Friday, September 23, 2011

Dan Shaughnessy Waves The White Flag


Not really.  He's just doing his usual routine of writing outlandish crap that he doesn't even believe in order to cause controversy and stir up emotions amongst the unwashed masses of Fraud Sawx Nation.  And he does it well.  In his latest craptastic masterpiece, Dan argues that the Fraud Sawx shouldn't even be allowed to participate in the postseason if they make it.  Let's FJM the highlights: 

"With nowhere else to turn, I called baseball commissioner Bud Selig yesterday.  Left him a message:"

No you didn't. 

"Please, Bud. This is your chance to think outside the box. You have sweeping powers that enable you to make unilateral decisions 'in the best interests of baseball.'"

Yeah.  Like turning a blind eye to steroid use, expanding All Star Game rosters to the point that the talent on display in the game is completely diluted, instituting the "homefield advantage in the World Series" clause to the ASG winner, and now considering expanding the postseason.  Those have all worked out in the best interests of the game. 

"How about banishing the 2011 Red Sox from postseason play on the grounds of horsebleep play for the entire month of September?"

Because that is the only month that should be taken into account when looking at a team's performance. 

"Let the worthy teams participate in the playoffs. The Sox are not worthy."

Even though they're 20 games over .500. 

"Really, how do you root for these guys anymore?"

Because you're a real fan who actually knew the franchise existed prior to 2004 and actually followed the team prior to 2004 and you've stuck with them through the good times and bad and don't jump ship and move on to Patriots season at the first sign of trouble?  Maybe that's how.  Just a thought. 

"They have the third-highest payroll in baseball."

And what a tough, gritty, underappreciated third-highest payroll it is. 

"They were in first place on Sept. 1. Three weeks later - with a full week left in the regular season - they were eliminated from the top spot in the division by a Yankee team that was roundly mocked throughout New England for most of the last year."

Because winning the regular season series is SOOOOOOO fucking important in the grand scheme of things.  But hey, at least Fraud Sawx Nation has that to fall back on. 

"This is about Carl Crawford’s pathetic 18-steal, no-production season. For $20 million a year, Crawford can’t get on base 30 percent of the time?"

Again, for the record, Brett Gardner leads the AL in SB with 46, has gotten on base at roughly a .350 clip all year, should win the Gold Glove in LF, and has racked up 4.9 WAR for just $529,500. 

"General manager Theo Epstein gets his share of the blame pie for the inestimable millions spent on 1. players who aren’t here and 2. players we wish weren’t here."

Yeah.  It's almost like Theo hasn't really done a great job over the course of the last couple years but has gotten a free pass on it from everybody in the MSM because they can't take their Sawx-colored glasses off and look at him objectively.  Wait, what? 

"And let’s not start on Bobby Jenks, Mike Cameron, and the raft of shortstop busts."

Actually, could we start on that?  I think that could be a fun conversation.

"Sox starters have an ERA of 6.75 over the last 18 games. Statistically, the Sox are likely to wind up being the team with the highest September ERA ever to make the playoffs."

I just went 6 to midnight when I read that statement.  Not a chance in hell we ever see that stat mentioned by Kurkjian on BBTN. 

"Defensive indifference? Or just plain old indifference?"

Nawt enough HAHHHT!!! 

"Some of this has to come down on the manager. Maybe everybody is just a little too comfortable playing for Francona. Maybe the food spread should have been turned over in the clubhouse once or twice."

Seriously, teriyaki chicken again, Tito??  Come on! 

"Epstein has put the word out there, and it ought to be an awkward couple of weeks around the Red Sox."

"Listen up, fellas.  If you don't shape up and get it together here, I might not be able to enjoy the next Pearl Jam concert I go to on an off-day.  And then I'll punish you all by overpaying for more mediocre pitchers and OFers who can't live up to their contracts.  You don't want to see that happen." 

"Even Schill gave up... and said he doesn’t think the Sox will make the playoffs. He went so far as to say he didn’t want to see them make the playoffs, given the way they were playing."

What a guy!  Good thing he didn't have that kind of sentiment when he was on the team, huh? 

"Now it’s time for Bud to bounce the Sox from October baseball in 2011. If the Rays or Angels can’t do it, Bud should do it.  For the good of the game."

And for the good of all the people who won't have to be exposed to more of your shitty writing and whiny stories like this when the Fraud Sawx lose in the postseason, Dan.  Jesus, man, just shut up.  Be happy that your team will most likely make the playoffs.   Sure, it'll be ugly when they get there and every nawn-Nation baseball fan will revel in their demise, but they'll still make it.

I can't believe there is anybody out there who actually thinks this way.  And if there is, not only should that person (or people) be banned from Sawx Nation, but banned from ever watching professional sports again.  You root for your team to do well when they're winning and when they're not.  Period.  And don't forget that this is the same guy who, way back in Spring Training, dropped this smug line in a story: 

"They’ll [Sawx and Yanks] play 18 times this season, starting three weeks from Friday in the 100th Fenway home opener. Then comes the ALCS. We expect it to go the full seven games. Just like in 2003 and 2004."

God, I fucking hate Bahhston!

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