Sunday, July 18, 2010

Man Vs. Door

(Photo courtesy of The AP)

It was already a shitty day for A.J. yesterday through 2 innings.  He was missing his spots, hitting batters, uncorking wild pitches, and giving up home runs to the number 9 hitter in the Rays lineup.  But then an even bigger nemesis reared its ugly head after the 2nd inning.

That's right.  The dreaded clubhouse door.  The evil cousin of the clubhouse wall that Kevin Brown broke his hand on way back when.  Yesterday it was up to its dastardly tricks, applying cuts to A.J.'s hand as he tried to push his way through them.  Yes sir, those doors knew exactly what they were doing, luring A.J. in to the dark side and then making him pay for daring to lay his hands on them.  I'm pretty sure they shot lightning bolts out of themselves to cause the cuts on his hands, a la The Emperor at the end of "Return of the Jedi."  The only sad part is that they didn't cut A.J. sooner, like before he even took the mound yesterday to lay another egg.

So just to recap, A.J. now has trouble locating his fastball, locating his curveball, pitching with runners on base, getting guys out, not hitting batters, being a professional, being a man, and successfully walking through doors without hurting himself.  And to top it all off, he lied to the team about it to try and cover it up.

Oh well, at least they didn't hit him on the way out...

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