45 seconds to show Rivera's entrance.  It's the most badass, intimidating things in sports and should be celebrated as such.  And don't even start on why Joe would bring Mo into a 5-run game.  The answer is simple: he wants to win.  End of story.

8:43PM- Ummm Mo, what the fuck?  End this shit so I can take a piss.

8:45PM- That's more like it.  Basically what you would expect from Game 1 of this series.  The Yanks got to the rookie pitcher and touched up the tired Twins' bullpen for insurance runs while their well-rested pen shut down Minnesota's offense.  Hopefully the Twins can get some rest over the next day and a half and put up more of a fight in Game 2.

Thanks for tuning in tonight, folks, it's been fun and it certainly won't be the last live blog of the postseason since the Yanks are now undefeated in playoff games that I do a live blog for.

Final score: Yankees 8 Twins 2

Frankie, hit 'em with some hot shit.

Fuck The Metrodome

YAYYYYYYY!!!!  We just wasted our entire bullpen for the opportunity to get our testicles handed to us in a Yankees batting helmet ice cream bowl.  I'm so excited!!!!

I hope you fuckers get a good night's sleep on the plane.  Here's a little lullaby for you...



 See you tomorrow at 6 for the live blog.

Yankees Giving Twins or Tigers A Fair Chance By Catching Molina in Game 2

Jorge Posada just revealed that Joe Girardi told him on Sunday that Jose Molina will catch A.J. Burnett in this series.

“I just hope we win that game,” Posada said. “That’s all I’ve got to say.”

He added, “It’s not like I didn’t see it coming.”

When asked if he might be the DH when Molina catches, Posada said he wasn’t sure but that, “Matsui is our DH.” (story courtesy of the LoHud Yankee blog)



I fucking love it.  The Yankees are chilling out right now, having a team dinner or all enjoying banging their hot wives and girlfriends while the Tigers and Twins battle it out for the right to fly into New York late tonight for the massacre to be and the Yankees are already taking it easy on them by subbing Molina in for Jorge in Game 2. 

It's almost like the Yankees are taking pity on whichever team wins tonight and saying "hey listen, guys, real good effort out there tonight.  It's cute that you tried so hard and fought to the end just so you could come here and get your shit pushed in.  Tell ya what, we'll sit Jorge for Game 2 so A.J. can have his security blanket behind the plate and absolutely tear through your lineup for 7 innings, but at least you'll be able to guarantee there's somebody in our lineup that you'll be able to get out.  How's that sound?"

It doesn't take a Rhode's Scholar to realize that Jorge is pretty pissed about being taken out of the lineup for Lumpy Molina, but it's only because he wants to sweep the opening round so everybody can rest up for the ALCS.  Jorge knows with him in the lineup it won't really matter how good or bad A.J. pitches because the Yankees will pick him up by scoring 1,574 runs.  But the Yankee higher-ups have spoken and they've decided they want to give their opponents a little glimmer of hope and Jorge just has to deal with it.

The Yankees' gamesmanship over the last couple weeks has been amazing.  I wouldn't be shocked if Jeter steps into the batter's box in Game 1 batting lefty just to fuck with the Tigers or Twins even more.  And after A.J. wipes the floor with whoever they play in Game 2, he should go over and smash a whipped cream-filled towel into the opposing manager's face.

Down, Jorge, down!!  You'll get your chance to stab hearts and bitchslap babies in Game 3.

AB4AR's Week 4 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 4 Recap

Chicago 48 Detroit 24

Matt Forte finally got going to the tune of 121 rushing yards and a TD and Jay Cutler earned more fans in both the stands and in the locker room with his gutsy, Elway-esque leap into the end zone on a first quarter TD run. Of course, in true Jay Cutler fashion, he called his leap better than Elway's famous Super Bowl play. The good news for Matt Stafford is that he might miss next week's game with a knee injury suffered late in the game. Yes, you read that right, I said "good news" because let's face it, being injured is way better than playing for the Lions.

Cincinnati 23 Cleveland 20

Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco did just enough to win in a game that was closer than it should have been and Rich Gannon provided some evidence that ex-players with former head and neck injuries shouldn't be allowed to commentate as he pulled a Donovan McNabb in OT and forgot the NFL rules. Cleveland exploded for 2, count them 2!!, offensive touchdowns behind Horse Balls Anderson. On the negative side, Cleveland's rookie WR, Mohamed Massaquoi's 8-catch, 148 yard performance earned him a spot on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list because let's face it, every guy named Mohamed is a terrorist.

Indianapolis 34 Seattle 17

Peyton Manning put on another masterful performance, throwing for 350+ yards and 2TDs as the patchwork Colts marched on to 4-0. Manning's play was so outstanding that the US government signed a bill that will replace the image of George Washington leading his troops across the Delaware River to one of Manning. The Colts' fast start to this season compared to last season's bumbling beginning raises the question of whether or not God's Servant, Tony Dungy, was overrated as a football coach. Maybe, just maybe, being a "good Christian" has nothing to do with success in sports.

NY Giants 27 Kansas City 16

New York's version of Steve Smith seems to be just as good, if not better, than his Carolina counterpart as he put up 11 catches for 134 yards and 2 TDs in yesterday's win, and did it all without punching any teammates in the face or puking into at garbage can on the sideline. New York received a scare when Eli Manning injured his heel late in the game, but team officials said after they put a Power Rangers Band-Aid on it in the locker room and gave Eli a Capri Sun to drink while he watched "Go Diego, Go!" he felt all better.

New England 27 Baltimore 21

Tom Brady looked much improved against the blitz this week as New England re-staked their claim as the best team in the AFC. With the combination of his offensive line and the officials protecting him, Brady executed clutch drives to keep New England out front against a game Baltimore team. Despite being vocal in his criticism of the 2 roughing the passer calls against his team that kept drives alive, Ray Lewis stopped short of saying those calls murdered Baltimore's chances to win.

Washington 16 Tampa Bay 13

After a horrific 1st half performance that had Terry Bradshaw calling for his being benched, Jason Campbell rebounded in the 2nd half to lead the Redskins to a victory that they desperately needed, and he and coach, Jim Zorn, desperately needed to keep their jobs. Tampa backup QB Josh Johnson wasn't horrible, which by Tampa QB standards means he was the best QB of all-time, but still not good enough to win.

Jacksonville 37 Tennessee 17

The power of the new unis is growing stronger as Jacksonville thoroughly dominated Tennessee yesterday behind 323 passing yards and 3 TDs from David Garrard. Can everybody just stop talking about Tennessee being the best 0-3 team ever now and just call them what they are? They're a shitty football team, plain and simple. They're undisciplined defensively and give up way too many big plays and their passing game is so awful right now, they are actually thinking about digging up Steve McNair to start next week.

What? Too soon?

Houston 29 Oakland 6

If Houston could play Oakland every week they might finally be able to live up to the hype they've had for the last 3 seasons. A bright spot for Oakland, though, was that Jamarcus Russell finally completed more than 10 passes in a game. Yeah, he still threw almost twice as many incompletions as completions, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. Head Coach Tom Cable could be arrested this week for punching one of his assistants in the face earlier this year, but with the way things are going in Oakland, playing without a head coach could be the change of pace they need.

Miami 38 Buffalo 10

In a brilliant strategic decision, Buffalo decided to play straight up defense against first-time starter, Chad Henne, and dare Miami to beat them with the run. The Dolphins were more than happy to oblige as they racked up 250 rushing yards on the way to a 38-10 throttling of the Bills. Buffalo sucks so bad that Toronto doesn't even want them to play games there anymore and T.O. is reportedly considering trying to not kill himself again.

New Orleans 24 NY Jets 10

After 3 weeks of victories overshadowing his marginal play, Mark Sanchez got knocked down a peg yesterday as his 3-INT performance helped doom the Jets against the Saints. New Orleans' defense matched the stellar play of the Jets and showed that they are more than up to the task of sticking with Drew Brees and the high-powered offense. If only the dams and barriers around New Orleans could have been as strong as the Saints' D back when Katrina hit, then maybe things wouldn't have turned out so bad.

Denver 17 Dallas 10

"There aren't many quarterbacks in the league who can make that throw," gushed Troy Aikman as Tony Romo completed a difficult pass in the 3rd quarter. That's true, Troy, but there are also a lot of quarterbacks who can complete the simple passes to wide open receivers that Romo botched time and time again yesterday, so pull Tony's sack out of your mouth and shut the fuck up. Dallas is clearly well on their way to another 9-7 season while Denver might be legit at 4-0 behind their surprisingly good defense. It also helps that Kyle Orton has thrown 5 TDs and 0 picks so far this year.

San Francisco 35 St. Louis 0

San Fran's defense outscored the Rams' offense yesterday, 14-0 in a game that bordered on unwatchable. LB Patrick Willis was a monster for the 49ers, as he tallied 8 tackles, 2.5 sacks, and 1 interception that was returned for a touchdown. Things are so bad in St. Louis that the Rams put a call in to Tony LaRussa to see if Albert Pujols was available to play tight end next week, and Steve Spagnuolo put in a call to Plaxico Burress asking if Plax could come shoot him.

Pittsburgh 38 San Diego 28

I know the pink ribbons and arm bands and cleats were for breast cancer awareness, or breast awareness as Chris Berman put it on "Sunday NFL Countdown" (and honestly, what's the difference anyway?),



but they might as well have signified how soft the Chargers defense is as they got pushed around all day by the not-so-dominating Steelers' offensive line. LaDainian Tomlinson now officially has one foot in his NFL grave after a 7-carry, 15 yard performance that culminated with him being on the sidelines at crunch time again. No word on whether or not LT sprained his ankle stepping into the grave.

MNF Prediction

Green Bay 28 Minnesota 26

Apparently tonight is the night that Brett Favre returns to face his former team for the first time. I wasn't aware of this since media outlets like ESPN never seem to cover or mention Brett Favre at all, but people around the office have been talking about this morning and I'm going to take them at their word. Green Bay's corners should match up well with Minnesota's thin WR corps, and something inside me (mostly my being a Packer's fan) tells me the Pack will find a way to pull this one out.


MNF Predictions for the season (Winners): 4-0

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid

After the obvious lay down the Yankees did yesterday, they came back today and reminded everybody why they're the best team in baseball.

-A.J. bearing down after a shaky first inning and delivering a quality start that almost certainly would have gone through the 6th if the Yankees weren't determined to get Robertson and Joba work today?  Check.

-A-Rod leading the Yankee offensive resurgence and reminding everybody exactly how they put up the numbers they did this year, getting himself to the 100-RBI plateau in the process?  Check.

-A dominant performance from the bullpen aces that provided a frightening sneak preview to what the playoffs will look like to the tune of 4IP, 0H, 0R, 0BB, 4Ks on 50 pitches, 35 of which were strikes?  Double check.

Pitching wins in the postseason and pitching has been what's killed the Yankees in their last 4 postseason appearances.  Today was a dress rehearsal for what the playoffs will look like with the scary depth of the Yankee pen.  Robertson, Coke, Hughes, and Rivera were at their collective best and Joba looked far more comfortable coming out of the bullpen in the 7th inning today than he has starting the game on the mound in the 1st inning all season.  And you want to know the really scary part for the rest of the so-called "competition?"  Aceves and Marte didn't even pitch today.

The Yankees can almost shorten the game to 5 innings with the strength of their pen right now.  Logic would dictate that their starters, at least CC, will give them more than that in the opening round, which means with the extra rest provided by their opening round schedule it will pretty much be all hands on deck every game of the Division Series and the first couple games of the ALCS.

As far as who pitches games 2 and 3, I think the choice is obvious: Burnett.  He's the better pitcher at home and Andy is the better pitcher on the road, and Burnett has pitched better than the suddenly tired-looking Pettitte over the last 4 starts.  You go CC-A.J. 1-2 and then hope the extra day or 2 of rest allows Andy to rediscover his velocity and command enough to finish the series off clean.  Not that it matters, considering Detroit and Minnesota have had to play balls out the last week and a half to just get to Tuesday where they have to play a one-game playoff.  Whichever team survives is going to stumble into Yankee Stadium tired, beaten up, and in no condition to take on the well-rested, well-stocked juggernaut that is the 2009 New York Yankees, but since the Yankees have to win 3 games, the conversation over who starts which game is still slightly relevant.  The smart thing to do would be to cancel that Division Series and just let the Yankees rest up for the ALCS.

Everything is coming up pinstripes as the season winds to a close, so it only makes sense to hit the fucking music...

CC Is an Evil Genius

And the Academy Award for Best Performance by an actor in a leading role goes to...

CC Sabathia!!!

I love what CC did last night, absolutely love it.  The guy has been cruising along for the better part of 3 months, leading the Yankees' charge back to the top of baseball and now in his last start of the season, what does he do?  He goes out and lays down to Tampa, walking guys, giving up hits, and looking convincingly pissed off about it in the process.  Brilliant!  Fucking brilliant!

Now everybody on ESPN and Red Sox Nation can spend the next week talking about how ineffective he was, and bring up his past postseason failures, of course neglecting to mention that in the only 2 other postseasons he's participated in, CC has been pitching to the last day of the season, throwing on 3 days rest multiple outings in a row just to get his club in and then having to go out and pitch with a wet noodle for an arm when it really mattered.  This year he has the luxury of kicking back and following his normal routine and normal rest pattern and then going out in Game 1 and knocking dicks in the dirt left and right.

It was decided before the game last night that he was only going to pitch 5 innings anyway, so CC did the smart thing when he realized he didn't have his A-level stuff last night: he blew the game up, opening the door for all the talk and creating a false sense of hope for Detroit, Minnesota, Anaheim, and Boston as the playoffs begin. 

Why risk getting hurt in a game that doesn't matter?  Anybody who thinks CC has a legit shot at beating out Zack Greinke for the Cy Young is out of their mind and CC knows this.  He's already won the Cy Young before but he's got his eyes on the bigger prize now, a World Series Championship ring.  Now that the regular season is over, he can spend the time before his Game 1 start not worrying about impressing voters or willing enough strength out of his arm to get his team one more win, but focusing on his two potential opponents and getting his rest.  And in the process, he gift-wrapped the Cy Young for Zack Greinke and even gave Tampa's No. 1 pick bust David Price a little confidence for himself.  With as much good as he did other players and teams in addition to his own last night, CC should be given a Congessional Medal of Merit.

What a guy!

Ted Williams' Head Getting The Shit Kicked Out of It in AZ

NEW YORK -- The New York Daily News is reporting that Red Sox Hall of Famer Ted Williams' severed head was mistreated at an Arizona cryonics facility, according to details from a new book.

In "Frozen," Larry Johnson, a former executive at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Ariz., writes that Williams' head, which had been severed and frozen for storage, was abused at the facility. Johnson claims a technician took baseball-like swings at Williams' frozen head with a monkey wrench.

Williams, the last player to hit over .400 in a season, died in July 2002 at age 83; his remains were sent to Alcor for cryogenic storage in the hope that future generations would develop the technology to revive him.

According to the Daily News, Johnson wrote the book while in hiding after becoming a whistle-blower in 2003. He held the title of chief operating officer of Alcor for eight months, the newspaper said. He is scheduled for a Tuesday appearance on the ABC news show "Nightline."

Johnson told the Daily News he wired himself during his last three months of employment at Alcor and stole internal records. The book also includes photos of severed heads and procedures performed on bodies.  (story courtesy of ESPN.com)



Just one more reason why the Red Sox will always be the ugly step sister to the Yankees' Cinderella. This is hands down the funniest thing I've read all week.

First off, it's funny enough that Williams was cryogenically frozen to begin with. I want to let it be known right now that if my future kids ever fight about what to do with my remains, I am going to come back from the grave and haunt their fucking asses until the end of time. That being said, it's not a surprise that something this ridiculous would happen to Ted Williams. Every historical account of him documents that he was a notorious fucking asshole and asshole parents are guaranteed to produce asshole kids, it's science. Naturally his asshole kids are going to disgrace his memory and legend by playing tug-of-war with his head. At least the man won that battle (score one more for the dudes), but in the process he makes his old man, and himself, look like even bigger douches than they already were. That post-death douche-ness combined with his previous life asshole-ism makes Williams a perfect candidate for a few dozen post-mortem whacks over the frozen melon. Add to that recipe the fact that he used to play for the Red Sox and it’s a miracle that the lab techs at Alcor didn’t pop his eyeballs out of his frozen head and piss inside his cranial cavity.

Something like this would never happen to Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Joe D, or Derek Jeter. Yankee legends are just better than Red Sox legends. In addition to being considered amongst the greatest players of all time, they are all widely recognized as being some combination of extremely likeable, charitable, professional, or in the case of The Babe, a fat, drunk, womanizer. Either way, their association with the Yankees makes them untouchable in terms of being fucked with. If any corny lab tech ever tried to take Gehrig or Jeter's head deep, he would be branded a scumbag for the rest of his days and more than likely deported from the United States. That is, if anybody from the Yankee organization was dumb enough to let their scumbag son have their remains cryogenically frozen, which they wouldn’t because it just isn’t the Yankee Way.

Fucking with the Yankees is like fucking with America; you try it and you're going to end up beaten and bloody crying in the corner with a broomstick shoved up your ass. Fucking with the Red Sox is like fucking with Helen Keller; it's easy, it's fun, and it's something that everybody outside of Boston knows, either secretly or not so secretly, that they would do if given the chance.

The guy at Alcor who decided to take some BP off of Teddy Ballgame's head was just doing what any good American would do. Whatever his badge or company ID number is should be immediately retired by the Yankees and put up on the wall at Monument Park next to Ruth and Dimaggio.

This incident is a perfect metaphor for how the Yankees-Red Sox ALCS match up will likely play out if Boston can make it that far; the Yankees will be the lab techs beating upon Boston’s lifeless heads and Boston will be the frozen old bitches sitting there taking it. You just can’t draw it up any better than that.

Someone Get The Paddles, We're Losing Him!!!

Beep, beep, beep, beep...beep...beep...beep......beep......beep......beep.........beep.........beep.........beep..................beep............................beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

He's gone.

Throw The Damn Towel!!!

I've tried to play the calm, "don't get too cocky" card for the last couple weeks, but enough is enough.  The Yankees are hands down the best team in baseball and if the Red Sox and Angels had any self respect, they would just quit now and not even accept their playoff births.  They'e Apollo Creed to the Yankees' Drago and it's pretty much a foregone conclusion after the last 2 series that the Yankees are going to kill them in the ring when they meet either of them in the playoffs.

Case in point, last night.  The Yankees throw the benchwarmers from their JV team out there and still deliver a woodshed beating to Kansas City.   Ramiro Pena is cranking home runs, Shelley Duncan is getting clutch go-ahead base hits, Robinson Cano, arguably the most unclutch player on the Yankees, is jack game-sealing grand slams, and Chad Gaudin, who the Yanks picked up for a rosin bag and a bag of wet dog shit, tosses 6+ more innings of good ball.

Then tonight A.J. tosses his third straight good start and our old buddy, Kyle Farnsworth, gift wraps the game in the bottom of the ninth.  Even when it's clear as Brita filter water that they aren't even trying to, the Yankees still fucking win.

Meanwhile the Red Sox get their shit pushed in by Toronto with their regulars in the lineup behind the batting practice stuff of Michael Bowden (is it any wonder why Toronto turned down all of Boston's offers for Roy Halladay that included this kid?  He fucking sucks!)  Then tonight Clay Buchholz wakes up and remembers that he actually IS Clay Buchholz and tries to one-up Bowden by turning Fenway Park into a launching pad.  No doubt the kid is scared to death after watching the mauling his team took at the hands of the Evil Empire this past weekend, knowing that he was spared this time but won't be so lucky in the playoffs.  I wouldn't be shocked if Buchholz turns up with a strained shoulder or some other phantom injury tomorrow morning that conveniently keeps him out for the playoffs.

Clearly the body shots the Yanks have been laying on Boston over the last 3 head-to-head matchups has left them gasping for air and now it's just a matter of time before the Yanks move in for the kill and lay the Sox out for the count.

And as for Anaheim, they pretty much dug their own grave last night by spending a portion of their postgame locker room celebration drowning Nick Adenhart's jersey in beer.  Ummmmm guys, HE WAS KILLED BY A DRUNK DRIVER!!!!!  The Angels would have been better served walking up to his mother in the stands and taking turns slapping her across the face.  Good luck winning anything with Nick's ghost haunting your dugout and causing grounders to skip underneath your gloves, fuckfaces.  I don't know much about the afterlife, but I can guaran-damn-tee that Nick Adenhart will be wearing a Yankees jersey and cheering for a team that knows how to celebrate properly if these 2 match up in the ALCS.

CC is rolling his fat ass right into Cy Young Station, A-Rod is on his way to a 100-RBI season playing on one good hip, Teix could win the AL HR and RBI crowns and then top that off with a Gold Glove and an MVP to boot.  Jeter rocks, Jorge is a beast, the bullpen is stacked, and the list goes on and on.  In all honesty it's almost getting boring going over this shit.

I know the rules state that 4 teams compete in the playoffs, but if the competition is going to be this one-sided, why waste time?  Let's just skip to the World Series right now so the Yanks can spank whichever Quadruple-A team is unfortunate enough to advance to face them and play it now while the weather is still have decent, that way the fans won't risk getting colds or the flu watching the inevitable take place.

I know technically Boston and Anaheim has to show up and play, but fair warning has been given.  If you don't want to end up like this...



...then just forfeit now.

AB4AR's Week 3 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 3 Recap

Jacksonville 31 Houston 24

Maurice Jones-Drew, clearly inspired by my poking fun at the new Jaguars' uniforms, ran wild on the Texans yesterday to the tune of 119 yards and 3 TDs as Jacksonville finally got off the schnide and proved just how valuable those new jerseys are. For the third straight year, Houston looks destined to underachieve after being anointed the next team to "make the leap." Maybe they should think about changing their uniforms because clearly the ones they have now are holding them back.

Baltimore 34 Cleveland 3

After another thorough ass pounding, it was announced by the NFL that Cleveland head coach Eric Mangini can no longer be referenced as being a part of Bill Belichick's coaching tree. The Brady Quinn experiment seems over after he was pulled for Derek Anderson, but with Anderson tossing 3 picks in relief as the team put up a lackluster 186 yards of total offense, it's anybody's guess as to who will start for the Browns next week. This is the 2nd game in a row that they failed to score a TD, which gives them a grand total of 1 in their last 9 games dating back to last year. After setting the bar this low, anything next week would be considered an improvement.

NY Giants 24 Tampa Bay 0

Raheem Morris took time out of his post-game press conference yesterday to call Eric Mangini and ask if they could help each other update their resumes as his Bucs continued their trip back in time to the glory days of Tampa in the 70s and 80s. The Giants running attack came out of hiding to the tune of 196 combined yards by Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw. While it might not help them make the playoffs, I for one would be impressed to find out that Tampa is actually playing this bad because they're all going as the 1979 Bucs for Halloween.

Philadelphia 34 Kansas City 14

Larry Johnson tightened his grip on the lead for this year's "Shaun Alexander Former Top-5 Running Back Who Has Clearly Lost It" Award with a 19-carry, 38-yard clunker in the Chiefs' loss to Philadelphia. The Eagles didn't miss a beat without Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook as Kevin Kolb and rookie RB LeSean McCoy continued to impress. Mike Vick's debut was hardly worth mentioning, but hey, at least he didn't flick off the fans, get arrested for marijuana possession, or murder any dogs in the process.

NY Jets 24 Tennessee 17

Mark Sanchez turns in another solid performance and the Jets are now 3-0. At the rate he's going, Sanchez will achieve Joe Namath-like status in New York some time around Week 7. He's certainly already reached that status with the ladies of NYC and probably has the VD to prove it. With the loss, Tennessee now falls to 0-3 and is already all but eliminated from the playoffs with the Colts sitting at 3-0, although I think they should be concerned with the fact that the throwbacks their staff was wearing yesterday made them look more like 5-year-olds getting ready for bed in their daddy's t-shirt than NFL coaches.

New England 26 Atlanta 10

A week after everyone was ready to hit the panic button, New England rebounded to upend one of the top teams in the NFC. Who knew that all their problems could be fixed by re-establishing the running game, protecting their quarterback, and playing a little defense? It's that kind of advanced football knowledge that makes Bill Belichick the genius that he is. Sure Brady looked rustier than the Titanic, but if the Pats can continue to win with this formula that should give him ample time to get back to hitting on all cylinders.

Minnesota 27 San Francisco 24

Nothing snappy or sarcastic to say about Favre this week; the guy showed that he's still got a little wick left in the candle as he pulled a win out of his old ass for the Vikes on his last-second heave to Greg Lewis. What made the performance even more vintage was the underwhelming performance leading up to it and the pedestrian 52% completion percentage for the game. I've watched Favre win enough early-season games that don't matter to know it's only a matter of time before those prayer passes start falling into the arms of opposing players.

Green Bay 36 St. Louis 17

Green Bay rediscovers their defense and Aaron Rodgers puts up Madden football numbers (269 yards and 2TDs on just 13 completions) to lead Green Bay to a much-needed victory over the St. Louis Ewes. Kyle Boller's less-than-terrible job replacing the injured Mark Bulger may lead to a "crappy quarterback controversy" in St. Louis as they decide which guy they want leading them to a 2-14 finish this year.

Detroit 19 Washington 14

Despite playing fairly well in helping his team break a 19-game losing streak, Matt Stafford already seems destined to play bridesmaid to Mark Sanchez's bride in the QB Class of 2009. That being said, congrats to the Lions on getting their first win in years and condolences to Jim Zorn for being the first coach fired this year. Seriously, that's not even a joke; I'm pretty sure all coaches have the "losing to the Lions is grounds for immediate termination of said contract" clause written into their contracts. Things are so bad in D.C. right now that Clinton Portis is planning on wearing a paper bag over his head for his costume this week.

Denver 23 Oakland 3

Jamarcus Russell continues to put up comically bad numbers for the even more comically bad Raiders. I think I threw for more yards in my Pee Wee football career than he has in his NFL career. Somehow the Broncos keep winning despite having a below-average offense. But Brandon Marshall did show up this week and score a touchdown, providing some light for the passing game, and he managed to do so without punching or strangling his fiancée.

Cincinnati 23 Pittsburgh 20

The Super Bowl hangover has officially hit the Steelers and it's more contagious than swine flu right now. Some players were seen wearing surgical masks as they left the locker room after yesterday's heart-breaking loss. After trying to establish their long-lost running game 2 weeks in a row and losing, the Steelers might be better off just scrapping the run game altogether and keeping Rashard Mendenhall as the only back on the roster to block for Roethlisberger in blitz situations.

New Orleans 27 Buffalo 7

Pierre Thomas seemed to forget what team he played for yesterday as he gashed Buffalo for 100+ yards and 2TDs but denied Drew Brees the chance to shred Buffalo's secondary in the process. After a dismal 16-29, 172 yard, 0TD performance, Brees was left to shake his head and wonder what went wrong. The question for New Orleans now has to be how long will they let Brees keep his spot as the starting QB if he continues to put up unimpressive numbers like this in dominating wins? How long do they let it go before they make a change? 4-0? 5-0? 7-0?? Only time will tell.

San Diego 23 Miami 13

On the bad side, Miami is starting to realize that they can't win games solely with the Wildcat offense. On the worse side, they have been exposed as not having any talent at the WR position, something that usually helps teams score more points. On the worst side, they found out that 2 Chads aren't necessarily better than one as Henne was putrid in replacing the injured Pennington. It might be time to go back to drawing board and find a way to get 2 balls and a 3rd running back into the offense.

Chicago 25 Seattle 19

Jay Cutler's 2nd straight comeback win-leading performance has almost completely erased memories of his Week 1 bed-shitting incident against Green Bay. In fact, he played so well yesterday that his Mommy and Daddy bought him front row tickets to the next Dashboard Confessional concert as a present. TJ Houshmandzadeh's week of trash talking and 4 quarters of 4-catch, 35-yard football got him a heaping helping of crow to eat after the game, prepared any way he wanted by Lance Briggs.

Indianapolis 31 Arizona 10

Peyton Manning is the best quarterback in the NFL, point, game, match, end of story. To do what he's doing with a group of wide receivers so unknown that you can't even sign them as free agents in Madden is beyond belief, even more so when you see that he's still getting Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne enough balls for them to put up Pro Bowl numbers. Arizona's offensive line will spend the next week working on learning how to block against an inside spin move and a swim move after Indy's defensive ends put on a clinic against them last night.


MNF Prediction

Dallas 27 Carolina 23

In a game matching up 2 teams who have fantastic 1-2 RB tag teams, marginal WR depth, and inconsistent defenses, this game will obviously come down to quarterback play. And when those 2 QBs are Tony Romo and Jake Delhomme, it basically comes down to which quarterback will suck less. Whichever one of those 2 can play less poorly than the other will find his team on the winning side. Given the score I picked, I'm betting Romo will find a way to do just less than Delhomme to lose the game for his team, who will find a way to eek out a win despite Romo's worst efforts.


MNF Predictions for the season (winners): 3-0

MNF Predictions for the season (being even remotely close to getting the score right): 1-2

5 Reasons Why This Weekend's Series Was Important/ 5 Things This Weekend's Series Revealed

1) It Puts the Yankees back into a higher-pressure situation than what they've been playing under the last month.

This weekend was the first meaningful series the Yanks would have played in over a month and I would have to say they responded well.  Their biggest bugaboo over the last 5 seasons has been clutch hitting and getting clutch outs and those 2 departments were the 2 they dominated this weekend.

In this series they were 9-40 as a team with runners in scoring position, a .225 average.  is that great?  No, it's hardly even good, but most of the failures came in a 1-15 performance on Saturday, a game in which if they come through in a couple of those situations, they win the game going away.  Against Jon Lester and company on Friday, the Yanks were 7-21, and even though they only got 2 more hits with RISP for the remainder of the series, those 2 hits were Johnny Damon's 2-run, game-clinching single in the bottom of the 8th on Saturday off of Billy Wagner and Hideki Matsui's 2-run, go-ahead single in the bottom of the 7th today off of Takashi Saito.

The Sox, by comparison, were 3-17 with RISP this weekend, a .176 clip.  They not only did not give themselves nearly as many chances as the Yankees did, but didn't come through on the chances they did have, a testimate to the Yanks' fantastic pitching all weekend from the starters and relievers.

2) It represents Joba's last chance to prove he has value as a postseason pitcher.

BUMP, bump.........BUMP,bump......(wait, what's that?)...BUMP,bump......(charge him again)...BUMP,bump...BUMP,bump...(I've got a pulse)...BUMP,bump...BUMP,bump...BUMP,bump....

Joba took himself off of life support on Friday night and may have gone from postseason afterthought to guaranteed spot as a 4th starter in the ALDS.

His line wasn't all that great overall: 6IP, 5H, 1BB, 3ER, 5K, but considering what he had been doing lately, and considering he walked 7 in 2 innings last Sunday, this was Cy Young-caliber for Joba.

He had great command of all his pitches, good zip on his fastball, and pounded the strike zone with everything he had.  Most importantly, he worked quickly.  After each pitch he was right back on the rubber, ready to throw the next one.  There was very little shaking off of Posada and very little stalling, even when he got runners on.  He obviously tired in the 5th and 6th innings, but still showed some testicular fortitude in battling out of trouble, something he had seemed incapable of doing lately.

Are there still some questions and potential worries about Joba going out there in a Game 4, must-win situation?  Sure there are, and rightfully so.  But he looked a lot more like the Joba of June and July than the Joba of August-September, and that's the Joba the Yankees need to win.

3) It will show if Andy Pettitte's shoulder can be counted on for the rest of the season and the playoffs.

Much like his start on Monday, Andy got off to a slow start today and things did not look good.  In the first 2 innings he looked like he had nothing and knew it.  But once he got warm Andy was on point again, and if word comes back tomorrow that he had no pain in his shoulder than it should be full-speed ahead for the rest of the season.

It certainly seems like there is some fatigue and Andy has to use the first couple innings to get the kinks worked out, but if he can give the Yankees 6 innings of 3 runs-or-less ball, that's going to be more than enough to win.

The question should now become not "Can Andy pitch?" but "What game does Andy pitch?  Game 2 or Game 3?"  As much as Joe Morgan and Steve Phillips thought he should go 2, I would still give that start to A.J. and keep the lefty, righty, lefty change to force the Tigers or Twins to alter their lineups each game and not let their batters got locked in.

4) It will be a good indicator of which team's bullpen has what it takes to get the job done when it matters.

This question, more than any other, was a no-doubt answer in favor of the Yankees.  For the weekend, the pitchers in the Boston pen who would be used in the postseason put up this line:

5.2IP, 6H, 6BB, 4R, 2ER, 4K, which equates out to a 3.18 ERA and a horrendous 2.12 WHIP.

Mind you, this was just the guys who would make the postseason roster.  If you factor in Yankee whipping boys Hunter Jones and Michael Bowden, the numbers are even worse.  The Yankees bullpen stats by their key guys, by comparison, were:

7.2IP, 3H, 1BB, 0R, 8K, for a .52 WHIP and a perfect 0.00 ERA.

Those numbers are factoring out J-Alba's stats, but even with those included the Yanks were light years better than Boston in the pen this weekend.  Christ, they got 1.2 perfect innings from Brian Bruney today, which could have breathed a little life into his postseason status.

Combining these stats with point 1, though, is where the story is really told.  Sure both of the runs off of Billy Wagner yesterday were unearned, but he was in the game to prevent ANY runs from scoring.  The job of the big-time bullpen guys is to be stoppers, and pick up your starters and defense for their mistakes and Billy Wagner flat-out didn't get the job done.  Takashi Saito was exactly the same today; he came into the game with a .189 BAA by left-handed hitters and he gave up the eventual game-winning hit to Matsui, failing to pick up his teammate, Paul Byrd, who gave the Sox way more than they were hoping for today, in the process.

Save for Albaladejo, when the Yankees' bullpen pitchers were on the mound this weekend, there was never any doubt they were going to get the job done.  They pitched with confidence, got ahead in the count, and made clutch pitches when they had to.  Heading into the postseason, the Yanks' pen has to be considered a weapon at this point.

5) It will show where the national media's allegiance lies: still with Fraud Sox Nation or back over to the Dark Side now that the Yankees are viewed as the favorites.

I wrote the other night about how much I enjoyed Chip Caray and Buck Martinez's calling of Friday night's game, and although I can't say the same for the ESPN trio today, they ended up being not as bad as I was anticipating.

Sure Steve Phillips is still a blatant Red Sox apologist, and Jon Miller rattled off the Red Sox starting lineup like he was reading off a list of first-ballot Hall of Famers, but all in all, they were relatively even and unbiased with how the called the game.  It was clear as day to anyone watching that they weren't happy to be calling the game even and giving the Yankees their fair share of praise, but at least they did it, which is a sign that maybe the over-the-top Red Sox ball sucking by ESPN is coming to an end.  People are starting to get on board and acknowledge that the Evil Empire is back in charge and they are powerless to stop it.

Now if only somebody could pass that memo on to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver since we all have to suffer through them for the majority of the playoffs, and not Miller, Morgan, and Phillips.

CHAMPIONS!!!

Suck it, Boston.  See you in the ALCS, if you even make it.

2 hills down, 3 more to climb...

Y-A-N-K-E-E-S, bitches!!!!

2 Down, 1 To Go

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  I love how even after today, Red Sox fans are still going to be talking about the last 4 years, and "we beat you in 2004, 3-0 comeback" and blah, blah, blah.  The mating call of the loser, desperate fan is referring to the past and that mating call is coming loud and clear from Boston after today.  I almost wish I was back home on the East Coast so I could soak it all in.

The fact of the matter is that this Yankee team is flat-out better than the Red Sox.  Their lineup is better, their pitching is better, their bullpen is better, they are better.  This team has the chemistry that has been lacking the last few years, and more importantly, the drive and determination to win and to not be fucked with that the teams of the late 90s had by the buttload.  Any Red Sox player or fan who thinks they are going to squeak by in the playoffs based on past history is only fooling themselves.

Dice-Gay tries to be a tough guy today and hit Jeter?  That's fine, CC hits Youk.  Boston wants to get cute later in the game and hit Melky?  Mo comes out and drills Youk again in the 9th on the 8th pitch of an at bat.  Last year's team would have sat back and let Jeter and Melky get hit without so much as buzzing anybody on Boston's tower (with the exception of Joba).  This year's team seems to fall all over each in their scramble to be the first to stand up for a teammmate and that's why they are where they are and why they are head and shoulders above the rest of their competition as the season winds down.  If their play over the last couple weeks had raised questions about that, then the last 2 have answered all of them emphatically.

Seeing this image at the end of the game today...

...made my dick stand up a little bit.  I'm already planning on watching the game naked tomorrow in anticipation of the Yanks sweeping the weekend series, winning the season series, and finishing digging Boston's grave that they hopefully get to bury them in if they meet again in the ALCS.

Fuck You, ESPN

The Yankees basically dominate the game, Jon Lester goes down with what, at the time, looked like a potentially season-ending injury, and what is ESPN.com showing as the front page feature about the game?

"Decent outing?"  "Finally??"  Really, ESPN?  The most important player to your favorite team in the universe just got the shit wrecked out of his knee/quad and you're busy taking jabs at Joba?  I'd like to say I'm surprised, but what else would you expect from the Worldwide Leader in Bandwagon Jumping?

They say everyone guns for you when you're on top, so maybe this is just ESPN's way of acknowledging that the Yankees are the best team.  I'm just thankful there was college and high school football on both ESPN and ESPN 2 last night, otherwise it would have been wall-to-wall coverage of Lester.

Jon Lester's Knee Injury- A Photo Diary

And down goes Lester!!  Down goes Lester!!

Owwwww, my wittle knee hurts...

Are you crying???  There's no crying in baseball!!

You gotta love the intangibles Varitek brings to the meeting here.

Everybody else is checking to see if Lester can even walk

and he's still in his crouch, putting down signs and getting ready for the next pitch.  That's why he wears the "C."

Why the fuck is the umpire checking out his ass?

What Tim Kurjian wouldn't give to switch places with that ump...

I bet Lester wishes he still had cancer right about now...

OK, Jon, here we go.  Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.

Nevermind the fact that you may have just shattered your kneecap, just walk down the stairs to test it out.

I mean, there's only 5 or 6 of us here with you.

What are we supposed to do?  Carry you?

Why the fuck is David Ortiz following him down the stairs?

What medical advice could he possibly offer?

Ortiz- "Here Jonnie, jus' take a few of deez peells an' dreenk dis protein shake, meng."

Lester- "Get the fuck away from me, Papi."

Introducing the Terry Francona:

 "We Are Completely Fucked If Lester Is Hurt" Face.

If I could have a mask of this exact picture made and go as Francona for Halloween, I would.

I only wish I got a good shot of Beckett when they put the cameras on him.

His "Oh Fuck" face was even better than Francona's.

The good news is the Yankees spanked Lester before he took the liner, and the bad news is that X-Rays were negative and right now it's being treated as only a contusion.  But judging by the way the Red Sox training staff handled getting him off the field by making him walk and then hobble down a flight of stairs, I'd say there's a good chance they mismanage Lester's treatment and this injury lingers for the remainder of the regular season and into the postseason, which will just make the Yanks' road to the World Series that much easier.