Why This Subway Series Matters

(Typical Mets front office meeting)

I know I just linked earlier to the story on LoHud about all the "ho-hum"-ness to the Subway Series, and in a way I probably contributed to the seemingly worldwide apathy with my half-assed comment about it being a bummer.  But I can't just sit by as a diehard Yankee fan and Top 5 Internet Personality and allow myself to stoop to that level.  And not only that, I can't let Yankeeland and the rest of the baseball world stoop that low either.

I've massaged and tweaked and refined and matured this blog from a collection of uninformed nonsense to a pretty damn respectable source for Yankee news and insight over the last couple years. But the last time I checked, the banner at the top of the page still read "rabid Yankee homerism," and it's been a hot minute since I've dished out a big dose of that.  So this time, I'm not bringing any fancy sabermetrics or well-thought out logic.  I'm taking the gloves off, sticking a roll of quarters in my fist, and I'm coming out swinging.  Because this series this weekend does matter.  There is a perfectly good reason why this Subway Series matters, and you have to be pretty damn stupid to not realize it.

Rant Mode- "On"


The reason this weekend's series is so important is because it needs to be the beginning of the end of this perpetuation that the New York Mets are a "good" baseball team and a "fun" story this season.  Newsflash, they're not.  The Mets fucking suck and they are still the biggest collective joke of a franchise in Major League Baseball.  The only reason they are even in the position they are in is because their owners are either incredibly stupid or dirty criminals, and lost so much goddamn money that they were forced to gut the team's payroll and roll out this cartoon cast of Triple-A players, Quadruple-A players, nobodies, has-beens, never-weres, and David Wright that take the field every game.  Seriously, I read a boxscore of one of their games and I feel like I'm Charlie Donovan in "Major League" the first time Rachel Phelps hands him the list of Spring Training invitees.

And sure, they're a few games over .500, and that's cute and all.  But have you watched this team play ball?  They're fucking clueless out there.  They didn't know their signs back in April, and judging by the botched appeal attempt at second base that resulted in a sloppy mid-pitch defensive shift in their comically-pathetic loss to Washington the other night, which could have put them in first place had they won, they still don't!  I mean, Lucas Duda, Josh Thole, Andres Torres, Daniel Murphy??  Kirk Nieuwenhuis???  Who the fuck are these guys???  Kirk Nieuwenhuis sounds like somebody that I should be walking over to in the purchasing department at my office and asking where my shipment of can seals is.  And no, I didn't check if I spelled his name right because it doesn't fucking matter.

"Oh, but they play so hard.  How can you not root for them?"

They HAVE to play hard.  They don't have any talent.  You think David Eckstein was employed by multiple baseball teams because of his high wOBA and ability to hit with power to all fields?

"But Johan just pitched a no-hitter.  It was the first one in team history.  What a great moment!"

Fuck. You.  Johan pitched a 1-hitter, and if Major League Baseball wasn't still living in the Stone Age when it came to instant replay everybody would be forced to accept and acknowledge that as the fact that it is.  But since we're on that topic, have you seen this shit??  The Mets are re-printing fake, fake, FAKE tickets from that game and SELLING THEM TO THEIR FANS WHO DIDN'T GO.  The Wilpons are so hard up for cash that they are trying to scam the very people who still willingly and stupidly put money into their pockets!  Let me be very clear here.  If you did not attend that game last week, and you buy one of these:

You should be shot in the fucking face.  It's that simple.

Remember this, people.  This is a team run by a man who is not all there in the head.  It's run by other men who, were they not already best buds with Bud, would probably have had the team taken away from them by now.  They include a bunch of players who aren't good at baseball.  There is nothing good about the Mets.  What they have done to date this season spits in the face of every other well-run team in MLB and the Yankees need to be the first to put a stop to their shenanigans.  So Johan, I hope your shoulder has recovered from the 134 pitches last week.  Because if it isn't, this lineup is going to chew you up, spit you out, and send you to the shower with your ballbag in a sling.  And that's just the first game. 

I'm not going to be completely naive and say that the Yankees aren't without their issues, because they are a far-from-perfect ballclub. But they sure as shit are a better ballclub than the Mets and they need to sweep the Mets' sorry asses right out of town and back into their half-empty ballpark (where they still can't hit HRs, by the way) where they belong.  Fuck the Mets.

Rant Mode- "Off"