Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Updating The AB4AR Sh*t List For The Offseason

(Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate!)

Holy crap!  Have I really not updated the Shit List since before the playoffs started??  That's just simply unacceptable on my part and I apologize, but today seems like the perfect day to right that wrong.  The first day back at work after Christmas/New Year's is the worst.  Just the absolute pits.  From opening presents, laying around the house watching college bowl games, and partying it up every or every other night with your friends right back to the cubicle, an inbox full of moronic emails and (worse) follow-up emails from people who are too dumb to read your out-of-office reply, and pointless meetings to "get up to speed."  Guh.

You'll notice that this latest list is a far cry from the last version on September 26th.  For starters, Pedro Feliciano and Andruw Jones are both gone thanks to their contracts being up and them moving on to free agent life.  Congratulations, boys.  We'll miss you.  But there's still plenty of hate to go around, so as a small bit of catharsis on this the worst day of the still very new year, here's the first 2012-2013 offseason Shit List.

1) Hank and Hal

The sons Steinbrenner make their first tag team appearance and shoot right to the top of the list.  And it has nothing to do with the cost cutting measures being taken this offseason.  It's about the fact that they continue to try to play it off like saving money is a NEED for the Yankees while making moves like the News Corp. deal and backing out of StubHub simply to line their own pockets.  The New York Yankees print their own money, guys.  Everybody knows it.  Don't piss on our heads and tell us it's raining, and don't say you can't offer more than 1-year deals to anybody and then sign a 40-year-old slap-hitting outfielder for 2.

2) Randy Levine

Still the biggest jackass on the block.  There's no doubt in my mind he was a big part of the Ichiro contract, and probably a big part of the Youkilis deal too.  The guy literally can't make a good baseball decision because he doesn't know a thing about baseball.  Tragic.

3) Elbow Injuries

They maintain their top 3 ranking even in the offseason.  We found out after the season was over that they were part of the cause of CC's issues in 2012, they're going to cost ManBan all of his 2013 season, and they are going to cast a huge cloud of doubt and worry over Jose Campos when 2013 starts just because he was out for so long to end 2012.  If somebody comes down with elbow problems in ST, they could jump to #1 quickly.

4) Age-Related Decline

It really sapped the lineup of a lot of its thunder in 2012 and it doesn't show any signs of slowing down.  It's already got A-Rod back on the shelf for a while and probably finished as an everyday Major Leaguer, it's followed Teix around every step of the way since he became a Yankee, and there were signs that it's coming for CC and C-Grand next.  If Hiroki and Andy succumb to it in 2013, the rotation could have some problems.

5) Joe's Bullpen Management

Because I still haven't completely gotten over D-Rob and Soriano being left to rot in the 'pen in Games 1 and 2 of the ALCS.  There's just never a scenario where Cody Eppley and Derek Lowe over the other 2 in a high-leverage playoff situation makes sense.  Never.

So that's where we stand right now, kids.  McCarver gets a pass because I didn't watch a lot of the World Series and he won't be back on the air for months, and it's too early to start hating individual players right now with real baseball still months away.  But worry not, friends, because once the games do start again, you'll see some fresh faces on here.

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