I tried to be level-headed and calm aboutdissecting the real options the Yankees have in front of themto get something going offensively and look where that got us. With 4 hits in the next 9 innings and only 1 run scored, that run scoring not because somebody came up with a big hit with runners in scoring position, but because the defender who caught a pop up accidentally hit the baserunner trying to advance to second with his throw. The Yankees had 1 run scored and 0 runs batted in last night, and if I'm being honest, I'm afraid they won't have the stones to do any of the 3 options I covered yesterday. So screw it, let's investigate some "other" ways they can try to jump start the offense.
“What I thought was if you could just do a line of honey out to the parking lot, the bees would maybe follow it and leave us alone.”
Well duh. Why didn't anybody think of that?? No need to spray a bunch of insecticides into the air, potentially putting the fans and players at risk and senselessly murdering a few hundred bees who were just trying to do their thing. Just do a line of honey out to the parking lot and maybe the bees would have followed it. Teix even volunteered the Yankees' honey.
Real multi-threat that Mark Teixeira. Gold Glove-caliber first baseman, most boring person ever on Twitter, Broadway actor, painfully white, and amateur apiologist. Now if only he could translate that bee knowledge to the batter's box and add a little sting to his swing. That'd be something.
P.S.- Do you see what I did there with the "sting" joke? That's highbrow stuff.
Not really. I was just looking for an excuse to throw this Photoshop up again because I still laugh like an idiot every time I look at it. I would much rather have an actual tray of meat than Sergio Mitre on my baseball team any day of the week.
But former Yankee and 5th Starter Competitor Sergio Mitre was back in the news today for becoming the latest former Yankee to sign with the Rakuten Golden Eagles. I'm not sure if it was part of some under-the-table deal worked out by the 2 teams as part of the Tanaka signing, but the Eagles are loaded with former Yankees now. Darrell Rasner, Casey McGehee, Andruw Jones, and now the Meat Tray. That's a haul. No other way to describe it. Even without Tanaka, that's a ballclub that's going to contend for a long time with that core.
Maybe these new posting rules aren't the worst thing in the world after all. Yankees still get to flex their financial muscle to bring in the top Japanese talent when they've scouted the player enough to make it worthwhile, and the NPB gets a major influx of former MLB talent by creating a pipeline to washed up former Yankee greats goods OKs spare parts warm bodies. Everybody wins.
Looks like somebody hasn't been keeping up with his usual offseason workout routine. I wonder why? A few more pounds and I might have to upgrade his nickname to The Clydesdale. Fat A-Rod, so hot right now. Fat A-Rod.
If you were busy following the important stories about the new player signings or actually doing something constructive with your time yesterday, you might have missed this juicy nugget of gossip about A-Rod. Apparently he's close to locking up multimillion dollar deal to publish a book that he says will dish all the “full dirt of Major League Baseball’s tactics” against him as part of his suspension.
Al. Can I call you Al? If you read this, I need you to know something. I need you to know that no matter what kind of details you put in this book, the one thing that needs to be confirmed is the story of the centaur painting. I need to know if that thing exists or not, more than I need to know how big of a scumbag Bud Selig truly is. I've named this blog after you. The image of you as a centaur is basically the logo of this site. I've been one of your biggest supporters since I started AB4AR in '09 and I will continue to be for as long as there's still a chance that you can play. After all that, I think I deserve to know the truth about the centaur painting.
And if you don't want to do it for me, that's fine. Then do it for the kids. And their kids. And their kids' kids. Do it so that future generations of Yankee fans don't have to live with the same uncertainty the rest of us live with now. We all pretty much know the story of how your battle with MLB went down. What we don't know, and what we need to know, is whether or not you commissioned a painting of yourself as a centaur. It's the one chapter of the A-Rod Saga that really needs closure.
(Originally posted at IIATMS/TYA. The Photoshop is too good not to re-post)
Cashman expects to deal directly with Jay Z during Cano negotiations. He met with agents for Beltran, McCann, Choo and others while here.
— Andy McCullough (@McCulloughSL) November 13, 2013
I know sometimes I write things here that may come across as a bit ridiculous, and I'm the first to admit that there are instances where I intentionally add a dash or 2 of hyperbole to my posts to spark a reaction and discussion in the comment section. But believe me when I tell you that I'm being 100% honest when I say this. The idea of Brian Cashman and Jay-Z working together directly, 1-on-1, to negotiate Cano's new deal is the most fantastically entertaining possibility in the history of MLB hot stove season and if you don't agree then you have no sense of humor.
Just picture it. Cash sitting there in his khakis and team polo shirt, Jay in a $10,000 suit and a pair of designer sunglasses with Memphis Bleek and Beanie Siegel flanking him, one of those giant bottles of Spades champagne on ice and a few Cuban cigars on standby to celebrate the new deal when it's reached. Straight up Swag City.
The hearing for Alex Rodriguez's suspension appeal is scheduled to resume today, and if there wasn't already enough anger and hatred on both sides of the table, this fun little story from ESPN NY yesterday about A-Rod's lawyer getting into it with Anthony Bosch's lawyer should add a little extra heat to the fire:
"Told that MLB might need several more days to question Bosch, Tacopina was quoted by the New York Daily News as saying, 'Well, I guess we have all of October, and by then Mr. Bosch will be in jail.'
'If he is, he is not going alone,' Ayala is alleged to have retorted, prompting Tacopina to 'bull rush' Ayala, according to the source. Tacopina was restrained before any blows could be exchanged."
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!! Seriously, how can people not love this stuff? There should be a new 24/7 ESPN channel dedicated to showing everything that's happening inside and outside that meeting room. If I'm scoring the bout, I'm going to have to give the nod to Ayala (Bosch's lawyer). The "not going alone" line is a pretty good comeback on the spot like that, and the fact that Tacopina responded by rushing him proves it got under his skin. Rookie move by Tacopina too. Everybody knows you don't escalate to physicality after the first insult, bro. You should have come back with the "you bob for apples in the toilet, and you like it" line and seen where it went from there. Amateur.
You really have to just stand back and marvel at what Mariano Rivera did out there today. After legitimately blowing the save on Friday night even though he reduced Miguel Cabrera to basically hitting on one leg, Mo had another chance to lock down a game win and a series win in the process this afternoon. Instead of being the typical closer and just getting the job done, Mo graciously decided to pass the torch to his teammate Brett Gardner in the bottom of the 9th.
Gardner came through with the game-winning hit Friday night to bail Mo out and get him the W to replace the save. In the selfless, giving fashion that has become so typical for him, Rivera decided that repaying the favor was more important than adding another save to his record-setting total. He also gave Gardner the chance to prove that Friday night was no fluke instance of BABIP luck. Mo grooved a couple pitches to Miggy and Victor Martinez that he knew they would hit for homers to tie the game, then shut down the rest of the inning to set things up for Gardner in the 9th. Gardy made the most of the opportunity, yard jobbing one for another walk-off win. Mo sets 'em up, Brett knocks 'em down.
Mo ended up with another win today, so I guess we'll have to see how he plans on repaying Gardner the next time he comes in to close a game, but once again you just tip your cap and shake your head at how painfully professional Mariano Rivera is. Hard to find a teammate this great.
"Next time on 'That's So Eduardo!', Eduardo Nunez gets lost in the infield and accidentally wanders across to the second base side of the bag. And when he does, he finds out he might have bitten off more than he can chew stepping into mean old Mr. Cano's neighborhood. Tune in next Wednesday night at 8 for an all new episode of 'That's So Eduardo!" Only on YES."
Seriously, all this clip needs is the old school 90s laugh track over it and it would be perfect. Cano's reaction, from the moment he stops and crosses his arms to the little gesture at the infield dirt, is gold. Gold, Jerry, gold! No wonder he was so quick to hop on the Jay-Z Sports Management Express. He's definitely got a career in show biz in his future.
It started with another day off, it continued with another DL trip, and it might have just ended yesterday with the announcement that he was going to need surgery to repair a herniated disk in his back. The battle between Kevin Youkilis and his back has been waged, and Youkilis has lost. You can check the calendar if you want, but the 10-12 week estimated timeframe for his recovery all but ends a Yankee career that was snuffed out almost as quickly as it started.
As it is, Youkilis will end his Yankee career with a .219/.305/.343 batting line in 118 plate appearances. It wasn't the production anybody hoped for, least of all Youkilis himself, but it's a testament to the grit and desire and passion for the game Youkilis had. He wore the pinstripes with pride, although usually in a stiff and uncomfortable looking posture, and honored the # 36 like no Yankee had since Freddy Garcia. He'll make a cool $12 million this year - $1 mil for every run he scored, 1.5 for every RBI, or 6 for every HR - and no man, woman, or child could say that every cent of it wasn't well earned.
Kevin Youkilis wasn't a Yankee for very long. He joined them later in his career, when his flame had started to burn a little fainter. It's a flame we'll never forget though, and a flame that will burn on in time for the rest of Yankee history. Now somebody hit the music.
I didn't think there wasany way for Vernon Wells to actually turn me into a fan of his, but yesterday, just for a brief moment, he did. After taking a healthy dose of boos from the still butthurt Toronto crowd for the entirety of the 3-game weekend series and dismissively wanking at them with his 7-15, 2 HR, 4 R, 3 RBI performance at the plate, Wells went the extra mile by making this great leaping catch to rob Toronto of an XBH and turn a double play and then "politely" doffing his cap to the crowd.
Telling an entire fanbase that has a legitimate reason to hate you for the way your career ended in that city, even if they should have gotten over it by now, to go fuck itself like that? That's good trollin'. Like I said, I didn't think there was a chance in hell Vernon Wells could make me a fan of anything he did in pinstripes this season, but Vernon, you magnificent bastard, you did it.
Can't say I blame him. I usually want to jump out of a plane when the Yankees have an off-day too.
Rimshot!
Just kidding. Actually it sounds like this was a pretty serious deal. There were early reports that Cash suffered a compound fracture, similar in severity to Joba's ankle injury this time last year. When asked by responding EMTs how he felt, Cash said, "Have you seen the guys we signed this offseason? How do you THINK I feel?!?"
DOUBLE RIMSHOT!!!
Seriously, folks, seriously. It's hard to get upset at a guy who doesn't have an on-the-field job getting injured doing something for a good cause. I only wish Cash would have waited a few weeks and did this on the anniversary of Joba's ankle injury. That would have been an MSM Twitter firestorm!
The light at the end of the $189 million tunnel for us Yankee fans is the prospect of the Yankees getting back to their spending ways once they dip under the luxury tax threshold and reset the penalties. One of their big targets in the years to come is going to be David Price, the Rays' 27-year-old Cy Young winner. Price is still years away from free agency, but could be at risk of following James Shields out the door in a cost-controlling trade before he becomes too rich for Tampa's blood. Price talked to Jon Morosi about that possibility yesterday, and mentioned the Yankees as a team he wouldn't want to sign a long-term deal with because of their facial hair policy.
Dave, Dave, Dave. You fool. I have a beard too, a better one than yours if I'm being honest, and I would cringe at the thought of having to rid myself of it just to play for the Yankees. But what you don't realize is that by making that statement you've shown your hand. The correct answer to Morosi's reference to the Yankee beard policy would have been, "I'm not even worried about that right now. I love being a Tampa Bay Ray and I'm focused on this season and my teammates and us doing what we have to do to get back to the postseason. I can't think about what may or may not happen years down the line, I just have to keep doing my job." Instead you took the bait and talked about why you wouldn't want to re-sign there like it was already a foregone conclusion that you were going to be traded to the Yankees.
Just admit it, bro. You've got Yankees on the brain. You sweat the Yankees. You can't get them out of your head. Even if you aren't traded, you've got three more years before you become a free agent and your beard even becomes an issue. Three years is a long time into the future, my dude, and you're already fixated on whether or not you're going to have to shave your beard for the Yankees. You're like the girl in high school who's already dreaming about her crush asking her to the prom in October. You might as well schedule a sitdown with the Steinbrenners and work out a new contract right now.
Bearded man to bearded man, I can appreciate your love for your facial hair. But you're only lying to yourself if you honestly believe you are going to turn down an offer from the Yankees for that reason, and the way you responded to Morosi bringing it up is proof. At the end of the day, money talks and facial hair walks.
If this offseason were "Inception," we'd all be in limbo right now. Just an endless string of nothingness. The biggest news in Yankeeland yesterday was that Scott Hairston signed with the Chicago Cubs for 2 years. Second biggest story- the Yanks are apparently not interested in free agent catcher George Kottaras even though he makes a a lot of sense for them. That's how boring it is right now. The biggest Yankee-related story didn't even involve the Yankees, and both of the biggest stories revolved around them doing nothing. Hachi machi, that's bad.
Because nobody in the MSM can think of anything worthwhile to ask or write about now that the Winter Meetings are over, Alex Rodriguez was stuck answering questions about his rumored centaur paintings of himself in house. After years of speculation, and quite frankly hope on my part that it was true, A-Rod finally shed some light on the subject.
“No, I do not have a painting of my upper body on a Minotaur. I don’t know where they get that stuff.”
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I can't believe that it's not true! What a crushing blow to my ego, my hopes and dreams of what the world could be, and the very foundation that this blog was built upon. I mean come on, Al! I've been down with the A-Taur since the word go. Do you think I would have gone through all the trouble of making multiple Photoshops, rattling off hundreds of A-Horse jokes, and always trying to remember to refer to your feet as hooves if I thought you didn't actually have these paintings?? What kind of an idiot do you think I am??? Wait, don't answer that.
Needless to say, this day is already off to a horrible start. I could slip a joke in here about how the hip injury and required surgery is even more severe when you're dealing with a 4-legged centaur, but it just wouldn't be the same now knowing what I know. I don't normally drink at the office, but I might have to find something to put in my coffee to get me through the morning.
(Never forget)
P.S.- Yes, I wrote this post assuming that A-Rod is actually too dumb to know the difference between a centaur and a minotaur. There's no way he's that slick.
It's been another up-and-down year for Boone Logan. At face value his numbers look pretty good- 3.99/3.72/3.61 slash , 11.05 K/9 in 49.2 IP over a career-high 72 games. But the reality is that he's regressed from his much better 2011 campaign, suffering from problematic command (4.35 BB/9), general overuse, and possible over-exposure to right-handed hitting. His groundball rate is down, his HR rate is up, and Logan is far from the dominant bullpen option he was earlier in the season and much closer to the designated LOOGY that he was when the Yankees first traded for him.
The issues that have plagued Logan this year are not physical, they are not mental. They are the revelation of a long-rumored family secret, something that Yankee fans and bloggers alike have hinted at and joked about through the years but have never been able to positively identify as fact. Until now. In an AB4AR exclusive, I present the source of Boone Logan's 2012 struggles.
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