Friday, August 26, 2011

What's The Bigger Disaster: Irene Or A.J. Burnett?

I wish this was a joke.  But I honestly am terrified about what could happen when A.J. takes the hill tonight in Baltimore.  Does anybody out there have any faith that A.J. will come out and produce even a MEDIOCRE outing?  I know I don't.

I am prepared for literally any bad possibility to happen tonight in this game.  I won't be shocked if A.J. is terrible right off the bat and doesn't make it out of the first inning.  I won't be shocked if he sucks early on and pulls one of the Roger Clemens fake injuries to get himself taken out after 2 or 3 innings.  I won't be shocked if he doesn't even make the start because he comes down with some phony sickness or injury.  I won't be shocked if he walks or hits every batter he faces tonight and doesn't record a single out.  I won't be shocked if he has his normal 4-6-inning shitty performance, culminating in the usual meltdown at the end, and then just runs off the mound and into the locker room crying as Joe comes out to get the ball from him, then showers, changes, packs his stuff up, and disappears into the Baltimore night, never to be heard from again.

The only thing that would shock me is if A.J. actually pitches a good game tonight.  And I'm not even talking about a legit good game; I'm talking A.J.-type good.  Like 5.1 innings of 3-run ball.  But I don't have one ounce of faith that A.J. will produce even that tonight.  So there you go, A.J.  You're working with low expectations tonight.  Go out and make me proud.

(I should really have this updated now to have the full Two-Face look.  There is no more Good A.J. or Bad A.J.)

** P.S.- To any readers out there on the East Coast who will experience the hurricane this weekend, stay safe. **

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