Wednesday, October 14, 2009


In what undoubtedly has to be the lamest and most hastily-thrown together pile of crap, Bill Shaikin of the LA Times had an "article" yesterday on the 10 Reasons Why America Should Root for the Angels in the ALCS.

Check it out here.

It's almost too easy to beat this kindergarten logic into the ground, but we'll do it anyway.

10 Reasons why America Should be Rooting for the Angels to Beat the New York Yankees in the ALCS:

1) The Yankees had their century.

Yeah, they did. And it was a century that they thoroughly dominated, winning 25 World titles and producing a who's who list of baseball immortals. Not to mention, that so far in this century they've won just as many championships as the Angels have while participating in more World Series (3) to the Angels' 1. I'd say this century is shaping up to look pretty damn good too.

2) The Angels could become the first team to knock the Yankees and the Boston Red Sox out of the playoffs in the same season, ridding us of both the teams that are force-fed to America all summer.

As if knocking a team out of the playoffs that wasn't as good as you is anything to be so super proud of. And your team would be getting a little force-feeding of their own done if anybody outside of LA gave a fuck about them.

3) What do the Yankees call a $1,250 seat? Half-price.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh god, that's great!! That's priceless! Did you write that yourself? Great stuff, there. Great stuff.  Leno couldn't have said it better himself.

4) Torii Hunter! Say anything! Down with the bland corporate personalities of Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira!

Down with professionalism! Down with complete sentences! Give me an energetic black guy who yells and screams in the dugout and flips his bat triumphantly over every home run he hits, no matter how big or a small a moment it is in the course of a game, as long as he's on the team I root for!

5) If the Angels and Dodgers win, how cool would it be to see Gail and Dave Weaver rooting their boys on, wearing those custom-designed, half-Angels, half-Dodgers jerseys?

About as cool as it was watching AJ Hawk's sister wearing the stupid half-Ohio St., half-Notre Dame jersey in the 2006 Fiesta Bowl. But yeah, I could see how watching a couple of old farts cheer their kids on from the luxury box would be cooler than seeing Joe Torre return to Yankee Stadium to match wits against his former team and its manager who used to play for him.

6) Can you imagine the disgusted looks on the faces of New Yorkers if Joe Torre gets into the World Series and the Yankees do not? Better yet: Jeff Weaver gets into the World Series and the Yankees do not.

Don't get yourself all erect over New Yorkers' misery, Bill. They would be just as pissed if their team doesn't make it regardless of which team does. And unlike you and Red Sox fans, real Yankee fans don't live in the past. We could give a shit about Jeff Weaver and what he does, whether it's making it to the World Series or dying of swine flu.

7) The Angels have the rally monkey. The Yankees have bleacher creatures.

Excellent point. A self-motivated fanbase that cheers the players of their team on at all moments of the game, starting always with the iconic player roll call in the top of the first vs. a lame gimmick that stopped being cute about 3 hours after it was covered on SportsCenter back in 2002.  Lame gimmick by a landslide.

8) The Yankees charge $20 for a stadium tour. No game included.

That's because there's stuff at Yankee Stadium that people are willing to pay 20 bucks to see. Nobody's flocking to the Angels Hall of Fame to check out the career stats of Jim Fregosi, Brian Downing, and Chuck Finely. And what bearing does tour prices have on who you should root for in a game? Anybody who's more interested in stadium tours than ALCS games should have their MLB fan license revoked.

9) Biggest contracts in baseball history: 1. Rodriguez ($275 million); 2. Rodriguez ($252 million); 3. Jeter ($189 million); 4. Teixeira ($180 million); 5. CC Sabathia ($161 million).

Ahh, the old "boo-hoo, the Yankees spend too much" routine; haven't heard that one before. If every team had the money the Yankees do, they would spend it too and that's a fact. End of story. Don't be bitter because you couldn't scrap together enough cash to keep CC and Teix in town.

10) The Angels have won the World Series more recently than the Yankees. America loves a winner.

The Yankees are the most winningest franchise in professional sports history, and have been for 100 years. That's why the big time Cuban and Japanese free agents always want to come to the Yankees; they know that's where the spotlight is and where it's always going to be. The World loves a winner.

So there you have it. No statistical breakdowns, no analysis, no insight, just the same tired reasoning with some old-fashioned homerism sprinkled in. All I have to say is the Angels should be thanking God that the ALCS is won on the field and doesn't come down to a battle between team beat writers because if it did, the Yanks would sweep the series before it even got started.