I saw you on the TV last night, blowing a save. That musta been a bummer, huh? I know, I know, you must be wondering why I would ever waste my time watching you and the rest of you d-bag teammates. Well it was an off day for the Yankees and I was channel surfing, and I saw you out there giving up the lead and I just couldn't turn that off. Sure, your team came back and won the game in extras when Carl Crawford drove in his 8th run of the year and raised his tripleslash up to a scintillating .211/.250/.301 on the season, but you still blew the chance to win the game in regulation and get Josh Beckett the win he deserved. That's gotta sting.
Anyway, I just wanted to say hey and let you know that I haven't forgotten about you. It looks like your numbers are a little better to start this year than they were last year, but don't let that fool you. You're still not that good, you're not Mariano and you never will be. You're scary "stare in at the catcher" face still isn't scary at all. You're still the same loudmouthed phony who completely blew the deciding game in the 2009 Divisional Series against Anaheim, and the same asshole who actually wore this shirt in public at some lame team dance-a-thon.
Good talking to you, chief. Keep up the bad work. Let me know when you guys and your scrappy $163 million payroll get back over .500.
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