AB4AR's NFL Divisional Playoff Picks

Arizona @ New Orleans: Line- Saints by 2

After a bit of a lackluster finish to the regular season, the Cardinals snapped out of it last week in their victory over the Packers (well, at least their offense did). New Orleans will be hoping for similar results on Saturday as they were downright awful in the last month of the season. With the way the Cardinals secondary failed to cover anybody last week, they could be just what the doctor ordered for Drew Brees and company.

The Saints will be looking to do what Green Bay could not last week, and that's get pressure on Kurt Warner. The line kept him relatively clean and his was surgical in his dissection of the Packers' blitz and coverage schemes. The Saints like to blitz on 3rd down and like to bring pressure from their secondary, but if the Cardinals protect against that the way they did a week ago, it could be another huge day for Warner, especially considering it looks more and more like he's going to have Anquan Boldin back for the game.

What the game will come down to is whether or not the Saints offense can get going again. Both teams are going to score points, but like last week, it's going to come down to who scores last. The Saints aren't going to win this game with 20-28 points. Drew Brees is a better quarterback than Aaron Rodgers and should put up big numbers against the Cardinals D and it would be almost impossible for the Saints D to play worse than the Pack did last week. They will give up yards and point, but make a handful of plays here and there that will be the difference in the end.

The Pick: Saints 37 Cardinals 30


Baltimore @ Indianapolis: Line- Colts by 3.5

This line has gone up a bit with concerns lingering about the severity of Joe Flacco's hip injury. As little as he factored into last week's game, you would think that would count as an bye week for him, but the Ravens won't be so lucky this week and will have to rely on Flacco's arm more if they want to win.

The big question is whether or not the Colts can shake off the rust and win a game after resting at the end of the season, something they have not done in the past. With as pissed off as all their starters looked in Week 16, I think they use the loss of a perfect season as extra motivation to win the Super Bowl. Everyone questioned Polian for making the call when past history suggested the Colts were better off playing all the way through, so the players know it's on them to come out and perform.

The Colts will take care of the ball much better than New England did last week, so they aren't going to put up a measly 14 points, and they should put more pressure on Flacco than the Pats did as well. It will be interesting to see how the Colts try to match up Mathis and Freeney with Baltimore tackles Omar Gaither and Michael Oher; which one will they try to attack and which end will they use to attack him? If the Colts stack the box early, take away the run, and force Flacco to beat them, they should be in good shape. When a game comes down to Flacco having to outplay Peyton Manning to win, I'll take my chances with that.

The Pick: Colts 24 Ravens 13


Dallas @ Minnesota: Line- Vikings by 1.5

It's the Showdown at the Playoff Choker Corral. The greatest gun-slingin', river boat-gamblin' son of a gun in the history of sports against the younger version of himself who is the only player in the NFL that comes close to having as much fun on the field as Favre does. There will be boners aplenty for all media covering the game, but which guy will come out and top and do a little more to squash that "can't get it done in the playoffs" stereotype?

The Vikings were looking like they were primed for a late-season collapse before they played against the Giants in Week 17. Since that victory, everyone has proclaimed them a favorite again, but it's easy to look good when your opponent is trying harder to not try than they are to actually win. The reality is the Vikings offense hasn't been what it was earlier in the year, mainly because Adrian Peterson has not been as explosive. Their defense also hasn't been as dominant due to the loss of EJ Henderson and lack of sufficient depth at LB and the fact that Antoine Winfield is hobbling around at corner and teams are attacking him over the top knowing he doesn't have his usual burst and recovery speed.

The Cowboys, on the other hand, have been clicking on all cylinders since their defeat of the Saints. Their secondary is greatly improved, their pass rush has been a force, and Tony Romo is playing great football. They’ve gotten great production from their running game, no matter who's carrying the ball, and in the process made themselves very difficult to defend.

Based on their past history, expect both teams to try to attack the QB and force turnovers early. Whoever can protect the QB and establish the run first to take some of that heat off their guy will be the team that wins. I expect this to be the Cowboys because their offensive line has been fantastic this year and Bryant McKinnie has been awful. After the disaster that was the Panthers game, Demarcus Ware has to be cumming in his pants at the thought of matching up with McKinnie and should have a field day terrorizing Favre. Once Romo gets settled in, expect him and Miles Austin to be the latest to test Winfield's injuries and open up the passing game. The Vikes will be in the game all the way, but if Adrian Peterson doesn't run for 200 yards and 3 TDs, they don't win this game. He won't and they won’t.

The Pick: Cowboys 30 Vikings 23


New York Jets @ San Diego: Line- Chargers by 6

Is this line too high? It's hard to decide. The Jets looked like world beaters again last week on both sides of the ball, executing their "run the ball and defend"-plan to perfection, and Mark Sanchez is trending upward again at the right time. But the Chargers have been the best team in the league for the last 2 months running and have shown no signs of slowing down. Phillip Rivers was a legit MVP candidate and has now established himself as a top-tier NFL QB, right next to Manning, Brees, and Brady.

You know Vincent Jackson most likely isn't getting off of Revis Island, but unlike some of their most recent opponents, the Chargers have better secondary options in the passing game. Malcolm Floyd is big and fast, just like Jackson, and is just as good at stretching the field and creating matchup problems; considering Lito Sheppard is about 4'5", you can count on Rivers looking to get single coverage and exploit that matchup. Antonio Gates is still one of the best tight ends in the game and will challenge the Jets' linebacking corp's ability to cover, and both LT and Darren Sproles are excellent at catching passes out of the backfield. The other 10 guys on D are going to have to step up the Revis' level of pass defense if the Jets are going to win.

San Diego, like everybody else, is going to gear up to stop the run, but you have to assume the Jets are going to get their yards. 3rd-down defense and getting pressure on Sanchez are the keys for the Chargers; if they can at least stop the run on 3rd and short and get off the field, and make Sanchez think and scramble, they will win. We all know Sanchez can be a good QB when he has time to throw, but when you force him to move and rush his decisions, that's where the rookie inexperience shines through. One or 2 picks will be more than enough for the Chargers to control the game and I expect them to force at least that.

The Pick: Chargers 27 Jets 16
 
Playoff Predictions (Season): 0-4

Things Are Already Looking Up For The Mets

Nothing like a little off-season knee surgery that could keep your starting centerfielder out for the first month of the season to get 2010 off to a good start, huh?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Left Field, Anybody?

The Yankees have signed lefty reliever Royce Ring and outfielders Reid Gorecki and David Winfree to minor-league contracts. Meanwhile, their chances to re-sign Johnny Damon remained remote.

The Yankees are telling agents they only have $2 million, at most, to spend on a left fielder. They figure Damon, even in a diminishing market, never would drop his demands that low.

So unless ownership reverses course on the budget, the Yankees will continue to look at a supplementary player for left field rather than Damon. Specifically, the Yanks would like to find someone to start rather than Brett Gardner or serve as a righty-swinging complement to Gardner.

The player who most entices the Yankees is Xavier Nady, who, like Damon, is represented by Scott Boras. However, Nady is of interest to several teams and, therefore, might be too pricey for the Yankees.

Their next target is Reed Johnson because, of the remaining candidates, he is the one who projects best to being a help defensively while also having a history of hitting lefties well.

The other three free-agent possibilities, at the moment, are Rocco Baldelli, Jerry Hairston Jr. and Marcus Thames. (story courtesy of the NY Post)


Royce Ring, Reid Gorecki, AND David Winfree??? Talk about a fucking haul of talent right there. The hell with a left fielder; the Yankees might as well just play with 2 outfielders because they are stacked with these 3 guys waiting in the wings in the minors.

Seriously, what did Brett Gardner ever do to the Yankees' management and coaching staff that nobody wants to give him a chance in left next year? The kid covers more ground than the Roman Empire, gives the Yankees all kinds of situational, hit-and-run, sac bunt options with him batting #9 and Jeter #1, and showed last year that he can be a more than capable Major League hitter if given the at-bats. He's still a relatively inexperienced hitter at the Major League level and should improve with more work in the cage, more plate appearances, and just by being around guys like Jeter, A-Rod, Jorge, etc.

Instead, the Yanks are entertaining the thought of Xavier Nady; the guy who hasn't played in a year and is going to command far more money than he should rightfully deserve by being a Scott Boras client. It's going to take him at least half a year to shake the rust off, so if you're going to overpay for an older, Scott Boras-guy, why not suck it up and re-sign Damon? I'm not following the logic here.

And as far as the other contingency plans, I would rather go back to the 2-outfielder strategy than have Reed Johnson or Marcus Thames out there. And Rocco Baldelli? Really? Doesn't he have muscular dystrophy or bone marrow cancer or something?

Jerry Hairston, on the other hand, should already be re-signed and it's blowing my mind trying to figure out why he hasn't been already.

Just Go Away, Mark McGwire

Mark McGwire finally admitting he did steroids yesterday is hardly newsworthy. At this point, after his tight-lipped performance before Congress and his disappearance from the game altogether after his retirement, everybody knew his silence spoke volumes about his guilt as a steroids cheat. The fact that SportsCenter basically focused wall-to-wall coverage on this was ridiculous and downright boring. What is newsworthy, however, is the way in which he went about "admitting" his wrongdoings yesterday and how insincere and insulting it was to baseball fans and to the general public.

From Tim Kurkjian to Tony La Russa to Bob Costas, we were inundated yesterday with first-hand, direct accounts of what McGwire said and how he felt about this whole situation. And all those accounts lead to the exact same conclusion: Mark McGwire was a lying, cheating scumbag back then, and he's still a lying, cheating scumbag now. Even when he was supposedly being honest and admitting what he did, that honesty was shrouded in a black veil of untruths and excuses most likely designed to fool us but succeeding in fooling only himself.

He played the "there's no way a pill or an injection will give you hand-eye coordination"-card. He played the "I did this for health purposes, not strength purposes"-card. He played the "God blessed me with this talent"-card. He played the "I've always hit home runs since Little League. Steroids didn't help me hit home runs"-card. He played the "this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do"-card. Dude played so many cards that a Vegas blackjack dealer would have had a hard time re-shuffling the decks to keep up with him. Unfortunately for Big Mac, all playing all these cards and "admitting" his wrongdoings did was make him look like an even bigger jackass than the "I'm not here to talk about the past"-fiasco did.

For starters, the "nothing for hand-eye coordination" and "God-given talent" arguments are completely bogus. Anybody that read "Game of Shadows" or has followed the baseball steroid scandal knows that part of the reason HGH is so popular is because in addition to building muscle mass and helping recovery time, it also helps improve vision, reaction time, and hand-eye coordination. Ichiro Suzuki has great hand-eye coordination; Derek Jeter has great hand-eye coordination. That is reflected in their consistently high batting averages throughout their careers and their ability to hit the ball the other way better than anybody. McGwire's low batting average and high strikeout totals point to him not having good natural hand-eye. When you consider that McGwire ended his career with a less-than-stellar .263 BA and his BA numbers had bottomed out before he started using steroids and then increased steadily through the prime of his playing (and juicing) career, it's safe to say that there was definitely something involved in improving McGwire's hand-eye. And that something sure as shit wasn't God or more time in the batting cage.

The "health reasons, not strength reasons" and "'roids don't help you hit HRs" arguments are the real doozies, though. McGwire stated that he wanted to stave off his injury problems so he could play more games, not hit more home runs. When you're injured, you can't play; when you can't play, you can't hit; when you can't hit, you can't hit home runs. So when you can't play, it goes without saying that your HR totals are going to suffer as a result. By taking steroids and HGH and whatever else, you allow yourself to recover faster and/or prevent injuries, thus allowing yourself to play more. Just by being on the field and at the plate more, one is going to accumulate more HRs through the law of averages. So yes, Mark, your steroid use was a direct cause for your higher HR numbers just by giving you the ability to play more.

Furthermore, just by nature of the definitions of the words, one can be considered "stronger" when "healthy," so by taking steroids to make your body healthier, you are, in effect, making yourself stronger too, and that's before you even get into the massive transformation they did to your body by adding the noticeable tons of muscle mass. You think having all that beef helped jack a few more fly balls out of the park that otherwise wouldn't have gone out if you were left to your God-given crappy hand-eye coordination? I think so.

McGwire's statements yesterday were far more damaging that anything he said or could have said in front of Congress a few years ago. Before yesterday afternoon, people had pretty much forgotten about the guy. He had vanished from the public eye and nobody anywhere was clamoring for news on McGwire or calling for him to admit his guilt. Then he decides to thrust himself back in front of us all and insult us by making all these idiotic statements, assuming that everybody who cares is still completely in the dark about steroids, their effects, their side effects, and still naïve and stupid enough to believe the "hard work, first-in/last-to-leave, drink your milk, take your vitamins, say your prayers" bullshit that he was passing off as the real cause for his success. He failed to realize that we are all way past the "Fool me twice, shame on you"-stage in the steroids era, and failed to realize that everybody watching his interview and listening to other people's accounts of their discussions saw right through his bullshit. He would have been better off going on the MLB Network and slapping Bob Costas across the face, turning to the camera, injecting himself with a syringe full of deca-durabolin, and saying "Fuck you, America."

I was a big Mark McGwire fan back in the day. I can still remember being 12 years old in the summer of 1998, watching he and Sosa battle back and forth and hit baseballs farther than I had ever seen. One of my fondest memories for a long time was the night he broke Roger Maris' record; I had just gone to bed when my Dad came upstairs to tell me Big Mac was up again if I wanted to watch. I ran downstairs just seconds before he lined that frozen rope that barely made it over the wall and stood there for what seemed like an eternity watching the celebration unfold and thinking to myself that I had just witnessed something incredibly special, never once even stopping to look at how insanely and unnaturally muscular McGwire and Sosa were. Now I, like many other baseball fans my age, watch those highlights and laugh at being so stupid, but also feel a bit bad about how we got sucked in and tricked. Even now as I sit here writing this, I can't help but feel a little hurt now that I now know the ugly truth about someone I revered.

And that's why yesterday was newsworthy. Not because McGwire finally outed himself as a liar and a cheater, but because he went about it in a way that felt like he still believed we were all 12 years old and in awe of him and were going to shower him with forgiveness and praise for his honesty. Instead of lowering himself to our level and being a regular person, he still tried to pass himself off as someone and something great.

So go ahead and cry your crocodile tears, you son of a bitch. You aren't fooling anybody. Your family and friends might accept your admission and apology, but I don't and I'm sure there are millions more fans like me out there who don't either. If you would have just stayed away, maybe you would have stood a chance of gaining back some recognition and reverence in the long run. But you had to come back and put on your little show yesterday, and because of that your reputation will remain in tatters in the minds and hearts of all baseball fans who truly care for the rest of their lives. Even in your locker room this year I bet there will be players who will stand there and nod and agree with you to your face but secretly despise you for what you did and how you tried to justify it. And because you chose to be dishonest about being honest, that's what you deserve.

Dan Shaughnessy Can Fuck Off (But He Does Kinda Know What's Up)

This man will rape your children

All bolded items are from Dan's column from SI.com today.  I would post the link to it but I don't want to direct people to more bad writing.  Just take a gander at some of the high-(low?)-lights below:

Is that it? Has the curtain officially been drawn on the golden era of New England sports?

Yes, Dan.  Yes it has.

I hear all of you cackling across the land. Boston teams were pretty darned great in that '00s. The Celtics returned to glory with their first World Championship in 22 years when they smoked the Lakers in 2008. The Red Sox broke an 86-year curse with the Greatest Baseball Story Ever Told (coming back from 3-0 against the Yankees) in 2004, then topped it off with another Fall Classic sweep in 2007. And the Patriots? They demolished the rest of the NFL and acquired enemies around the globe, winning three Super Bowls in four seasons, then steamrolling to an unprecedented 18-0 in 2007....

Ahh yes.  Nothing says "not used to success" like living balls deep in the past and re-hashing every title you won in the past decade like it just happened yesterday.  And what's all this "Greatest Baseball Story Ever Told" nonsense?  Why the capital letters?  Is that the title of your new book?  In case you don't remember, the greatest story ever told was that of the 1994 California Angels, who, behind the brilliant managing of George Knox and career resurrection of pitcher Mel Clark, rallied to win the AL pennant.  All the information on that magical season can be found here.

Truth be told, there's been a sense of arrogance and entitlement about Boston sports fans in recent times.

Agreed...

Success did not become us. We were lovable losers back in the day...

Losers, yes.  But lovable?  Outside of the greater Boston area, I can't imagine too many people would agree with you on that.  Your 86-year run of futility was more like baseball's running joke that everybody was in on.  Kind of like the crazy uncle that everybody smiles at and talks to when he visits on Christmas but all go into the kitchen to laugh at and make fun of later on.  But hey, tell yourself whatever you have to...

...but gracious winners in good times.

The scores of hastily-written books, tidal waves of off-colored, lame merchandise, scores of fair-weather fans popping up like dandelions after 2004, and the seemingly never-ending torrent of chest thumping and bragging by your drunken Mick fanbase would argue otherwise.

Ask fans in Baltimore, Oakland and Tampa how much they love having citizens of Red Sox Nation overrun their ballparks every summer.

Probably about as much as any fan likes having even one insufferable citizen of Fraud Sox Nation sitting anywhere in their section of one of their team's home games every summer.

The Red Sox won 95 games last year and have been in the playoffs in six of the last seven years. They have one of the top four payrolls in baseball and this winter added John Lackey to a stable of starters which includes Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Clay Buchholz and Tim Wakefield. They have depth in the bullpen and one of the best closers in baseball in Jonathan Papelbon.

Yeah, about that.  Lackey is overrated and has never gotten it done against good teams; Beckett might have already peaked; Dice-Gay just admitted he hid an injury to pitch in the meaningless World Baseball Classic last year, thus costing the rotation much-needed depth and the team the millions of dollars it paid him; Clay Buchholz is still the same scared little bitch he was the last 2 seasons and hasn't shown any signs of breaking out of that shell; Tim Wakefield is more washed up than Bret Hart looked on Raw last Monday night.  Oh yeah, and your closer is a 'me first' jackass who cares more about making money for him and all other closers than winning championships.

And there's something to be said for the "depth" in the Red Sox bullpen.  Call me crazy, but I'd take Mo, Joba (or Hughes), Robertson, Marte, and Aceves over Papelbon, Okajima, Bard, Delcarmen, and Saito any day of the fucking week.  Nobody of that last 3 in the Sox 'pen screams "gamer," and Bard and Papelbon didn't exactly light the world on fire in pressure situations at the end of last year.

But I'm saying the Sox will not hit enough to compete with the Yankees in 2010. The Sox were too often easily shut down by good pitching in 2009 and it showed when they were smothered by the Angels in the playoffs. Boston's top four hitters are terrific, but the lineup stalls after messrs Ellsbury, Pedroia, Martinez and Youkilis. David Ortiz struggled terribly last year. He wound up with decent numbers, but too much of his damage was done against the Triple-A Orioles. If Ortiz continues to slide, the Sox lineup will struggle. Since the season ended the Sox have added Mike Cameron in center, moving Ellsbury to left. Marco Scutero has been brought on board to plug the shortstop hole and Adrian Beltre signed for one year to take over at third. It's a big-time commitment to defense, but offense promises to be Boston's problem. They can be a playoff team, but they are falling further behind the Yankees. And that's not a prescription for a World Series championship.

Now you're talking, Danny Boy.  From your keyboard to God's ears.  Good call staying away from Cameron's, Scutaro's, and Beltre's borderline laughable offensive stats.  You may be a homer but at least you aren't delusional about your team's chances or the fact that the Yankees are still head and shoulders above your beloved Sox.

...the Red Sox may pick up Adrian Gonzalez next summer and there be could another Duck Boat parade in downtown Boston this year or next.

Just what they need; another corner infielder!!  That will put them over the top for sure and completely negate the Yankees' signings of Joe Mauer and Cliff Lee.

But this new decade is off to a bad start here in Boston. And the rest of the country must be loving it.

I won't be so bold as to speak for the entire country, but as far as Yankee fans and Red Sox haters go, yes, we are loving it to death.  The only thing that could make it better would be for Victor Martinez to blow his knee out in spring training so we can all enjoy bathing in your tears.

Jeter Not Letting Wedding Get In The Way Of Another World Series Title

After months of speculation that the Yankees' hunk and his sexy steady Minka Kelly are headed to the altar,... the super couple may have settled on a wedding date -- Nov. 5.

And while it may bring little solace to Jeter's legion of female admirers, fretful Yankees fans will be glad to note the date is at least two days after the World Series ends. (story courtesy of Page Six)



As if there needed to be any more proof that Derek Jeter is the man, here comes this story from the Post about how The Captain is putting off his wedding until after the latest possible date for a World Series game to be played. Genius, pure fucking genius.

This move shows that Jeter will continue to maintain his level of coolness and extreme pimpage even now that he's off the market in 2 ways. One, by setting the date for the wedding, Jeet is letting it be known right off the bat that he's going to be running the show. Seriously, what other guy could pick his wedding date for when he wanted it and have his wife-to-be sit back and accept it? Chicks LIVE for planning weddings; it's engrained into their DNA. And now Minka has to sit back and wait until the Yankees wrap up their 28th title until she can officially become Mrs. Jeter. She already knows where she stands in the pecking order; Yankees 1st, Minka 2nd, as it should be.

And therein lies the second, and far more important, factor for why this is such a gangsta move by Jeter. He's essentially telling his teammates and the rest of baseball, "Yeah, we're winning the World Series again this year. I'm so confident in this that I'm actually setting my date to marry my knockout of a girlfriend after the World Series is over." If that isn't confidence and great leadership then I don't know what is. At the very least, Jeter is saying the Yankees are going to be in the World Series next year, and that's a hell of a lot more than more than half of the other teams in baseball can say right now.

So all this worry about only replacing Damon and Matsui with C-Grand and Fat Nick can end because The Great and Powerful Jeter has spoken. The Yankees are going to steam through the season and win their 2nd consecutive World Series title, kicking off the new decade in style, and then they're going to cap off that celebration by attending Jeter's wedding and celebrating the retirement of one of the most productive cocksmen of our time.

Now if it were me, I'd be faking injuries left and right or jumping in front of double-decker tour buses in the city to give myself enough time off to marry this chick...

...but not Jeter. He's still got his eyes on the big prize and that big prize is another World Series title. I know we're still a good 3 months away, but start spreading the news...

OH THE HORROR!!!

Talk about a kick right in the fucking apple bag, huh? I give out 4 guaranteed winners for this weekend and all 4 of them go down in flames, 3 of them in spectacularly pathetic fashion. Thank Joe Pesci I didn't actually follow any of my own advice and bet any of the games I picked, otherwise I'd be calling out of work today to either hit the street corners and give HJs and BJs to pay off my debt or skip town completely. To anybody that was unfortunate enough to read and believe anything I said on Friday, I apologize. And remember to cup the balls.

To put it in baseball perspective, my Green Bay-Arizona pick was 'Tim McClelland missing 2 obvious calls in Game 4 of the ALCS'-bad; Close game, could have gone either way. If you subtract the first and last plays of the game, Green Bay probably goes on to win the game and cover, so it wasn't like my prediction was so far off that it made a difference.

Jets-Cincy was 'Mike Scioscia removing John Lackey in Game 5 of the ALCS'-bad. Just like Scioscia, I focused too much on past performance and didn't give enough credit to what had been happening recently. I had blind faith in the Bengals, my version of the Angels bullpen, and believed they would regroup and get it together. Once the game started, they shit the bed completely and the Jets were Mark Teixeira knocking the Bengals all over the place.

Dallas-Philly and Pats-Ravens were just awful calls on my part. We're talking 'Ron Gardenhire leaving Jose Mijares in to start the bottom of the 11th in Game 2 of the ALDS' or 'Charlie Manuel deciding to start Pedro in Game 6 of the World Series'-level bad calls here. Just absolutely indefensible decisions that were so bad, after they were made and the results played out you had to wonder if the managers (or in this weekend's case, me) were smoking asbestos and drinking embalming fluid when they made those calls.

Just like this past weekend saw the end of the undeniable end of the Patriots' dynasty and the possible end of Donovan McNabb's tenure in Flipadelphia, it also signaled the end to my status as a surefire football prognosticator. My 11-6 regular season record is completely nullified and now it's time to rebuild. But hey, there's always next week and that's why I'll be back on Friday to try to right the ship and get back to my winning ways.

(Just don't take anything I predict to heart or to your bookie)

Bring Out The Meat Wagon

WEEE-OOO, WEEE-OOO, WEEE-OOO!!!!  After yesterday's game, the Huskies are the family rolling around on the ground burning alive and us fans are the paramedics standing there going "Oh my god!"  It was the perfect microcosm for what this team is and how this season is going to play out.  Considering I made my pick for UConn to go 22-6 and finish 3rd in the Big East and they have yet to play Syracuse, West Virginia, and Villanova in the conference, you can pretty much take my prediction and flush it down the toilet like the big piece of shit that it is.

Yesterday was a classic tale of 2 halfs, both of which showcased the 2 versions of the UConn team that everybody is used to seeing.  In the first half there was ball movement and player movement on offense; guys were working the defense and finding the open man; guys were knocking down open shots; there was tough defense and great rebounding, keeping the ball out of Greg Monroe's hands, keeping a hand in the shooters' faces, and not giving up second chances on the offensive glass; and the transition game was flat-out running Georgetown off the floor.  The Huskies were looking to push after every steal, every block, and every rebound, and showed that they were the much quicker, more athletic basketball team.

Stanley Robinson epitomized the way the team played in the first by being the catalyst for all the good things they did.  He was everywhere: slashing to the hoop for alley-oop and putback dunks, knocking down 3-pointers, playing great man-on-man and help defense, and grabbing big rebounds to start fast breaks.  They way he played in the first half, you would think he's a top-5 lottery pick this summer.

In the second half there was none of that.  Shots stopped falling; players stopped cutting and moving the ball; Kemba Walker went from running the offense to running around like a guy whose head was on fire; the defense broke down and got beaten so badly off the dribble that even Rihanna cringed at the sight of it; nobody helped when guys did penetrate the lane and nobody rotated to open shooters; the rebounding broke down and the Hoyas got many more second chances on possessions when they didn't make shots (which were few and far between).  Basically everybody pussed out when they realized the Hoyas weren't going to lie down and die and nobody had the balls to bring the team together and get re-focused.  And to top it all off, just so we could all feel like we had seen this before, the Huskies were horrid from the line, clanging over half their FT attempts.

Much like the first half, Stanley Robinson was the perfect representation of how shitty UConn played in the second half.  After exploding for 12 and 7 in the first half, he finished with just 16 and 8, completely disappearing offensively and becoming a human turnstile defensively, as he continued to go under picks to give Austin Freeman open looks.  As usual, when the going got tough, Stanley got going...to nowhere.  Instead of stepping up like a senior should, he shrank into the background and watched his team collapse around him. 

Sure it didn't help that Kemba Walker ran the offense like Isaiah Thomas when he froze out Jordan in the All-Star Game, but as a senior Stanley needs to call for the ball, demand it, and find ways to get it in his hands when his teammates are failing in that aspect.  Instead he sulked around the court like a zombie and when he did the get ball, his shot inexplicably became flatter than 10-year-old tits, bouncing off the rim so violently that I was concerned for the safety of the Georgetown players trying to catch the rebounds.  After watching him play in the 2nd half, a scout with any sense wouldn't even consider signing Sticks to a D-League contract.

The most maddening thing about this game was that it still leaves everybody wondering which team is the REAL UConn Huskies.  Are they the run-and-gun, athletic-as-fuck team who can defend anybody and then turn turnovers and bad shots into fast break layups and open transition 3-pointers in the blink of an eye?  Or are they the team that folds when their opponent goes on a run, forgets to play defense and rebound in critical moments, and can't run a good half-court set or make 2 free throws to save their lives?

It's halfway through the season and this team still has no identity.  There has been no noticeable change or improvement in the team's attitude, approach, or execution.  You'd like to think the players would take it upon themselves to get better and fix their mistakes, but that clearly isn't going to happen with this team because there are no leaders, so the responsibility and blame has to fall on the coach.

I love Jim Calhoun, don't get me wrong, but his 'yank guys constantly for the smallest mistakes even though that sometimes leaves you with a crappy lineup on the floor,' and 'sit or stand with your arms crossed and a vanilla look on your face while your team completely self-destructs'-acts are starting to get a little old.  As the head coach, he's supposed to have his team prepared for each game, but each game this team looks just as clueless as the last.  They can't figure out how to work the ball and get open shots against a zone, and their man-to-man offense still consists mostly of some combination of Kemba, Dyson, and Sticks swinging the ball around the perimeter and then Walker (who, by the way, is no longer Black Jesus) or Dyson driving aimlessly to the hoop for a contested layup or runner.  There's no entry into the post, no inside-outside game, no drive and dish, no give and go.  WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WORKING ON IN PRACTICE?!?!?!?!  Worst of all, when everybody starts to fall apart mentally, Calhoun is nowhere to be found to pick up the pieces and get them back together before the game slips away from them.

Calhoun needs to wake the fuck up and realize that there aren't any Ray Allens or Khalid El-Amins or Emeka Okafors on this team.  These kids aren't tough, they aren't smart, and they aren't mature; they NEED to be coached, need to have everything explained and diagrammed for them, and need to have their hands held and fragile egos stroked at all times.  It's the coach's job to recognize what he has in front of him and what he has to do to maximize that talent and potential, and right now Jimbo is doing a shit job at that.  He needs to roll up his sleeves, loosen the tie, and do some fucking work with these guys or this team is going to continue down the path it's put itself on after yesterday, and that's a path to nowhere.

AB4AR's NFL Wild Card Weekend Picks

As promised, here are the 4 winners you can take to the bank this weekend:

NY Jets @ Cincinnati- Line: Bengals by 2.5

So the Jets have gone from Super Bowl contender to being a few years away to being a bad team to being a good team who can compete for a playoffs spot to a team that "still isn't ready" to now the trendy pick to make noise in the AFC all in the span of 4 months.  And to make things even sillier, that "serious threat" status they have now comes on the heels of getting 2 games handed to them by the Colts and the same Bengals they beat last week.

Sure the Bengals tried in the first half and still got their shit pushed in, but the bottom line is they had nothing to play for, they knew it, and they knew the Jets did, so they eased up and let things play out.  Now they have almost become the forgotten team despite having a running game and defense just as strong as that of the Jets. 

The major advantage Cincy does have is in the QB spot, and in today's NFL that means more than having a big-time RB.  Carson Palmer has the experience and the smarts to win a game for you in the playoffs; Mark Sanchez does not.  Period.  The running game and defense will cancel each other and Palmer will pull a Shooter McGavin on Sanchez, showing him how we do things in the pros, and that will be the difference.

The Pick: Bengals 24 Jets 10

Philadelphia @ Dallas- Line: Cowboys by 4

Dallas seems to be peaking while the Eagles were stru-ggl-ing last week in a game that held big ramifications.  Finally, after countless postseason fuck-ups, Tony Romo appears poised to prove he can perform well and win in the postseason and finally earn his spot in the top tier of NFL QBs that so many analysts are dying to put him in.

That being said, Dallas' inability to step up in big games over the past decade does linger in the back of one's mind like a bad fart in an elevator.  Their secondary is due for a torching, Roy Williams flat-out sucks at football, and Romo is the same guy who couldn't get a hold down on an extra point and has never shown a consistent ability to hold onto the ball or complete passes to guys in the same jersey he has on in the playoffs.

After getting hacked up last week, expect the Eagles' D to be bringing the heat against Romo and looking to force turnovers while their offense looks to get back on track and test the Dallas secondary with their bevy of burners at WR.  McNabb and DeSean Jackson will hook up for 2 TDs and a late Romo pick will kill a Dallas comeback and clinch a win for Philly in an exciting game.

The Pick: Eagles 33 Cowboys 27

Baltimore @ New England- Line: Pats by 3

Baltimore was once again a trendy preseason pick to make the Super Bowl out of the AFC and once again failed to deliver on that hype despite having a solid O-line, multi-talented RB, big-armed QB coming into a second season in his system, and a still respectable defense.  The fact is, they just haven't been able to put it all together this season and every group on that team has faltered at one point or another.  Not exactly the recipe for a first-round upset.

The Pats, despite losing Wes Welker last week, are still a more talented team and have enough weapons in their offensive arsenal to do what they want to do.  Add to that the fact that they will be getting Vince Wilfork and Ty Warren back to anchor the D-line and they have the evil genius Bill Belichick coaching them, and the Pats should be able to handle the Ravens easily on Sunday, using Welker's absence as motivation.  Expect Tom Brady to carve up the Ravens like Bernard Pollard carved up his knee last year.

The Pick: Patriots 29 Ravens 16

Green Bay @ Arizona- Line: Even

Arizona was another team that took the week off last week, but as their season has shown, they are the team that can least afford to do that.  They have looked great in beating up on the Vikings and absolutely pathetic in getting beaten by the 49ers and have done nothing to earn some of the sleeper praise they are getting from people.  The week off combined with the potential absense of Anquan Boldin shouldn't make Cardinal fans feel warm and cozy about their offense going into the game.

Since falling to 4-4, the Packers have been hitting on all cylinders the last couple months.  The defense finally got a good grasp of the 3-4 and Aaron Kampman's injury proved to be a blessing in disguise as it allowed for Clay Matthews to spend more time on the field where he belongs.  He should be running wild all day on Sunday and there isn't a chance in hell that Kurt Warner is going to be able to avoid his pressure.

Boldin being on the sideline while Charles Woodson is on the field should be a huge difference maker as it will allow Woodson to focus solely on Larry Fitzgerald.  Aaron Rodgers will be looking to expose the injuries in the Arizona secondary and connect on multiple deep shots to Jennings and Driver.  The Packers will make more plays and fewer mistakes than the Jekyll-and-Hyde Cardinals and advance.  (No homerism in that pick at all)

The Pick: Packers 31 Cardinals 20

Bidding Adieu To Randy Johnson

I know it's a bit late, but I just wanted to pay my respects to the recently retired Randy Johnson.

You had a great career, buddy. Certainly Hall of Fame-worthy. But probably more than anybody else, you symbolized what was wrong with the Yankees in the mid-2000s. I, for one, didn't crack a smile when you came into town but was beyond ecstatic when you left.
 
So adios, big fella, and don't worry; you won't ever have to deal with anybody getting in your face or talking back to you ever again.

Jonathan Papelbon Douchebag-ness 101

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All Quiet On The Cashman Front

Bay has been signed; Holliday has been signed.

Not a peep about where the Johnny Damon negotiations stand.

Even less of a peep about whether or not the Yanks are committed to Brett Gardner as the everyday left- or centerfielder next year.

Hinske heading to Atlanta, Hairston still in free agent purgatory, and the bench still looking quite bare as a result.

What is Cash up to? Better yet, is he still alive? Dude must have had one hell of a great Christmas/New Year's holiday because it's not like the Yankees to lay this low for this long in the offseason.

What's the next move, Cash? What's it going to be? And when are we going to find out? The suspense of not knowing who the leftfielder is for next season is giving me blue balls.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

My computer got absolutely face-raped by a virus last night and basically can't do anything right now. I would be more pissed off if the virus wasn’t so Mariano Rivera-like in it's dominance; just a complete shutdown of my system. I'm hoping my IT buddy at work can bring it back to life, but if you don't see any new stuff or updates on here for a few days, that's why.

Red Sox Searching for Last Piece of Their Rebuilt Triple-A Infield

The Boston Red Sox remain quietly engaged in discussions for free-agent third baseman Adrian Beltre, according to an industry source.

The Beltre talks, expected to resume after the New Year, have been complicated by the voiding of the Mike Lowell trade to Texas.

The Sox remain engaged in discussions on Beltre, who is represented by agent Scott Boras, even though his signing could put them over the luxury tax threshold. The market for Beltre seems to have collapsed somewhat, the Red Sox thinking that maybe they can get him at a much more reasonable price than Beltre was originally seeking. In mid-December, Beltre was believed to be looking for a five-year deal worth $13 million-$16 million per season.

Beltre, who is widely regarded as one of the best defensive third basemen in the majors, hit .265 with eight homers and 44 RBIs for the Seattle Mariners last season. (story courtesy of The Worldwide Leader in Red Sox Fans)




I couldn't say it any better myself after reading this story when I got home from work today.  Once again Theo Epstein is just proving his genius over every other GM in the game by entertaining the thought of spending money on a former juicer who had his only productive offensive season in a contract year and since has had his play at the plate erode so dramatically that he's barely even an average MLB player anymore.  Never mind the fact that his team would be better off with Casey Kotchman at first and Youkilis back at 3rd, but Theo's still got Mike Lowell's rotting carcass on his hands and now he wants to continue to clog up the corner infield with MORE underachievers?  Brilliant, fucking brilliant.

And not for nothing, but how can you say you're "quietly engaged" with somebody when the story about that negotiation makes it to the top news link collection on the ESPN.com homepage and is the only story to be reported for MLB on the ESPN Bottom Line scroll?  I know ESPN is under the covers with Fraud Sox Nation, but if they were looking to keep this quiet, don't you think ESPN would help them in that effort rather than plaster the story all over their multiple media outlets?

And how shitty does it have to be to be Mike Lowell right now?  The Sox are so desperate to keep this guy off the field that they're seriously considering going over the luxury tax threshold for Adrian Fucking Beltre!!  And not only that, the fact that they couldn't trade Lowell is "complicating" their efforts to bring in Beltre.  It's like Lowell has a combination of H1N1, ebola, and rabies all at the same time.  Don't forget that despite his injury issues and the fact that he runs the bases like James Caan after he got hobbled in "Misery," Lowell still hit .290/.337/.474 with 17 HRs and 75 RBIs last year in just 119 games.  For the sake of comparison, Beltre hit .265/.304/.379 with 8 HRs and 44 RBIs in 111 games.  Who would you want on your team?

Hey Mike, if you're reading this. why not make like Nick Johnson and come back home to the Yankees where you got your start?  I doubt the Sox would make a trade with the Yanks since they're in such a desperate panic to catch up to them, but you're a vet; you've got some pull, make it happen.  I'm sure Joe could find a use for you: backup 3rd baseman, late-game pinch hitter off the bench, ball boy, something.  And if not, the stadium crew can cut a crawl space under the bench in the dugout and you can put your uniform on and hang out there and just come out when Joe tells you to.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AB4AR's Week 17 NFL Wrap-Up

Week 17 Recap

Buffalo 30 Indianapolis 7

Peyton Manning and the rest of the Colts starters didn't play very long, just long enough to get Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark 100 catches for the season. After that, they kicked back and thought about what could have been again while the Bills beat up on their reserves to the tune of 3 Ryan Fitzpatrick passing TDs on their way to what seems like their 17th 6-10 finish in a row. Resting or no resting, if you're the Colts and your lead rusher for a game is Mike Hart for 28 yards, you know you're in trouble.

Cleveland 23 Jacksonville 17

Cleveland completes the season on a 4-game winning streak after discovering the "Get the ball to Tucker"-style offense revolving around feeding the rock to Jerome Harrison and letting him do his thang. Harrison picked up 127 yards and a TD on 33 carries and Josh Cribbs made a case for starting QB next year as he ran one in from the Wildcat formation. Their strong finish could be enough to save Eric Mangini's job for next year, which of course guarantees a shitty start to next season.

Chicago 37 Detroit 23

Jay Cutler turned in his second consecutive unCutlerish performance to end the season with 276 yards, 4 TDs, and no picks as the Bears finished the season strong with a win over the Lions. Matt Forte even decided to show up after a 4-month sabbatical, running for 101 yards as da Bears helped complete another wildly unsuccessful season for the Lions. On the bad side, they came one win too many from securing the #1 pick in the 2010 draft, which means they lose out on the Suh Flu. On the good side, they don't have to worry about Matt Millen fucking up their first round pick this year.

San Francisco 28 St. Louis 6

The '9ers finish the season at .500 for the first time in ages behind the dynamic duo of Alex Smith (222-1) and Vernon Davis (6-89-1). Keith and the Rams offense was Null and void (kudos to me for the Rick Reilly-esque joke), gaining just 107 total yards against a less than dominating defense. St. Louis now moves to the war room where they can begin to construct their draft plan to boost their team up to 3 wins in 2010.

Pittsburgh 30 Miami 24

The Steelers got shut out of the playoffs despite the win yesterday, giving all the shitty teams that beat them this season a little extra fuzzy feeling in their stomachs. Roethlisberger threw for 220 yards and 3 TDs and Rashard Mendenhall solidified himself as the feature back for next year as the Steelers are left to wonder what went wrong. Miami might have to look for yet another QB in the offseason after Chad Henne left with a sore pussy/eye injury and Pat White got JACKED UP by Ike Taylor in the 4th quarter.

Minnesota 44 NY Giants 7

It was 31-0 at half, 44-0 midway through the 3rd, and could have been 60-0 by the end if the Vikes didn't remove everybody and their mothers from the game. To say the Giants laid down the last 2 weeks of the year would be an insult to NBA teams that tank every year in hopes of getting the first pick. Favre was 25-31-316 yards- 4 TDs and cut through the Giants' D like a Manson Family member's knife through Sharon Tate. After last week's walkthrough against the Panthers it became a foregone conclusion that Bill Sheridan was out in New York; after yesterday's game, Tom Coughlin could be right behind him.

Atlanta 20 Tampa Bay 10

Matt Ryan tossed for 223 yards and 2 TDs that helped the Falcons win as well as 2 picks that helped keep the Bucs in the game. Despite finishing a respectable 9-7, the Falcons are left to wonder what could have been as injuries to their major offensive players caused some problems in the middle of the season. The Bucs, on the other hand, don't have much to hand their hats on other than the fact that they beat the Saints and still have awesome-looking uniforms.

Carolina 23 New Orleans 10

New Orleans rested their starters with nothing to play for and treated us all to the comedic event that is a 39-year-old Mark Brunell playing QB. Brunell was as bad as you would expect him to be, tossing for just 102 yards and a pick. After 2 straight ineffective weeks and a third with the starters on the bench, the once mighty Saints' offense needs to make like Stella and get its groove back on the bye week while Carolina is set for next year with Matt Moore at QB and Jonathan Stewart (16-125-1) carrying the rock.

Houston 34 New England 27

Losing Wes Welker to multiple knee ligament tears in the first quarter was bad enough, but losing a game that they led 27-13 with 10 minutes to go is even worse for the Patriots and their playoff chances. Matt Schaub carved them up with 303 yards and 2 TDs and some guy named Arian Foster lit them up for 119 yards and 2 TDs on the ground while Tom Brady continued to look very ordinary in big game-deciding moments. Maybe it had something to do with Bernard Pollard; last year he wrecks Brady's knee, and yesterday he recovers a fumble for a TD early and picks off Brady late to set up the game-winning drive for the Texans.

Dallas 24 Philadelphia 0

That smell invading your nostrils is the big wet fart that the Eagles dropped yesterday when they had a chance to secure a first-round bye and just flat-out did not show up against the Cowboys. Tony Romo continued to not allow me to make fun of him by going 24-34-311 yards-2 TDs and leading Dallas to 474 total yards, more than doubling Philly's output of 228. With the way they're playing right now and the way the rest of the conference is playing, the Cowboys actually look like the best team in the NFC right now. That will only make their inevitable first-round meltdown next week that much funnier.

Kansas City 44 Denver 24

A fantasy footballer's dream, this game had a total of 1,036 yards between both clubs. Jamaal Charles ran for a team record 259 yards and 2 TDs for the Chiefs while Kyle Orton threw for 431 yards, 123 of it on 14 catches for Jabar Gaffney, for the Broncos. More critical than his yardage total, however, was Orton's 3 INTs, which helped the Chiefs pull away late and shovel the last bit of dirt on Denver's playoff hopes.

Baltimore 21 Oakland 13

Willis McGahee had a throwback night to before his knee first got destroyed in college last night, running for 167 yards and 3 TDs on just 16 carries. That's not just good, that's Bo Jackson-in Tecmo Super Bowl-good. Charlie Frye was good enough to keep the Raiders in the game (18-25-180-1), but in the least surprising storyline in NFL history, Jamarcus Russell came in to relieve an injured Frye and his 2 turnovers helped seal the Raiders (and probably Tom Cable's) fate. Too bad Vegas doesn't set prop bets for Russell's suckiness; otherwise I'd be writing this column from a beach in Maui getting blown by some hula girl right now.

Green Bay 33 Arizona 7

Aaron Rodgers was solid (21-26-235-1), and the defense was dominant (safety and a TD) for the Pack as they sent a message to the Cardinals with their win yesterday, that message being: "Our #1 guys can beat the shit out of your #2 guys and if you play your #2 guys next week in the Wild Card game we will fucking kill you." I doubt that message will carry over to next week, but you never know. Maybe Ken Whisenhunt will throw Matt Leinart out there for a few series just to change things up. Injuries to Charles Woodson and Anquan Boldin could factor big time into next week's game.

San Diego 23 Washington 20

When a team with nothing to play for's backups beat up on your starters, that's a sign that you suck and your coach is getting fucking fired. That was the case yesterday for the Redskins and to nobody's surprise today, Jim Zorn is already gone. Billy Volek will look to carry the momentum of his good performance (19-30-216-1) into next week's duties of making fake signals to Phillip Rivers and wearing his Chargers hat backwards.

Tennessee 17 Seattle 13

With their playoff chances dashed last week, the Titans focused all their efforts on getting Chris Johnson some records and it paid off. Johnson racked up 134 yards on 36 carries to become the latest member of the 2,000-yard-rushing club and scored the game winning TD, all but guaranteeing himself to be the first pick for me in my fantasy draft next year (yeah, my team sucked that bad that I have the #1 pick). Tennessee should be dangerous next year with Johnson in the backfield and Vince Young back under center for a whole year. Seattle probably won't be dangerous next year no matter who's under center or in the backfield.

NY Jets 37 Cincinnati 0

They didn't try too hard for too long, but when they did early the Bengals were still outclassed by the Jets yesterday, setting up a very interesting matchup for next weekend. The Jets ran at will all night, getting good yardage from every back except Freeman McNeil, and held Carson Palmer to 0 yards passing on 1-11 before he left the game. No word yet on whether or not Chad Ochocinco will be expedited from Revis Island before next week's game.


***Check back on Friday for my Wild Card Weekend Predictions. With the killer job I did on my MNF picks (11-6 for the season), I figured it was the least I could do to help people win a little more money in the playoffs. And with that in mind, we're picking against the spread for the postseason. Go big or go fucking home.***

Happy Freakin' Day!

So UConn won their bowl game yesterday, dominating the Ole Ballsack and his gang of losers from South Carolina.

The UConn men's team pulled out an impressive 82-70 win over Notre Dame that included Stanley Robinson (22 pts., 16 boards) actually showing up in a big game for once, and even more shockingly, Charles Okwandu returning to the rotation and actually managing to score 10 points!!

Today, the Packers Snooki'd the shit out of the Cardinals and gave them a little taste of what next week's Wild Card game is going to be like.

And to top it all off, the New York Yankees are still the defending 27-time World Series champions.

How could it possibly get any better?

The Fighting Lairds

Detroit Tigers catcher Gerald Laird and his younger brother, Yankees infield prospect Brandon Laird, were arrested following a brawl in the lounge area of Phoenix's NBA arena, according to police.

Phoenix police said Gerald Laird, 30, was cited for assault Wednesday night and 22-year-old Brandon Laird was cited for disorderly conduct. Police said the Lairds and a third man were arrested at U.S. Airways Arena after the fight during the Phoenix Suns-Boston Celtics game.

Police said arena security previously contacted the group of men about their loud behavior. Two of the men were allowed back into the lounge after a conversation with security, but a melee broke out shortly afterward and the Laird brothers allegedly assaulted the security guards.

Brandon Laird is considered one of the top infield prospects in the Yankees farm system and played for the Surprise Rafters in the Arizona Fall League this year. (story courtesy of the NY Post)



To hell with Dustin Pedroia; Brandon Laird DEFINES scrappiness!  Mixing it up with security guards at an NBA arena?  Hell yeah, kid.  You go get you some!

Just one more example of why the Yankees are the gold standard of sports organizations.  From the top of the organization to the bottom, they're fighting and scrapping and clawing and doing everything they possibly can to win.  Whether it's a spring training intrasquad game, Game 6 of the ALCS, or a dustup with U.S. Airways Arena security, the Yankees are in it to win it; no offseason here, folks.

It's probably this kind of dedication to offseason training that has gotten Laird to where he is as one of the team's top infield prospects.  While Jed Lowrie is at home nursing his injuries and plucking his eyebrows, Laird is thinking outside the box and getting some boxing in to boost his cardio and hand-eye coordination.  It's a story like this that really makes me feel confident that the Yankees will be able to fill the gap at SS left after Jeter retires.  So Boston can have their Dustin Pedroias and Marco Scutaros and call them "gritty" and "tough" just because they get their uniforms dirty diving for a hotshot through the hole for a basehit that they can't reach because they have crappy range.  I'll take Brandon Laird ringing in the New Year with a good old fashioned donnybrook 25 hours a day and 8 days a week.

20 bucks says the fight got started when Laird started booing the Celtics players and calling them a bunch of Boston pussies.  If that's the case then this kid deserves a spot on the 25-man roster now as far as I'm concerned.

Happy New Year!!

Happy 2010, motherfuckers!!!

Yeah so I'm 3 1/2 hours late, big fucking deal.  I've been drinking for 8 hours, what do you want from me?

Hope everybody's New Year celebration ended up looking something like this...

...And if it didn't, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Happy New Year!!! Here's to 2010 being just as successful as 2009!

Yankee Pitcher of the 2000s: Mariano Rivera

Just as sure as Derek Jeter was the player of the last decade for the Yankees, there's no doubt that Rivera was the pitcher of the decade.  If Jeter was the one constant in the revolving door that was the Yankee lineup then Rivera was the one defiant tree still standing through a swirling tornado of bullpen changeover, each season's staff looking almost nothing like that of the previous season.  Throughout the constant change and constant list of shitty setup men though, Rivera continued to quietly and ruthlessly go about his business, racking up hundreds of saves, shattered bats, and frustrated looks from those too helpless to master his cutter.

Over the past 10 years, Rivera's numbers look like this:

713.1 IP/ 548 H/ 137 BB/ 165 ER/ 669 K/ 397 Saves/ 2.08 ERA/ 0.96 WHIP

To call those numbers dominant would be the greatest understatement of the last decade this side of "George Bush didn't do such a great job as President."  Rivera was simply otherworldly in his brilliance, moving through what should be the prime and twilight of his career but somehow staying in his prime and extending it far beyond what any other pitcher can normally expect to do.  In a manner that goes even beyond Jeter's greatness, Rivera has become better and better at an age when most guys are moving into their 2nd or 3rd year of retirement and trying to get a job at ESPN.  And just like Jeter, Mo has always stepped his game up an extra level in the postseason.  I won't run through the complete stats for fear that I might cum my pants if I do, but over the past 10 years Rivera's playoff resume looks like this:

26 saves, 4-1 record, 0.94 ERA, 0.74 WHIP

To quote the great Ron Burgundy, "These numbers look good, I mean really good.  Hey everyone, come see how good these numbers look!"  That's about as close to unhittable as a pitcher can get in an era that has been dominated by hitters.  If you factor out the fluke broken bat hits in Game 7 of the 2001 World Series and the bang-bang play at 2nd on Dave Roberts' steal attempt in the 2004 ALCS, these numbers look even better and we're sitting here talking about a guy with a spotless playoff record over 10 years.

On top of the mind-blowing numbers, Rivera has put together a pretty impressive list of accomplishments for himself over the past decade. Observe.

• 8 All-Star Game selections (no ER allowed in 5 appearances)
• 9 Postseason appearances (MLB Postseason record for saves and ERA)
• 4 World Series appearances; 2 World Series titles
• 2003 ALCS MVP
• 2-Time Saves Leader (2001, 2004)
• 4-Time AL Relief Man Award (2001, 2004-2005, 2009)
• 2nd pitcher ever to reach 500 saves

In addition to that, Rivera has racked up dozens upon dozens of MLB, AL, and Yankee pitching records, which can be found here.  Famed former ESPN analyst (and shameless Red Sox fan) Peter Gammons called Rivera the "Cy Young of the last 15 years" after the Yankees won the 2009 World Series, something that cannot be ignored coming from someone as well respected as Gammons and something that, when you really break it down, can't be argued even against all the other great pitchers of this era.

But again, just like with Jeter, it is not the stats that set Rivera apart as a special player, it is his approach and dedication to the game and the way he carries himself on and off the field that truly defines him.  Rivera prepares for each outing exactly the same, whether it is in April, May, September, or a World Series-clinching game in early November.  His conditioning is second to none and teammates have raved constantly about how he is the best athlete on the team.  He is, by all accounts, a great person and a great teammate and is always willing to help mentor young pitchers.  Guys practically line up to talk to him at All-Star weekend like giddy kids getting autographs during batting practice.  His mental approach when he's on the mound is one of an assassin; he is calm, cool, and confident without ever appearing even remotely cocky, and his expression never changes while he's warming up, on the mound, or after he leaves the game regardless of the situation or how good or bad his outing goes.  And for the better part of the last 10 years he has done all this with one... fucking... pitch.

When other pitchers are always fooling with new grips and new pressure points to get different spin or action on the ball to improve their effectiveness, Mo toes the rubber every time knowing exactly what he's going to throw and where he's going to throw it.  Mo's approach is the equivalent of the scene in "The Sandlot" when Ham the catcher calls out "here it comes.  The heater.  I dare you..." to the opposing batter and the kid strikes out anyway.  Every batter knows what's coming and are still helpless against it.  Jorge has admitted that he doesn't even call pitched any more when Mo is on the mound, just location.  Mo has broken so many bats that all those "Save Mother Nature"-organizations should be looking at him as cause for the depletion of the world's forests, and he's broken so many spirits that Dr. Phil could hold shows dedicated to helping guys recover from facing Rivera and go 3 straight months without having to do a re-run.

Every Yankee fan gets chills every time they're at the stadium and the opening chords of "Enter Sandman" hit.  It's the single greatest entrance in sports for anybody; you can feel the electricity in the air when it plays and the bullpen doors open to show this image:

Mo calmly trots out, throws his last few warmup pitches and then proceeds to mow down whatever 3 poor saps are unlucky enough to be the next 3 up that inning.  Every network that shows a Yankee game should be required to stay on the air as Mo enters and not cut to commercial until he starts throwing his warmup pitches.  I still can't figure out why YES hasn't figured this out yet because it is truly one of the coolest moments in sports.  How many other guys can you say that about when you're talking about their entrance being just as amazing as watching them play?

Mariano Rivera is to closers what Michael Jordan is to basketball, what Wayne Gretzky is to hockey, and what Bret Hart is to wrestling: The best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.  He said after the World Series this year that he wants to play for 5 more years and no Yankee fan alive would ever think that is a bad thing.  Mo has aged like the finest of fine wines over the last 10 years and shows no signs of slowing down as he moves into his 40s.

In establishing himself as the best Yankee pitcher over the last 10 years and the best closer ever, Mo has also proven one more thing; in life there are 3 certainties: death, taxes, and Mariano Rivera.