By now, saying that Chip Caray and Ron Darling have made the first 2 games of the series borderline unwatchable would be a waste of breath and finger use. So instead, let's just document their idiocy from last night and make fun of them. Cool? Cool.
*"Minnesota has lead every game against the Yankees this year."
I think the TBS production crew deserves just as much blame here as Chip and Ron for flashing the graphic showing how late in each game Minnesota had held the lead. But when one of those games shows "Lead Game in 1st," that hardly constitutes leading the game. It was in the May series at Yankee Stadium which means the Yankees hadn't even had a chance to hit yet when the Twins held the lead. That's like saying Jeff Gordon is leading the Daytona 500 during the pace laps just because he's starting from the pole. You would think one of them would have had the intelligence to point out that the game in which the Twins led in the first inning lead hardly matters, but no, they lumped that game in with the rest to keep hammering home the point that Minnesota can't hold leads against the Yankees.
* "He's a championship-caliber player for New York and he's won a few with the Yankees."- Ron Darling, talking about Hideki Matsui during his 2nd-inning at-bat last night.
Ron, Ron, Ron. If you're going to discuss things as fact, you could at least double check them before blindly blurting them out on national television. It took me all of 13 seconds to log onto Wikipedia and bring up Matsui's page, which you can check out here. A quick once over of this page will show that since joining the Yankees in 2003, Matsui has not won any titles because the Yankees have not won any titles.
If you don't have the time to check the facts, then just do a little critical thinking. The Yankees' last WS appearance was in 2003, but they lost to Florida. Before that, they lost to Arizona in 2001, and before THAT, they beat the Mets, the team you do color commentary for all season on SNY, in the Subway Series in 2000. I didn't even need a computer for that.
Worse than Darling blabbing this nonsense was Chip, a long-time announcer and someone who should know something about who won which championships when, not stepping in to correct him. It's almost like they're both oblivious to the fact that other is in the booth.
*"It's hard to judge Nick Punto by the numbers."- Caray in the 3rd inning during Punto's first at-bat.
No it isn't. Numbers and statistics are there for that exact reason, to document just how good or bad a player is to take the subjectivity out of it. Another quick search on ESPN.com can bring you to Nick Punto's page, where one can clearly see that it is quite easy to judge him by the numbers. His career OPS, the simplest and most accurate way to determine how good a hitter is, is .646, almost 100 points below the league average. This season it was .621 and in 2007, the season in which Punto played a career high 150 games, it was .562. Punto has never hit more than 4 home runs in a season, has never driven in more than 45 runs in a season, has never scored more than 73 runs in a season, and has never slugged higher than .382.
And these are just the basic numbers. Sabermetrics that can compare Punto to all other players in baseball would show that he is statistically amongst the lowest-rated infielders offensively. He is a lifetime jobber, a player out there merely for his ability to play more than one position and yes, it is actually very easy to judge Nick Punto by the numbers and have those numbers reflect just how mediocre a player he is.
*"In, out. In, out. Soft, hard. Up, down."- Darling in the top of the 5th discussing Nick Blackburn's strategy of working both sides of the plate against the Yankee batters.
This was just damn funny. If a blind man walked in while Ron said this, he would have throught you were watching porn. At the moment it was said, I was at the fridge grabbing myself a beer and I hustled back to the TV to see just what he was describing.
It was actually a legitimate point and a point worth pointing out by Darling because at that point in the game, Blackburn had been shutting out the Yankees, but anytime an older dude says "in, out, in, out, soft, hard, up, down," it's fucking funny. If Viagra were smart, they would sign Darling as a spokesman and just run a 15-second ad of him repeating that slogan while a voiceover discussed the benefits of Viagra and reminded you to seek medical attention if your boner lasts longer than 4 hours.
*"I think they had that written down in highlighted marker pen."- Caray in the top of the 7th, describing how determined the Yankees were to not let Joe Mauer beat them.
OK, Chip, let's review this. There are highlighters...
There are markers...
And there are pens...
I don't know where you shop for office supplies, but I have never seen a highlighted marker pen anywhere and don't know exactly how one would look or what you would use it for if one did exist.
After last night, I'm thinking these 2 need to make like Champ Kind and just stop talking for a while.
“I wasn’t the only one who blew one tonight." (talking about Phil Cuzzi's blown call)
Yeah you were, dude. Bottom line. Cuzzi never gets the chance to blow that call in the 11th inning if you do what your job title implies and close the game out in the 9th inning. But you shit the bed as soon as you hit the mound and gave up the game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.
“Hopefully, [Cuzzi] gets better,” Nathan said. “Hopefully, that umpire realizes he has to do something to get better.”
Yeah, hopefully that umpire realizes that it's not acceptable to be human and make mistakes some times because nobody has ever done that before. He should donate his body to science immediately so they can turn him into some sort of human-cybertronic robot that never makes a single mistake ever, and certainly would never make a mistake as big as swinging at 2 consecutive first pitches with the bases loaded or giving up a game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.
In the mean time, why don't you take a look in the mirror and figure out why you can't seem to close out games against the Yankees, close out games in the playoffs, or close out games against the Yankees in the playoffs. Those all seem like pretty big mistakes to me, especially when one of them involves giving up a game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.
“There’s really nothing we can do about a terrible call. And that’s exactly what it was. It was an awful call at the wrong time.”
You're right, Joe. There is nothing you or your teammates can do about a terrible call. But you could do something about leaving 17 men on base last night, 14 of them before the 11th inning. You could also do something about coming into the game to close out a win and giving up a leadoff single and then a game-tying, 2-run home in the bottom of the 9th. Phil Cuzzi can't do anything about that, but you could because it wasn't acutally his awful call that lost the game for your team. It was actually you giving up a game-tying, 2-run home run in the bottom of the 9th.
* Carlos Gomez may "love to swing," as Chip Caray put it, but he certainly doesn't love to hit; 0-4 last night and 0-the series so far. His half-swing chopper to Teixeira with the bases loaded in the top of the 11th would have been an inning-ending double play with most other people running to first. I'm starting to see why the Mets traded him away.
*** Check back later today for another column dedicated to the insanity that was Caray and Darling's calling of the game last night***
* The Yankees made no secret about what their gameplan was against Blackburn last night. 8 of the first 9 batters took the first pitch and 5 more of them took until they saw a strike. They weren't going to swing freely against Blackburn, even though he had the 2nd-fewest swings and misses in the league coming into last night.
* That being said, the Yankees couldn't seem to put any good swings on Blackburn's pitches last night. The guy threw decent last night, but he wasn't overpowering and he didn't seem to be fooling anybody. It was almost as if the Yanks became rushed after being patient to get a strike and didn't focus on putting a good swing on the ball, just a swing. There were more than a few Blackburn pitches that should have ended up in the gaps or over the fence instead of popped up into Twins' gloves.
* While first glance at the numbers shows A.J. Burnett threw a great game last night, anybody who watched the game knew it was a typical A.J. performance: brilliant first few innings, great bite on the slider, but too picky with runners on, too many trips to the mound to talk things over when it should be clear what the gameplan is, and maddeningly inconsistent. He went from 2 strikeouts in a row to 2 hit batters in a row to 2 walks in a row without warning. While one run in 6 innings is the important thing and helped keep the Yankees in the game while their offense found itself, 10 baserunners in 6 innings is just plain not good.
It's an effective strikeout pitch, but Burnett's slider is a double-edged sword. It was so good early, that A.J. became too focused on using it to strike guys out with 2 strikes that he started overthrowing it, another A.J. Burnett staple (see the 3-2 pitch to Orlando Cabrera in the 5th inning). This led to more pitches being thrown, more walks, more baserunners, and more people at home like me chewing their fingernails down to nothing.
By the 6th inning, it was clear that all the effort he had put into all those sliders had taken it's toll on A.J.'s gas tank. He lost velocity on the fastball and movement on the slider and he was basically done. Looking at how the game played out, it would have been nice to get another inning out of him, but at least it made Joe's decision on when to take him out and when to pinch hit Jorge for Molina a no-brainer.
* Was I the only one having visions of Bobby Abreu running through my head when Johnny Damon jumped/spazzed into the left field wall in the 6th inning? For a guy who looked back twice as he was tracking the ball, Damon timed his jump so poorly that he made it look more like he was trying to avoid hitting the wall and less like he was trying to catch the ball. Terrible.
* A-Rod woke the crowd up again with his hit in the bottom of the 6th. It was another textbook "Locked In" swing by A-Rod, where he stayed back on the ball and shifted his weight forward perfectly in sync with his swing. I didn't think he would hit a home run in the 9th inning, but after watching his swing in the 6th, I knew he would at least get another hit off of Nathan.
* Who invited Xavier Nady and Chien-Ming Wang to hang out in the dugout with the team? Go away, fuckers! Nobody wants your walking-wounded bad vibes around the guys who actually earn their paycheck. Take some of that money and buy a ticket if you want to be a part of the playoffs.
* I don't know what's worse about President Obama doing a commercial with George Lopez for his new late-night talk show: the fact that he's promoting something done by George Lopez or the fact that he's on TV doing commercials for stuff completely unrelated to government. I will admit, though, this is a change from the past few Presidencies. You didn't see Bill Clinton doing guest spots on "Mad TV" did you?
I'm glad you're having fun yukking it up with George Lopez and traveling to Denmark to plug your home city for the Olympics, Barry, but now it's time to get back in the Oval Office and make a decision on something.
* Phil Hughes suffered from the same disease that has plagued A.J. and Joba all year for the second straight outing last night. He got too cute with batters that had 2 strikes and too careful with runners on base. It ended up getting him in trouble and giving up 2 runs and once again both he and Mo threw 20+ pitches in their appearances. When the best guys can do is foul your fastball off with 2 strikes, then stick with the fastball. It ain't rocket science.
* I could write an entire column about the A-Rod home run, but like I already said, I absolutely knew he was going to get a hit in that situation. His swing since the middle of game 1 has been on point, he was seeing the ball perfectly out of Nathan's hand, and after giving up a leadoff hit to Teixeira, Nathan was showing all the signs of blowing up already. Once he got to 3-1 on A-Rod, you could bet your life savings that he was going to groove one and you just aren't going to get away with that when A-Rod is on his game. Simply the biggest hit in his Yankee career so far, but hopefully not the last big one he has this postseason.
* Minnesota's 8-9 hitters were 4-9 last night with 2 RBIs, 2 walks, and 1 run scored. I wouldn't know Matt Tolbert, Nick Punto, or Brendan Harris if they walked into my apartment and punched me in the face, but those guys were a thorn in the Yankee staff's side all night last night.
* Damaso Marte is the Hispanic version of Ron Villone: a lefty reliever with a funky delivery who can't get lefty hitters out. If you're going to come out and pitch away to the lefty hitters instead of busting them inside, then why fucking bother pitching to them at all? Just come out, intentionally walk Mauer and Kubel and let Joe come get you next time. Don't leave something out over the plate where they can extend their arms and get a good swing on it.
* I'll admit it, Phil Cuzzi's call was one of, if not the worst call in playoff baseball history. The guy was in perfect position with an un-obstructed view and he flat out blew an obvious call.
Mauer obviously scores if he's awarded second base like he should have been, but that still doesn't mean the Twins win the game. That could have been the only run they scored and with Mijares out there starting the bottom of the 11th pitching to Teix and A-Rod, the Yankees could have gone back-to-back and still won it.
And the Twins didn't do themselves any favors by having Delmon Young and Carlos Gomez both swing at the first pitch with the bases loaded. Dave Robertson didn't have his A-level stuff and the few curveballs he did throw were right over the plate. Logic would dictate you take a few pitches, see if you can get ahead in the count and see if you can get to a count where he grooves one. Plus, with Jorge behind the plate every ball in the dirt is an adventure, so the Twins could have scored a cheap run without even taking the bat off their shoulders.
The blame for the Twins not scoring at least one run in the top of the 11th breaks down like this: 40% Phil Cuzzi for making the worst call in history, 50% Twins for swinging themselves out of a rally, and 10% Yankees for playing the infield in. If Teix is playing at regular depth, that chopper off of Gomez's bat is at least a bang-bang play at the plate so good call there by Joe.
* I know they didn't have a lot of arms left in their pen either, but leaving Mijares out there in the bottom of the 11th was a terrible decision by Ron Gardenhire. In 71 appearances this season the guy has only thrown 61.1 innings. He's a lefty specialist and was clearly out of his element pitching to righties. His long, looping delivery carried the ball right into Teix's wheelhouse and Teix did what any good hitter does against pitches down the middle of the plate. Even if Teix ended up with a double off of that swing, A-Rod batting next would have had equal success against Mijares. If I'm Gardenhire, I'm going Jesse Crain or Scott Baker or anybody who throws right-handed before I go Mijares in that situation. But Gardie didn't and this was the result:
It's already been documented to death the difference between Burnett's numbers pitching to Molina vs. pitching to Posada so I'll skip that here. The real indicator of how well he's throwing and how well he feels on the mound is how quickly A.J. works when he's on the mound. Whether it's Molina, Posada, or Elston Howard behind the plate, when A.J. doesn't have it, he slows the game down to a Joba-like crawl, constantly stepping off the mound and shaking off his catchers, which leads to multiple visits and discussions.
I don't expect A.J. to throw a perfect game tonight. At some point, he's going to put runners on base. The true litmus test of what he's got tonight is going to be his speed on the mound with runners on. If he's making pitches and feeling good about his command, he'll keep working fast even if he gives up a hit or walk here or there. It's when he's throwing junk and knows he's throwing junk that he gets skittish and starts second-guessing himself.
It will probably take until the 2nd or 3rd inning to really be sure, but if somebody gets on early in one of those innings and we still see Burnett up on the rubber ready to throw, we'll know all is well. If he's walking around, throwing to first, and Molina has to make more than one trip to the mound in any given inning, then it's time to get Alfredo Aceves up.
2) The Yanks' approach against Nick Blackburn.
Nothing about Blackburn's season numbers blow you away, but nothing stands out as a glaring weakness to the kid's game either. He's pitched in big games before and comes into the postseason throwing well over his last 4 starts, but pitching in Yankee Stadium, even the new Yankee Stadium, is a whole different animal and whether he shows it or not, there's going to be some nerves involved.
For the season, Blackburn has a .290 batting average against and the Yankee offense had no problem throughout the season attacking pitchers early in the count and pounding the ball all over the field or waiting them out, bleeding the count, and having the starter hit the showers after 100+ pitches in 5 innings. Will the Yanks try to jump on Blackburn early in the count knowing he throws a lot of good pitches to hit? Or do they wait him out and test the waters the first time or 2 through the lineup the way they did with Duensing in Game 1 and then unleash the hounds in the middle innings?
3) The Crowd.
I know I'm beating a deader than dead horse here, but the crowd in Game 1 was the weakest playoff crowd I can remember since I became old enough to notice things like that in a game. You could barely even hear the first inning role call coming from the bleachers in the top of 1st.
Hopefully Game 1's win helped restore a little faith in the Yankee faithful and they will be more active tonight, because they could hold a big influence over the first 2 factors; if they are loud and rowdy early, it could help shake Nick Blackburn up, and if they get behind A.J. early, it could help him settle in.
One thing is for sure, there better not be any sitting around and waiting until there are 2 outs and 2 strikes to cheer. It's the fucking playoffs, for God's sake!! Get up off your asses and get your money's worth!
4) How Joe Manages the Game.
With all the press being given to the Molina-for-Posada controversy, it will be interesting to see how Joe handles A.J. and Molina tonight. A.J. should be in his comfort zone out there at home with his favorite catcher, but if he doesn't have it, how long does Joe wait to go get him? Both Aceves and Gaudin will be ready to go for multiple innings tonight and all hands should be on deck with the exception of maybe wanting to limit Hughess and Mo's pitch count after Wednesday night. Knowing that, I would, and I certainly hope Joe would, have no problem taking Burnett out in the 4th or even the 3rd inning if he's awful. Joe did everything he could to baby A.J. and make him comfortable, but it's about winning the game and he has to do what he has to do to win it.
On the other side of that coin, if A.J. pitches well but the Yankees are down in the 5th or 6th inning with runners on and Molina due up, does Joe pinch hit Jorge in that spot, hoping he will get the clutch hit that Molina almost certainly wouldn't? And then after that, does he leave A.J. in to pitch to Jorge or do you go right to Dave Robertson or Aceves? Not to mention the pinch runner factor. If Molina gets on base in the 5th or 6th inning and I need a run, I'm taking him out for Brett Gardner without even thinking about it and telling Jorge to get his gear on.
Like I said, it's about winning the game at this point. Jorge's feelings were hurt and A.J.'s were taken into great consideration for tonight's game, but as soon as the first pitch is thrown, all of that should go out the window and the focus should only be on what players give our team the best chance to win this game.
5) George Steinbrenner.
Where the hell was he on Wednesday??? We all know George is a fragile shell of his former self, but I would imagine he's still competent enough to realize his team was back in the playoffs and would want to see them in their first postseason game at the new Stadium. And yet, not once did a camera catch any shots of him up in his box, sunglasses on, looking down half-alive, half-dead at the game.
Jeter expressed how much the team wants to win this title for George; everybody knows he's on borrowed time right now. It would add a little more buzz to the atmosphere tonight to flash him up on the big screen in the first inning and let everyone give him a cheer.
He's old, he's frail, he might think it's the 1978 season again, and he's probably got a big dump in his pants right now, but he's still The Boss, damnit, and I want to see him at the game tonight. So Hank and Hal, I don't care how you do it, get Georgie Boy to the game and in his rightful spot watching over his creation from his perch.
**Check back here after the game for post-game analysis**
The live blog last night covered how surprisingly quiet the crowd was last night, and while there were some celebrities in attendance, they too left much to be desired with their performances. For example:
Now I think this is supposed to be Jay-Z, but it looks more like Gollum from "The Lord of The Rings" was gene-spliced with Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show. And what the fuck is going on with those glasses?! They're bigger than my grandmother's. I know Beyonce wasn't with him last night, but that's still unacceptable for the best rapper alive to show up to a big event looking like that.
Here's Kate looking rather ridiculous with a toothpick in her mouth and a dazed Winona Judd look on her face. She still never seems like she knows what's going on in the game any time they put her on camera. It's almost like she's waiting for everyone else to start cheering before she joins in. In any case, she needs to stop with the hillbilly toothpicks and start sucking down B12 pills so A-Rod's seed inside her pops out in 9 months already a 5-tool player with good power to all fields.
I'm not 100% sure that this is Paul Simon, or 100% sure that it's even alive. Dude looks like a Holocaust victim that just got let out of solitary confinement. I appreciate the team support with the Yankee hat, Paul, but it would still help if you brushed your hair before putting it on.
Maybe the A-listers were scared to come out last night for fear that they'd experience another playoff letdown, but after last night I expect there to be a much more lively contingent of celebs for Game 2. Break out Jack and McCartney and Spike Lee, and let's get Rudy sitting first row behind the dugout. Show strength with your celeb lineup and the rest of the fans will follow, and then the Bombers can head to Minnesota up 2-0.
Check back starting at 6PM for minute-by-minute coverage and reaction to tonight's game...
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5:00PM CST- You gotta love cutting out of work early to go home and watch a baseball game on a Wednesday. Is it a viable excuse for leaving 45 minutes before 5 o'clock? Of course not, unless you happen to root for a real baseball team like I do and not a Minor League Team like the Milwaukee Brewers.
And I am damn sure glad I made it home early enough to catch the end of TBS' pre-game coverage. Can somebody explain to me why David Wells was invited to be a studio analyst? The open button-down shirt is bad enough, but when he's providing analysis like "Ron Gardenhire has got a team of baseball players, and they are going to go out tonight and play baseball," you have to think TBS could have found something more productive to do with the money they are paying him. Seriously, ANYTHING they could have spent the money on would have been better than paying Boomer to sit in a desk chair and enlighten us with that wisdom. He makes Tim McCarver sound smart by comparison.
5:02PM- And we're treated to the dynamic duo of Clueless Chip Caray and Grumpy Ron Darling calling the game tonight. After Caray botched the most exciting play of the Tigers-Twins game last night (search for it on YouTube), you have to wonder how badly he can ruin this series. And being a former Met, Ron Darling is going to be so anti-Yankee that ESPN might offer him a contract to host Baseball Tonight by the middle of the 5th inning.
5:05PM- Not to toot my own horn again, but toot-fucking-toot. With the exception of Cervelli instead of Pena, I predicted the entire postseason roster. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept of carrying 3 catchers. Call me crazy, but I'd rather have a utility infielder to cover in case somebody like Jeter or Cano gets hurt than a 3rd catcher who is going to need an act of God to play.
5:08PM- One of the items on CC's scouting report was "Stay in The Moment." What the fuck does that mean? Is he going to time travel to the future to pitch? How about something useful and intelligent like "Needs to Get Ahead in The Count?" Or "Work Both Sides of The Strike Zone?"
5:10PM- There's some nostalgia for Yankee fans: pitcher gets ahead 0-2 in the count and then pussies out to make the count 3-2 before throwing the payoff pitch right down the middle for a double. I missed not being able to see that last postseason.
5:12PM- Was there a bigger hit in last night's game than Cabrera's 2-run homer? Why yes, Chip, as a matter of fact there was. It was the hit that actually won the fucking game.
5:14PM- Are there any fans at the Stadium yet? Is there bad traffic getting in or something? Seriously, what the fuck? It's quieter than Friday night in my bedroom there right now.
5:15PM- Oh there they are. Nothing like a Joe Mauer strikeout to wake everybody up.
5:18PM- CC works around the leadoff double and gets out of the inning unscathed. Time to see what this kid from Minnesota has.
5:25PM- After a long at-bat, Damon pops up to second after Jeter's leadoff hit. Is there any player in baseball who has such a drastic difference in appearance between his swings that produce hits and swings that don't? I dare you to find a player whose "out" swings look worse than Johnny Damon. As soon as the ball leaves his bat, you know if it's an out or a hit.
5:28PM- Here comes A-Hud!!! Anybody that read my live blogs on my old "Shallow Thoughts" column on Facebook remember my comparison for watching A-Rod at-bats and at no time is that more true than playoff time. This is the fan equivalent of banging a chick with no protection who you know has chlamydia and HIV.
5:31PM- Well he didn't strike out, but A-Rod failing to get a hit with RISP just brings back more playoff memories. Ahh, it's like they never left.
I need a beer...
5:37PM- It's only the top of the 2nd and we've already had Joe Mauer, Michael Cuddyer, Jason Kubel, Delmon Young, and Ron Gardenhire hailed by Chip and Ron as the main reason the Twins played so well down the stretch after Justin Morneau went out for the season with injury. Surprisingly, Brett Favre was left off that list, but there's still time.
5:39PM- Brendan Harris ruins my chance for a "you know you're in trouble when your DH is batting .261 with 6 homers and 37 RBIs" joke by lining a base hit off of CC. Fuck you, Brendan Harris. Fuck you right in the A.
5:41PM- Nice play by A-Fraud to end the inning right as Chip claims "their were 2 winners last night but one victor." No, Chip, you're wrong again. Those 2 terms are synonyms and the fact that the Twins are playing tonight while the Tigers are sitting at home tonight proves you're wrong.
Ask Miguel Cabrera if he feels like a winner right now. That guy is back at home with his girlfriend probably getting attacked with a frying pan right now. Not exactly what you expect to be rewarded with when you're a "winner."
5:46PM- It's almost sad at this point watching Hideki Matsui run the bases. If he was a horse, he would have been glue or dog food a long time ago. I know he's produced this season, but I wouldn't re-sign him. Take his money and go find another big bopper who can put up similar numbers without being a liability on the bases.
5:47PM- Wrong again, Chip. The Twins would like to see Brian Duensing take the game MUUUUUUCH deeper than Rick Porcello's 5.2 innings he threw last night. The Twins used pretty much everybody in their pen last night; they want as many innings as they can get out of Duensing. They would take a fucking complete game! Weren't you at the game last night? Were you even paying attention to what happened??
5:49PM- And there's our obligatory "Future batting champion" mention of Robinson Cano. Glad we got that out of the way. And right on cue, he strikes out looking although I'm sure any YES analyst would say he looked like Rod Carew doing it.
5:55PM- Looks like I owe David Wells an apology. He was merely quoting Ron Gardenhire with his "the Twins have a bunch of baseball players" bit. Good assessment of your team, Ron. They must be thrilled to know you think so highly of them to refer to them and their abilities in the most basic, fundamental description of their profression. Feel free to throw a "Good" in front of that phrase next time.
5:58PM- CC gets the double play he needed after doing his best Joba Chamberlain "stall with a runner on first" impression. Good thing too because for some reason no one on the Twins roster scares me more than Denard Span. I know that makes no logical sense with Joe Mauer and Kubel and Cuddyer in the lineup, but I just worry about the impact Span can have on this series.
6:01PM- Memo to Tim Tschida: I know you're an old white guy and CC is a big black dude, but it's OK to give him a call on a 2-2 pitch on the outside corner. I think he deserves more of a right to that call than Orlando Cabrera. Just sayin'...
6:03PM- I know it's early, but the Twins are out-Yankeeing the Yankees right now. They're being patient against CC, waiting to get ahead in the count, and then making him pay when he's forced to groove a pitch over the plate.
6:05PM- Jesus fucking Christ, Jorge. Ya know, the next time you want to bitch and moan about not catching Game 2 in a series, you might want to think about playing well behind the plate in Game 1. 2-0 Twins.
6:07PM- There's the ticket right there. Just strike guys out and then they can't get on base. What a concept! CC at 64 pitches through 3 innings. He needs to reach inside those parachute pants and find some fastballs that stay down in the zone if he wants to make it through 6 tonight.
6:11PM- And there is it!!!! Chip Caray with a repeat of last night's botched call on Swisher's line out. Unbelievable that a guy whose job it is to watch the game blows calls like this. Your old man would be ashamed, Chip. Stop jumping the gun and making calls on plays before they unfold.
6:13PM- OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN!!!!! Jeter with a rare homer to left and the game is tied. You had to see that coming after the squib hit by Melky and a first-pitch wild pitch by Duensing. Rookies always want to make sure their next pitch is perferct and that usually means something right down the middle. Jeter knew it was coming and turned it into a souvenir. Even better than that, Chip didn't blow the call by calling it foul or a flyout or something.
6:18PM- Damon's slide breaks up a sure DP ball off the bat of Teix after the first visit to the mound to calm down Duensing and clean the shit out of his pants. Maybe he should think about hitting lefty exclusively. Something about watching him bat righty just looks wrong...
6:19PM- Ron Darling on Brian Duensing: "His ball count so far is excellent." Haha, "ball count." Awesome.
6:21PM- A-Rod goes down flailing and the rally is over almost as quickly as it began. That was a vintage, "2006 A-Rod Playoff Swing" right there. Can somebody get this guy some fucking heroin or something? Anything to calm him down.
6:24PM- I know they're probably contractually obligated to talk to the announcers during the game, but if I was a head coach of any professional team and I had to put on a headset or go stand next to Craig Sager in the middle of a game and answer stupid questions, I would tell the announcers and folks at the network to suck a dick. Nobody's bursting in on Chip Caray while he's doing his job butchering the calling of the game; don't interrupt Girardi and Gardenhire while they're trying to do their job.
6:27PM- Can Jeter catch Rose for the hits record? I personally don't think so. And it's not because I think Jeter will deteriorate that severely as a hitter; I think the fact that he won't have Rose's motivation of having money on the games will keep him short of the record before he finally retires. Let's fact it, when you bet on your own team you're going to make damn sure you get as many hits as possible to make sure you win the game and the bet. Jeter won't have that added pressure to perform and so he'll probably fall a few hundred short before he finally retires.
6:31PM- Yankees are making it too easy on Duensing with all these early swings. Ummm fellas, they played 12 innings last night. They got to the hotel at 4:15 in the morning today. Make them work a little bit.
And can MLB just agree to pass the "Matsui Rule" where any old hitter with multiple knee surgeries is automatically out as soon as the fielder catches the ball? That way we don't have to sit there and wait for him to blow his knee out trying to beat out the throw at first.
6:34PM- I love when announcers say shit like "you can't place this hit any better" on bloop singles like the batter meant to do that. Watch the replay, Ron, Jorge had no intention of popping the ball up into short right field. He took a shitty swing at an up-and-in pitch. It was luck, sheer luck.
6:37PM- Who gives a fuck what the Red Sox are doing on their off-day in California??? It's Game 1 of the Yankees-Twins series, for Christ's sake!!! It's a fucking tie game!!!! Unless you're breaking in to tell us the Red Sox team bus has crashed and everybody has died (which would be awesome), then there's no reason to mention them or the Angels during this game.
(50 bucks says somebody at ESPN paid Craig Sager to do that report)
6:41PM- Thanks for the free run, Cabrera. JFC, that was pathetic. A good throw gets Cano out by a mile there; a half-decent throw gets him by half a mile; a terrible throw still probably gets him out. But hey, I look at Yankee runs like I look at sex: I'll take it any way I can get it.
6:49PM- Fuck, Jeet! What happened to that range you showed all season? That ball couldn't have gone through the infield any slower if it was moving backwards.
6:52PM- Where is all this garbage on the field coming from? Come on, Yankee fans! It's bad enough you aren't cheering for your team at all, don't make it worse by littering.
6:56PM- Jeter steps in to lead off the bottom of the 5th. This is the inning where the Yankees can break the game open. Third time through the lineup against a rookie pitcher with a rising pitch count. A couple runs here could knock this kid out and get into that tired bullpen...
6:59PM- How is it that Joe Mauer can backhand scoop a fastball in the dirt like it's nothing and Jorge can't catch fastballs down the middle? I'll give credit where it's due; Mauer is fucking good. He'll look good in pinstripes in 5-6 years.
7:01PM- I don't want to pick nits here because he's been the MVP of the team this season, but can't Mark Teixeira find a better pre-at-bat entrance song than "I Want To Rock" by Twisted Sister? I don't know what's worse, his entrance music or his swings tonight.
7:03PM- And it is aaaaaaaaa BASEHIT!!! It's a single!! From A-Rod!! And the Yankees take a 4-2 lead! OK, so it doesn't have the same pizzazz as Sterling's call, but that was a huge hit for A-Rod and the Yankees. For once tonight, I agree wholeheartedly with everything Chip Caray said.
It may seem like not a big deal, and in actuality it shouldn't be for a player as talented as A-Rod. But when you consider how awful he has been in the postseason since he first joined the team, that was the postseason equivalent to his game-winning homer off Junichi Tazawa a few months ago. He looked tense and jumpy in his first 2 at-bats, but he was balanced and on the ball for that one, and that's huge for A-Rod. When he's staying back and not shifting his weight forward early on his swing, you know he's in the zone and that was exactly how he looked right there.
7:07PM- I know the kid is a rookie and pitching a playoff game at Yankee Stadium is no easy task, but can Chip Caray calm the fuck down? Throwing 4.2 innings...
Fucking Matsui does it again!! The dude has straight up murdered lefties all year long, and when the lefty on the mound is The Artist Formerly Known as Francisco Liriano, you can pretty much take it to the bank that he's giving up at least 2 runs. 6-2 Yanks.
7:10PM- So where was I? Oh yeah, when you throw 4.2 innings of 7-hit, 5-run ball, that's not exactly a sterling performance. So let's calm down praising Duensing like he just threw a complete game shutout. He did what a rookie usually does: he was predictable his 2nd and 3rd times through the lineup and the Yankees took advantage of that. Period.
7:16PM- Caray and Darling are entering dangerous territory here by talking about how much fun the Yankees had this season. They need to remember that NOBODY has more fun than Brett Favre. Nobody.
7:17PM- And just for the record, A.J. Burnett hitting people in the face with whipped cream pies after each walk-off win has nothing to do with the team's success.
CC gets through another 1-2-3 inning and seems to have found his homeostasis after a shaky first few innings. He's clearly staying in the moment right now.
7:22PM- Wait, wait, wait, Ron. You and Chip were both gobbling on Brian Duensing's apple bag after he got taken out of the game and now you're saying the Twins didn't get good starting pitching tonight. It's one or the other, you can't have both. The kid either battled through 4.2 innings out there and gave the Twins a chance or he sucked. Pick one.
7:25PM- I've mentioned it a few times already tonight, but now between innings seems like the right time to really get into it. What the fuck is up with the crowd at the Stadium tonight? I feel like I'm watching a Friday round at Augusta National instead of the first playoff game at the new Yankee Stadium.
I think the fans have been so brutalized by the last 4 postseasons that they almost expect the Yankees to gag on it at some point. Despite the fact that this year's team played far more loose and relaxed than the past 5, people can't forgive the sins of the past 4 playoff teams yet. They don't want to get too excited too early because they're still waiting for the clock to strike midnight and Sabathia, Burnett, and Teix to turn back into Kevin Brown, Jaret Wright, and Jason Giambi.
It's actually understandable and I can't say I blame them if that is the reason for the reserved demeanor of the crowd tonight. But come on, it's still a Yankee playoff game and your team is still kicking ass right now. You can't live in the past, you gotta do what CC does and "stay in the moment." Forget about the past and go nuts. The trademark of Yankee crowds is their ability to give life to the team with their cheering at key moments. This crowd tonight is like your typical Fenway crowd: just sitting back and waiting for something to cheer about rather than using their cheering to bring about the success they desire.
It's like getting behind the wheel after your first bad car accident. You're going to be a little skittish. The last 5 years have been the car accident and tonight is the first time back in the driver's seat for the fans. I'm sure over time, as the team wins a few and proves they aren't just the latest version of the sad-sack teams of '05 and '06, the crowd will loosen up and get back to being the rowdy Yankee Stadium crowd we know and love.
7:33PM- 2 consecutive runners reach base on a hit batter and a freak infield single off CC's foot. Get back in the moment, CC, get back in the moment!!!"
7:38PM- Not a bad performance by CC tonight, but not a great one. He gave up 8 hits, but struck out 8 too, both of which contributed to his high pitch count. Most importantly, he didn't walk anybody. You can't give batters free passes in the playoffs and expect to win and he didn't give the Twins anything free tonight.
7:41PM- Little surprised to see Hughes in this spot. I would have gone Robertson to face Cabrera, Marte to face Mauer to start the 8th, and then gone to Hughes for the last 2 outs before handing it over to Mo.
7:46PM- HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHES!!!!! That's why I'm sitting here blogging about the game and Joe is in the dugout managing it.
7:49PM- Good job by somebody in the TBS production truck to make sure Chip cleared up what he was trying to say before Hughes fanned Cabrera. If he actually meant to say that Cabrera has played in the postseason for the Angels, Red Sox, Yankees, and Rays then he should just set his headset down, leave the booth quietly, and let Ron finish this baby up solo.
7:52PM- Darling on Jeter: "It's almost like he knows how to perform in every at-bat." Yes, Ron, I would say a multiple-time All-Star and Silver Slugger who holds the all-time record for playoff hits knows how to perform in every at-bat. I mean, shit, he's only been playing for 14 years. I think he might have a small inkling of a clue about what he's doing up there.
7:56PM- Does TBS really have nothing better they can use for analysis of this series than highlights of home runs that players hit back in July? First they showed Cuddyer's off of CC on July 7 and now Teix's off Liriano on July 9, as if either of those plays have any bearing on how any of the players involved would play tonight. Give me career batting averages against specific pitchers, give me batting average with RISP, give me the spray charts and breakdowns of situational hitting; don't give me highlights from 3 months ago.
8:01PM- Another big base hit by A-Roid and it's 7-2 Bombers. I'm calling it. Wave the white flag, Minnesota, because this thing is fucking over. Let Gardenhire go out and finish this game and save the rest of your pen for Friday.
8:06PM- How ironic it is that one of the lyrics to his new song is "Get up off your knees" because that's basically where Bon Jovi has been the last couple of years, practically blowing the folks at ESPN, TBS, and any other network showing major sporting events to use his cookie-cutter songs as the theme music for their broadcasts. It almost brings a tear to my eye every time I hear "Dead Or Alive" on the radio when I think about the insane whore Jovi has become to stay relevant in the 21st century.
8:11PM- Joba really needs to clean that hat or get a new one. It doesn't even look cool or weathered like some other guys whose hats have the sweat stains on them. Joba's looks like it was used as a clean up rag in a bukakke film.
Yeah, I'm reaching for things to talk about at this point...
8:13PM- Goddamn, Joe Mauer can hit! Seriously, when is his contract up?
8:18PM- I can't decide which show I'm going to try harder to avoid watching: "Men Of A Certain Age" or the new George Lopez late-night talk show. I'm leaning towards Lopez because he is just absolutely atrocious and Ray Romano is a pretty funny dude.
In other news, I love what Joe is doing here, taking Hughes out after he showed signs of laboring against Cuddyer, then going lefty-lefty with Coke, and even using Joba. He's getting everybody work so they can get comfortable in this playoff setting but not overworking them to the point where they wouldn't be unavailable on Friday night if A.J. craps out early.
Just keep the midges away from Joba.
8:26PM- While I did leave work early to be home in time for the game and the blog, in my book that's ok because I'm bringing some of the bottles from the Blue Moon 6-pack I bought to work tomorrow to use for a project I'm in charge of. In a way, it's almost like I was still working while I was driving to get the beer, driving home to put the beer in the fridge, and drinking the beer now so I have bottle samples tomorrow. I didn't ditch out, I'm putting in fucking overtime!
Some might call it cutting out of work early, I would call it "project test-bottle sample procurement." Yeah, that sounds a lot better.
8:34PM- "Say your prayers, little one. Don't forget my son. To include everyoooooonnnne-ahhh!"
I still don't get why the networks don't stay on the air for 45 seconds to show Rivera's entrance. It's the most badass, intimidating things in sports and should be celebrated as such. And don't even start on why Joe would bring Mo into a 5-run game. The answer is simple: he wants to win. End of story.
8:43PM- Ummm Mo, what the fuck? End this shit so I can take a piss.
8:45PM- That's more like it. Basically what you would expect from Game 1 of this series. The Yanks got to the rookie pitcher and touched up the tired Twins' bullpen for insurance runs while their well-rested pen shut down Minnesota's offense. Hopefully the Twins can get some rest over the next day and a half and put up more of a fight in Game 2.
Thanks for tuning in tonight, folks, it's been fun and it certainly won't be the last live blog of the postseason since the Yanks are now undefeated in playoff games that I do a live blog for.
YAYYYYYYY!!!! We just wasted our entire bullpen for the opportunity to get our testicles handed to us in a Yankees batting helmet ice cream bowl. I'm so excited!!!!
I hope you fuckers get a good night's sleep on the plane. Here's a little lullaby for you...
Jorge Posada just revealed that Joe Girardi told him on Sunday that Jose Molina will catch A.J. Burnett in this series.
“I just hope we win that game,” Posada said. “That’s all I’ve got to say.”
He added, “It’s not like I didn’t see it coming.”
When asked if he might be the DH when Molina catches, Posada said he wasn’t sure but that, “Matsui is our DH.” (story courtesy of the LoHud Yankee blog)
I fucking love it. The Yankees are chilling out right now, having a team dinner or all enjoying banging their hot wives and girlfriends while the Tigers and Twins battle it out for the right to fly into New York late tonight for the massacre to be and the Yankees are already taking it easy on them by subbing Molina in for Jorge in Game 2.
It's almost like the Yankees are taking pity on whichever team wins tonight and saying "hey listen, guys, real good effort out there tonight. It's cute that you tried so hard and fought to the end just so you could come here and get your shit pushed in. Tell ya what, we'll sit Jorge for Game 2 so A.J. can have his security blanket behind the plate and absolutely tear through your lineup for 7 innings, but at least you'll be able to guarantee there's somebody in our lineup that you'll be able to get out. How's that sound?"
It doesn't take a Rhode's Scholar to realize that Jorge is pretty pissed about being taken out of the lineup for Lumpy Molina, but it's only because he wants to sweep the opening round so everybody can rest up for the ALCS. Jorge knows with him in the lineup it won't really matter how good or bad A.J. pitches because the Yankees will pick him up by scoring 1,574 runs. But the Yankee higher-ups have spoken and they've decided they want to give their opponents a little glimmer of hope and Jorge just has to deal with it.
The Yankees' gamesmanship over the last couple weeks has been amazing. I wouldn't be shocked if Jeter steps into the batter's box in Game 1 batting lefty just to fuck with the Tigers or Twins even more. And after A.J. wipes the floor with whoever they play in Game 2, he should go over and smash a whipped cream-filled towel into the opposing manager's face.
Down, Jorge, down!! You'll get your chance to stab hearts and bitchslap babies in Game 3.
Matt Forte finally got going to the tune of 121 rushing yards and a TD and Jay Cutler earned more fans in both the stands and in the locker room with his gutsy, Elway-esque leap into the end zone on a first quarter TD run. Of course, in true Jay Cutler fashion, he called his leap better than Elway's famous Super Bowl play. The good news for Matt Stafford is that he might miss next week's game with a knee injury suffered late in the game. Yes, you read that right, I said "good news" because let's face it, being injured is way better than playing for the Lions.
Cincinnati 23 Cleveland 20
Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco did just enough to win in a game that was closer than it should have been and Rich Gannon provided some evidence that ex-players with former head and neck injuries shouldn't be allowed to commentate as he pulled a Donovan McNabb in OT and forgot the NFL rules. Cleveland exploded for 2, count them 2!!, offensive touchdowns behind Horse Balls Anderson. On the negative side, Cleveland's rookie WR, Mohamed Massaquoi's 8-catch, 148 yard performance earned him a spot on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list because let's face it, every guy named Mohamed is a terrorist.
Indianapolis 34 Seattle 17
Peyton Manning put on another masterful performance, throwing for 350+ yards and 2TDs as the patchwork Colts marched on to 4-0. Manning's play was so outstanding that the US government signed a bill that will replace the image of George Washington leading his troops across the Delaware River to one of Manning. The Colts' fast start to this season compared to last season's bumbling beginning raises the question of whether or not God's Servant, Tony Dungy, was overrated as a football coach. Maybe, just maybe, being a "good Christian" has nothing to do with success in sports.
NY Giants 27 Kansas City 16
New York's version of Steve Smith seems to be just as good, if not better, than his Carolina counterpart as he put up 11 catches for 134 yards and 2 TDs in yesterday's win, and did it all without punching any teammates in the face or puking into at garbage can on the sideline. New York received a scare when Eli Manning injured his heel late in the game, but team officials said after they put a Power Rangers Band-Aid on it in the locker room and gave Eli a Capri Sun to drink while he watched "Go Diego, Go!" he felt all better.
New England 27 Baltimore 21
Tom Brady looked much improved against the blitz this week as New England re-staked their claim as the best team in the AFC. With the combination of his offensive line and the officials protecting him, Brady executed clutch drives to keep New England out front against a game Baltimore team. Despite being vocal in his criticism of the 2 roughing the passer calls against his team that kept drives alive, Ray Lewis stopped short of saying those calls murdered Baltimore's chances to win.
Washington 16 Tampa Bay 13
After a horrific 1st half performance that had Terry Bradshaw calling for his being benched, Jason Campbell rebounded in the 2nd half to lead the Redskins to a victory that they desperately needed, and he and coach, Jim Zorn, desperately needed to keep their jobs. Tampa backup QB Josh Johnson wasn't horrible, which by Tampa QB standards means he was the best QB of all-time, but still not good enough to win.
Jacksonville 37 Tennessee 17
The power of the new unis is growing stronger as Jacksonville thoroughly dominated Tennessee yesterday behind 323 passing yards and 3 TDs from David Garrard. Can everybody just stop talking about Tennessee being the best 0-3 team ever now and just call them what they are? They're a shitty football team, plain and simple. They're undisciplined defensively and give up way too many big plays and their passing game is so awful right now, they are actually thinking about digging up Steve McNair to start next week.
What? Too soon?
Houston 29 Oakland 6
If Houston could play Oakland every week they might finally be able to live up to the hype they've had for the last 3 seasons. A bright spot for Oakland, though, was that Jamarcus Russell finally completed more than 10 passes in a game. Yeah, he still threw almost twice as many incompletions as completions, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. Head Coach Tom Cable could be arrested this week for punching one of his assistants in the face earlier this year, but with the way things are going in Oakland, playing without a head coach could be the change of pace they need.
Miami 38 Buffalo 10
In a brilliant strategic decision, Buffalo decided to play straight up defense against first-time starter, Chad Henne, and dare Miami to beat them with the run. The Dolphins were more than happy to oblige as they racked up 250 rushing yards on the way to a 38-10 throttling of the Bills. Buffalo sucks so bad that Toronto doesn't even want them to play games there anymore and T.O. is reportedly considering trying to not kill himself again.
New Orleans 24 NY Jets 10
After 3 weeks of victories overshadowing his marginal play, Mark Sanchez got knocked down a peg yesterday as his 3-INT performance helped doom the Jets against the Saints. New Orleans' defense matched the stellar play of the Jets and showed that they are more than up to the task of sticking with Drew Brees and the high-powered offense. If only the dams and barriers around New Orleans could have been as strong as the Saints' D back when Katrina hit, then maybe things wouldn't have turned out so bad.
Denver 17 Dallas 10
"There aren't many quarterbacks in the league who can make that throw," gushed Troy Aikman as Tony Romo completed a difficult pass in the 3rd quarter. That's true, Troy, but there are also a lot of quarterbacks who can complete the simple passes to wide open receivers that Romo botched time and time again yesterday, so pull Tony's sack out of your mouth and shut the fuck up. Dallas is clearly well on their way to another 9-7 season while Denver might be legit at 4-0 behind their surprisingly good defense. It also helps that Kyle Orton has thrown 5 TDs and 0 picks so far this year.
San Francisco 35 St. Louis 0
San Fran's defense outscored the Rams' offense yesterday, 14-0 in a game that bordered on unwatchable. LB Patrick Willis was a monster for the 49ers, as he tallied 8 tackles, 2.5 sacks, and 1 interception that was returned for a touchdown. Things are so bad in St. Louis that the Rams put a call in to Tony LaRussa to see if Albert Pujols was available to play tight end next week, and Steve Spagnuolo put in a call to Plaxico Burress asking if Plax could come shoot him.
Pittsburgh 38 San Diego 28
I know the pink ribbons and arm bands and cleats were for breast cancer awareness, or breast awareness as Chris Berman put it on "Sunday NFL Countdown" (and honestly, what's the difference anyway?),
but they might as well have signified how soft the Chargers defense is as they got pushed around all day by the not-so-dominating Steelers' offensive line. LaDainian Tomlinson now officially has one foot in his NFL grave after a 7-carry, 15 yard performance that culminated with him being on the sidelines at crunch time again. No word on whether or not LT sprained his ankle stepping into the grave.
MNF Prediction
Green Bay 28 Minnesota 26
Apparently tonight is the night that Brett Favre returns to face his former team for the first time. I wasn't aware of this since media outlets like ESPN never seem to cover or mention Brett Favre at all, but people around the office have been talking about this morning and I'm going to take them at their word. Green Bay's corners should match up well with Minnesota's thin WR corps, and something inside me (mostly my being a Packer's fan) tells me the Pack will find a way to pull this one out.
After the obvious lay down the Yankees did yesterday, they came back today and reminded everybody why they're the best team in baseball.
-A.J. bearing down after a shaky first inning and delivering a quality start that almost certainly would have gone through the 6th if the Yankees weren't determined to get Robertson and Joba work today? Check.
-A-Rod leading the Yankee offensive resurgence and reminding everybody exactly how they put up the numbers they did this year, getting himself to the 100-RBI plateau in the process? Check.
-A dominant performance from the bullpen aces that provided a frightening sneak preview to what the playoffs will look like to the tune of 4IP, 0H, 0R, 0BB, 4Ks on 50 pitches, 35 of which were strikes? Double check.
Pitching wins in the postseason and pitching has been what's killed the Yankees in their last 4 postseason appearances. Today was a dress rehearsal for what the playoffs will look like with the scary depth of the Yankee pen. Robertson, Coke, Hughes, and Rivera were at their collective best and Joba looked far more comfortable coming out of the bullpen in the 7th inning today than he has starting the game on the mound in the 1st inning all season. And you want to know the really scary part for the rest of the so-called "competition?" Aceves and Marte didn't even pitch today.
The Yankees can almost shorten the game to 5 innings with the strength of their pen right now. Logic would dictate that their starters, at least CC, will give them more than that in the opening round, which means with the extra rest provided by their opening round schedule it will pretty much be all hands on deck every game of the Division Series and the first couple games of the ALCS.
As far as who pitches games 2 and 3, I think the choice is obvious: Burnett. He's the better pitcher at home and Andy is the better pitcher on the road, and Burnett has pitched better than the suddenly tired-looking Pettitte over the last 4 starts. You go CC-A.J. 1-2 and then hope the extra day or 2 of rest allows Andy to rediscover his velocity and command enough to finish the series off clean. Not that it matters, considering Detroit and Minnesota have had to play balls out the last week and a half to just get to Tuesday where they have to play a one-game playoff. Whichever team survives is going to stumble into Yankee Stadium tired, beaten up, and in no condition to take on the well-rested, well-stocked juggernaut that is the 2009 New York Yankees, but since the Yankees have to win 3 games, the conversation over who starts which game is still slightly relevant. The smart thing to do would be to cancel that Division Series and just let the Yankees rest up for the ALCS.
Everything is coming up pinstripes as the season winds to a close, so it only makes sense to hit the fucking music...
And the Academy Award for Best Performance by an actor in a leading role goes to...
CC Sabathia!!!
I love what CC did last night, absolutely love it. The guy has been cruising along for the better part of 3 months, leading the Yankees' charge back to the top of baseball and now in his last start of the season, what does he do? He goes out and lays down to Tampa, walking guys, giving up hits, and looking convincingly pissed off about it in the process. Brilliant! Fucking brilliant!
Now everybody on ESPN and Red Sox Nation can spend the next week talking about how ineffective he was, and bring up his past postseason failures, of course neglecting to mention that in the only 2 other postseasons he's participated in, CC has been pitching to the last day of the season, throwing on 3 days rest multiple outings in a row just to get his club in and then having to go out and pitch with a wet noodle for an arm when it really mattered. This year he has the luxury of kicking back and following his normal routine and normal rest pattern and then going out in Game 1 and knocking dicks in the dirt left and right.
It was decided before the game last night that he was only going to pitch 5 innings anyway, so CC did the smart thing when he realized he didn't have his A-level stuff last night: he blew the game up, opening the door for all the talk and creating a false sense of hope for Detroit, Minnesota, Anaheim, and Boston as the playoffs begin.
Why risk getting hurt in a game that doesn't matter? Anybody who thinks CC has a legit shot at beating out Zack Greinke for the Cy Young is out of their mind and CC knows this. He's already won the Cy Young before but he's got his eyes on the bigger prize now, a World Series Championship ring. Now that the regular season is over, he can spend the time before his Game 1 start not worrying about impressing voters or willing enough strength out of his arm to get his team one more win, but focusing on his two potential opponents and getting his rest. And in the process, he gift-wrapped the Cy Young for Zack Greinke and even gave Tampa's No. 1 pick bust David Price a little confidence for himself. With as much good as he did other players and teams in addition to his own last night, CC should be given a Congessional Medal of Merit.
NEW YORK -- The New York Daily News is reporting that Red Sox Hall of Famer Ted Williams' severed head was mistreated at an Arizona cryonics facility, according to details from a new book.
In "Frozen," Larry Johnson, a former executive at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Ariz., writes that Williams' head, which had been severed and frozen for storage, was abused at the facility. Johnson claims a technician took baseball-like swings at Williams' frozen head with a monkey wrench.
Williams, the last player to hit over .400 in a season, died in July 2002 at age 83; his remains were sent to Alcor for cryogenic storage in the hope that future generations would develop the technology to revive him.
According to the Daily News, Johnson wrote the book while in hiding after becoming a whistle-blower in 2003. He held the title of chief operating officer of Alcor for eight months, the newspaper said. He is scheduled for a Tuesday appearance on the ABC news show "Nightline."
Johnson told the Daily News he wired himself during his last three months of employment at Alcor and stole internal records. The book also includes photos of severed heads and procedures performed on bodies. (story courtesy of ESPN.com)
Just one more reason why the Red Sox will always be the ugly step sister to the Yankees' Cinderella. This is hands down the funniest thing I've read all week.
First off, it's funny enough that Williams was cryogenically frozen to begin with. I want to let it be known right now that if my future kids ever fight about what to do with my remains, I am going to come back from the grave and haunt their fucking asses until the end of time. That being said, it's not a surprise that something this ridiculous would happen to Ted Williams. Every historical account of him documents that he was a notorious fucking asshole and asshole parents are guaranteed to produce asshole kids, it's science. Naturally his asshole kids are going to disgrace his memory and legend by playing tug-of-war with his head. At least the man won that battle (score one more for the dudes), but in the process he makes his old man, and himself, look like even bigger douches than they already were. That post-death douche-ness combined with his previous life asshole-ism makes Williams a perfect candidate for a few dozen post-mortem whacks over the frozen melon. Add to that recipe the fact that he used to play for the Red Sox and it’s a miracle that the lab techs at Alcor didn’t pop his eyeballs out of his frozen head and piss inside his cranial cavity.
Something like this would never happen to Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Joe D, or Derek Jeter. Yankee legends are just better than Red Sox legends. In addition to being considered amongst the greatest players of all time, they are all widely recognized as being some combination of extremely likeable, charitable, professional, or in the case of The Babe, a fat, drunk, womanizer. Either way, their association with the Yankees makes them untouchable in terms of being fucked with. If any corny lab tech ever tried to take Gehrig or Jeter's head deep, he would be branded a scumbag for the rest of his days and more than likely deported from the United States. That is, if anybody from the Yankee organization was dumb enough to let their scumbag son have their remains cryogenically frozen, which they wouldn’t because it just isn’t the Yankee Way.
Fucking with the Yankees is like fucking with America; you try it and you're going to end up beaten and bloody crying in the corner with a broomstick shoved up your ass. Fucking with the Red Sox is like fucking with Helen Keller; it's easy, it's fun, and it's something that everybody outside of Boston knows, either secretly or not so secretly, that they would do if given the chance.
The guy at Alcor who decided to take some BP off of Teddy Ballgame's head was just doing what any good American would do. Whatever his badge or company ID number is should be immediately retired by the Yankees and put up on the wall at Monument Park next to Ruth and Dimaggio.
This incident is a perfect metaphor for how the Yankees-Red Sox ALCS match up will likely play out if Boston can make it that far; the Yankees will be the lab techs beating upon Boston’s lifeless heads and Boston will be the frozen old bitches sitting there taking it. You just can’t draw it up any better than that.
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