Monday, February 7, 2011

Why All The Horse Hate?

Other than the Packers winning, the commercials sucking, and the Black Eyed Peas continuing to be an embarrassment to the musical arts, the biggest story coming out of the Super Bowl last night was the image of Cameron Diaz feeding popcorn to the one and only A-Horse.  If you're one of the few of the unwashed masses who hasn't seen the image, here it is:

The reaction to this image has been negative across the board, mainly in the form of people mocking the majestic A-Horse for not being able to feed himself.  This is incredibly stupid and shallow, and so being the faithful soldier that I am, I will take it upon myself to explain the situation and point out why nobody should be criticizing A-Rod here.

First thing, the limp-wristed look.  Make all the gay jokes you want, but I think that's a smart move.  Spring Training is right around the corner and A-Rod hasn't exactly been a model of perfect health the last few seasons.  Why risk moving the wrist more than you have to in order to get popcorn when you can leave it there, nice and loose, and keep it ready for batting practice?  And why risk doing anything when you've got a perfectly good Cameron Diaz ready and willing to serve right next to you?  I mean, come on, she's no fool.  Homegirl is staring down the barrel of 40, she hasn't made a good movie since "Gangs of New York" (which she sucked in), and she's sitting there with the world's greatest centaur athlete.  She knows she has to step her game up to keep that seat next to The Horse, and he knows she knows it, so let her handle the popcorn so he can watch the game.

Secondly, and this is really a no-brainer as far as I'm concerned, THE GUY IS A CENTAUR!!!!!  Centaurs have hooves for crying out loud!  Have you ever tried to pick up popcorn kernels with hooves?  Doesn't exactly work well.  So instead of getting on A-Rod for looking like a homo and having a chick feed him like a little kid, let's show a little appreciation for the intelligence and forethought that he showed in bringing Cameron Diaz to the game in order to make sure he was not unable to enjoy a little snack because of his centaurian condition.

No worries, Al, I've got your back.  Haters gonna hate...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is soooo amazingly funny....... LOVE it!!!