Friday, August 3, 2012

How Have I Never Heard Of Jeter's New Side Piece?

Now I'm not nearly the hot female celebrity knowledge freak that I was in my early-to-mid teens, but I still consider myself pretty up to date on who's the new hotness and who's not.  So I was a little surprised when I started reading all these stories this week about Derek Jeter's latest notch in his belt, Hannah Davis.  Hannah Davis?  Who the hell is that??  Apparently she's a Victoria's Secret model, but if I haven't heard of her then she can't be that big time.  I mean, we're talking about the king of celebrity starlets here.  Jeter has had the best in the world when they were the best in the world.  Now he's moving on to no-names who are probably buried in the back pages of the monthly VS catalog?  You wanna talk about Jeter losing his range, let's talk about this.  I bet she's not even that ho-

SWEET FANCY MOSES!!!  Hellooooooooo, Ms. Davis!

Forget everything I just said.  The Captain's still got it, baby!  No wonder he's been on a hot streak at the plate lately.  I'd be giving it my all during every at-bat too if I knew I was going out for dinner and a nightcap with this lady every night.  Actually, who am I kidding?  I would piss my pants twice if I ever even bumped into Hannah Davis on the street.  That's why Derek Jeter is Derek Jeter and I'm writing this post from my office cubicle right now.  Kudos to you, Captain.  38 years old, still batting .300 on the field, and still batting 1.000 off of it.  Well done indeed, sir.

Now somebody do me a favor and hit the fucking music!

P.S.- I wonder what she gets in her gift basket when she leaves.

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