Today Should Be Fun, Huh?

It's a new week, the Yankees are further back in the playoff races than they have been thanks to another series loss, but fear not, people, because we should have a multitude of awesome stories to distract us from that today.

Sometime this morning, MLB should formally announce its suspensions of all the players connected to the Biogenesis clinic.  From the latest media reports, anticipation is that Alex Rodriguez will be handed a suspension through the end of the 2014 season but will not have his right to appeal blocked.  Barring any last minute injuries or changes in Bud's plan, A-Rod and all the great media coverage that comes with him should be back in the lineup tonight.

Later in the day, probably before the start of tonight's game, we could get news on the 3 latest injury setbacks to afflict the team.  Derek Jeter could be put back on the DL with a Grade I calf strain, Michael Pineda could have problems with his surgically-repaired right shoulder, and David Phelps could have a serious elbow problem.  Yaaaayyyy!!!

And if that wasn't enough, the Yankees could lose tonight to a former mid-tier lefty pitching prospect in Jose Quintana, a guy they basically let walk away after the 2011 season.  He's hooked on with the White Sox and has pitched to a 3.62/.378 slash in 22 starts this year, good for a 2.5 fWAR or more than any other non-Kuroda starter on the Yankees has this season.  And who says the Yanks can't develop pitching talent?

Yes sir, this is going to be an awesome day.  Suspensions, injuries, endless beat writer stupidity and A-Rod bashing, and former prospect reunions.  Great day to be a Yankee fan indeed!

Yankees About To Get Jiggy With It?

I was already a little concerned about the prospect of the struggling Yankee offense facing a member of a fictional junior hockey team from the "Mighty Ducks" movies.  But now, come to find out that the Royals are pulling Luis Mendoza from his scheduled start tonight and inserting Will Smith and I'm even more concerned.

It's a diabolically genius plan by KC.  Not only are they playing to the continually-growing legend of the Yankee lineup being unable to handle starting pitchers they've never faced before, they're adding the allure and star power of one of the biggest Hollywood leading actors and greatest family-friendly rapper of all time into the mix as an additional distraction to the Yankee hitters.

On the other hand, if Smith's pitching is as bad as MIB 3 appears to be, and there are indications that it could be, maybe this is just what the Yankee bats need to break out of their cold streak.  Whatever the case may be, you can take it to the bank that there's going to be some jigginess in The Stadium tonight.

Now hit the fucking music!

Best Promotion Ever? Best Promotion Ever

I don't know much, people, but I do know this.  I have never been more upset about missing a Yankee game since I moved away from the East Coast than I am about missing tonight's game.  The New York Yankees are reinventing the stadium promotional giveaway game as we know it.

BOOM!!!  "Hand Sanitizer Keychain Day."  Are you kidding me???  Why not just give fans the keys to the locker room??  How about "Who Wants to Bat Cleanup?" Day or "Be The Bullpen Coach for the Game" Day??  I mean, look at this thing.  It's incredible!!!

 

As it is, your ticket to the game gets you first-person access to watching the historic New York Yankees play baseball.  Now you're telling me I could also be protected against all kinds of viruses and diseases that I may get from high-fiving the strangers around my in the stands AT NO EXTRA COST?!?!  That's highway robbery!

If you're reading this and planning on going to the game tonight, grab your car keys and your Yankee hat as soon as you're done and get your ass to The Stadium to make sure you're one of the first 18,000 fans in attendance in order to take advantage of this sweet deal.  Actually, scratch that.  Don't even finish reading this.  Just get to The Stadium NOW because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you don't want to miss.

/so fucking jealous