Friday, June 10, 2011

Bartolo Colon Is The 900,000 Dollar Man

** CAPTAIN'S NOTE- This post was originally posted on 5/18 and got deleted during the little technical issue that Blogger had a few weeks ago.  But since it's all sadness and rain clouds in Yankeeland today and I don't feel like talking about any of that, I decided to brighten things up with a little comedy and re-post this gold.  A "Six Million Dollar Man" reference AND more Bartolo Colon fat jokes in the same post??  GodDAMN, I am hilarious!**

Nothing like getting some stem cells from your own fat hips injected into your shoulder to rejuvenate your career, huh? 

"According to a story in the Dominican daily Dairio Libre, the new life in Colon's arm could be partially attributable to two treatments of stem cells - or "células madre" as they're called in the Dominican Republic, where Colon had the procedures. The doctors, Sergio Guzman and Leonel Liriano, told the newspaper they... sent "an invitation" out to Colon, which he accepted in March 2010. Guzman was quick to insist, though, that when they took fatty tissue and bone marrow from Colon's hip and injected it into injured tissues in his rotator cuff and elsewhere in his right shoulder, they weren't doing anything revolutionary." (via MLB Trade Rumors)

I don't know what was a more genius move, Colon opting for this treatment to try and bring some life back what was his completely dead arm or the Yankees for picking him up.  And if you don't think Cash knew that this had happened before he even started watching Colon in the Dominican winter league let alone before he decided to sign Colon, then you are just a dope.  Once again, Cash was playing chess while other GMs were playing checkers.

Apparently MLB is now looking into this situation after the report came out yesterday, but as Ben from RAB wisely pointed out, there really isn't much they can do and nothing illegal happened, so this was a calculated risk that has seemingly paid off for Colon and the Yankees.

Announcer: "Bartolo Colon.  Pitcher.  A man barely alive."

Cash: "Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to inject stem cells from the butt into the shoulder to create the world's first 38-year-old man-titted effective starting pitcher. Bartolo Colon will be that pitcher. Better than he was before.  Better...stronger...faster.  But still pretty fat."

No comments: