Pop Quiz: What New York Yankee MVP candidate just officially became a US citizen today?
Answer: Why it's Robinson Cano. DON'TCHA KNOW?!?!?!
Full disclosure, I had no clue Robbie wasn't a US citizen. But good for him and welcome to the club, bro. I know this isn't about me, but I'm really glad that Robinson and I finally have something in common. Up until today, it's been a steady string of polar opposites. I'm a lazy, uncool, untalented, out-of-shape cubicle monkey making 5 figures doing something I'm really not even that good at; he's awesome, the best second baseman on the planet, in peak physical condition, oozes swag at every turn on and off the field, and stands to be paid somewhere safely inside the realm of 9 figures in his next contract once mega-shark agent Scott Boras squeezes every last penny out of some team (likely the Yankees) after the 2013 season.
So yeah, I'm glad Cano and I have some common ground now, a conversation starter. I'm a citizen, he's a citizen. So hit me up sometime, Robbie. Maybe we could hang out. And congrats again on making it official. Now somebody cue the fucking music!
P.S.- Coulda done without the David Ortiz beard, Robbie. I know it's the offseason and you can let the scruff go, but clean it up.